Time To Grow
by justsomebrittanagleek
Summary: No but really, don't even bother reading this. It was my first fic and it's EMBARRASSING.
1. Chapter One: Reminiscing

**Santana POV**

**This is my first attempt at Brittana FanFic. Please read and review. It is a long entry but I hope it's worth it. Thank you.**

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

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><p><span>Chapter One - Reminiscing<span>

The moon blasted down on the waves, emphasising the raindrops that kissed the ocean top every few seconds. The dark grey clouds covered the sky, masking the bright stars that sparkled thousands of feet above my head. I stood alone, looking over the side of the pier, feeling the prick of the cold rain sting my cheeks. Many memories were racing through my mind - how did I get here? Where did I go so wrong that I would end up standing on a deserted pier, contemplating ending all of it with a short drop and a long, watery stop? What happened?

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><p><em><strong>The first day of high school was always going to be a challenge. Going from the popular girl in middle school to nothing in high school wasn't something I was going to take well. But more importantly, how was I going to climb back to the top? I fiddled with knot on my white tie vest until it was perfect, and straightened out my jean short skirt. This is the only outfit my parents deemed appropriate for a 14 year old to wear to her first day at high school, even when the weather was 57°.<strong>_

_**As I climbed out my mothers car and kissed her cheek goodbye, I felt like a piece of Lego, tiny and insignificant against this huge building with a giant red M pasted on the front. William McKinley High School. Even the name was big. Scared the shit out of me, so much so that I could run a mile in the opposite direction, dump my education and live under Lima Bridge next to the Lima Heights Hobo named Bill. But that wasn't the way Santana Lopez dealt with nerves. Instead I narrowed my eyes and smirked, creating a glare that would even scare an axe-weilding clown away. **_

_**As soon as I stepped inside the building I had four Freshman guys stare me up and down, hovering their eyes over my C cups. One of them was muscular, tanned and handsome, his dark brown eyes sparkled at me for a few moments, but then flickered away, returning to his friends who were still staring at me. I frowned, immediately remembering I'd forgotten to take my bitch glare off my face. I walked past him, pushing my hair over one shoulder and leaving it to leave a strawberry sceneted waft hovering above his tight v neck. I watched as he inhaled, closing his eyes and then staring back at me. I smiled and caught his name as one of his friends, the giant brown haired goofy one, nudged him and whispered "You shotgunning that one Noah?" As I walked off, I realised just how goofy his name was, I wasn't going to start dating some Bible reject, and if I did, he would have to create a nickname. Despite being religious myself, I didn't need my social life to become Bible bashing as well as my home life. No disrespect to my man in the sky though, I thought to myself.**_

_**I carried on walking towards the classroom my sheet of paper said I had my tutor class in, but as I approached the door I felt my heart quicken. No, the nerves won't get the better of me. I wrapped my fingers around the cold steel that was the handle and pushed down, secretly hoping no-one would be in there. I pasted on my bitch face, As I did I heard the teacher stop talking and all of the other students head turn and stare at me in awe. I could already see how high school would play out for me and I liked it. A brunette immediately stood up and walked over to me, wearing what I could only assume to be something she borrowed from her Grandma. A dark green jumper with a white horse pasted across the front, a red and black tarten knee-length skirt with high white socks that ended just below the kneecap and a matching green hairband delicately tied around her head, the bow placed perfectly to the left of her middle parting - apparently the 70's are back. She reached out her hug, veiny hand as if too shake mine, but immediately retracted when I crossed my arms together and pursed my lips. There was no way in hell I was going to touch those man hands. She started too speak in a high annoying voice that I knew was just going to grain on me throughout the next hour of High School Introductions 101. **_

_**"Hi! My name's Rachel Berry and not to start on a cruel note but not shaking ones hand is usually taken as a rude gesture. Considering this is our first day I think we should sit down, take some time to talk and get to know one another, yes?" She said. I glanced over her outfit one more time before noticing an empty desk chair at the back of the room. I stepped to the right of her, releasing my arms from their crossed position and walked towards the desk. I placed my bag down and turned back to her, her eyes still full of hope, awaiting for me to respond with something nice. "I don't think so man-hands." A blonde girl with hazel eyes in the desk next to me started giggling, her right hand cupped over her mouth. I smiled at her, she had the head-cheerleader look about her, my instincts telling me that I'd need to get aquainted with this one.**_

_**The blonde girl leant over, while the greasy-haired bull-fighter reject of a teacher mumbled on about the school layout and whispered, **_

_**"Quinn Fabray, nice to meet you."**_

_**"Ditto, Santana Lopez"**_

_**"Hispanic?" **_

_**"Sí, but now just 100% bitch." I replied, smirking at my own comment. The blonde smiled.**_

_**"Then we have something in common already." She leant back into her chair and turned her head forward. I could tell this was going to be the start of my popularity.  
><strong>_

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><p>As my first day of high school racketed through my brain, rain started to trickle from the heavens, gently spitting on myself and everything around me. A cool breeze arrived from the west, causing me to shiver. My leather jacket wasn't going to do much, warmth-wise, even with a hoody underneath. I zipped up the front and walked around the edge of the pier, my fingers tracing along the top of the smooth squared off wooden railings, catching a new miniature puddle of rain with every centimetre my finger covered. When I arrived to the side, opposite from my original leaning place, I returned to my position. Arms crossed, leaning on the top of the railings, staring out into the mist that was silently creeping along the top of the sea. A new addition to the scenary I guess. I raised my hand to brush the wet dripping off my nose, remembering a soft, pale hand doing the same thing only months ago. A tingle shot straight down my spine, the memory of her made me shiver.<p>

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><p><em><strong>It was three weeks since the first day of high school when I saw her. She danced with such grace and serenity. I didn't think it was humanly possible for someone to glide across the gym floor like she did. She was dressed in grey knee length track suit bottoms and a tight black tank top that fitted her athletic figure very nicely. Her blonde hair was tied up in a high ponytail, a few strands of hair falling infront of her face, shaping her muscular jaw line. I felt my mouth becoming dry, and realised I had been staring at her, mouth open and all. I quickly closed it, nipping at the inside of my cheek with my teeth. A metallic flavour filled my mouth as I noticed I was bleeding. "Damn it" I whispered too myself, placing my finger inside of my mouth against the newly formed wound. I was still grasping my new cheerio's outfit that was still in its packaging and a few textbooks. But within a moment she was in front of me, grinning a toothy smile. I couldn't help but feel the corners of my mouth rising. She opened her mouth, and a soft voice spoke. <strong>_

_**"Hurts doesn't it?"**_

_**"Wha..." I winced as I brushed my teeth against the swollen piece of flesh protruding from the inside of my mouth.**_

_**"Biting your cheek? I do it all the time when I'm dancing, nerves I guess." She shrugged.**_

_**"Nerves? I have nothing to be nervous about" I spat at her, realising the aggressive tone I had just used, I hung my head.**_

_**"Sorry, I didn't mean to aggrevate you." She stared at the floor, flickering her eyes up through thick eyelashes.**_

_**"Oh no, don't apologise. It was my fault. I didn't mean to use the tone that I came out with. No wait, the tone I came out with wasn't supposed to be. No, crap." What the hell was wrong with me? I was tripping over my own words.**_

_**She giggled and replied, "I get what you mean." **_

_**I stared at this long-legged blonde, wondering what the hell just happened. Santana Lopez never fucks up her wording, she's usually like a dog on heat. Quick to the point. I shrugged it off and turned towards the locker room. As I walked forward towards the red doors, I felt a palm brush against my shoulder. My heart jumped at the touch, I twisted my neck but my heart returned to its normal beat as I realised the blonde touching me was Quinn.**_

_**"Hey girlfriend" she smiled.**_

_**"Hey Q."I tightened my grip on my cheerios uniform. I noticed she was grasping a similar packaged red and white outfit.**_

_**"I am so putting on this uniform now, it will cause us to jump the social ladder by at least four stick thingy's, you know, the poles that are used as... yeah anyway. Putting yours on too S?" Quinn was definitely a pretty girl, but not the smartest tool in the box.**_

_**"Yeah. Hoping this will attract more attention then those goofy Jocks, Noah and Finn."**_

_**"Finn isn't that bad.." she muttered under her breath.**_

_**"Whoah, Quinn Fabray! Do you have a crush on Frankenstein?"**_

_**"Actually, we've been meeting up a lot out of school, he's cute."**_

_**"Nice Q, Quarterback and Head Cheerleader. Top of the social pile." I winked at her.**_

_**She giggled, "Yeah I guess so."**_

_**We approached the benches in the girls locker room and I placed my textbooks down. I unwrapped the plastic that was covering the uniform and I pressed my palm to the crisp fabric. I raised it to my nose and inhaled. I always loved the smell of new clothes, kind of a weird obsession of mine since I was a kid. As I did so, the blue-eyed beauty entered the room. Quinn was across the room, near the door undo-ing her checked summer dress, and the blue eyed beauty glided in, playfully nudging Quinn with her hip. Quinn turned her face, hands still untying the knot on the back of her dress.**_

_**"Oh hey B, how was dancing?"**_

_**'B', not sure what her name was but that was enough for me to refer to her as, smiled and replied, "Great actually. There's a new boy that's joined, Mike Chang. He's asian." Her head nodded and her eyebrows raised as if she hadn't ever seen an asian person before. She peeked over Quinn's shoulder at me, I slowly looked up through my dark, thick eyelashes - her gorgeous blue eyes meeting my dark brown eyes. She smiled and opened her mouth.**_

_**"Oh hey you." Quinn turned her head around, her eyes slightly shocked.**_

_**"Hey." I felt my teeth tug on my lower lip.**_

_**"How's the cheek?" She beemed at me, doing the same toothy grin she did earlier.**_

_**"Yeah, it's a lot better now thanks." I tipped my head down and pretended to fiddle with my blouse.**_

_**"Good good." She twisted quickly, chucking down the duffle bag that was perched on her shoulder. I was still fiddling with my shirt until I had unbuttoned it completely. I could feel her eyes on my peripheral vision I glanced at her, she was pulling out a cheerios uniform. I shrugged my shirt down my shoulder, feeling a breeze crawl across my abs and breasts. I grabbed the cheerios top and pulled it over my head, it slipped on almost as gracefully as B's dancing. A nice tight fit, the V neck sliding down meeting the top of my cleavage. I smirked, my eyes narrowing instinctively. My bitch face now pasted across my face naturally. I felt like queen bitch when wearing this outfit. By the time I had finishing admiring myself in the mirror, I realised Quinn and the beauty standing, staring at me, both fully clothed in their Cheerios uniform. I flinched quickly, shaking myself out of a daydream of myself on top of the Cheerios pyramid, everyone begging at my feet. I slipped off my khaki short shorts and put on my Cheerios skirt. It was short enough so that it revealed enough thigh to make the guys harden quicker than dry-fast superglue, but not so short that it was deemed 'slutty'. I quickly brushed my hair into a high ponytail, the hair tightening so much so that it felt like a Hollywood Facelift. Coach Sylvester never allowed anything less, hair was just a distraction in Cheerios. I spun around and walked towards Quinn and the azure-eyed stunner. Quinn was leaning against the entrance to the door, foot holding open the field exit red locker room door so she could stare at Finn on the football field chucking the ball to that tanned, muscular guy that caught my eye on the first day of school. He had recently acquired a mohawk, obviously trying to give himself a tough man look - looked dumb at first, but he reached his desired effect. Every morning for the past week I had seen him and his friends chuck an obviously closeted gay kid into the dumpster. The long-legged blonde pranced towards me and stuck her pinky out towards me and spoke one clear word; **_

_**"Brittany" she smiled at me and I placed pinky forward, unsure of what she wanted me too do, **_

_**"Santana" I replied. She linked her pinky round mine. It felt like a jolt of electricity shouting around my body, working its way into the veins. That one touch, and I felt complete.**_

_**"Finally a name." She breathed and we walked towards Quinn, pinky in pinky. I couldn't wipe the stupid grin I had on my face off for hours, even after school.**_


	2. Chapter Two: Something Else

**Ahhhh! Chapter Two! Please read and review. I got a bit carried away with this so it once again does go on for a while. Please forgive me. This chapter gets a lot more M rated should I say. Also it becomes more interesting, but it is a long chapter - and for that I apologise.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

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><p><span>Chapter Two: Something Else<span>

A huge gust of wind slapped my in the face. A cold tingle echoed on my face. I blinked several times, shaking my head simultaneously. It had gotten really dark, it felt like minutes had passed when really it had been a good few hours. The mist had now creeped up towards the sandy shore, the pier was eery as I stood there, completely alone. Mist covering the pillars that held the up the wooden structure I was currently standing on suddenly made my heart quicken as I realised I was a tad scared. The rain was still spitting, however it was a tad harder than before. The emptiness that filled my chest suddenly started spreading as I slowly creeped off to my daydream once again.

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><p><em><strong>The months had passed by incredibly quickly. I was now in the Holy Trinity, which consisted of Quinn, Brittany and myself. We were all in the Cheerios, all top of the social status, despite only being in high school for around 4 months and all dating someone. Well, sort of. We had all also joined the Celibacy Club, Quinn was the president. She was dating Finn, Brittany was dating Mike Chang and I was dating Noah, well Puck. A few weeks after the three of us joined Cheerios, Noah had started hanging around with Finn, making sly suggestions towards me, either by winking subtley, or throwing spitwads at me, containing secret notes. I approached him one day while he was standing at his locker. Two chunky guys standing next to him, punching each other lightly in the shoulder laughing. They looked like an interracial couple standing so close together, brushing hands. As soon as I approached the locker, the white guy named Karofsky nudged Noah and the 'couple' walked away winking and slamming their hands against their crotches towards Noah. Noah laughed but pulled a straight face when I inched towards him.<strong>_

_**I could hear his heart quicken as I breathed on him. He inhaled my sweet smelling breath and blinked slowly. As he opened his eyes I raised my hand and placed it on his upper arm, squeezing gently to feel his 'guns' as he had previously called them. I felt him tense and in the bottom of my eye I saw his jeans tighten around his zipper. He immediately blushed as he realised I noticed, a deep shade of pink crossing his tanned cheeks. I pressed onto my tip toes and leant towards his ear, pressing my cheek to his. I took a gulp of air and spoke;**_

_**"Eight o'clock, Breadsticks, tonight." He blinked several times and nodded.**_

_**I turned around and pressed my legs forward, slightly shaking my hips so I knew he would be staring at my ass. I flicked my ponytail round and said,**_

_**"Oh and Noah? I'm calling you Puck from now on. It's more... badass" and with that I winked at him and walked down the hallway. Watching everybody move out the way, kind of like The Red Sea parting. I felt like a queen.**_

_**Later that night, after dinner, I climbed into the back seat of Puck's truck and before I knew it he was leaning in to kiss me. He placed his rough palm on my knee, it slowly slid up to where heat was radiating. He pressed his lips to mine, slowly tilting his head to the right. I followed and wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss. He slipped his tongue in between my lips, parting my mouth. I felt his hot breath flow into my mouth, a long with his rough tongue. The sensation of his tongue against mine felt strange at first, but I got used to it fast. His hand slid off my thigh and started feeling north up my waist. His right hand cupped my breast as his left was holding the left side of my waist. He withdrew his tongue and pulled his head back. He whispered against my neck; **_

_**"So baby, what now?" With that he pressed his lips to my jawline and I gasped, realising what he was inferring. I played along with it, knowing that Quinn hadn't slept with Finn yet, maybe doing this would give me a boost above her.**_

_**"Whatever you want." I brought his mouth to mine once again and this time I parted his mouth with my tongue. I threw my right leg over his bulging crotch, straddling him. I felt it press into my heated centre. He withdrew his mouth and spoke;**_

_**"Alright then baby", I was shocked as the voice I heard was considerably higher than I expected.**_

_**As I opened my eyes, I saw locks of blonde hair tangled around my hand. There were azure coloured eyes staring straight at me, eye to eye. I was so close to her face, I could feel her hot breath on my lips. She smiled and leant forward, pressing her soft lips to mine. I sighed and moaned into her mouth, heating up even more. Her hands ran up the outsides of my thighs, grasping at my ass. Our bodies melting into eachother, moulding perfectly into one another. I was amazed at the ease and peace I felt when kissing her. Butterflies formed in my stomach, my hands tightening around her golden locks, my nerves getting the better of me as I released my mouth from hers. I opened my eyes to see Puck, with furrowed brows, staring at me. **_

_**"Whoah baby, what's wrong? Have you got cold feet? It's cool if you do. I do too. First time and everything." He was mumbling nervously. What the hell just happened? Did that really just happen? No, don't be stupid Santana, I whispered too myself. **_

_**"No. No I don't. Now shut up and kiss me"**_

_**He did as was told and shoved his tongue into my mouth. He was getting tougher as we progressed. He removed my Cheerios top and undid his shirt. His abs hardened with my light touch. I pressed my palm into his abs, and he groaned into my mouth as I parted the kiss. He reached down in between us and rubbed ferociously at the front of my thong, my center wasn't getting any better with his touch. Within 5 minutes he was completely naked, and I was lying underneath him in my underwear. I could feel his swollen member press up against my stomach. He whispered to me, **_

_**"Ready?" I breathed out, knowing deep inside that this wasn't a good idea. My gut instinct was telling me to push him off and run, but my brain was telling me that this was the best thing to do for my social status. Plus Puck was a good guy, better him than some alcohol-fuelled randomer at one of my famous house parties. **_

_**"Yeah. Just shut up and do it." I bared a smile, and pressed my lips to his once more. He was 15, I was 15. He was hot, so was I. Sounded like a perfect match. I felt his fingers graze over my heated centre, and push my panties aside. He thrusted one finger in, then two. With the third I winced, his fingers were fatter than the other guy I had been intimately aquainted with. However, I was still a virgin after that had gone wrong due to a quick ending on his side, even before doing anything, if you know what I mean.**_

_**Puck then withdrew his fingers and grabbed himself, pushing the tip against my core. He slowly nudged in, and I closed my eyes, breathing heavily into his muscular collarbone. My first instinct was to jump away from the pain, but instead I stayed still and tensed my stomach muscles. He pushed further in and as I looked as his face, he looked like he just won the cup or whatever it was at football championship. I winced at the pain, it felt like stretching. I bit my bottom lip and he withdrew, I breathed out with the pain and as he thrusted in once more, I bit down again. I closed my eyes and pressed my mouth to his, in my eyelids saw her golden locks and azure eyes staring at me. As I continued to think about her, I felt my core becoming wetter, and with that, the pain started fading. It didn't take long before he was lying on top of me, panting heavily. I suddenly felt very revealed, lying in the back of his truck after just losing my virginity to a guy I barely knew if I'm honest.**_

_**I sat up and pushed Puck off me. My hands meeting a bare, sweaty chest. I pulled my top back on and slid my skirt on, then climbing into the front seat before exiting the vehicle. Puck didn't say a word to me as I left. I walked home, shivering from the cold breeze. I felt the goosebumps rise as I questioned myself in my head. Why the hell did I think of her? Why did she pop into my head? And more importantly, why am I feeling guilty about just losing my v card to Puck? It's not like I could lose it to her. Not that I wanted to. She's a girl, that's ridiculous. And that was the whole conversation on the way home, well conversation meaning one way speech.**_

_**The next day Brittany approached me,**_

_**"Hey S." She smiled before stretching out her arms and swarming me with her coconut scented hair. I wrapped my arms around her waist, squeezing tightly, whilst inhaling her sweet scent. I could've stayed there forever, just holding her warm body in my arms. It felt so right.**_

_**"Whoah, shit. No. She's a girl, remember." My inner monologue spoke.**_

_**I released her and smiled. Her eyes were shining at me, her skin glowing, so radiant. I just wanted to reach out and stroke it before pressing a soft kiss... fuck. I've got to stop doing that. I shook it off before linking my pinky with hers and entering Spanish. Throughout the hour, Brittany sent me pieces of paper with drawings of ducks and sombrero's on, each time I giggled and she beamed at me with that same toothy grin that I'd seen the first day I'd met her. After Spanish we gathered our books and Puck came up behind me, squeezed my ass and planted a kiss straight on my lips. Brittany furrowed her brows in the corner, thinking I didn't see but then released when I pushed myself away from him. She stood by the door, holding her textbooks against her chest. Puck mumbled something to me but I was too busy reading Brittany's face. Did I just see jealousy? What would she be jealous of? Damn it, don't Santana. I looked at Puck with a blank expression and dismissed him with a wave of my hand. I saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes as he turned away, something I don't think I was meant to see. I turned to Brittany and held out my pinky, she hesitated momentarily and then linked her pinky with mine. I still got that jolt of electricity pulsing through my veins everytime we touched.**_

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><p>The rain belted down now. I ran underneath a closed ice-cream kiosk with a large roof so it covered some of myself. I watched as the seagulls flew to safety, a storm was coming. I felt a slight chill run down my spine as I spoke those words. I started creeping myself out, so I ran across to the covered bench underneath the arcade entrance. It was only five meters away, but it was five more meters which I could get rained on. As I approached the bench I wrung my hair out. Watching the rain trickle off my fingertips and splash on the ground. I sat down on the bench, skinny jeans darkened to a shade of midnight blue as the rain had hit them raised up to my face. Tucking my feet so my heels were touching my butt, my knees were up by my head and I wrapped my arms around my legs, hugging them. I leant my chin in between my kneecaps, a perfect fit. I rested my head there until I saw a black object fly beside me. A crow, just casually sitting right beside me. My first instinct was to get up and run, but even a bird was better company than nothing - so I sat there in silence. My only company being a fucking crow. Wasn't I supposed to be one of the popular girls as Quinn had said nearly a year ago in New York?<p>

I stared out into the nothingness of the ocean, the rain still beating down hard. I drifted off once again to my own little world...

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><p><em><strong>As we walked around the corner by the lockers, Brittany yanked on my pinky, halting me too a stop. She turned me around with that one yank so I was face to face with her. She looked straight into my eyes and opened her mouth, but shut it just a second after. I took this chance to speak;<strong>_

_**"Britt, I need to tell you something."**_

_**"I was about to say the same thing." She replied.**_

_**"Oh right, well.."**_

_**"Shotgun you first!" She did a little hop and smiled, clapping her hands together. I loved it when she got all excited like this, the little things made her happy, and she was just so damn cute when excited.**_

_**"Okay, well." I had to take a deep breath. "I did something last night, but I'm not entirely sure if it was a good thing or not."**_

_**She nodded cautiously, tilting her head to the right as if that would make her understand more.**_

_**"I slept with Puck." I whispered.**_

_**Her breathing stopped. I heard her heart beat fast, she stared me straight in the eyes. And for the first time since I've known her, I didn't see the shine in her eyes, the sparkle that made Brittany, Brittany. I saw the mental speech that was going on in her head. What felt like hours later, when in reality it was merely a minute - she smiled, obviously a forced one. **_

_**"Really! Oh what was it like!" She questioned.**_

_**"Um, Britt? Do you really wanna know?" I didn't know why she would have that initial reaction and then ask that question?**_

_**"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" As she asked, her eyes slightly squinted, as if to question my question. **_

_**"No reason.." and then I trailed off, giving her details about my encounter with Puck last night, she nodded along, smiling every now and then. But the sparkle in her eyes never came back. We slowly walked back towards our houses, considering they were five minutes apart, just down the road from each other. As we neared my house, we slowed to a stop.**_

_**"And then I got out his car and walked home." I ended.**_

_**"Just like that? He didn't say anything? Try to stop you or anything?" She asked.**_

_**"Nope. I'm glad he didn't to be honest. I just wanted to get away from him" I answered.**_

_**"Well if I was him I would've run after you.." She stopped suddenly. Thinking about what she just said. Obviously wanting to retract that statement.**_

_**"Right well I've gotta go, bye San." She quickly said, leaning forward hesistantly and wrapping her around my waist before dropping her arms and swiftly walking away. I stared at her walking away, watching her bump up her backpack before curling her fingers around the straps. She kept her head tilted forward against the wind, heading on to her house.**_

_**I fumbled through my bag, thinking about what Brittany had said and the reaction she had to my news about Puck. I kept questioning myself, asking the same questions over and over again, expecting an answer that never came. I finally found my keys at the bottom of my bag and took them out. I fumbled with the seven keys on the keyring before finding the golden key to my house. As if my house needed a fancy key, the house itself was fancy enough. My father was always a bit eccentric when it came to decorating the house. I placed the key in the lock, twisting it until it opened. **_

_**As I removed the key I heard footsteps behind me. I turned, and the sun hit my eyes, temporarily blinding me. I raised a hand to shield my eyes from the sunlight, then saw a shadow approaching me. I heard something drop and felt two hands on me, one on the small of my back, pulling me forwards, and the other on gripping the back of my neck. My hip bones crashed into the persons hipbones, and my body melted into theirs. I was a perfect fit for their body. The hand at the back of my neck stayed secure and the sun disappeared as the head blocked it out. I felt hot breath against my lip as the person hesitated, but then gently pressed their lips to my own. The lips were so soft, and tasted of lip gloss. Strawberry lip gloss. I only knew of one person who wore that. Everyday I watched them apply it to their sumptuous lips. **_

_**"Brittany." I moaned into her mouth as our lips parted momentarily. I felt her smile as she leant in to kiss me again. This time it was more passionate. Her lips parted and her tongue did a quick but gentle sweep of the inside of my lower lip. Her tongue was so soft, unlike Puck's, I shivered and placed my hands in her hair, tightening my first so my hands were tangled into her blonde curls. She leant to the right and I followed her lead. Her hands slowly slid down my body and rested at my waist. She parted my lips once more with her tongue, this time dancing around in my mouth, playing with my tongue gently. She then gently tugged on my lower lip with her teeth, causing me to giggle. She then ran her tongue along my upper lip and it caused me to let out a little moan, and my hot breath into her mouth. She groaned and pulled backwards, taking a deep breath after that intense kissing session. I opened my eyes, staring in disbelief at what just happened. Her gleaming blue eyes were staring right into my almost black eyes. We stayed silent, just looking at eachother for a few minutes. I was chewing on my bottom lip, hands still on her hair, and she still had her hands on my waist. She was tracing her fingers up and down the sides of my ribs. About twenty seconds later, she removed her hands and I removed mine. She bent down and picked up her bag, smiled and turned around.**_

_**"Britt?" I called.**_

_**"San?" She replied, slightly smirking. I went silent, waiting for any words to come out. Literally anything. But nothing ever did. I was trying to tell her that that was a mistake, but **_

_**"I know S, but I wanted too, so I did. See you tomorrow." I didn't even say anything and she still knew what I was saying. It was in that very moment, watching her walking away from her, I realised that I was in love with her. The very girl who had been there all along, who had always cared for me, who had always supported me, was the first person I had ever fallen in love with. My best friend. The same sex. It was wrong on so many levels and I just didn't give a crap, I was in love with her, and in that moment, that's all that mattered.**_

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><p>I closed my eyes, wincing at the memory of our first kiss. I took a deep breath in and whispered, "She doesn't care about you, so stop thinking ajd get the fuck over it. She doesn't want you anymore." The rain had become so much harder during my daydream. I'd barely noticed until I realised the heavy drops of water falling on my arms were no longer just my tears. I slowly lowered my legs, feeling the pins and needles. I got up and turned away, raising my arms to pull my hood up over my still damp mop of a head. Pointless, but comforting to know that no-one could recognise me under the dark cover. No-one could see me showing my vulnerability as I cried, not that there was anyone around to begin with. I shoved my hands in my pockets, fumbling with the keys whilst I walked. My fingers tingled as the numbness started to disappear. I concentrated on it, hoping that it was possible in reality for the numbing feeling to be erased that quickly, but I guess it was just wishful thinking.<p>

As I approached the pavement opposite my car, I drew out my keys. It only took a second for me to push the unlock button, as it did to step out onto the road. And another second for the the 4x4 Jeep not to see me, and slam into my left side, sending me into a spiral in the air. A few more seconds before I hit the ground, my arm cracking underneath me, sending a sharp seering pain up shoulder. Another second later, my head collided with the concrete, my flesh tearing where it could no longer contain the force of the fall, letting a pool of blood pour out and slowly mix with the rainwater, creeping towards the drain. I felt a darkness creep over my body, clouding my brain, slowly shutting my eyelids for me. Nothing I could do could prevent it. I took a deep breath, sharp pain shooting through my body. A picture of her beautiful blonde hair breezing through the wind, her azure blue eyes shining at me, those lucious soft pink lips forming into a smile popped into my head, and with my last breath I whispered her name, "Brittany"... then my body gave up.


	3. Chapter Three: Memories

**Please read and review. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Memories<strong>

A pair of cold palms touched my face. Gently sweeping my hair back and revealing my face. I must have looked a state. Blood seeping through my lock dark hair, tangling up the already knotted hair. Long, slender fingers brushed my cheekbones, the right hand gently sweeped across my jawline. Deja vu. My body had given up but the touch awakened me. My mind was telling me to let go, into the nothingness. Leave this cruel world and take the easy way out. But my heart, my heart was telling me something different. It was telling me that there was still hope. A fading voice was calling my name, it was a high pitched voice but it was so sweet. I could listen to it for days. I laid their in serenity, with a stranger brushing my face, trying to wake up my half-dead body. I couldn't hold on for much longer, but the familiarity of the voice sent me into a memory spiral, bring up a specific one to the front of my brain…

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><p>"<em><strong>Santana! Santana!" I heard Brittany yelling for me after Cheerios practice.I had hidden underneath the benches behind the football pitch as soon as Coach Sylvester told us to go to the showers. I couldn't face her. I mean I had seen her throughout the day, exchanging casual lingering glaces which I broke off before she could entise me over. But I had managed to avoid any interaction with her. I curled up, placing my knees by my chest, wrapping my arms around them. I hadn't seen her since she left my house yesterday - after the… event. My heart was pounding as I heard footsteps approach. A dark shape formed through the steps, drawing out a disfigured body. But still such a recognisable, beautiful body.<strong>_

"_**Santana?" She whispered, bending down to look through the gaps in the seats. "I can see you, you know. I may be blonde but I'm not stup… No wait, I am." She giggled at her own joke.**_

"_**Yeah, I know. And no you're not B." I crawled to my feet, dusting off the sand that remained on my shins and knees. I ducked out from beneath the bench and flinched at the sudden sunlight that hit my face. I must have been sitting in the same position, in the dark for at least twenty minutes.**_

"_**San, what's going on? Why have you been avoiding me?" She asked.**_

"_**Sorry, I don't know. Just didn't know how you would act after what happened yesterday." I replied quietly. I, Santana Lopez was never one to answer quietly. Usually I stood up, raised my head high and for all intense and purposes, yelled what I thought from the rooftops. In some cases, I literally did shout what I meant from rooftops. But this, this was different. This was just between me and her. Santana and Brittany, best friends.**_

"_**San, it was just a kiss. Like you've always said, sex isn't dating." She said blankly. **_

_**I reminisced to the memory of when I told Brittany that just because I made out with people, didn't mean I was in love with them. That's how I got Brittany to make out with Mike for the first time. She first thought that kissing was a sign of eternal love, and sex was complete devotion. But after I gave her a talk in Puck's bedroom, she immediately went downstairs and made Mike Chang's night by sticking her tongue down his throat, several times.**_

_**"I wanted to kiss you, and since sex isn't dating, I assume that comes with all the rest like kissing, touching, fooling around." She stated.**_

_**"Oh right, well um," crap, she definitely had logic behind her actions; "I guess that's fair enough B. And, by the way, you're not stupid. Considering you worked that out." I replied, slightly arching my right eyebrow. I had nothing else to say, what was I supposed to say back to that? I soberly made out with my best friend last night. That just wasn't normal. Then again, I've never been a normal teenager. After rambling in my own head, I took a step towards Brittany, who was holding out her pinky. I linked my own pinky with it and we both spun around and headed for the locker room. She smiled at me, not questioning my opinion. Then we carried on in silence, my head swarming with confusion and many questions.**_

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><p>I no longer felt the rain dancing across my cheeks, I no longer felt the cold hands stinging my cheeks as it came into contact with them at speed. I just heard a constant beeping as well as humming. The blackness was still clouding my brain, preventing myself from raising my eyelids. Beep. Beep. Beep. Repeating over and over again, if it didn't stop I would go all Lima Heights on whatever was making that noise. I attempted to lift my palm to push the piece of hair that was tickling my nose out of the way, but I couldn't. I pushed the muscle in my arm, forcing my body to tense, but still, my arm stayed in place. Oh fuck. Am I dead? Is this what heaven is? I mean I know Kurt and Mercedes used to call me Satan but surely I didn't go to hell? Maybe the punishment is listening to that beeping for all of eternity. That really is hell.<p>

I lay there, unable to open my eyes, or move any part of my body. My brain completely functional. What the hell is going on? I traced back, over my life. Still questioning myself about how I got here, laying in what I only assume to be a hospital bed. The last thing I remember was the immense pain in my left side, my arm... the cracking and numbness that spread across my forearm and elbow... The sound when my head smacked the concrete... Shit. What if I never wake up? I'd never be able to do all the things I wanted too. Sure they weren't huge dreams like climbing Mount Everest or flying around the world in 80 days or whatever people considered to be a great achievement. Then it struck me, I'd never be able to touch her, to hear her voice, to look at the beauty of the azure coloured eyes that as they sparkled at me. It didn't matter to me if I'd never see my mother or father again, or to sing or dance in Glee - I just didn't care. It was such a horrible thing for me to think, for anyone to think - but I would endure getting hit my that Jeep a thousand times over before my ability to see her again was taken away.

With that thought, I let my brain run free, considering it was the only part of my body that was functioning. Leaving room for every thought to process and develop into more and more questions. If I'm going to die, I need to look at my life from every point right? What have I done with my life? I've been a straight A student, a member of New Directions, a Cheerio - the Head Cheerio for the matter and the co-founder and head of Bully Whips. I had good friends; Puckerman, Quinn, Tina, Kurt, Mercedes, Lauren, Blaine and of course Brittany. I'd had a few relationships, with Sam, Puck, Finn, Matt and kind of Karofsky. I hadn't been that bad of a person, sure I told the truth and most of the time it was harsh, but did that make me a bitch? I had been a talented girl, I could sing, dance, take revenge, gossip for the country and definitely do tricks with my tongue. But surely this couldn't be karma for everything bad that I've done. I was never really a bad person, I always put on a mask for that. But I only ever knew one person who saw straight through my mask... Brittany. And with that last thought, I traced my mind back to the first day I started showing the real Santana Lopez.


	4. Chapter Four: Flashback

****Another long chapter, apologies. Please someone review? ****

**From the next couple of chapters these are memories of Santana's, just to clear up any confusion. Anything in italics is in the past and Santana is remembering them in her comatose state.**

**P.S. this chapter does contain a violent scene, inferring rape. But the next chapter explains it all.**

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: Flashblack<strong>

_After Cheerios practice on the field where Coach Sylvester had dissed our performance by comparing it to another one of her many experiences, Quinn ran over to me in the gym, smirking and carrying her laptop. She beckoned some more Cheerios, Tanya, Ray-Ray and Becca with just a wave of her hand and we all sat down on the benches. I sat to her left, on a raised edge so I could get a better view of the screen. She put on a performance of man-hands on, singing some pathetic song about her weasley little life. At least she chose an appropriate song; 'On My Own.' She should get used to that, stupid hobbit. I nudged Quinn and said;_

_"I'm going to scratch my eyes out if I have to sit through that anymore. Write a comment about getting her parents to sell her back, or even better ask her to get sterilized so she won't have to effect anyone else with her anoying voice."_

_So Quinn did exactly that, with a smirk she started typing; literally everything I had just said. I felt like a bitch when I said it but I was known for being a bitch, I couldn't let down my adoring crowd down could I?_

_"Right, well now we're done with that." And with that she closed the lid and placed it to her right, pasting on her Queen Bitch face. Something both of us had perfected. Brittany hadn't so much. _

_Speaking of her I looked around, where was she? I hadn't seen her at all today and it was already second period. I picked up my cell phone from my backpack beside my leg and scrolled down until I saw her name. I clicked the green button and let it ring._

_"Ring ring.. ring ring"_

_It just rang._

_"Ring ri... Hello?" A muffled voice answered on the other end._

_"Hey Britt? Where you at?" I asked._

_"I'm at home San, not feeling to good." I heard a cough in the background, was there someone in the background? No, stupid Tana. She wouldn't lie about being ill._

_"Oh, do you want me to come over? I'll come look after you and we'll watch movies all night?" I asked suspiciously, but subtlety was my speciality with Brittany._

_"No." She spat back immediately. "I mean, no thank you S. I wouldn't want you catching it. See you tomorrow." And with that she hung up. She didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye. All I heard was the disconneced tone and my phone screen went black as I lowered it from my ear. What the hell just happened?_

_After a few minutes of staring at my phone, debating whether to ring Britt back or not, Quinn came up to me and tugged my elbow. _

_"S?" She paused. Waiting for an answer._

_"Yeah Q?"_

_"You alright? You're looking at your phone as if it just insulted your hair or something?" She smiled and let out a little laughter._

_"Oh no, I'm good."_

_"Kay, well hurry up we need to go watch those Nude Erections perform." Once again, she laughed at her own joke._

_"Ha. Yeah Q. Let's go watch those losers." I folded my arms across my chest and we both headed towards the auditorium. As we approached the heavy doors, Puck jumped out and smacked my ass. I spun around and narrowed my eyes, he retracted his hand and shoved it into his jean pocket._

_"Yes Puckerman?" I questioned, Quinn staring at me with a slight squint. I looked at her and nodded. _

_**Everything alright? **__She silently said, I could read her expression._

_**Go ahead, I'll meet you in there.**__ The silent conversation went a long in my head. She turned around and pushed open the double doors, arms dropping to her sides as she glided through._

_"Santana what's going on with us? Every since we hooked up you've been ignoring me." Puck asked with an aggressive tone._

_"Nothing. Sorry. A lot on my mind. A lot going on." I answered. My palm brushed over my hair, smoothing it down._

_"Right okay. Well drop me a call or a text sometime yeah S? Be nice if we could go out again." He winked and shoved his other hand into his pocket, turning around and walking away. _

_Something inside made me cringe, I felt a shiver run down my limbs. I could feel the bile in my throat rising up. I swallowed hard and pasted on my bitch face. I walked through the doors and accompanied Quinn who was with Coach Sylvester. We sat and as Quinn turned to question me, New Directions came on stage and started singing that awful Journey song. As much as I hated to admit it, the song wasn't that bad. I envied them in a strange way, doing whatever they wanted, not caring about their reputations of being losers. I myself loved singing but I didn't ever let anyone know, only my Church and shower knew. Every special occassion like Christmas or Easter, I helped out the choir._

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><p><em>The next time I saw those losers was during their performance of Push It. Sex crazed virgins pretending they know everything about sex. I was with all the Cheerios. I raised the top right hand corner of my lip, giggling every now and then, pretending like they sucked. But honestly it was taking every single part of me to hold myself back from running up on stage and show them was sex appeal really was, as well as singing my heart out to one of my all time favourite songs. After the performance, I saw a gorgeous blonde bounded over to me, hopping in her step. She was smiling at me, emmiting beauty.<em>

_"Hey S! I'm better!" She almost sung it, her voice was that sweet._

_"B, good." I smiled and linked pinkies with her. And for the rest of the day we exchanged a few words and the electricity that flowed through my veins every time we touched burned as we walked around the school pinky in pinky. We ran into Quinn and Coach Sylvester as we approached the gym. Coach dragged us into her office and sat us all down. She spoke;_

_"Right Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb and Q - we have a mission. You three will be my spies. You will infiltrate the greasy chambers of Schuesters hair and give me all the dirt off his deep fat fried hair where all the miniature monkeys slip off due to oil and God knows what else he puts on that thing."_

_We all nodded, accepting our mission. Q had her bitch face on, so I copied immediately. Britt just sat their with a blank expression on her face - knowing her she hadn't heard anything Coach had just said._

_We left and approached Mr Schuester in the choir room. Quinn spoke up._

_"We want to audition for Glee." After a quick conversation with Mr Schue, we stood in our positions. Myself to the back left of Quinn and Britt to the back right. Britt and I sang the background vocals as Q took the lead, we danced around her, performing the dance Britt had choreographed an hour before. My God that girl could dance. She was flawless, her body naturally fitted with any beat or rhythm. Her long pale legs moved in a way that seemed disconnected from her body, like they weren't part of her. But she still managed to move with such grace._

_Mr Schuester accepted us due to our exceptional talent. The Holy Trinity had succeeded. The Celibacy Club meeting was held after school. All three of us attended and we had to pair up with a balloon. Of course I paired with Puck, the only guy I'd ever had sex with, despite my reputation saying different. The task was to but a balloon between our crotches and keep it there or something. Puck however thought it was be fun to thrust and move his body. The bile that I swallowed earlier made another showing, this time moving further up my throat. It made an appearance at the very back of my throat but I swallowed and it disappeared. I could still feel the acidic taste gurgle at the back of my throat. It was disgusting having him do that, I'm not 100% sure how I managed to sleep with him. I pushed him away and sat down on one of the chairs._

_After the CC meeting, Puck caught up with me and prodded me gently in the back. I turned around and narrowed my eyes, putting my bitch face on once again. _

_"Can I help you?" I asked, raising both my eyebrows, widening my eyes at the same time._

_"I really am sorry if I've done anything to you San. I was only fooling around in there," he gestured to the door where man-hands was standing, "it was just for fun. You know, in front of my boys and stuff. But I really do respect you and I was wondering if you wanted to go out on another date. No sex as the dessert, just me and you on a romantic date, the place being your choice." He looked at me with a genuine smile, awaiting an answer._

_"Sure Puckerman. Breadstix at 8. Pick me up from Britt's house. I'm going there after." I replied, winking at him as I walked away. I could feel his eyes staring at me as I proceeded down the corridor._

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><p><em>After school me and Britt walked back to her house. She needed help with her Spanish work, and last time she attempted it unattended, she drew sombrero's in the answer boxes. We walked into her house, and dropped our bags at the base of the stairs. Her house wasn't huge, but it was nicely sized. It didn't have the expensive look that most of the houses that were around that area had, but it was so much prettier. It had an air of Brittany about it. Then again it probably should considering she only lived with her mum, who was out 80% of the time either working or sleeping with as many men as she could find. Damn, I am a bitch. We laid on her bed, feet up in the air, knees bent up near the pillows, on our stomachs, arms touching and facing the end of her bed. We had our spanish sheets out as well as a dictionary, with F.R.I.E.N.D.S playing on TV. Every now and then I had to cough or nudge Brittany to stop watching TV and to concentrate on her homework.<em>

_"Bretaña vamos!" I said in a raised voice. She looked at me blankly, not knowing what I just said. "Jesús, Cristo, ¿Cómo voy a ayudar si no estás escuchando." I murmured to myself. I saw her lower lip jutted out, I quickly turned my head;_

_"Sorry Britt. Just a lot on my mind. I shouldn't be taking it out on you."_

_"I didn't understand anything you just said, but I forgive you." She did the toothy grin again. I smiled back and we carried on doing work._

_About 5 minutes later. She rolled over so she was leaning on her elbow and on her side. She tilted her head and stared at me, I shook my head and glanced._

_"Jheeze Britt what are you staring at?"_

_"Something rather beautiful." She answered, as if she knew what I was going to ask. The answer shocked me. I'd never had anyone call me beautiful before. I mean I'd been called hot and sexy, but never beautiful._

_"Oh wow, um, thanks B. You're not so bad yourself." I beamed back, smiling at her. Her eyes lit up immediately._

_"You really should smile more often you know San. You've got such an amazing smile, it could light up this whole town." She stated as if I already knew. I felt the blood running to my cheeks as I stared at her so I turned away, and picked up the dictionary, flipping through the pages as if I was looking for something._

_"Thank you Britt. Now come on, we need to finish before 8. Puck's coming to pick me up." I said. She stayed quiet, studying my face. Her brow furrowed and her lips pouted slightly. _

_"Oh, so are you two dating now?" She asked._

_"I don't know, we're going out for a date so I guess so." I answered innocently. _

_She was still studying my face, I flickered my eyes towards hers, her blue eyes catching my glance. I couldn't not stare back, her eyes... they were mesmerizing. I instinctively leant in, feeling her hot breath on mine. Our mouths only inches apart. She folded in her bottom lip to bite it and then let it go, licking it on its exit. I mimicked her and I watched her eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips, eyes to my lips. She finally settled on staring at my lips. She leant forward, sending a waft of sweet breath over my face. I closed my eyes after watching her azure-coloured eyes fade away underneath her pale eyelids. I tipped my head to the right and felt her breath on my lips - it was warm and sweet I could hear her heart beating fast, it intertwined with my pounding chest. Our lips were now only millimeters apart. I took a deep breath in a leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers. They tasted so freakin' good, it was unbelievable. Strawberry lip gloss washed over my lips, our mouths moving in rhythm with eachother. Her tongue slowly parted my lips and slipping over my own, she hovered over my bottom lip, running her soft tongue on the inside. I moaned and rolled towards her. She slipped her hands down my back until they settled on my waist. I was now on top of her, even through our Cheerios uniform, I could feel the heat emmiting from our centres between our legs. Our limbs were tangled together, her legs were slightly parted and mine were lying in between. My foot twisted around her shin, and my hands were running through her blonde locks, which she had undone as we laid down. She pushed forward, placing her hand on the small of my back. She rolled me over, hovering over the top of me, placing her palms beside my head. She pulled back and slid down my jawline, kissing my throat. She nipped gently with her teeth and I opened my eyes, I felt my breath speed up and I was suddenly panting. She flicked her head up, staring me straight in the face. For the first time, I felt embarrassed. I was looking into her gorgeous eyes, they saw straight through my own. I felt so vulnerable, but I didn't care. I had always been a locked door, there had always been a safe around my heart - but it didn't matter, not with her. I raised my hand and placed it to the back of her neck, pulling her face down to mine. Her lips pressed to mine once again, where they belonged. They felt like they fitted, like they were made to be pressed against my own, and no-one elses. They molded into each other, just like our bodies did. Which I was now incredibly aware of. Our hipbones touching, our waists melting into each other, our breasts rubbing against each other._

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><p><em>We carried on making out until my phone started buzzing on the side table. I had been ignoring the buzzing for the last 10 minutes, too lost in Brittany and her sweet lady kisses. I leant my arm over and grabbed my phone while my lips were still connected to hers. I answered, letting her lips press to my jugular. <em>

_"Hello?"_

_"S where you at? I've been calling for the last ten minutes. I'm outside Britts house but none of the lights are on?" I leant back staring at the time on my phone, it was 8:05. Shit. And worst of all, we had been making out so intensely for the last hour or two that we hadn't noticed it getting dark. I sat up, Brittany stared at me, confusion on her face. I grabbed my bag and shoved my Spanish work in it. I fluffed up my hair, letting it drape over my shoulder. I had no time to look for my hairband, it was somewhere on the floor after Brittany had removed it earlier._

_"Shit, sorry. I'll come out now.. Britts and I were just... playing hide'n'seek." It was the only thing I could come up with that quickly. _

_"Right, okay. Well come out quick. I need to eat." Puck said. He hung up and I turned to her._

_"Britts I gotta go. Sorry, we lost track of time. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" I asked._

_"Yeah sure S." I felt her eyes on me as I walked out of her room. I shut the door behind me, feeling the guilt wash over me. I entered Pucks truck and he leant over to kiss me on the cheek. I flinched but quickly recovered by turning my head. I kissed him on the lips, realising he would have questioned my actions otherwise. He stared back with wide open eyes._

_"Oh, a treat S?" He winked and started to drive. I turned my head to look out the window, I stared into the blackness, a spark of light hitting my face with every street lamp that we passed. _

_**Stop Santana. It's just for fun. I know you convinced yourself that you were in love with her, but you're not. Stop being so fucking stupid.**_

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><p><em>The night ended with myself hopping off of a panting Puck. We were in his room, it felt like a closet but it was big enough to fit a large single bed. I brought the covers up to cover my chest, and held it securely with my left arm. I then leant over to the tiny squared table he used to hide his porno under and to keep his lamp on. I checked the time and it was 11:04am. Wow, it only took him 3 hours to get me into bed. He rolled onto his chest and turned his head;<em>

_"Yo San, that was great. What you want to do now?" He winked and slowly slid his hand down his chest, my eyes focusing on the sheet covering his lower body. He was ready for round two by the looks of it, well thats what the sheet that was now a tent._

_"Yo no soy un puto conejo." I muttered under my breath and he raised one eyebrow at me. _

_I quickly checked Facebook on my phone, scrolling to see recent updates when it came I came across something._

**Brittany S. Pierce is now in a relationship with Mike Chang.**

_I literally felt my heart crack, it sounded so loud in my ears I had to turn around to make sure Puck didn't hear. He was smirking at me, still waiting for me for round 2. I felt sick, physically sick. I wretched and Puck immediately sat up._

_"Whoah babe you okay?"_

_"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry." I answered, hoping he wouldn't question what made me wretch._

_"Kay babe. You coming back over for some more of the Puckmeister Perfection." I hesitated and then crawled back over to his side. _

_"Sure" and like that we carried on where we left off. Brittany not leaving my mind the whole time. _

_**Why hadn't she told me? **__I said to myself._

_I felt Puck enter me, I groaned and then carried on thinking, I must really not have looked into it. I mean I knew Brittany and Mike were like seeing eachother, but I didn't think it was anything serious. _

_W__**hy the fuck hadn't she told me? **__I repeated to myself again. And the worst part is she told Facebook before her best friend? Was she ashamed to tell me? Worried? I felt my heart beating faster and faster, getting angrier and angrier. I suddenly snapped back into reality and realised Puck was still fucking me. I pushed his shoulders and he landed on his back, I then straddled him, hovering over his swollen member, he was begging for it. I liked that I had this control over him. I slowly lowered myself onto him, and started riding - thrusting my hips round and round, up and down. He started moaning loudly, and panting heavily. I tried to get into it, but all I felt was anger. Barely any pleasure. He reached down his rough fingertips to my clit, and pressed on it. I pretended that it felt good and moaned. He was at the end so it was time for me to start my hard core acting. I arched my back as he thrusted up heavily three times, then I lowered my bare chest to press it to his and bit down on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around my back and lifted himself off the bed, thrusting slowly a couple more times and then finished. I got off and took the sheet with me, heading towards his bathroom. I picked up my clothes on the way and got changed quickly. It was 11:37am when I left, leaving Puck panting heavily. The only goodbye being a "see you tomorrow babe" and a wink._

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><p><em>I walked down the street towards my house, passing Britts house on the way. As I passed her drive I felt eyes on me, I snapped up towards her window, which was open, where I saw the curtain blowing in the breeze. I put my head down and carried on walking briskly towards my house. As I did, I heard footsteps behind me. They were heavy and picking up speed. I turned my head glancing behind me to reveal a huge balded man with a puffer jacket on. I jumped, feeling the adrenaline course through my brains as the man carried on following me when I turned down my road. I picked up my pace and quickened my step, hoping I was just being paranoid.<em>

_I was about 4 minutes away from my house when I felt the man shadowing me. He grabbed my waist and spun me round, I screamed in horror. But his large hand covered my mouth, muffling the sound. He threw me to the ground near the corner shop alley, and ripped my shirt, splaying the buttons all over the pavement. He reached down to his pants, keeping his emerald green eyes locked on mine, his teeth bared aggressively, and he took out his dick. I took his opportunity to escape as he looked down to admire it, not that there was anything to admire about that thing, I'd seen bigger on Taylor Hoyt in 4th grade. I brought up my knee up, as my hands were trapped under his huge rough hands, and shoved it with force straight into his miniature man. He yelped and fell backwards, I managed to get into a squat before he took his right hand and smashed it into the right side of my eye, causing my head to ring. I fell back to the ground and smacked the other side of my head on the pavement, causing the ring to increase in volume. And with that, I passed out, the unknown man bending over me, breathing alcoholic breath into my face._


	5. Chapter Five: Saviour

**Another chapter done! I've only **received** one review so far but I am grateful for it. This chapter gets a lot more 'Brittana' so to speak, and a lot more M rated. Enjoy!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.******

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Saviour<strong>

_A whoosh where someones air was knocked out of their lungs sounded above me. It sounded like two bodies were moving with each other, one struggling and one prancing across the pavement athletically.. I heard a loud crack and a heavy drop beside me. I flinched as if I was going to move away, but I just couldn't summon the strength, I was going to let whatever was there get me, so I squeezed my eyes shut until my brow ached._

_A few minutes passed and myy eyes were still shut. I felt a pair of cold palms touched my face. Gently sweeping my hair back and revealing my face. I must have looked a state. Blood seeping through my long dark hair, tangling up the knots. Long, slender fingers brushed my cheekbones, the right hand gently sweeped across my jawline, erasing something off my face. I felt arms pushing underneath my back and legs, picking me up off the ground. I wasn't a heavy girl but I certainly wasn't featherlight, the person carrying my must have been relatively strong._

_The next thing I remember is the sound of a shower turning on, hands running all over my hair, shampooing and conditioning it. Warm water trickling through my thick dark hair, as well as a pair of hands. There was suddenly the same pair of hands running down my bare body, washing off the remnents of the earlier incident. As I was lifted out the shower, a huge, warm, fluffy towel was covering me, drying up the spots of water left over from my cleaning. Once again I was up in the air, and I felt myself being lowered onto my back on what I guess must have been a bed. The feel of fabric slipping over my skin as I was dressed into pajama short shorts and a tank top. The covers were lifted and I slided underneath the cover, a cloudiness still flooding my brain. A warm body pressed up against my back, arms sliding down my shoulders, tracing my skin until they reached the back of my hands. Their fingers intertwined with my own and I leant my head against the crook in their neck, tucking my head under their chin. Even though I had no idea who it was or where I was, I didn't care. The feeling of being wanted was enough for now. I let the cloud flood my brain and I drifted off to sleep._

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><p><em>The next morning I woke up with the same slender arms wrapped around me, this time around my waist. I slowly creeped open one eye, wincing at the dull ache in my right temple. I realised I was in my room, but I couldn't remember how I got there. I tipped my chin towards the ceiling, trying to identify the owner of the arms and I saw golden locks of hair falling over the pillow beside me. I sighed and smiled at the same time. As I glanced at the clock I realised it was only 6.30am. So I let myself drift off once again.<em>

_At 9am, my alarm went off, a loud beeping ringing through my ears. I awoke startled, expecting to feel the warmth of someone behind me - but no-one was there. My right eyebrow was pounding, I raised my fingers to brush it and realised there was a horrible gash there. I squinted and slowly swung my legs over the side of my bed. Placing my head in my hands, making sure I didn't put any pressure on either of my new acquired wounds. I dressed into my Cheerios uniform, placing about five layers of foundation over the bruise and gash. You could barely see them anymore, but they still ached. I practiced a smile in the mirror and stood up, smoothing down my uniform. I arrived at school about 15 minutes later, trying to remember everything that happened last night, including the owner of the blonde locks. Of course, Quinn. I had text her moments before telling her there was a man behind me, she had been with Finn so that explained the sound of someone getting beaten up. Finn was always so innocent, but he knew how to kick someones ass. She always comforted me like that, especially when my parents had split up. My father, the local doctor moved out when he found out my mother had been sleeping around with the fathers at her school where she was a teacher. The wives of the fathers weren't impressed to say the least._

_At Cheerios practice I walked up to Q;_

_"Hey Q, thanks for last night, I really appreciate it." I said._

_"Um S? Have you been drinking again? An alcoholic at 16 isn't the best idea." She laughed, the rest of the Cheerios, including Britt, we were standing with giggled too._

_"No, I woke up.. you were.. Finn must have.." I mumbled. My brow furrowed in confusion. Who was my saviour?_

_"Whatever happened, wasn't me. I wasn't even with Finn, I was with.." and then she trailed off, consealing something from me, but I barely noticed. Who was there with me then? Brittany was with Mike, as previously shown by her Facebook Status, which I had uncovered moments before the attack. _

_**'If Mike Chang doesn't stop tickling me, I'm going to go "all Lima Heights" as Santana would say, on his ass.'**_

_I remembered because it made me cringe, the thought that he was in her bedroom as I walked passed; but it was nice to know she was thinking of me I guess. She didn't know I was walking passed her house so it couldn't have been her, plus she was way to occupied with the dancing asian. Eurgh, the thought made me want to vom. The whole day I was puzzled by who was there with me, who cleansed me, who dressed me. Shit, someone has seen me naked, and I don't know who it was._

* * *

><p><em>An hour after talking to Quinn, I walked into the choir room. Mike and Brittany were sitting in a couple of seats at the back of the room. Her long slender legs draped over his thighs. His hands running up and down her legs, which were revealed by her Cheerios uniform. This was the only time I wished the uniform were tracksuit bottoms. He looked at her with such baby eyes, like he worshipped the ground she walked on. The same look Puck gave me after... No. She couldn't have. She wouldn't. Well she would have phoned me straight away. I let the thoughts run through my mind as I approached an empty seat on the opposite side of the room. I felt her gaze at me in my peripheral vision. I lifted my chin arrogantly and started at Mr Schue at the front of the classroom. He was chin wagging, well butt chin wagging about some group called Acafellas thing that he had recently formed along with a few of his loser friends. After practice, in an order from Coach Sylvester to destroy Glee Club, myself, Q and Britt walked down the school corridor, catching up to Wheezy to talk to her about the gay kid. We nudged her, and eventually encouraged her to go out with him. The Holy Trinity all walked around school, obviously owning the place, looking for the other members. We all talked to them, gaining their trust and suggesting that we should high the famous professional dance coach Dakota Stanley.<em>

_After a discussion in the choir room, myself and the Glee Club all travelled to Carmel High school to get Dakota Shortass to choreograph for us, I mean them. He accepted, and after a swift performance, told me that I "didn't need to change a thing" - which obviously I knew because it was me. We got back to school, and ran into Puck in the corridoor. I noticed Wheezy standing at her locker, gawping in my direction. _

_"Hey babe." Puck winked at me, placing his hand up against the wall to my right. I stepped back, my back hitting the wall. I raised my right leg, so it bent, the base of my foot up against the wall._

_"Hey. What's up?" I questioned._

_"Not much, just thinking about you." God that was so corny, but I acted sweet._

_"Aww babe. So cute." He leant in and kissed me. I smiled, not knowing what else to do. _

_"Right well I'm off to class, just needed some sugar from my girl to boost my energy." He stated frankly, I faked a smile back. Giving him a quick laugh. He leant in and kissed me again. His lips were rough, unlike Brittanys._

_**What, so you're comparing guys to her? What the fuck. Stop.**__ My inner monologue started talking again. I made a quick exit and ran home. Not stopping for anything, the attack last night shook my confidence and I didn't want to risk another incident, even in daylight._

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><p><em>That night I got a text from Puck asking to come in, he did, and we did, again. Still not a lot of enjoyment on my side. "Hey Puck?" I said, in a slightly higher voice than usual. I coughed to try and get back to my normal voice.<em>

_"Yeah babe?" He replied._

_"Last night, where were you?" I asked innocently. He look down at the covers, I could've sworn I saw his face turn bright pink._

_"Uhh.. um.. at home. Alone.. Playing COD. Ask Azimo if you don't believe me, he'll back me up." He spoke quickly. This immediately caused me to be suspicious. _

_"Puckerman. What the hell?" I questioned him, cocking up one eyebrow. He stared at me, making weird movements with his mouth, as if he was trying to find the words to say._

_"Nothing. Anyway, what's up with the bruise on your forehead? And not to mention that gash? Looks nasty." He changed subject quickly, but I got distracted and answered his question in order to defend myself._

_"I tripped. Nothing big." He laid in my bed, and brought his arms up and tucked them behind his head so his elbows were pointed towards opposite walls._

_"Right okay babe." His phone went off as he finished his sentence. It buzzed three times and he pressed the red button._

_"Who's that?" I asked._

_"Mom. Wanting to know where I am probably. Anyway, why are you so interested? It's not like I'm cheating on you." He almost spat that at me. I'd never thought of that. But the worst part was, I didn't really care. Him saying that didn't effect me. Of course I pretended it did._

_"What the fuck. I never mentioned anything about you cheating on me? Now I think you are. Pinchazo." I crossed my arms in a huff. And let out an aggressive sigh. He knew he overstayed his welcome and gathered his clothes. Shoving on his jeans and throwing his shirt over his shoulder. He came towards me and leant in, I turned my head and his rough lips pressed to my soft tanned cheek. _

_After I heard the front door shut, I grabbed my tank top and short shorts and shoved them on. Then I cleared up my bedroom, removing the condom from my bedsheets and chucking it in the bin. Urgh, it annoys me so much how he doesn't clean up after himself. My black laced panties were now in the washing basket, the bed sheets were changed and my bedroom was clean. I sat on my bed and sighed, withdrawing my Spanish book from my backpack and starting on it. By 11:30pm I was shattered, so I packed away my stuff, tied my hair up in a high ponytail and got into bed. The sheets were crisp from where I had changed them. That night I fell asleep thinking of her._

* * *

><p><em>The next day at school. Some ancient woman named April Rhodes joined Glee Club. Like literally joined it. She was like 40. Apparently she never graduated high school so there was no rules against it. During Quinn and Finn's duet of another crappy Journey song no doubt, she ran out the room. All of Glee Club looked to one another a few mumbles from Mr Schue or someone equally as unimportant, the gay kid spoke;<em>

_"Can we please talk about the giatn elephant in the room?" as he spoke he did a gay thing with his hair._

_"Your sexuality?" I retorted, giggling to myself. I furtively glanced over to the azure-eyed beauty on the other side of the room who had previously been swaying, completely unaware of the whole Quinn thing. After third and fourth period, Britt and I walked back to the choir room. I sat down in a chair and she stood behind me, despite their being other seats in the room. She whispered in my ear;_

_"Are you alright with me and Chang?" I jumped in shock as her breath against my ear was so sweet and tempting._

_"Of course B. If you're happy, I'm happy." I smiled innocently, knowing that that was a tiny white lie._

_"Oh alright, good good." I could have sworn I saw disappointment in her eyes. She raised her hands and started playing with my ponytail. After a couple of minutes she lowered her hands onto my shoulders and started giving me a shoulder massage. As she did I could feel myself getting more relaxed, and with that, I could feel my core heating up. I shook myself out of it and Britt opened her mouth to speak when someone said Quinn's eggo was preggo. I dropped my mouth in disbelief. Q! Pregnant! Great advertisement for the celibacy club._

* * *

><p><em>The next couple of days passed relatively quickly. Coach Sylvester had become a new co-director of Glee Club, after Figgins decided to hold a meeting because some members of Glee, including myself, were upset that Mr Schue wasn't selecting more modern, urban music. After hearing this, me, Q and B reported this to sue, who took advantage of this opportunity and split the club. Coach liked to paint Mr Schue as racially insensitive, so she considered the 'minority members' of Glee, including myself, Wheels, Singing Asian, Wheezy, Gay kid, Dancing Asian and the other dancer Matt, who was kind of cute. This left the other group with Finnocence, Man-Hands, Q, Puckerman and Brittany. <em>

_The following day, the entire club gathered together on the sly to sing Ride Wit Me by good ol' Nelly before our group meetings started. After we finished, Brittany and myself were standing their awkwardly. It was strange considering we never had awkward moments, but there was just an atmosphere. As the other Glee kids started to exit, Britt turned to me and hugged me_. _It was unexpected, which made it even better. The thing with me and Britts was that we never really hugged, it was more of an embrace. I could feel her breathing into me, and sniffing my hair. She kissed my hair and I pulled away before leaving with 'Sue's kids' as we were known. Later that day, we were in the choir room once again. Schuester was telling us how Coach agreed to give control of Glee back to him and he was going on about how we were all minorities of some kind. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be a pep talk or something. But I wasn't really listening considering I had the most beautiful blonde ever leaning her head on my shoulder. I could smell her coconut scented hair and I let my imagination run. _

_After school, Britt came back to my house. We started doing Spanish again when she nudged me playfully. I knew this was going to end up with us making out so instead of flirting back, I just kissed her. We got seriously hot and heavy as her tongue pranced around my mouth, sweeping the sides and my bottom lip. Every now and then she would tug at my bottom lip with her teeth, causing her sweet breath to wash over me, and a giggle to erupt from my mouth. Kissing Brittany was such an experience, one I'd never be able to go without. It was so addictive. Sweet lady kisses she had called them. As we were making out, I felt my centre getting really, really hot. She smiled and I blushed._

_"You alright San?" She opened her bright blue eyes, smiling at me._

_"Yeah why?" I questioned._

_She giggled, "No reason, I can just feel that you're alright." She winked at me. Shit. She knew how horny I was. She pressed my lips to hers and I rolled over, lifting my legs so I was straddling her. Her arms ran down my waist onto the top of my thighs. They ran on the outer side and hovered as they rolled over on the inside. I felt my breath hitch as I realised where she was headed._

_"Are you okay with this?" She whispered against my lips, she was so irresistable._

_"Yes, definitely." I murmured, pressing my lips to hers once more. She ran her fingertips up the inside of my thighs. But to my disappointment she ran them up my waist. _

_"Do you mind if I take this off?" She said, gesturing to my Cheerios top. I nodded and she proceeded to remove it. Her hands were so soft as they slid across my stomach. Her hand coming up to brush my bra. We carried on kissing, her tongue playing with mine. She paused and removed her own top. I marvelled at her athletic figure, a slight four pack showing. Her body was so beautiful. The turqoise bra emphasised her tan and I ran my palm over her flat stomach. She shivered at my touch and smiled. I didn't realise I had been staring until she giggled. I lowered myself and pressed my lips to hers once more. She lowered her hands to my skirt and gently hooked her thumbs into the sides of my skirt near my hipbones. I lifted my hips, hoping she'd pull it down. But instead she removed her thumbs, so I did the honour. I knelt on the bed and unzipped my skirt. She bit her lower lip and giggled. I slid it off and straddled her once more, only wearing my underwear. She ran her hands down to my thighs once more, and traced the inside of my thighs with her fingertips. My blood felt like fire as it coursed through my veins, I could barely contain myself. So much so that I didn't even feel myself moan. She smiled into the kiss and reached the elastic band at the top of my underwear. She slowly folded back her ring and pinky ringer on her right hand and rubbed the remaining two against the front of my underwear. I shuddered, knowing that she could feel how wet I was. I ran my hands over her stomach and cupped one of her breasts, feeling the nipple harden at my touch. She rolled, hovering over me. She slid her left leg over the outside of my left leg, so her right leg was in between my legs. She carried on kissing me and slid her hand down my stomach into my thong. She caressed my mound and slid her index finger over the top of my folds, I moaned and she tugged my lower lip with her teeth. _

_"Just do it Britt, God please." I whispered into her hair. Her lips had moved to my neck, kissing and sucking gently. I gasped as she slid her fingertip over my swollen clit and down towards my core. She pushed in the tip of her finger and I couldn't help but moan - she slid in more of her finger, and then another. She thrusted and my hips immediately started grinding in rhythm with her hand. I started rubbing my hands over her bra, wishing I could rip it off. It was almost as if she heard me, she sat up, still inside me, and beckoned me to take it off. I did so and it revealed a perfect pair of breasts. I gently lowered my mouth and took one of her hard nipples, swirling my tongue around it. She groaned and started thrusting harder. About two minutes after, I started feeling a tingling inside of me, it felt like I was building up to something huge. My back arched and I bit my lips, trying to conceal my moan - but I couldn't. As I moaned, loudly, I whispered her name, and then an explosion happened as she rubbed her thumb over my clit. I saw stars and my body went limp, it was like fireworks. I panted and fell to her chest, resting my head into the crook of her neck. I felt her chest rumble as she laughed. When I tipped my head and pressed my lips to her jawline, she sighed._

_"Jesus Britt, that was..." I trailed off._

_"Was it okay?" She questioned, looking slightly concerned._

_"Oh mierda sí. Jesús Cristo. I mean wow, it was amazing. " I answered. She grinned that same toothy grin she gave me when we first met._

_"God you're so sexy when you speak Spanish." She winked at me. I pressed my lips to hers, revealing my teeth and tugging at her bottom lip. She moaned into my mouth, washing me with her sweet breath. If I knew that had that effect on her, I would've done it more often. I kissed down her jawline to her neck, nipping and sucking gently. I could feel her heartbeat quickening, along with her breath. I trailed my kisses down her chest, in between her breasts and down to her toned stomach. Running my tongue in circles on her abs. I brought my tongue down to the top of her girl boxers, licking around the top. I brought my hands up to her legs, tracing my fingertips up the inside of her thighs. Immediately I felt her shudder and I flicked the top of the waistband with my fingers - and I brought my tongue to the outside of the fabric, licking the outside. She arched her back slightly and let it down slowly, as if disappointed. I knew I was teasing her and I loved that I had that effect on her. I pulled down the waistband, along with the pants, revealing her baby smooth mound. I kissed the top down, until I reached the folds. I gently swept my tongue across them and she breathed out heavily. I stuck my tongue in between to meet her swollen clit, she arched her back again, this time not letting it down. I carried on flicking the top of my tongue across it, everytime I heard a sigh coming out from above. She started panting heavily again, letting out a continuous sigh. I watched her fists ball as I ran my hand up her flat stomach towards her breasts. She was completely naked in front of me, it was such a breathtakingly beautiful sight. I pulled away, taking a breather while I toyed with her nipples, tracing my fingertip around the hardened mound. I wrapped my lips around her clit and gently sucked, she arched higher, grabbing the sheets on the bed, clenching them tightly. I knew she was near the end as her legs started to shake, and her thighs tightened around my head, it didn't hurt, but it made me flicker my tongue faster. She practically raised off the bed as she screamed my name. I shivered in joy as I heard her, and glanced up to watch her eyes go white as they rolled back into her head. She bit down on her bottom lip hard, as I could see by the colour discolouration._

_I kissed back up her stomach, hovering over her nipples, kissing them gently, and back up her neck. My tongue sweeped up towards her jawline, and as I went to press my lips to hers, just millimeters away - Brittany spoke;_

_"Fucking hell. Santana Lopez, wow." I giggled and leant to feel her soft lips._

_"Why thank you." I winked and sucked her bottom lip, then sliding my tongue in between her lips, letting my tongue dance with hers. After a gentle kiss, I snuggled under her jaw, into the crook of her neck. Smelling her gorgeous blonde locks, and wrapped my arm around her bare waist, drifting off to sleep. Just as I was about to give in to the haziness, she kissed the top of my hair - smelling it and then whispering, "I was your saviour." With that my brain switched off and I drifted off._


	6. Chapter Six: Lyrics

**I would say another long chapter, but at this rate I think all of my chapters are going to be around the same length. This chapter does include songs though! Usually I don't explain my feelings through words, I use song lyrics. So that's what I did for this chapter. Hope you enjoy! And please review!**

******Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.******

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: Lyrics<strong>

_The days trailed on, they felt like forever. Mr Schue had set a task where we had to compose a mash-up for the panda of the football coach and the weird ginger guidance counsellor's wedding. As I sat down in the choir room next to Britt, Puck got up and announced that he was going to sing a Jewish song called Sweet Caroline. He got into it, but as he sang into it I realised he was staring at Man-Hands. _

_**What the fuck is this?**__ I said to myself. I crossed my arms and pouted, pasting on my bitch face. No way was she getting with _**my**_ man. I wasn't jealous, not at all, but no-one messes with Santana Lopez' belongings._

_After his performance, I approached him._

_"Puck. What was that?" I asked, arching my left eyebrow._

_"Oh yeah babe. About that.." I sensed he was going to break up with me._

_"Puck I'm breaking up with you. Sorry. You're incapable of handling something as hot as me." I shrugged, arms still crossed and walked away. He didn't even say anything, but as I turned my head, I swear I saw a smirk on his face. I got to the end of the corridoor and spun around, watching him. He approached Rachel. An hour later, we were back in the choir room. Mr Schuester announced that Coach Tanaka, (apparently this is his name, personally I've always referred to him as the panda, considering he's fat and chinese) was making all the football players decide between football and Glee Club._

* * *

><p><em>Hearing that news I was disappointed to be honest. My heart sunk a little bit, thinking that we wouldn't be able to take part in Sectionals without 12 members, or having them in the club anymore. I liked it. I would never admit it, and if anyone ever said that I'd take the razor blades I hide in my hair to them and make them incapable of having babies. Whether they were male or female they'd both impersonate manaquins. I glanced over to Britt, who was with Mike, and a dark football player called Matt. He was alright looking, he could dance and he was athletic. The jealousy that struck me when I saw Mike and Britt holding hands was unbelievable. <em>

_I walked over there and tapped Britt on the shoulder. She turned and blushed; probably remembering the other night'_

_"Oh hey S." Mike nudged her and threw his eyes to Matt. Almost like they had just been talking about me and him._

_"This is Matt, San." She placed out her palm, gesturing towards him and flicked up her blue eyes to gaze into my eyes. The dark Linebacker reached out his hand, I placed mine in his and we shook hands. He smiled at me with dark brown eyes, almost like my own. His palm was rough, almost like sandpaper. Inside I flinched, but decided he was my next target. Might as well go for him, considering I'm now single and hot as hell. And of course Brittany has a boyfriend, so she wouldn't be spending that much time with me._

* * *

><p><em>That night I invited Matt over to mine, my dad was at the hospital and my mum was somewhere else no doubt. We ended up making out on the bed, and after about fifteen minutes, he moved his lips to my ear;<em>

_"Santana... I'm a virgin" I could feel his lips trembling due to his nerves._

_"That's okay babe, I'm experienced. If you want to do it, we can. It's about time you lost your virginity. It's painful to see virgins at the age of 16." I smirked._

_"Okay." With that he whipped out his wallet, revealing a condom. I smiled and stripped, his eyes gazing at my body. I was flattered because I knew I was a good looking girl, nah fuck that, I was sexy. If you looked up the definition of sexy in the dictionary, my photo would be there. He removed his boxers, revealing a very stiff cock - I smiled, bile rising in my throat. But I swallowed and bend over at the waist. I started sucking him off, a new experience for both of us - I wrapped my lips around the end and ran my tongue over the rim, remembering how Brittany had liked it when I used my tongue. His eyes were rolling back into his head as he enjoyed this activity. I removed my mouth after my jaw started aching and grasped his member in my hand, slowly pushing the condom over it. I then moved it towards my centre. He rolled over and hovered, I could feel his arms shaking, so I pressed my lips to his. He really didn't have a clue how to kiss, him shoving his tongue into my mouth at every given chance, prodding it in and out like a snake. He entered me, and I gasped as he was bigger than I thought - but not only did he not know how to use his tongue, he didn't know how to use his dick. Then again, I had to give him the benefit of the doubt, considering he was a virgin. It only took a minute or two before he was pushing on me, crushing me with his body weight, panting heavily. He smiled and after a long goodbye of little kisses from him and 'I love you's' he left. Eurgh, telling me he loved me just because he lost his v card to me, what a pussy._

* * *

><p><em>The next day I found out Puck had been convinced by his mom to find a nice Jewish, so he had been pursuing Rachel. I still wasn't bothered. It felt weird, I thought I should. Britt walked in, she possessed a new fringe, it was a box fringe. It fitted her face shape, enhancing her azure-coloured eyes - God she was just so damn cute. <em>_**Stop**__. I shook my head, the thought popping out my head. She sat beside me while Matt and Mike walked in the room, he looked like a little kid, his doe eyes staring at me. Brittany whispered in my ear;_

_"You slept with him." She didn't ask this, it was a statement._

_"So? Jealous B?" As soon as I said it, I wished I hadn't. She flickered her eyes from Matt to me, back and fourth_

_"No. I have Mike. Coincidentally he's good in bed, and the rumour about Asians - not true." She snapped back, and raised her pointer finger, shaking it from side to side. My heart felt empty, there was no pain, just the flood of numbness. Jealousy. It was eating me up inside, but somehow, my body had reacted and send an antidote before the pain could hit me._

_"Oh. Nice. Even though he has zero game." I spat, after realising I had just been staring at her. I got up and walked over to Matt, I wrapped my arms around his muscular waist as he drapped his arms over my shoulders, placing a quick kiss to my lips. I forced a smile and the bell rang, prompting him to leave. He hugged me and spoke;_

_"I love you."_

_"Love you too." I answered back. I did like him, he was cute. But I've never said I love you too anyone, so 'love you' would be okay. I wasn't letting him down, but I wasn't telling him false information either. It was a complicated emotion. We all sat down and I, along with most of the other members of Glee Club, performed the background vocals in Bust a Move - and at the end of the day, the whole Glee Club slushied the grease monkey, after non-Cheerio Quinn thought that she would start everyday with a slushie facial, and Mr Schue assuring her that us Glee kids would be there to clean her off. She's supposedly one of my best friends, so I nodded along and smiled._

* * *

><p><em>The last couple of nights Brittany had stayed round, only one of the nights we had sex again. The others consisted of her wrapping her arms around my waist, grasping my hands, her palms against the back of my hand, snuggling against me. I remembered the night of the attack, it was her - I never mentioned anything to her because I knew I was supposed to be asleep when she told me she saved me. I owed her everything I had, but she already owned my heart. <em>_**Shit, corny Santana coming out. Hell no, that ain't happening - Santana Lopez never shows any emotion**__. Although I loved the feeling that she wanted to be there, I never asked her to stay, she would always ask me if she was allowed. After a few days she didn't bother anymore, she knew I'd say yes. Each night for the rest of the week I fell asleep wrapped in her arms, her coconut-scented hair brushing over my pillow. But it was a Tuesday when Britt unlinked my pinky from her own when we were walking home, heading towards her house._

_"B? Are you not coming back to mine? My mom and dad are out for the night." I felt the flow of blood hit my cheeks so I looked down, staring at my feet._

_"Oh, sorry S. Umm, Mike's coming over tonight, my mom is out too so um.. yeah." She furrowed her brow, showing a empathetic smile on her face._

_"Oh right that's cool Britt-Britt. Ring me later if you can yeah?"_

_"You don't mind do you?" She raised her right eyebrow, trying to read my face._

_"Britt I don't care about what romantic frollics you get into, whether it's with that Asian or can do whoever and whatever you want. Doesn't bother me." She stayed silent. I knew that was harsh but I hated that she made me vulnerable. "I'm going now B, see you.. well when I see you." I leant forward and kissed her on the cheek. I swiftly whipped my head round, and headed home. She was clutching her books chewing the inside of her cheek, watching me walk away. When I turned the corner, out of sight of her, I sprinted home, feeling like my safety net had been whipped from under my feet. Brittany was my saviour, my armor. Without her I didn't feel invincible, I felt like I had lost a part of myself, even though she was only round the corner. I got home and whacked out my textbooks, I had calculus and Spanish homework, Schuester did set a hell of a lot, not that I needed it - __**yo podría hablar español con fluidez.**__ Haha. I leant over after getting halfway through my calculus and switched on the radio, The Killers was playing; I started listening intently to the lyrics, amazed at how much they fitted my situation.._

**It started out with a kiss**

**How did it end up like this**

**It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss**

_I'm religious and all, but I swear this was something supernatural. Coincidences like this barely ever happened, but this was fucking freaky._

**Now they're going to bed**

**And my stomach is sick**

**And it's all in my head**

**But she's touching his—chest**

**Now, he takes off her dress**

**Now, let me go**

_Thoughts of Brittany ran through my mind, imagining Mike touching her, the lyrics fitting exactly what was going on in my head. The images were so real. I wish I could just shake them and they'd pop out of my brain. The next day I saw them together, holding hands. The song was ringing through my head again;_

**I just can't look its killing me**

**And taking control**

**Jealousy, turning saints into the sea**

**Swimming through sick lullabies**

_I was thinking that maybe it was time for me to change. Seeing those two together crushed my heart, and I'd been denying the feelings I had for her all along, maybe it was time to just accept it. I wanted her, so badly - and that was never going to happen if I didn't accept the truth._

**I'm coming out of my cage**

**And I've been doing just fine**

**Gotta gotta gotta be down**

**Because I want it all**

_Maybe The Killers wrote that song for me? Well obviously not, but I mean maybe God had sent that song to the radio to play for me. The lyrics fitted so well._

* * *

><p><em>The next couple of days consisted of spending three hours a day in a wheelchair after being forced by Schuester to feel sympathy for Wheels. It was the understatement of the century, but I did not enjoy it. We had to raise some money to get to Sectionals, due to StubbleMcCripplePants not being able to get into the minibus or whatever piece of crap we used to travel places. I had to take part in a bake sale after being convinced, even though they're kind of bougie. Anyways, I helped, why not. Brittany walked in with that down-syndrome girl, Becky Johnson or Jackson or whatever. She apparently 'lost' her wheelchair, only she could do that. She was stupidly adorable. I stared at Becky with disgust after seeing Puck's face like that, I had nothing against her, but I was a bitch, had to live up to my reputation, being oblivious to most things, Britt didn't see and Becky bought a cupcake, giving us our first dollar. We gave up temporarily, but returned at second break. Myself, Finn, Puck and Quinn sold them, Puck supplying the recipe, which I'm pretty sure contained pot at the rate we were all eating them and that they were selling. Everyone looked like they had the munchies, and knowing how devious Puck was, the chances are they were drug-filled. Later, Glee Club performed a number called Proud Mary, in wheelchairs, and of course, most of us performed the background vocals. Typical.<em>

* * *

><p><em>The following week Schuester told myself and the gang that we had to perform at least one ballad at this year's sectional competition. We had to use random pairings and work on singing to our partner, staring in their eyes and finding the emotion, as grease monkey said. He put all of our names into a hat and awaited us to pick out the names of partners, I knew I wanted Brittany as mine, but I wasn't that lucky.<em>

_"Are there ducks in that hat?" Britt whispered to me. I just turned and gave her a smile. She loved ducks, for a 16 year old non-virgin Cheerio, she was really childish._

_Puck went up first, then Finnocence who got the gay kid that was totally crushing on him, and then Cripples who was paired with Preggers, that shit was just funny. I approached the hat, and picked out a piece of paper. As I opened it I saw Brittany's name. This pleased me a hell of a lot, luck was on my side I guess. Now I could take this chance to sing her a romantic song, expressing my feelings. Man-hands approached Mr Schue after leaving her to be paired with him due to Matt being ill. He had text me the previous night telling me he wouldn't be in today, not that I really cared. They sang a duet of 'Endless Love' and Short-Ass was obviously crushing on grease monkey, now that was even funnier than Cripples and Preggers. It had been hard since Chang and Britt had got serious, I barely saw her after school anymore. I knew I'd offended her by saying that I didn't care about her romantic life, but I couldn't let her make me feel vulnerable. I already felt weak because I knew I had feelings for her, if she knew I would just break. It would ruin everything. I spent that night curled up in the foetal position, sobbing into my pillow. Letting the scent of Brittany waft up my nostrils, it was so sweet. It made me crave for her to be here, I wish'd she was in my arms, or I was in hers, I didn't care - as long as I was with her. I leant over and checked my phone, to see if she text me, or made any attempt at contacting me. But no. Nothing. Of course, why would she. She was with Mike._

* * *

><p><em>The next night after school, we headed back to my house, and I decided on a ballad to sing. It was called Time To Grow, by some British black guy named Lemar. She sat on the edge of my bed, which faced a window. I stood infront of the it, and let my hair down, the way she liked it, and let the moonlight hit my olive skin and locks of hair that draped over my Cheerios uniform. I decided to go for an acapella version of his song, it was more emotional that way. I did exactly what Mr Schue had said and stared into her bright blue eyes, feeling them examining my body. Her hands were pressed together, resting in her lap, so I started singing;<em>

**Last night I tried but I couldn't sleep, **

**thoughts of you were in my head,**

_She tilted her head to the right, I could read her face. She knew that we weren't together last night. She took a gulp, and I watched as her jugular moved up and down with it._

**Life was harder since you left **

**I never meant to do you wrong**

**But now all is said and done**

**I hope you wont be gone too long**

_She listened intently to the words. Her blonde hair reflecting the moonlight. Her eyes looked like blue diamonds in this light. I almost couldn't stop staring, but I ran over the lyrics in my head, remembering them before I got too distracted by her beautiful face._

**Where do I go, what do I do, **

**I can't deny i still feel something, **

**And girl I wish, you could say you feel the same, **

_Her head tiltled to the other side, taking in each word carefully. I could almost see the process going through her mind. She would later develop these words and overthink them. I knew her so well._

**You've broken the bond, I gotta move on, **

**But how do I end this lonely feeling? **

**You've gone, I'm here, alone, **

**I guess it's time to grow.**

_She straightened up her back, realising she had been slouching. I watched her chest as it moved forwards and backwards. She didn't have to dance to have grace, it came naturally with her. She was just everything I wanted._

**I try to speak, but my words never catch the air,**

**Like you never knew I was there,**

**Take me back to the days when you really cared,**

**Can we make love reappear?**

**I can't go on the roads too long ,**

**And now all is said and done,**

**I can't go forward if my heart's still where I'm coming from.**

_She gently poked out her tongue, letting it swirl around her lips. Moistening them. She used to do this just before she kissed me. It only reminded me that it had been nearly a week since we'd kissed, and had sex. She felt like a drug to me, I wanted more of her._

**Where do I go, what do I do, **

**I can't deny I still feel something, **

**And girl, I wish you could say you feel the same, **

**You've broken the bond, I gotta move on, **

**But how do I end this lonely feeling? **

**You've gone, I'm here, alone, **

**I guess it's time to grow.**

_I stepped forward, reaching out my hand and stroking a piece of her fringe, and tucking it behind her ear. I lowered my hand, to put it back to my side, and as she looked up at me with those gorgeous azure eyes - she grabbed my hand with hers. She played with my fingers, stroking each one gently. I shuddered, but carried on singing;_

**Crying time is over,**

**I know I can't control her,**

**Feelings, if she won't return, **

**Then I guess I'll be a man and move on**

**Time to grow!**

**I think I can make it,**

**Time to grow!**

**And move on, make life better than it was before,**

_Her eyes still locked on mine, she stood up. Her face inches from my own. Her empty hand reached for my other hand, she clasped my fingers, intertwining hers with my own. Something inside of me tingled, not in a sexual way, in a romantic way. She was looking at me like she had just seen the light, after being in the dark for so long. _

**Though you've gone,**

**And I'm here, alone.**

**I guess it's time to grow**

**Grow, **

**I'm grown.**

_I finished the last word, and added a couple of 'ohs' onto the end. Just so she knew I had finished. We stared at eachother for several minutes after I stopped singing. Then she pressed her lips to mine gently. And the night ended with our bare naked bodies entwined with eachothers. We both sighed and smiled. I stretched my neck up to place a sweet kiss on her jawline, I couldn't reach any higher due to my height. She looked down and planted one back on my nose. In that moment, I swear, we were infinite._


	7. Chapter Seven: Pretending

**Thank God the M rating was created. This is very intense and reeeeeeeally sexual. I'm coming to the end of Season 1, so I'll soon be moving onto Season 2 after including the Summer after Season 1.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Pretending<strong>

_It was the week of Sectionals, and the night I sang to Brittany wasn't talked of again between me and her. The next day at school Wheezy walked up to me, looking all sympathetic._

_"Get out my way Wheezy" I said, clutching my notebook._

_"Look Satan, I mean Santana, I only wanted to talk to you." She replied._

_"'Bout what? I don't have any cupcakes." I smirked, I sometimes hated being a bitch, but I wasn't going to change. If Santana Lopez wasn't a bitch, she would be a no-one._

_"Oh forget it Santana. I was only going to say I'm sorry about Puck" She exclaimed._

_"Scuse me?" I whipped my head around, my left eyebrow arched so high it could be touching my hairline._

_"You know, knocking up your best frie... Wait, didn't you know?" My heart was beating so fast. __**Shit. Brittany and Puck? What the fuck. When? Anger coursed through my veins, not out of jealousy for Puck, for Brittany. How could she do this to me?**_

_"Brittany's pregnant!" I squeaked._

_"Oh no Santana, not Brittany, Quinn. She found out a couple of days ago... I thought she would've told you." She answered, obviously scared by the expression pasted on my face. I stayed silent for a minute. Knowing I should be jealous. Obviously because Quinn hadn't told me, she wanted to keep it hush because she would be scared of my reaction. I had to snap into the Santana that everyone thought they knew._

_"What the fuck! BITCH!" I balled my fists. I had to look bothered. I stormed out._

_I headed towards the choir room, where I found Puck. I walked straight up to him, and slapped him as hard as I could. Brittany was standing in the door way, watching me - her expression unreadable. _

_"Yo babe! What the hell was that for!" Puck raised both his hands, innocently waving them over his head_

_"You slept. With Quinn." I stammered out, pretending to be angry._

_"Ah shit, you heard. Who told you?" He honestly didn't look I cared about him, which I would've thought he would have thought, I might have been angry at him for that._

_"Does it matter! How far along is she?" I snapped._

_"Five weeks." He lowered his head in shame, then it clicked. When he and I were together, and he said he hadn't been cheating on me, he was. She was calling him._

_"Que pendejo! Estoy a punto de ir a todas Lima Heights! ¿Sabes lo que pasa allí? Cosas malas!" I spat at him, his furrowed brow told me he didn't understand. I loved that I was bilingual. I could insult anyone and no-one would know. Britt knew I was angry when I started talking Spanish. This way it would conceal my feelings for her even more, pretending I had feelings for the cheating bastard standing infront of me. I stormed out the room, Brittany followed._

* * *

><p><em>She spent the next two hours calming me down. I was angry I have to admit, the fact that I wasn't hot enough for him to be satisfied. It's not like I hadn't put out, I had - and that's what bothered me. He could've cheated five times over and I still wouldn't be pissed at the fact that he cheated. It was the thought that I wasn't enough, which kind of shattered my confidence. Britt placed an innocent kiss to my forehead, a wash of cool breezed over my body and I instantly calmed down. <em>

_A meeting was called at second break, one that didn't include the dwarf Rachel. Mercedes and Artie both said that all of us had a new objective, instead of keeping the information from me, which pissed me off even more, we now needed to keep the information away from midget. She'd just go off and tell Finn, and that would ruin our chance at sectionals considering he would flip out and not want to take part or whatever. We split off and after fifth period, me and Britt met at the top of the stairs, and walked down them. Both our arms in the same position, crossed tight over our chests. We walked past the choir room, overhearing Man-Hands saying that she suspected something going on between Quinn and Puck seeing as he rushed to her aid, a long with Finn, when she fell over in practice earlier. _

_I clicked on my phone, lighting up the screen. I pressed on Wheels' number and he picked up, apparently I had just been joined into a five-party phone call which included Brittany, Wheezy, Gay Kid, Singing Asian and Wheels. B picked up her phone around two seconds later and dialled in;_

_"We just heard. Who told?" I said._

_"We assumed it was you." Wheels snapped, I wasn't amused by his tone but I held back, biting my tongue._

_"Why would I do that?" I asked sarcastically, knowing I had plenty of reason but also knowing I didn't do it._

_"To get back at Puck. Aren't you guys dating?" Gay Kid asked._

_"Sex is not dating." I spat, highlighting the not. They obviously didn't know I hadn't slept with Puck in a while. _

_"If it were, Santana and I would be dating." Brittany cleared stated. I paused in my voice and step, not knowing what to say. Apparently no-one else did either. I flicked my eyes to a passing dork, and back to her, trying to move on the conversation. She looked innocent, so I stepped forward, she obviously was oblivious to what she just said._

_"Look, I don't wanna rock the boat, since Quinn got pregnant, I'm top dog around here." I smirked. I was telling the truth. I liked being Queen Bitch, I mean I knew I always was - but Quinn was always wearing the tiara._

_"Hold up. Rachel's walking by." The party line went silent. I stopped in my tracks, reaching my right arm across Brittany's breasts accidently. She stopped, staring at my arm. We listened intently;_

_"Hey hot mama." Mercedes said suspiciously, obviously trying to cover up the fact that we were talking about man-hands. I retracted my arm and stood there, arm across my body. Myself and Brittany were both standing in the exact same position._

_"She's gone," Mercedes carried on, "I know I screwed up by telling all you guys about Quinn and Puck, and I feel really terrible about it, but we cannot let Rachel figure this out. If she tells Finn he's going to flip."_

_"And then we really have no chance at Sectionals." The Gay kid spoke, then the party line went silent. I turned my head to look at Britt, who was closing her phone, almost exactly at the same time I was. We both moved in sync, arms crossing together._

* * *

><p><em>We carried on walking down the corridoor. I waited until everyone had gone to class before I tugged on her elbow, she halted immediately.<em>

_"San?"_

_"Britt, are you aware what you just told half of Glee Club?" I questioned._

_"Well you said sex wasn't dating. We had sex. We're not dating. I was trying to back up your point about Puck."_

_"Yeah but it's different, we're girls. The same sex."_

_"So? Can't two girls date?"_

_I smiled, playfully pushing her. "Yeah Britt, they can. But we're not dating, we're hooking up."_

_"Then no problem." She beamed a beautiful smile at me. There was no way I could be angry at her, plus we had been seemingly ignored by them when she had let it out. _

_At Sectionals, we watched as the other two competitors performed out songs. The Glee kids gathered round in the Green Room after being called to a meeting by the Dwarf. Kurt spoke first;_

_"You leaked the setlist. You're just Sue Sylvester's little moles." He had his hands on his hips, very gay and non-threatening._

_"I know for a fact that's true. She asked us to spy for her." Quinn walked in unannounced, completely blanking me as I narrowed my eyes at her. Britt was standing beside me innocently, hands cupped together by her stomach._

_I let out a sigh of air, "Look we may still be Cheerios, but neither of us ever gave Sue the setlist." I had my arms crossed firmly, I didn't like being accused of something I hadn't done. Before I had finished shrugged, Brittany spoke;_

_"Well... I did, but I didn't know what she was going to do with it." She looked at me with a pained look. Her actions were unintentional, and weren't done to hurt the group. I looked at her, knowing the Glee Club would be pissed - but I shot her a sympathetic look. Wheezy took a gasp of air and brought her sausage hand up to her face. I decided to seize this moment to back up mine and Britt's faithfulness to the club._

_"Look, believe what you want," I walked around the table to stand in the middle of the room, facing the rest of Glee; _

_"But no-ones forcing me to be here." I paused as I stood by a lampshade on a really ugly table. I was stood infront of Matt and Mike, who were sitting on sofa's directly infront of me._

_"If you ever tell anyone this I'll deny it," I rolled my eyes, knowing I would regret what I was about to say; _

_"I like being in Glee Club." Man-Hands stood there, open mouthed, not sure what to say. _

_"It's the best part of my day okay? I wasn't gonna go and mess it up." I removed my eyes from anyone in the room, knowing I was vulnerable. I carried on walking back around the sofa towards the wall where Rachel was leaning, and sat down on the nearby chair. I turned my head to her, where I could feel a gaze._

_"I believe you." She uttered. Completely honest. I had never got on with Berry, and she was annoying as hell - but if we had born in the same social circle, I could possibly be friends with her. No-one would ever know that though. She then carried on to discuss what songs we were going to sing, taking lead as always. I turned to Brittany, still standing in the same position, looking innocent and ashamed of her actions. I gave her a smile, and she immediately cheered up._

* * *

><p><em>We all decided on songs to sing and we got ready. Berry started by singing 'Don't Rain on My Parade'. She had one hell of a voice. I performed the background vocals in You Can't Always Get What You Want and danced. I was the second best female dancer, infront of Singing Asian and behind Brittany, who was flawless in her dance moves, well not just in that. In general she flawless. We all listened in to the judges comments on the performances afterwards. One of the rival choir directors, the one with all the black kids that could totally kick my ass, despite me coming from Lima Heights, came to confess her duplicity to the judges. However the judges had already decided. Just like I always knew, we won. We were all jumping around for joy, celebrating. I linked my pinky with Brittany's and she embraced me, my nose was buried into the crook of her neck. <em>

_That set the tone for the night. We got back to her house and she pushed Lord Tubbington, her incredibly overweight cat. She pushed me back slightly, so we were face to face. Her breath smelt of strawberries and roses, combined together. She kissed me, harder than usual. Her tongue probing into mine as her hands quickly found the skin under my Cheerios top. Her kisses were so sweet, I could kiss her forever. Her finger tips slowly moved down to my thigh, removing my skirt and top, before doing the same to herself. Her finger traced up my thigh to my stomach firmly before reaching my bra. My breath quickened, and as her lips moved to my neck, I whispered into her ear;_

_"Don't pretend."_

_"I'm not," she whispered, "I'm not pretending. I want you."_

_Her hand traced further up my thigh until it was resting on the bottom part of my underwear. She traced the line of them slowly with two fingers._

_"So badly." _

_She leaned forward and kissed me, like before, starting slowly, then getting harder and more urgent. I shut my eyes, letting my head swim, just wanting to feel her touching me rather than seeing it. I didn't know if this was just sex anymore; I just wanted it to happen. She pulled at my knickers and I raised my hips for her, letting her roll them slowly down my thighs. Her touched softened, more like the caress she'd started with. I kept my eyes closed, letting my mouth mould into hers. I could feel her weight on me as she spread my legs. I could feel her hand; she was touching herself, making small groaning noises. I grabbed her wrist and removed it, I replaced her hand with my own, rubbing my thumb pad over her swollen clit. She moaned into my mouth, I knew I was doing the right thing. _

_She kissed down my jawline, down the crook in my neck. She butterfly kissed down my toned tanned stomach until she reached my mound. She pressed her warm lips to my folds, I instantly shivered, I must have been soaking down there. She brought up her hand, one clutching my hand and the other pressing against my core. She slid herself into me. I could feel my pupils dilating. My skin felt electric and my breath was heavy. Her tongue flicked my clit, sending stars to my eyes. She kept running her tongue along my folds and clit, faster, then slower. Teasing me. I grabbed a head of hair and pushed down as my back arched. I felt the stars about to explode and they did. A shot sent right up my spine, fireworks went off in my bed. Then my body went limp. She kissed back up my body and I kissed her lips, tasting myself on them. I licked the outside of her lips, and she shuddered. She smiled into the next kiss. She lay underneath my arm, snuggling into me._

* * *

><p><em>After we had both had a nap, she was tired from the work and I was recovering from my overpowering orgasm, I placed my hand behind her back - undoing her bra. I pushed it down her arms gently and tossed it to the side. She lay still, pretending to be asleep. I slid my fingers under her right breast, and began slowly caressing her nipple. I lifted up her breast gently, clasping it and then tracing its outline with my index finger. I could feel her nipple growing under my touch, and when I ran my thumb around it - she shivered. I knew she was awake. I pressed myself close to her, running my hand across her chest. Her breath was quickening as the back of my hand touched her nipple. We looked at each other dreamily and began to kiss. It was so passionate, so gentle and so innocent. Our eyes were locked onto each other, we didn't need to see a word. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, even when Britt shifted and I could feel her hot centre against my thigh. Our bodies were in sync, our feelings expressed through this sexual closeness. We were two friends, two best friends, hungrily searching and exploring each other, discovering the unknown parts of other, adding to the love we obviously already had. We made love, it was amazingly intense, emotionally and physically. I loved her. The girl in front of me. I loved her in every possible way and the time I had spent with her over the last few years had been amazing.<em>

* * *

><p><em>The next day at school we acted completely normally again. However, we were touching more. We linked pinkies several times. We arranged a date with Finn after Coach had enlisted us to seduce him. He had broken up with the dwarf so we went to Breadsticks. It wasn't fun and I actually asked him to leave his credit card and go wait in the car he was that boring. Even though we had told him me and Britt would make out in front of him - I mean who wouldn't want to see that? Plus it was a bonus for me.<em>

_After Mr Schue told all of us that Sue was blackmailing Principle Figgins to let the Cheerios have exclusive use of the auditorium, so he would have to find another choir room, me and Britt linked pinkies out. We walked home together and said goodbye at the corner, my mom was home and so was hers. My mom had recently questioned me about Brittany, wondering why we spent so much time together. I got scared, so I invited Puck over, kissing him conveniently in front of my mom, who didn't look pleased. We went up to my room. After a serious making out session we started undressing, after a good ten minutes of sex, he spoke;_

_ "I forgot how hard you come, Santana," he gasped, as my faked convulsions subsided for the moment. "When you come, you COME, eh?"_

_ "Mmm," I replied, as I shifted back up to face him, my breasts in front of his mouth._

_ He began kissing my nipples again, and tugged them gently. I slid my legs around him and tucked my ankle behind his arse. We moved together for a while. I tried to feel something with him, I didn't want to have these feelings for Britt, she didn't feel the same. She was now dating another jock, God knows his name._

_ "God, you're close again, I can feel you," he breathed in my ear, as I gribbed his back and pretending to hold on for deal life._

_ "Fuck... that feels... good." I had to find a replacement for shit. I lied to him, hoping feelings would come if I pretended. He pulled me closer, holding my hips as he slid me up and down his cock. We paused for a second and I pretended, again, to catch my breath. He left shortly afterwards, giving me a kiss on the cheek goodbye._


	8. Chapter Eight: And So It Starts

**Right, so I know I haven't done a lot of Brittana recently, but I will make up for it, I promise. This chapter contains a lot of Santana and other guys having sex, but it does tie into the story. Enjoy and thank you for the second review I got recently!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight: And So It Starts<strong>

_ The next night at April's rink, I placed my hand in Brittanys. It felt safe, I'd never held anyone elses hand the way I held hers. There were rumours going round that Brittany had fucked half the football team, I didn't want to believe them, but she had admitted it to me that it was true. Clearly she didn't have any feelings for me whatsoever. I took a gulp and hoped my heart would repair in time. __**We're friends. That's all you're ever going to be. **__I whispered to myself. _

_ Later in the choir room, Kurt sung A House Is Not a Home. I looked at her, and she was staring at me. I smiled and linked pinkies with her. It was our think, pinky linking. Once I'd seen two freshman trying it out and I told them that if I saw them doing that again I'd let them choose which boob I removed with my bare hands. With that memory I giggled, and leant my head on Brittany's shoulder. Keep it together San. You're friends. If you can't convince yourself that you have no feelings for her, pretend. And with that I let the gay kid sing away, drowing out my thoughts._

* * *

><p><em> A meeting with the Cheerios and Sue left me having to find a younger man to date. She was going through a Madonna phase, and decided that we had to do what Madonna did since she was Sue's role model. Me and Britt were by my locker, and I was applying my lip gloss as she was telling me about Wes Brody. A seven-year old on her sister's soccer team. They were in a relationship apparently, although knowing Brittany, that would end quickly.<em>

_ "Ah crap," I said shutting my locker, "I need a younger and inferior man. If I don't find one, Coach Sylvester will kick me off the Cheerios for sure."_

_ "Hello? Finn. His birthday is like three days before yours. He's super dumb."_

_I closed my eyes after watching hers gaze at my breasts. "We already tried that and he hates us."_

_ "Trust me. The way to get a man to follow you forever... Take his virginity." I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to read her face for any signs of jealousy or whatever. There was none._

_ "Madonna like, wrote a song about it." I narrowed my eyes once more, gazing over Britt's shoulder to Finn who was by his locker. I smirked and headed towards him. I approached the locker beside him and leant against it._

_ "Hey Finnocence. I've been thinking and I think we should go out. Just you and me this time. No third wheel." I smiled._

_ "Will you talk to me this time?" He looked away, not wanting to meet my glare._

_ "I don't really talk, during." I answered, raising my eyebrow. He stood there silent, so I slammed his locker. He looked at me in shock._

_ "Look Finn, it's high time you lost the big V. Everything about you screams virgin." I looked him up and down, returning to his eyes. _

_ "You're about as sexy as a cabbage patch kid. It's exhausting, to look at you." He flickered his eyes to the locker and then down the hall._

_ "Look, I appreciate the offer but I have feelings for someone else and I'm trying to work things out with them." He spoke innocently, like he genuinely liked Man-Hands. There must be something wrong with him._

_ "Who? Rachel? She's dating that Jesse kid from Vocal Adrenaline."_

_ "No she's not." He almost snapped back. His eyebrows furrowed with hurt.  
>"Oh please. You can smell it on her," I said with my hands resting on my hips, <em>

_ "She's like a cat on heat. She talked about him yesterday and practically sprayed the choir room." I tilted my head and crossed my arms._

_ "So come on," I said, moving seductively towards him, he backed away. "Let's do the deed. It'll be great for my image and Sue will promote me too head cheerleader." I told him honestly, it's not like I was going to fake feelings for him, he deserved to know. "It's win win."_

_ "Wait, what do I get out of it?" He really was dumb. I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling._

_ "I don't know, you get to have sex and make Rachel jealous?" He paused, considering my offer._

_ "I meant for me, okay? It's win win, for me." I walked passed him, watching his face process my words. I knew he'd agree. So I smirked and carried on walking. I met up with Britt at lunch and he linked pinkies walking to the canteen. We both picked up celery and our special shakes Coach had given us. Looking this hot came at a price. Later I was standing by my locker, pursing my lips while applying blusher when I saw Finn shut his locker, smooth down his eyebrows and head towards me. I pretended to look through my books as he spoke;_

_ "Hey. Um, so. That offer." I turned my head towards him, giving him my attention. "Too um lose, lose my v," He stuttered nervously. I raised both my eyebrows, widening my eyes, "I'm in." I smiled and lowered my eyebrows, giving my left a quick shake seductively. He just stared at me after, it was kinda creepy._

* * *

><p><em>Later on that night we met at a Motel. I drove in my brand new black Mustang that my father had given me as a present for passing my test. He was standing their awkwardly, hands shoved in his pockets. We entered the room he had rented out and I slipped into a purple night dress. I straddled him and a weird fantasy sequence began, singing Like A Virgin. When it was over, I shook myself out of it and sat there, waiting for Finnocence to come out the bathroom. He did and I undressed him, leaving him in his boxers, I straddled him and pressed my lips to his. <em>

_ After making out, I took off his boxers and lifted my nightgown to reveal my freshly shaved mound. I widened my legs and placed a condom over his cock. He entered me, and as he did his eyes widened. I rolled my hips for a couple of minutes, not really getting into it. He suddenly picked me up and flipped me over so that my back laid on the bed, legs hanging off the edge. He withdrew and ran his huge hands up my thighs, pushing back my nightgown once again. He knelt on the floor and pushing my knees back towards my chest, rested my ankles on his shoulders. He slid himself into my sharply and I trembled. He grabbed my tits and began thrusting. I dug my hands into his arse cheeks and gripped his neck with my toes, my body tensing up. I was not liking this, but I had to pretend to get into it._

_ "Jesus. Fuck me. Harder..." I trailed off, almost unaware of his groaning, grimacing and steady pumping. He picked me up once again and sat himself back on the bed, ensuring he was still inside of me as I slid my legs around him. I pushed myself onto him deeply, and rode him again. He moaned as I clawed my nails into his back. __**If I was going to do this I could at least try to enjoy it right? **__I slid my hands around his neck, holding him tightly as my faked convulsions started up. He grabbed my arse and pulled me into him as tiny flickers of pleasure filled me. But nothing compared to what Brittany had given me. He panted heavily and thrusted a few more times. He ground his teeth and shuddered. He pulled out and threw his t-shirt back on. We both got back into bed and he removed the condom, throwing it into the near trashcan._

* * *

><p><em>We sat there awkwardly for a few minutes. My hands clasped together infront of me. My stomach growled.<em>

_ "Do you think they have room service in this place 'coz I want a burger?" I reached over to the table beside me, opening the drawer. There wasn't anything in there food-ordering wise._

_ "I thought I'd feel different after." He spoke. I just kept looking through the drawer. I flicked my hair over my shoulder._

_ "Yeah well I noticed it takes about 20 or so times before the feeling of accomplishment kicks in." My weakness was showing. "There's no menu's so you're gonna have to take me to a burger joint." I twisted my head towards him._

_ "How do you feel?" I asked. "I don't feel anything." He answered. "Coz it didn't mean anything." He stared blankly into the space in front of him. I didn't have anything to say back to that so I got up and went to the bathroom to change. We sat in silence when we got to the burger joint down the road. After returning to our cars, I kissed him on the cheek and we both went out seperate ways._

* * *

><p><em>The next day at school, it's revealed that the gay kid stole a video of Coach Sylvester performing Olivia Newton John's Physical, from her office during Cheerios practice and posted it on YouTube as a prank. Of course Sue was mortified, and in retalliation, she gave Figgins a list she found called the 'Glist' which ranked the glee club members based on a sexual quotient. All of us were questioned, me being one of the first ones because I'm a bitch and second on the list. Hell I didn't know anything about this. Schuester was told that he would disband the Glee Club and suspend all of us if the creator of it wasn't found. This pissed me off. I did fuck all wrong and I could be punished. <em>

_ I thought to myself; __**'Who could've done it? Quinn? No. She's pregnant. Finn? To innocent. Rachel? Not evil enough. Of course. It was Puck. Quinn was first. Puck fancies her. Mystery solved'**_

_ I__told Schuester this as he was questioning me, but I wasn't that bothered by the whole thing considering I'm second. At choir practice, he reprimanded all of us, and our weekly assignment was to find songs with bad reputations and to rehabiliate them. We performed Ice Ice Baby as well as Run Joey Run._

* * *

><p><em>The following weekend I came on my period. Slightly relieved as it was two weeks late. A new Jock named James had been sexting my recently, he was horny and so was I, so he came that I would be enjoying the hot sex we would have had. Unfortunately ten minutes before he was coming over, I came on. Great. He knocked on my front door and bounded up my stairs. I flicked my hair over my shoulder as he entered. I looked at him and spoke;<em>

_ "Look, due to women problems, we can't fuck. So you're going to have to settle for a handjob." His eyes gleamed and he nodded ferociously. He sat down on my bed and ripped off his jeans. He laid there, propped up on his elbows with a raging hard-on. Perfect. I got myself ready by pulling out a sachet of lube that was in my drawers and squirted a generous amount onto my hands. Lube was essential for a good hand job, and to get my reputation up, I had to make sure it was a good one. By adding some slick, slippery wetness, it would make my hands feel like a pussy gripping his cock, and that was precisely the effect I was aiming for. Good handjob = social status improved._

_ I sat astride his legs, his erect penis just in front of me between my thighs and I reached down with my right hand to take a hold of it. I started off really slowly, making sure my well-lubed fingers caressed every bump and ridge as they moved up and down his cock. He loved it. Really. I even suprised myself at the response. I knew I was good, but now I'm amazing. His cock was rock hard in my hands, his balls tightly tucked up underneath, and he was grinding his hips up towards me and groaning loudly. I intertwined my fingers, as if I was praying (no disrespect to my man in the sky) and I slid his cock between my palms. He most certainly enjoyed that. I even got to see the whites of his eyes as he thrashed about on the bed._

_ I wasn't gonna let him come yet, I started to enjoy teasing him: he was on the brink so many times and I would keep slowing down to allow him to catch his breath before starting up again, faster. Eventually my arm started to ache, so I stroked him up and down, with one hand, and with the other I held his balls first, tugging them gently. I gave him one final rub and he came. I've literally never seen any guy come so intensely - the force, the spurting, the entire body clenching up - and he gritted his teeth as he let out a small animal noise and climaxed. I have to admit, it was slightly pleasing. I give amazing hand jobs. This meant it left room for every other guy to think I was the same in bed. _

_ He cleaned himself up, and put his jeans back on. I nodded at him and shut the door as he left. We barely spoke the whole time. I later got a text from Puck, saying he wanted to get it on with Wheezy because now she's a Cheerio. This meant I'd have to start my jealousy acting again. The next day at school, Puck started singing with Mercedes at Glee practice. I put on my bitch face and acted jealous. I overheard Brittany asking out the gay kid, who was now dressing straight. They were going out later that night._

* * *

><p><em>I walked passed Puck in the hallway after he had just threatened that Jewish creep against the locker. He gave me the eyes, meaning we'd probably end up in bed sooner rather than later. We had a dispute, and we had a sing off, which would decide who's man Puck was. The song choice was The Boy Is Mine. I didn't even care about him, not one tiny bit. But I had too act like that, he was mine. Every Cheerio had there own man, mine was Puckerman, and it had been ever since I took his virginity. Even if I didn't want him, he was still mine. During my performance my eyes met Brittany's. She was sitting almost directly behind him, as I saundered over to Puck and stood behind him, sliding my arms down his chest, starting at his shoulders, I felt her eyes on me. She looked down and I saw her eyes well up. But when I got back to Wheezy, her eyes were clear. The song ended and she got all up in my grill, grease monkey tried to calm me down but I wasn't having it. She wasn't going to have him, he was kind of like my necklace. I may not wear it all the time, but it's still mine. No bitch is going to take him from me.<em>

_ "Enjoy it while you can Wheezy, his hair's already starting to grow back." I threatened her, knowing as soon as his mohawk was back, he'd be back to his normal self._

* * *

><p><em>At the end of school, I walked out of school, spotting Brittany at the top of the path. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around;<em>

_ "Hey Britt, you alright? We haven't spoken in a while."_

_ "Yeah S, I'm good. Got a date with Kurt tonight. Another one too tick off my checklist." She winked at me. I stared at her lucious lips, hoping she would just lean forward and kiss me.  
>"Out of curiousty, how big is your checklist B?" I retorted, hoping it was just one, but knowing it definitely wasn't.<em>

_ "Umm, 24. I think." She answered, her bright blue eyes staring into mine. I looked her, puzzled._

_ "24! Since when? Last time I heard you had only just fucked Chang. You lost your V to him?" I was so jealous. My inside were burning up, adrenaline rushed through my veins, I just wanted to punch someone._

_ "Mike Chang wasn't my first. You were." She smiled sweetly. I really hadn't expected that reply. We said our goodbyes at the corner and I knew that later that night I would be curled up, crying to myself, listening to pathetic, sad songs whilst thinking about my best friend, locking lips with some gay kid. As it were, my evening went exactly like that. A song by a British band came on. It was Always Attract by You Me At Six. The lyrics, once again, fitted my exact situation._

**If it hurts this much,**

**Then it must be love.**

**And it's a lottery,**

**Can't wait to draw your name.**

**Oh I'm trying to get to you,**

**But time isn't on my side,**

**The truths the worst I could do,**

**But I guess that I have lied.**

_I curled up tighter, hugging my pillow. The fabric was now soaking wet from my tears. I don't know how much longer I could do this. _

**Keeping me awake,**

**It's been like this now for days,**

**My heart is out at sea, **

**My head all over the place,**

**I'm losing sense of time,**

**And everything tastes the same,**

**I'll be home in a day,**

**I fear that's a month to late.**

_The pain was almost unbearable, the lyrics were flowing gently from my iDock to my ears. I no longer felt the numbness, I felt every emotion possible, with each touch that anyone gave me, it felt like a spark on my skin. Burning a hole where it landed._

**That night I slept,**

**On your side of the bed so,**

**It was ready when you got home.**

**We're like noughts and crosses, in that,**

**Opposites always attract.**

_In some ways I love finding a song that fits my situation, I can listen to it over and over again and develop the words, flexing them around my problems. And I always remember my situation in the future when I hear them, it's almost like a memorial service for my past thoughts with each song._

**You've taken me to the top,**

**And let me fall back south.**

**You've had me at the top of the pile,**

**And had me kissing the ground.**

**We've heard and seen it all,**

**No-ones talked us out. **

**The problems that have come,**

**Haven't yet torn us down.**

_An image of Brittany, in my arms after a sweet lady kisses session smiling popped into my head. It made me tingle all over, but not in the way I expected. I expected a wash of pain to cloud me - instead I felt happiness. It was strange, being so hurt, my heart breaking every second, and yet the thought of one person could make me smile. I imagined Brittany, laying in my arms, her blonde locks wafting their scent over my face._

**Am I keeping you awake? If I am then just say.**

**You can make your own decisions; you can make your own mistakes,**

**I'll live and let die, all the promises you made,**

**But if you lie another time, it'll be a lie that's too late.**

_And so it starts. The pain that I must mask every time I see her. The only option I have._


	9. Chapter Nine: Perfection

******New chapter. A new storyline is going to arise after this, considering its the start of summer. Prepare yourselves, and please enjoy this chapter. Reviews too if you wouldn't mind? :)******

******Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.******

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine:<strong>

_ After listening to the last lyric, the smile faded, and the pain struck once more. I imagined her in the arms of guys, them touching her, kissing her hair. Bile rose in my throat, burning the back of my tongue. I lept off my bed, running to my en-suite bathroom. I threw myself over the toilet seat, hurling into it. My celery and stay-skinny shake making an appearance. I stayed there, throwing up every 5 minutes with every thought of her and another guy. It got to the fourteenth time and I realised every face that appeared behind Brittany in my imagination was different. I had another ten times before stopping. Once for every guy I saw her with, so at number twenty four, I would stop. I rested my forehead against the back, my face basically in the bowl. I could feel the sweat coming across the brow. My face was hot and I knew I looked like shit. I closed my eyes and felt myself drifting into the valleys of sleep._

_I felt a cold hand press against the small of my back. Oh god. My mother was home._

_ "Miel? ¿Qué pasa?" She asked. I opened my eyes; squinting as the moonlight hit my pupils._

_ "Mamá nada, sólo un malestar estomacal." I answered, she barely spoke any English, and when she did it barely made sense._

_ "¿Te gustaría algún medicamento?" She annoyed the crap outta me sometimes. I know she was being nice but she's never there, and when she is, she won't stop badgering me._

_ "No, gracias. Estoy a punto de irse a la cama de todos modos." She turned and left swiftly. Leaving medicine on the side anyway, despite my answer. I grabbed the nearby towel, and dabbed it on my forehead, wiping any left over sweat on it. I looked in the mirror above the sink as I dragged myself up. __**Eurgh. Santana you're a mess,**__ I thought to myself. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth ferociously, before washing my mouth out with strong minty mouthwash. I heard a voice speak downstairs, my mother on the phone no doubt. I opened up my window, letting in a cold breeze. I didn't realise how hot I was until I did so. I uncovered the sheets, letting the breeze air my king sized bed. I sat on the edge of the bed, letting my legs dangle off. I closed my eyes and brought my hand up to my neck, rubbing the back of my neck, near the end of my hairline. I laid back and closed my eyes._

* * *

><p><em>About ten minutes later, I felt a cold hand on my forearm. I didn't both to open my eyes, I didn't want to talk to my mom again. The same hands grabbed my legs and swung them onto the bed; sliding my hand under the small of my back and pushing me back so my head was on the pillow. To my suprise, I felt the bed sink beside me, I turned over, putting my back to my mom - she wasn't as easily as I hoped. I felt her body scoot closer, and an arm wrapped around my waist. I took a deep breath in, smelling coconut. Only then did I realise it wasn't my mom. It was Brittany. I turned back over, to face her. Her face only inches away from my own. She smiled and scooted closer - our noses were now touching. I felt her hot breath on my lips. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to hers just once. As I pulled away, I saw her lick her lips in the moonlight, tasting myself on her. She pulled her hand from my waist to stroke my cheek, using her pointer finger to trace alone my jawline. I blinked slowly, breathing in heavily. <em>

_Her brilliantly blue eyes were staring at me, and before I said what I was about to, she answered;_

_ "You mom, she called me." She could read me like a book. "She was worried about you." I lifted my head to peer over her shoulder at the clock on my side._

_ "Britt it's 2.45 in the morning. How did you get out without your sister or your mom noticing?" I asked._

_ "The same way you get into my house without them noticing, my window." She smiled, revealing a set of beautiful white teeth. Everything about her was gorgeous._

_ "Britt, you really didn't have..." She placed her finger to my lips. _

_ "I wanted too." I kissed her fingertip gently, slowly poking out my tongue so it touched it very quickly. She lowered it and leant forward, pressing her lips to mine again. There was nothing sexual about this kiss, it was passionate and romantic. We were kissing because we wanted too, not because we wanted to get into each others pants. I liked the idea her limbs wrapped around mine in a way that we couldn't untangle, hooking our triangled elbows, pulling our hands through eachother's necks, and nooking our legs around the angles of our already kissing hips, only to create what probably looked like an embodied mess.. of sex, love, mixed with a little bit of romance and a high point of chemistry. But what I preferred to call it was passion; it was only the way in my eyes I could define me and her. We both fell asleep, in each others arms blissfully._

* * *

><p><em>The next day Schuester gave us a "Funk" assignment. We had cheerleading Nationals competition coming up, so I wasn't exactly focusing. But me and Britt still exited the room linking pinkies. As we got to cheer Nationals, I started feeling the nerves. Britt sensed it and pushed me to the ladies toilets. We got through the door and she embraced me, smelling my hair and pushing her hips into me. I let out a little groan and she smiled. She turned her face to me;<em>

_ "San, me and you, it's not cheating is it?" Her blue eyes staring at me._

_ "No Britt Britt, it's just friends talking with our tongues super close." It was the only thing I could come up with on the spot._

_ "Oh no reason. Just need to make sure. I'm back with Chang so I wanted to check." She smiled and kissed me. The kiss was unexpected, so it caught me off guard. I dragged her to one of the cubicles; closed the lid and sat her down. She pulled down my face by my Cheerios top, letting our lips meet. I straddled her and she moved her lips to my neck while I stroked her shoulders. She put one hand on each cheek of my bum and tried to hoik me towards her, but we couldn't get close enough and had to stand up against the cubicle wall. She pressed herself against me, her thigh between my legs and I shoved mine between hers. I felt our breasts touching, and even her nipples hardening against mine. It was so intoxicating, and I could barely breathe when she caressed my breasts and the sensation seemed to run right through my entire body._

_ She peeled my top off, unhooking my bra somewhere in the process, and brought her hands to my tits, cupping them in her fingers. I did the same with her, struggling for a second with the clasps behind her back before freeing her amazing boobs. We rubbed our breasts together, skin against skin. I wanted to take it further, right there. But we were rudely interrupted by someone banging on the exit, demanding us to unlock it. We dressed rapidly in silence and she unlocked the cubicle. We smoothed each others hairs out as well as clothes and I started washing my hands. She bounced over to the door and unlocked it, letting some other Cheerios from other teams in. We both made a swift exit, finding Coach Sylvester who was pissed at us for disappearing. We both winked and linked pinkies as she turned around._

* * *

><p><em>After we performed, we all grouped together to hear the results. The bald guy announcing paused before yelling;<em>

_ "WMHS Cheerios!" and red confetti shot out of the cannons beside us, causing me to jump. Coach Sue was already on TV, being interviewed and the camera was pointed in our direction. I jumped towards Brittany, wrapping my legs around her as she caught me. Only then did I realise we were on TV, I lept off and grabbed four pom-poms, chucking two to Britt. We celebrated, jumping up and down before taking a side each, of the cup. _

_The next day we started preparing for Regionals. Mr Schue announced that Sylvester was going to be one of the judges, along with Josh Groban, Olivia Newton-John and the local news anchor, Rod Remington. Obviously grease monkey wasn't pleased with the choice of judges. We must place at Regionals to be able to carry on Glee Club, conditions of Principal Figgins. Schuester invited us all to his place to hold a Regionals setlist nomination party, however we all ended up breaking down, especially after Hobbit appeared to have given up. Sue was attempting to sabotage us, and the way she works - she would probably succeed._

* * *

><p><em>The day after that we travelled to Regionals, and sitting in the green room, Mr Schuester announced the the club would be doing a Journey medley. Aural Intensity performed first, singing a mash-up of Magic by Olivia Newton-John and You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban, which Puck said "someone tipped them off about the judges." We got the same old pep talk from the grease monkey and we all got ready to perform ourselves. We payed tribute to Journey by singing Faithfully, a mash-up of Any Way You Want ItLovin', Touchin', Squeezin' and Don't Stop Believing. We all stood on stage, awaiting the results. I stood by Brittany, squeezing her hand. The runner up was Aural Intensity - I could feel my heart beat quickening. Vocal Adrenaline were given first place and we came in third, last place. All of our hearts sunk as we remember the club would be disbanded._

_The next school day, there was yelling coming from Principal Figgins office. Miss Pillbury stormed out, her hair basically matching her face colour. I didn't want to watch, my heart had already sunk enough. The end of the day came and Mr Schue called the Glee kids into the choir room, announcing that we got an extension. We all started celebrating and Schuester told us that he was going to sing for us. So we all sat back down, mostly in couples. Finnocence and Rachel were holding hands, and despite not liking her, they were cute together. I looked to Britt as Mr Schue started singing and we laughed, linking pinkies. B's bright blue eyes stared into my dark chocolate eyes. She lowered her head, resting against my shoulder, both of us started swaying listening to Mr Schuester singing._

* * *

><p><em>We got back to mine and before we could close the door my mouth was pressed to hers. I pulled away briefly, grinning. She pulled me back up to her mouth to kiss me, sliding her fingers between my legs and round the gusset of my knickers. With her lips crushed into mine I came almost immediately, shuddering against her. Breaking away for a second, I pushed her against the bed so the back of her legs hit the board at the base of it. <em>

_ "Nuh uh" she murmured against my lips. "Your turn." She winked._

_Confused I let her push me up against my bedroom wall, letting her hands wander all over my body. With barely any inches between us, she entered me, thrusting her fingers repeatedly, as much as possible. It didn't take long for me to finish - I was way too worked up - but it was fun while it lasted. We hadn't even undressed. I fell limp into her arms, she wrapped her hands around my waist, hugging my closely to her. She pulled me towards the bed where she sat down, leaving me standing between her legs._

_ As I slowly recovered, my eyes opened. Her top was open and I could see her cleavage poking through it. My core responded to the sight. I put my hand on her knee, after bending down and she leaned up to kiss me. The night had begun. Like usual, it didn't take long for things to really get underway; her tongue probed into my mouth, dancing around with my own. She quickly pulled my top off and started stroking my boobs._

_ "God I love it when you do that. You're so beautiful Britt." I murmured against her lips. She pulled back, leaving a hand on the back of my neck to study my face. I was genuine, and I knew she saw that because she grinned that toothy grin she only did to me and put her lips back where they belonged. I removed her top, and rubbed our breasts together, it felt so good. We started tugging off the rest of our clothing and I slid an arm around her waist, running my fingertips up and down her bare back. We lay down, kissing and stroking each other. Her fingers pushing between my wet thighs, mine between hers. I could feel how wet she was as I circled her clit slowly. She moaned and I slipped a finger inside her, shocked by the heat. I'd done this before but she'd never been this wet. She rocked up against me and I pushed another finger inside as she gasped in delight. I carried on until I felt her thighs clamp down on my hand. Simultaneously, my thighs clamped down on hers. We both climaxed together, both of our backs arching, colliding in the middle. I gently lifted my fingers up to my mouth, I licked them and shot Britt a sly look, whispering;_

_ "You taste beautiful." She took her turn by running her tongue around my lips, tasting herself on my lips. The next morning she left, kissing me quickly after struggling to remove herself from my bed. I was to go on holiday the next day, considering it was summer now. I had to go 3 weeks without her, I don't know how I was going to get through it. The thought of not being able to see her for three weeks made my heart wrench._

* * *

><p><em>I arrived at the airport two days later with my mom and dad, missing her beautiful head of hair already. I got on the plane wearing my headphones, listening to Miley Cyrus' 'When I Look At You'- it explained everything I felt towards her.<em>

**Everybody needs inspiration,**

**Everbody needs a song.**

**A beautiful melody,**

**When the night's so long.**

**Cause there is no guarantee,**

**That this life is easy.**

_I stared out the window, watching Ohio fade away beneath me. Leaving the only person I've ever loved. I hated that she didn't know, because I know we could be something special. But I also knew that she didn't feel the same, well I'm pretty sure of it anyway. But Santana Lopez wasn't about to let her get down because of this, as soon as I arrive in Ibiza, I'm getting me some hunky man to 'look after' me for the few weeks._

**Yeah when my world is falling apart.**

**When there's no light to break up the dark,**

**That's when I look at you.**

**When the waves are flooding the shore, **

**And I can't find my way home anymore.**

**That's when I look at you.**

_The words were so real, she could cheer me up with just a few words, with one smile her world was immediately brightened. She could make me feel the happiest and the saddest in the world - of course the saddest was unintentional. She'd never purposely hurt me. Well, I hope not anyway._

**When I look at you, **

**I see forgiveness, **

**I see the truth.**

**You love me for who I am,**

**Like the stars hold the moon,**

**Right there where they belong. **

**and I know I'm not alone.**

_Okay, maybe that bit didn't apply to my situation. She loves me, I know that, but she's not _in_ love with me. But I do know that whenever I'm with her, I feel complete. There's no other way to explain it. The chorus repeated, I marvelled over the words, sculpting them to my situation._

**You, appear just like a dream to me. **

**Just like kaleidoscope colors,**

**That cover me,**

**All I need,**

**Every breath that I breathe,**

**Don't you know you're beautiful.**

_Britt had never believed me when I told her she was beautiful. She thought that she was moderately attractive, hense all the sex with different guys. But she never thought she fitted under the category of beautiful. But she was, her slightly slanted eyes that possessed these beautiful azure-coloured eyes that shone, even on the darkest of days. Her beautiful gold locks of hair that draped over her slender shoulders. The smile that possessed the most beautiful white teeth, and that smile in itself could light up this whole town. The song finished as I drifted off to sleep. The flight was quick because of my nap, and we arrived at the hotel sooner than I thought. I got my own room obviously, screw sharing one with my parents - I wasn't seven anymore. I sat on the side of the bed, staring at the beautiful ocean view that I had from my room. The waves crashed against the beach, leaving the sand glistening with moisture. I saw a blonde girl walk out slowly from the sea, for a second I thought she was Brittany - but I knew that she was back in some other guys arms._

* * *

><p><em>I sat there for a few more minutes but then decided I wanted to go for a refreshing walk to clear my head, and breathe in some oxygen that wasn't clouded with Lima Heights grime. It started off so well, I strolled lazily along the beach, sinking into the soft sand and getting an eyeful of the rolling waves. I climbed the dunes and surveyed the surroundings: green hills behind me, the ocean in front of me, clear blue skies above with no trace of clouds. I turned away from the sea and followed a little path that led between palm trees and I discovered a bench on it with a view of some charming villas in one direction and the dunes and the bay beyond it on the other. The sun beat down on me and the wind ruffled my hair and I could hear the sound of a buzzard overhead looking for prey. It was heavenly. I felt relaxed. I felt calm. I focussed my eyes on the view, and watched nature carrying on its business: the buzzard gave up the hunt and disappeared into the distance. The waves kept on pounding the shore, the sun went on shining. I felt blessed, alive. There was nothing like sitting on a perfect spot watching the waves, well, for most people there wasn't. For me, mine was at home, snuggling on my bed with Britt. Now that, was my idea of perfection.<em>


	10. Chapter Ten: Getting Over And Under

****New chapter - Santana goes on holiday. Barely any Brittany in this one, but there will be plenty of her in the next chapter.****

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Getting Over And Under<strong>

_I leant forward, pulling my knees up to my chest, resting my elbows to my kneecaps, rubbing my eyes with the balls of my hand. The plain white sheet draped over my legs, covering them. Jesus Christ. The dream, it was so real. I shivered, realising that despite it being boiling outside, I was cold. I reached over towards my phone, hoping to see any signs of life come from it. I checked the time, wincing when the phone screen lit up. 4.04am. __**Great.**__ I put it back down, after checking SMS inbox. Nothing. She hadn't even been thinking of me, despite her not being able to get off my mind since she left me a few mornings ago. _

_**She doesn't care about you. She never has. She's straight. She likes boys. She likes a boy. Deal with it.**__ My inner monologue was telling the truth, but I didn't want to hear it. I brought my right hand up to wipe sweat drop off my cheek when several more came flooding down. Only then did I notice I was crying. Over Brittany. Again. I thought I'd gotten over this stage. My empty heart started echoing the sound of my sobs. I placed my head in my hands, letting all my emotions go. I needed her, right now, her slender, pale arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tighter to her. But I was what felt like a million miles away._

* * *

><p><em>I got up the next morning and put my more-than-revealing short jean skirt on, along with a black tank top. My cleavage was my signature thing so I wore a balcony bra to enhance it. We walked down to the town, the tall beige buildings that looked like they had so much history behind it, towered over me and my family - this is what it must feel like to be Berry. My mother and father talked at me during lunch, I played with my spaghetti whilst leaning the side of my head against my palm.<em>

_ "Mija, stop playing with your food. You're not twelve." My father spoke, his voice more strict than usual. He had always been tough - he was a miltary doctor in the Cold War, well the last period of it. He was even there when the Berlin Wall fell. He always used to ramble on about the political conflict and military tension and how freakin' hard it was. Once I answered back to him telling him he didn't have to be there if he didn't want too and he slapped me across the face. He stil believed in physical punishment, despite it being like illegal or some shit. I gradually learned over the years of living with him that it was probably best not to talk to him. "Do not speak until spoken too" is what he used to yell at me. He'd never really been around in my life, my mother had been my primary caregiver for the first 4 years of my life, but then she got a job and for all intense and purposes, fucked off. I spent most of my childhood with various nannies, all of which I hated and managed to push out by being a terrible child. I guess in someways meeting Brittany had been the best thing that had ever happened to me, she'd always been everything to me. A friend, a lover, a nanny, even sometimes a mother. _

_For the last couple of years my father had been missing even more so than usual. I always suspected he was cheating on my mother, and I knew that she suspected it too. In some ways I felt sorry for her, but in others I knew that she could leave him, she was just too pathetic too. He had money and she didn't, it was probably one of the reasons she married him - of course I'd never say anything to her. I was a bitch, but there was a line that shouldn't be crossed. She'd live with wealth for the last 20 years, there wasn't any way she could suddenly go without - so she faked a smile and carried on pretending that we were all a happy family. This took a toll on me relationship with her, she had no friends, so it's not like she could take a night off and rant to them - so instead she gave it all to me. Probably explains why I'm such a bitch, I just have too many feelings, all of which I hide under my bitch face._

_ "MIJA! God damnit!" My father yelled at me, slamming his balls up fist against the dining table. I jumped, causing my fork to hit the white cloth that covered the restaurant table, staining it._

_ "¡Jesucristo! Eres tan estúpido. Parece Brittany se está frotando apagado en usted." His eyes were burrowed, his eyes looked crazed. Hearing that just made me snap. I stood up, slamming both fists against the table, mimicking my father._

_ "¡Vete al infierno 'papa'," I air quoted the papa, "You haven't been a father in a veyr long time. Don't think you can just walk back into my life after years of neglect and start acting like one. It doesn't work like that." Both my mother and father's mouth dropped as I spoke the last word. My body was shaking, the anger was still building up inside of me. I spun around and marched down the street. As I walked down the bumpy road, my flip flop getting stuck in the cracks every now and then. I thought to myself; __**I'm hot teenager. I'm in Ibiza. **__This equalled up to me getting incredibly drunk._

* * *

><p><em>I ended up at my hotel room. As I peeled off my clothing, my phone rang. I didn't both to check who it was, I just answered. It was the first phone call I had since I'd been here. Someone wanted to talk to me.<em>

_ "Hello?"_

_ "Um, hey. It's Puck." The voice spoke._

_ "Oh hey Puckerman. What's up?" I have to admit, I was slightly disappointed at who it was, I'd heard nothing from Britt in a week and a half._

_ "Nothing, just wondering where you were? Someone said you'd gone on holiday." This was weird, Puck never showed that he cared about anyone._

_ "Yeah, I'm in Ibiza for 3 weeks."_

_ "Oh right, I was wondering if you wanted to hook up." Ah of course, there we go. He didn't care - he wanted a booty call. "Hey Santana? Do you know where Britt is?"_

_ As he said her name it stung. "No, I don't sorry." I said, almost snapping back at him._

_ "Oh right okay. Well see you when you get back." And with that he hung up. Only then did I realise he'd probably ring Britt and get some ass from her. The thought made me cringe, bile rose in the back of my throat. I'm threw my phone to the bed and rushed to the toilet. I threw my head over the sink and wretched several times. My hands were secure against each side, gripping the porcelain tight. My knuckles were white where I was gripping too hard, the bone pushing against my skin._

_I raised my head, staring at the face looking back at me. It was relatively pretty - she had naturally pouted lips, tanned olive skin and dark brown eyes. Her eyelashes were long and thick, and her hair tied up into a side ponytail. Big, gold, hoops hanging from pierced ears, her eyebrows were perfect - no stray hairs anyway. Her eyes though, they were so full of sadness. There were no tears present, but there was no shine in them that I had previously seen in photos. Her eyes have that look of someone who is dead inside. It was almost painful just looking at her. I closed my eyes, and I saw the face mimick my movement. I turned around and headed back towards the bed, realising I was standing in my underwear. I brought my hand up to the side of my head, grasping the hairband that was holding up my hair. I yanked and my hair fell across my shoulders. I couldn't help but think of the face I saw in the mirror. I welled up, my eyes clouding with tears. One trickled down my face, over my cheek and down, curving into my upper lip. I sat on the edge of the bed, and let the waterworks begin._

* * *

><p><em>I heard my mother and father return around two hours later. The door slammed and I heard shouting in Spanish, jesus - couldn't they just get over it. I grabbed my tight red dress that clung to ever curve on my body. Its tightness was like a corset, holding everything in, and accentuating my figure. It displayed my breasts in all their glory, proudly cupping them as if they were the firmest, roundest boobs in all the world. It gripped my arse, squeezing the cheeks together like two delicious hardboiled eggs vacuum-packed. It smoothed my body into an hourglass. I felt like a seductress, the dress giving me such a boost of confidence. I loved it. I grabbed a cardigan, just in case it got cold later and ran out the door. Walking down the illuminated streets, neon signs hanging off every available spot - something I'd never noticed in daylight. There were hundreds of people crowding the street, the street was so alive. I could hear the rhythm and beat of every song that was placing across various clubs. My feet automatically started moving with the beat, they were touching the ground with every beat in the song. I recognised it instantly. Mr Saxobeat. What a tune. I instantly headed to where the music was coming from. <em>

_Ironically, the place was Called Club Brit, supposedly a club for British people considering Ibiza was a hot spot for them for Summer or something. As I entered, I was immediately ID'd, everyone in this place was clearly no older than 17. Luckily, I'd developed early and had a fake ID since the age of 15. The bouncer let me in, his big bald head reflecting all the colours of the rainbow. As I entered I felt eyes on me, immediately most of the dancefloor stopped and gazed at me. I knew how hot I was, and apparently, so did they. I walked up to the bar, ordering an Appletini - girly yet classic drink, sweet and sour at the same time. Almost two minutes after ordering, a hobbit of a guy strode over to me. He was obviously cocky and way too confident. I hated him already._

_ "Hey sexy. I like your clothes. But they'd look better on my bedroom floor." He winked. I watched a drop of sweat dropped down the side of his forehead. He physically repulsed me._

_ "¿Perdón?" I narrowed my eyes slightly, as if I didn't understand him. Being bilingual was sometimes useful._

_ "You," he pointed to me, "and me." Gesturing to himself. He then took his hands, placing them shoulderwidth apart in mid air. He thrusted his crotch and hit his hands with it._

_ "Look dwarf, if I wanted a one night stand with you, I'd have to report myself to the sex offenders list for being a kiddy fiddler. Now I know you think you have what it takes to be with a girl like me, but honestly? I'm hot as hell, and your needle dick wouldn't be enough to satisfy a blow up doll, which I'm sure you know due to the thousands probably stacked up in your closet. Now run a long to your mates," I pointed to a group of men glaring at me in the back corner, "and considering closing time is about four hours away, you'll need that time to waddle back over there due to the lack of length you possess height-wise." I pasted on my queen bitch face and smirked. He did as he was told and turned away from me, scurrying back to his friends._

* * *

><p><em>With that, I took a large gulp of Appletini. I didn't get a break for the next hour, men wafting over to me. They started to die down as word had probably got around that I'm a cock tease. About half an hour after the last pathetic weasel tried to chat me up, a tall, brooding, handsome British guy walked up and stood beside me, casually leaning against the bar right next to my elbow.<em>

_ "Hey. I'm Bart." He spoke confidently._

_ "Bart? The British man Bart?" I laughed elegantly, letting his eyes wander down my top, leaving them settled on my cleavage. I coughed and he retracted them back to my face._

_ "Yeah. I was terrorised throughout secondary school for it." I looked confused, not knowing the British school years. Apparently they had some type of primary school. Anyway that wasn't the matter at hand. He smiled at me, showing me a set of white teeth. He was moderately attractive, and had a sense of humour - so I decided to flirt a little. He had wonderful blue eyes, but what I found strange was what a dynamic personality he had. He was captivating company. He was totally blase about sex too, and talked about it frequently and openly - but not suggestively. His jokes had me in fits of laughter, and as I noticed the lines around his eyes crinkling with warmth, I found myself starting to like him. My body responded warmly to him as we played with the straws in our drinks, I couldn't help but wonder if he was potential boyfriend material. It felt good to meet someone new and exciting, and I didn't want to rush it, but enjoy it at my leisure._

_ I flirted with him lightly, and gently teased him about the way he glanced at my cleavage, and when he put his hand on my waist to kiss me goodbye, I leaned in and squeezed his hip gently. We agreed to meet up for drinks a few days later._

* * *

><p><em>When we next met up, we both sat down on barstools at a local club and started joking about. We left about an hour after getting there, walking down to the beach. We both sat down in sync and he whipped out a cigarette.<em>

_ "Sorry, you don't mind do you? I smoke when I drink." He questioned. I wondered what look I had on my face that made him ask._

_ "Oh no go ahead." I smiled. He smiled back, however it was more of a forced little lopsided grin. He lit the cigarette. We sat silently for a while, listening to the water in front of us. He smoked quietly, moving his hand to my shoulder. I felt safe somehow even with a guy I only met a couple of nights ago._

_ "I want to tell you something." He said. Oh shit, I bet he's an axe-wielding murderer or rapist, just my fucking luck._

_ "Okay.." I trailed off, leaving room for him to speak. His arm was still around my shoulder but it suddenly seemed heavy. The cigarette smoke was making my eyes water. I could feel the heat of him, imagine the touch of his skin. I would have literally done most things right then to feel him touch me, put his hands on my face, let his hands wander. I wanted to feel him inside of me, for the first time in my life, I wanted a guy inside of me. It was all I could think about._

_ "I don't know if I can be your friend." He whispered, the words beginning a process I knew he didn't want to start. I let my head drop. _

_He turned my head, pushing his tough lips to mine. He kissed me hard. Letting his tongue find my own. My breath quickened and I tasted metal, fear pulsed through me. He was urgent, lying on top of me and switching from one hand to the other, tracing my skin up and down. It felt wrong somehow. He moved his hand so it grazed up my dress and across my stomach. I heard the voice in my head screaming at me to stop, but I couldn't. The voice, sounded more and more like Brittany everytime it spoke. I shut my eyes, letting my head swim. I didn't want him to see my face, in case of uncertainty. I wanted it to happen, but at the same time I didn't. He pulled at my thong, slowly raising my hips with the other hand which was pressed against the small of my back. I kept my eyes closed as I let his legs spread my own, his weight pressing against me. _

_ All of a sudden, there was a screaming voice in my head, and I felt a desperate urge to clench, to keep him out, cover myself up again. It didn't feel good. It felt like I was somewhere else entirely, watching a boy force himself onto me. It wasn't working, I could feel the treacherous softening, his movements becoming static. He rolled away on to his back beside me, panting. Just quickly as his touch had seemed like the only thing I wanted, it suddenly became weird, awkward, wrong. I didn't want his skin anywhere near mine. I pulled down my dress which had bunched around my waist. We lay in silence, listening to the sound of the ocean again._

_ "Are you going to say anything?" He asked, his voice coming out all croaky._

_ "I don't know. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry." I shrugged, not knowing what else to add._

_ "I thought it's what you wanted," he said._

_ "I don't think so." He stayed silent for a second and I turned to face the side of his head, staring up into the sky. He didn't look at me._

_ "I'm gay." He spoke clearly. My eyes popped open, not knowing what to say. This was so strange. What the hell._

_ "Oh. Right."_

_ "I wanted to make you feel good.." His voice was slightly pained._

_ "Well, thank you. I appreciate that. It's obviously not what you want though, you don't want me in that way. I get it." I smiled, a genuine smile._

_ "I looked at you that night in the bar, and thought I wanted you. You're the only person that spoke to me like you got me. You're the only one I could talk to easily, I got butterflies when I first spoke to you." He said this sincerely, and I kind of knew what he meant._

_ "But when you touched me?" I urged, wanting to know more. He looked up into my face. "It didn't feel right."_

_ I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I took a deep breath, and I found his hand linked with mine, his fingers pressing into my own. I took them into my lap. "It's not your fault Bart, I actually know what you mean. And that's not one of those bullshit things to say, I really do." I shot him an empathetic look._

_ "Really?" He almost looked suprised. _

_ "Yeah, I slept with my best friend and it just felt so.." _

_ "Right?" I nodded slowly as he finished my sentence. Maybe he was in the same position. Without knowing, tears started falling from my eyes. I was sobbing into the arms of a stranger._

_ "Yeah. I know how you feel. I slept with my best friend last year, and ever since then I've been questioning my sexuality." He was speaking from an honest heart. "He was so gentle and every touch felt like a jolt of electricity shooting through my skin." He finished, giving me a smile. I processed his words, listening intently. After a while I spoke;_

_ "Friends?" Asking with a little smile._

_ "Friends." He agreed. Maybe he didn't think I'd be as accepting as I turned out to be. Granted I do have a bitch face pasted on 90% of the time, but I wasn't as bad as everyone thought I was._

* * *

><p><em>I thought long and hard about what Bart had said, I knew I felt something for Brittany, but what was it? I took a deep breath, trying to figure it out. Trying so god damn hard to find out exactly what I was feeling towards Brittany. She has always had this effect on me, she always had a way of doing the impossible. She was the only person that could calm me down when I was angry, even when it took 3 people to hold me back because 2 just wasn't enough. She always made me feel better. Stronger, and so much happier. She could keep me grounded, she could bring me down when I'm pretty sure I was about to lose my head. But maybe that's what best friends are, maybe these feelings are just strong friendship feelings. <em>_**Yes. There we go, you've finally figured it out.**__ The voices in my head clapped me. We were incredibly close, me and Britt, and the reason being, probably because she could do the things others never could. We fitted perfectly together, as best friends. It is a love in some ways, but because we're both girls, it's a best friendship love._

* * *

><p><em>The next night I repeated the process, slipping on my gorgeous red dress and heading somewhere where I hoped I wouldn't hook up with another gay guy. Only I could do that, go to Ibiza and make out with the only homo there. Anyway I found a guy three minutes into walking into the club, I dragged him to the ladies and locked him in a cubicle with myself before sticking my tongue down his throat. I slid down his body, moving with his hand which was pressed on my head, pushing me down. I slipped out his cock and kissed it, teasing him. I repeated it, pressing my lips to the tip. He shook with pleasure, so I wet my lips. I lowered my mouth to him, letting the tip slide slowly in. His cock throbbed against my tongue. I gave it another kiss, his cock hardening as I moved it against my tongue. I pursed my lips and sucked him deeply, moving my mouth back and fourth. I felt his cock swelling as I tickled him with my tongue again. His cock was rigid and bouncing around in my mouth. He shuddered and I knew he was near the end. I whipped it out my mouth and stood up, pressing my fingertips to each corner of my mouth. I had to admit, I really didn't like sucking guys off but I smiled and exitted the cubicle. I was single though, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to right? The next couple of nights went like this, trading between oral, using hands or fucking.<em>

* * *

><p><em>It was the morning of the end of my holiday. I checked my holiday diary..<em>

Guys made out with: 7

Guys I'd been sexually intimate with: 5

_Jesus Christ, I'd been a slut this holiday. But it helped, I was getting over my feelings, ones that I thought were more than they actually had been. Britt's mom always said; 'the best way to get over someone, was to get under someone else' - in my case, I got under a few people. I packed all my things, checking in on my mom and dad, who already had their things packed and they were lined up by the door. A note on the bed said they had gone out for lunch. Wow thanks for the invite. I didn't really care anyway to be honest, probably best if I didn't go off on one again, they hadn't talked to me a lot since anyway. I opened the sliding doors which opened onto a little balcony that had two sun loungers. Since it was my last day and I didn't feel like going out, a tan was in order. I couldn't go back not looking any different, and I hadn't spent that much time in the sun. I changed into my bikini and laid down on the chair, leaving a towel to drape over the spare sun lounger. _

_As I closed my eyes, watching my eyelids turn from orange to yellow because of the sun, when I heard someone yell;_

_ "Yo, tiny tits." I snapped open my eyes, looking to my right. Three doors down and a level up, there was an young man staring at me. "Get 'em out!"_

_ "Piss off, dirty inbred." I smirked and he backed into his doorway, disappearing. I laughed but then his words sank in. I looked down at my covered breasts, surely they weren't that small? I was a B.. I'd always thought they were alright. Then again, I had always wanted them to get bigger. It was summer, I had 6 weeks until I had to go back to school. Was that enough time for a boob job? I considered it thoroughly, thinking over it. My dad had always said he wouldn't mind what I did with my body because it was mine. So I was going to take advantage of that, and ask him for one._

* * *

><p><em>On the flight back, I switched off my iPod and turned to my dad. <em>

_ "Papa, I want a boob job. When we get back, I'm booking an appointment with a plastic surgeon." It was easier with him to demand instead of ask. I expected him to rant and shout at me, causing a scene on the plane. Instead he nodded and looked back to his magazine._

_ "Although Santana, this will be your birthday present. I'm going to get you the best surgeon around." He flickered his eyes up, meeting my own, before returning to reading. I smiled, even though he didn't see me and stuck my headphones back in. __**Santana Lopez always gets her way.**__ I closed my eyes and before I knew it I was back in Ohio. It'd felt like the return journey was much shorter than getting there. _

_As I settled back into my house, unpacked my clothing and got some food (plane food is gross), I logged onto my laptop and clicked Facebook._

Brittany S. Pierce is now seeing someone.

_I still hadn't talked to her. __**She could go three weeks without texting or calling you, so give her a taste of her own medicine and ignore her. **__The voices in my head were speaking louder at me, telling me what to do. __**She clearly was occupied with something or someone else, and obviously had no time for you. **__As much as I hated to admit it, my conscience was right. She hadn't tried to talk to me. Fuck her. I didn't need her. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have to make the first move. _


	11. Chapter Eleven: Summer Surgery

**Santana has surgery, it's not as detailed as it could have been but I'm getting a tad impatient with having to write boring stuff - I wanna get to the good bits but I need to get the essentials over and done with (: Apologies if you find this chapter or the last few boring.**

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eleven: Summer Surgery<strong>

_Emerald green eyes were staring me in the face, brows furrowed with anger. A bald head that reflected the moonlight. It was him. My heart stopped, I could hear the beats falter. My breath quickened and my head was pounding, the blood rushing too fast around my head. I could feel his hot, liquor tainted breath wash over my face. He was so close to me, and I couldn't move. My arms were pinned to my side, his huge, sweaty hands running up and down my forearms. A toothless grin formed on his face, an eyebrow arched as he smirked at me._

_ "I'm gunna have fun with you." His rough voice spoke, I shivered, and my mouth dropped open to scream - but nothing came out._

_I awoke startled. Cold sweat covered my forehead, my hair stuck to my face due to the moisture. Fuck. Calm down Santana, it was just a dream. I have to admit, I never really thought about the fact that I could've been raped, I blacked out before I knew what was happening. If he did, I had to think about everything I usually thought about before sleeping with a guy. __**How rough was he? Did he hurt me?**__ Then the most obvious question popped into my head; I'm sure I had though it before but my mind had somehow skipped it. __**Did he even use a condom?**__ Adrenaline shot through me, sending panic throughout my body. I picked up my phone, immediately bringing Brittany's name on the screen._

* * *

><p><em>In some ways I guess that was the best thing, because who knows what I could have rung into too. Eurgh, I didn't even want to imagine what compromising position I could've caught her in the middle of. Not that she would've ignored me. See, that's one of the many things I loved about her. No matter what time, where she was, what she was doing (or probably who in this case) - if I needed her, she'd be there in a flash, no questions asked. Whether it was on the phone or at my house, she'd always somehow manage to leave whatever she was doing and be there at my beck and call. It sounds awful, because it makes me seem like she's my bitch or something - but it's more than that. Whatever I was going through, whether I thought I needed alone time - my instincts always knew that Brittany being there would make everything better, and they did, every single time. It was almost like a reflex now, something bad happens, Brittany's there. Something good happens, Brittany's there. Come to think of it, anything happens, Brittany's there. Without her in my life, I don't think I could have survived this far. She has always been my rock, the macaroni to my cheese - I could never doubt her because I trusted her with my entire life. She was the only real one to ever make an impact on my life.<em>

_My thumb pressed down on the green button, calling her. The rings echoed through my ear..__**Ring ring... Ring ring... Ring ring.. **_

_ "Hello..." A soft voice spoke, a voice I hadn't heard in three weeks. It felt like the calm after a storm, the wash of relief that ran through my body was so relaxing._

_ "Britt? Sorry to call you, I just..." _

_ "Gotcha! Please leave a message after the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you!" I could see the smile she would have pulled after recording that, she found it so hilarious. It was adorable. But at the same time I was upset, she didn't pick up her phone? She never did that. What did I do? __**Fuck, estúpido, estúpido. **__I bent over the empty side of my bed to check the time.. _4:57am. _**She's probably asleep, nothing to worry about. She might have had a really hard day dancing or something. **__I laid back on my pillow, wondering what Brittany was doing or where she was. That night I didn't go back to sleep._

* * *

><p><em>About noon the next day, I got a call.<em>

_ "Hello. Is this the Lopez residence?" A soothing voice spoke. It was so smooth I felt like I was being patronised._

_ "Yes. How can I help you?" My father had always taught me to be polite on the phone to strangers; '_you never know when the President may call' _he always said. What a douchebag._

_ "This is Dr. Martinez, from Spire Health Care. Is Miss Santana Lopez there?" Wow, for once my dad had actually pulled through on something._

_ "This is her talking."_

_ "Oh, I apologise Miss Lopez. Your father ordered that I ring you when our earliest appointment shows up. Whether it's a cancellation or a future booking." I listened intently, I wanted a new pair of boobs soon. I needed something to feel good about. He was muttering on about some rich Countess or something._

_ "...And she cancelled today. So there is an opening in about four hours. Is that too soon?" I considered for a moment, it probably would be better if I had a couple of days notice, but I had no reason keeping me from doing it. Brittany wouldn't approve of plastic surgery, let alone last minute appointments._

_ "Perfect. See you then Dr. Martinez." So typical of my father, to pick a Hispanic doctor to perform my surgery. Oh well, I was getting a free boob job, and I don't even care. The line went silent._

* * *

><p><em>I packed my belongings and rang my father to tell him about my surgery. He was busy, as per usual, so he sent a limo to take me. I arrived and I was sent to a private cubicle where I was to wait until further notice. The room was huge, bigger than my living room. The white walls made me feel like I was in an asylum , there was a suffocating smell of sterile objects. The walls were overwhelmingly bright and there was an unnatural feel about the room in general. I dropped my overnight bag by the side of the bed, it was a large single. I eyed the clock, taking note that I had an hour and a half until I was officially under the knife. I cocked my head to the side as I noticed an envelope tucked into the side of my bag. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember the last time I used it. She bent down to the squatting position and reached forward, grabbing the crisp, white envelope. <em>

**Santana**

_was scribbled along the front of it in black biro. I turned it out, slowly running my fingers under the tab and lifting out the single piece of paper inside. _

**You need to know.**

_I shuddered, fear pulsing through my veins, quickening my heart beat. There wasn't a name of who it was from, although I could probably guess by the childish handwriting. I pulled out a thin stick from inside. There was no packaging, labelling what it was, but I'd had experienced enough teenage girl problems to know what it was. I headed towards the toilet, taking in a deep breath. I grasped the wooden door knob, and twisted it. A white porcelain sink hung to the right of the door, with an oval shaped mirror above it. A glass door was directly in front of me, hiding a shower. A toilet was to the left of the shower, just by the towel rail, which hung one plain towel. I took two steps forward, pulling my pants and underwear down, crouching over the toilet. I put the little stick underneath me, and started with the process. _

_Five minutes later I was sitting cross legged on the floor infront of the bed, with a muted Oprah on TV. I clasped in my hand my future, the deciding factor on what Santana Lopez's life was based on. I got lost in my own little world, everything blurred around me and I was staring at a single spot on the carpet, my eyes focusing on something that wasn't visible. I could imagine my face, completely blank. I couldn't feel any expression coming to my face because I didn't feel anything. That moment told me that I was completely numb, not even the fear of a rape-pregnancy was going to jolt any emotion or life into me. It was horrible, not being able to feel anything - right now I longed for the days where I could feel something. I was almost looking forward to my surgery and the aftermath, the suffering and ache that I was going to endure._

* * *

><p><em>Suddenly, my phone started buzzing. A picture of a gorgeous, tall blonde with stunning blue eyes popped up onto my screen. I picked up, moving the pregnancy test into my left hand, still grasping it tightly;<em>

_ "Hello?" I exhaled deeply._

_ "San? Where are you?" Fear ran through her voice. In the background I could hear keys rustling and the movement of clothes._

_ "It doesn't matter, I'm fine. No need to check up on me." I replied, my eyes still fixed at the specific spot on the carpet._

_ "San. Tell me where you are." Brittany never got angry, the enraged tone that she used while demanding my location was enough to shock me back into reality._

_ "I'm in Newark." I heard a gasp of air and the rapid breathing that was emitting from the end of my phone stopped. She'd stopped walking._

_ "What? Why are you there?" I could imagine her beautiful head cocking to the side, wondering why I was, where I was._

_ "I'm having some surgery." I shrugged my shoulders, then came to the realisation she couldn't see me._

_ "And you just 'forgot' to tell me about this?" Her voice was hurt, she was offended. The air rushed past the microphone on her mobile and echoed through to my own._

_ "It was a last minute thing, it's only a boob job." I stated matter-of-factly. _

_ "A boob job!" Shock was evident in her voice. "Why? Why would you want to do that to your body? It's already bombing without you needing to go under the knife." I smiled, a flush creeping onto my face. I suddenly felt more alive, just by hearing Brittany compliment me. _

_ "I've always said if you're not confident about what you see in the mirror, you should change it. So that's what I'm doing." I announced._

_ "But Santana... you're beautiful. You don't need to change a single thing about you." She declared as if I was used to hearing it. The phone line went quiet, I had nothing to say back to that. "Are you going to go through with it?" She questioned. I heard a car door shut gently, as if she was trying to conceal the fact she was in a car._

_ "Yes. My father's already paid for it and I want it done. I appreciate your concern Britt, but my mind has already been made up." She exhaled, knowing she had been defeated. _

_ "Okay San. Well I'll see you when you get back to Lima. I was going to ask you about your holiday but I'll talk to you more when I next see you. Bye S." She didn't even give me a chance to answer, the dial tone rang for two seconds and then cut out. _DISCONNECTED _flashed up on my phone. _

_ "Oh, right. Okay bye Britt. By the way, I spent my holiday missing you. Just thought you should know." I conveyed to the nothingness in the room. I shook my head gently, squinting my eyes. A sad smile spread across my face. I tilted my head towards the floor, remembering the stick in my hand. _**NEGATIVE** _was writting in block letters. A wave of relief powered over me, a few tears seeped out of my eyes, tears of joy._

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><p><em>Unexpectedly, the door swung open. A big, black women with wide shoulders strolled into the room, staring down at me. Her almost-black hair swinging infront of her face. I faked a smile and slyly pushed the test beside me, underneath the fabric that dusted the lower edges of the bed, covering it. I erected, smoothing down my top and perched on the bed.<em>

_ "Santana Marie Lopez?" She raised her left eyebrow, her upper lip pushing forward as if she was pressing her tongue against the outside of her teeth._

_ "That's me." My lips pressed into a firm line, the lines cornering up. Trying to fake another smile. She continued with the expression she possessed previously, before handing me a really ugly hospital robe._

_ "Put this on. You have two minutes. I'll be waiting outside." She had obviously done this routine a thousand times before. Spoilt teenager comes in for a boob job because daddy can't supply the emotional side that all daughters need, so instead he throws money at her. I guess she was right but that still wasn't the point. I undressed myself, clambering into the awful off-white gown I was given. I advanced towards the door after shaking myself down, gathering confidence, after all - I was about to go under the knife at 16. I followed her down the windy halls, all of which contained loads of rooms similar to the one I was in earlier. We ended up in the surgery, apparently I was seen fit enough to walk there, despite having to stay overnight. I entered, resting my upper thighs against the bed I was going to be operated on. The anesthesiologist entered, along with the plastic surgeon. The anesthesiologist was covered by dark turqoise scrubs, clutching a large needle while the surgeon, who was oddly tanned, was covered in a bright white medical coat, glasses perched on the end of his nose, spying at me through the thick glass surround by thin metal wire. _

_ "Miss Lopez, nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Martinez." I gave him a quick smile, and we chatted about what cup I wanted to be upgraded too.I was then instructed to undo my gown, revealing my breasts to him while he took what looked like a Sharpie to them. It felt weird but it wasn't like a complete stranger hadn't seen me bare before. I let my mind run, evading the fact that I was being drawn on by an old man. After a couple of minutes, he told me to lay down and relax and that the other guy was coming to anesthetize me. I laid my head down, and closed my eyes. A sharp prick developed in my right hand, my nerves disappeared. A small smile crept across my face, and the last thing I thought of before I drifted off was those beautiful blue eyes possessed by the most gorgeous blonde that ever walked this planet._


	12. Chapter Twelve: Aftermath

******We briefly get to see what's happening with Santana in the present, which isn't in italics. I apologise greatly for the length of this chapter. I got a bit carried away with it and I didn't see any way I could fit it in with another chapter. Please read and review. I hope you enjoy!******

******Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.******

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve: Aftermath<strong>

_I crunched my eyes, a dull ache blanketed my chest as the painkillers wore off. It felt like a massive hangover; it felt like an elephant was standing on my head, every door shutting sounded like a shotgun going off right by my ear. And to top it all off, I was drowsy which meant slightly hallucinating. To my right I saw a pale, slender hand that belonged to a tall, shadowing figure that hovered over me. Another body walked in, and headed straight towards me. A cold, rough, unfamiliar hand touched my own, I went to flinch, but had no strength odd sensationtook place in my hand, where the drip full of liquid painkillers was being replaced. My eyes were so blurred I couldn't make out anything about this person, apart from the cut off jean jacket that hung gently off their shoulders, one I distinctly recognised. As I opened my mouth to speak to the unknown figure that stood so close to my beside, the drugs kicked in and I whirled off into a dreamland._

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><p>"SHE'S FLATLINING!" I heard a continuous beeping. What was going on? Am I dying? I could feel multiple pairs of hands on my body, tearing my clothes off, revealing my bare chest. A cold breeze brushed over my body. Two pads pressed against my chest, a huge volt of electricity pumped into me, causing me to arch. I heard a sob in the corner, someone was crying for me.<p>

"Please... Sss... Save her... I can't... If she dies..." The person who was sobbing muttered these words. I could barely make out what they were saying over the machines and voices. Who was it? My parents had died two years ago in a horrific road accident, I only had one sibling, Rodriguez, but he was in the army. I hadn't heard from him in years. Brittany, well, she didn't care about me, we hadn't talked in... Oh god. 9 months. Wow. Not since she walked out. Enough time for a life to grown and be born. And in some ways I guess a new life was created during those nine months. An independent one. One that didn't include spending every minute of the day with the most beautiful girl in the world. I had to grow, to develop and get used to having to be alone. It was a struggle but I was reborn into a stronger person. I'd never go back to the person I was; someone who was vulnerable and who let one person run my life, incidently almost killing me.

Another jolt of something ran through me, except this time it wasn't of electricity from the defibrillator, it was an agonising shock, causing my heart beat to decrease. The voices in the room slowly started dying away... the volume was decreasing, not the tone. The voices were still shouting, yelling at me to come back. I heard my heart beat faulter and he memory of the most beautiful person that ever walked this earth flashed into my mind. My mind smiled, it was now a peaceful place. It no longer consisted of broken promises and bitter, cracked hearts. Finally, I didn't mind possessing it.

But, what had I achieved in this life time? I'm 24 years old, I'm single and I have no family. I have a few friends, an apartment and an alright job. I should count myself lucky really to be honest, there's millions of people less fortune than I am. But I still feel empty, my heart hasn't beat the same in a while... I just haven't been myself. But a piece of me is missing. **She **is missing. And without her, I feel incomplete. Nothing has gone right this year. Absolutely nothing. It's nearing Christmas, and I'm all alone in a world full of people. Maybe being hit at 60mph by a 4x4 was a gift, a sick gift admittedly, but maybe it was just a very painful way of giving me an exit, a release from this heartbreak, a way out. A hot breath arrived at my ear, hand clutching my forearm; "Santana..." But there was no time for a response, I'd gone.

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><p><em>Soft fingertips ran up my arm, hovering at the crease in my elbow. Only one person knew that spot, she had called it my 'cute spot'. Apparently it made me go all giggly, and incidently adorable. I couldn't move, I had no strength anywhere in my body - not to speak, not to move. The only feeling I had was the dull ache in my chest, the aftermath of a boob job. I lay there for hours, my body was never untouched. Somewhere on my body, at all time throughout those hours where I was supposedly unconcious, the soft palm grazed my body. Settling on my hand or forearm, either playing with my fingers or brushing the hair out my face. It was always somewhere, comforting me. <em>

_I finally managed to summon the strength to open my eyes, the groggy feeling still washing over me. The big black woman that led me to the surgery earlier was standing over me, shining a bright light into my eyes. I blinked, and then squinted away, flinching at the pain the light brought. All I had seen for the last couple of hours was darkness. I could feel the warmth of a soft palm on my own. I squeezed gently, hoping for some type of response. It'd been so long since I'd felt any type of affection. A felt my hand tighten as the person on the end of it squeezed back. I gently opened my eyes, slowly letting the light in. The moon beat in through the window, highlighting a blonde head of hair asleep in the corner chair. A sweet smile spread across my face, she was here. She travelled over 100 miles to come and see me. I giggled, realising I was parched, the giggle lead to cough and the blonde sat up straight. Shaking her head, trying to erase the sleepiness. It had always been a tough job getting Brittany out of bed, but nuzzling against her neck always seemed to work. However it usually led to something that required a hell of a lot more energy. _

_She slowly got up, rubbing her hands into her eyes. The blanket sliding off her tall, slender body and onto the floor. I could barely see a thing in the darkness - only the outline of this beautiful blondes body as it gracefully glided over to me, kneeling down beside me. I felt her presence even before she arrived next to me. The scent of coconut wafted over towards me, sending my nostrils and tastebuds into a frenzy. Hundreds of memories ran through my brain, every touch, every kiss, every smile that me and this glorious beaty shared entered my mind. An arm leant across me, grazing my stomach and a plastic cup was brought to my lips. I gulped, feeling the cool sensation of icey water sooth my throat. The hand returned, placing the cup back to its original place before resting on my forearm. I could feel her breath hitting my face, she was so close I could hear her tongue sweeping over her perfect pink lips._

_ "Santana." Her gentle voice spoke. I folded in my bottom lip, biting gently._

_ "You're here." I exhaled, the words flowing gently with escaping oxygen. I opened my eyes a tiny bit more, revealing bright blue eyes staring at me, studying my face. A smile crept across my face, hovering there before reflecting onto her own. She leant over me and tenderly raised her hand to my face, bringing the back of her fingers to my cheek and stroking it softing._

_ "Of course I am San, I'm always here. You know that." She whispered, her eyes still locked on mine._

_ "I did ring you B, before I left Ohio. You didn't answer." I blinked slowly, noticing ever curve on her face. Everything about her just screamed beauty._

_ "My contract got cut off, I couldn't make or recieve any calls. I'm sorry. I tried to ring your mobile but it went straight to voice mail." The expression she was giving me was truthful, but her eyes were full of hurt. Maybe she thought I was ignoring her. _

_ "But even when I was on holiday? There was no word from you." I lowered my eyes, breaking contact with hers. They fixed on the board on end of the bed, my eyes automatically furrowing._

_ "S, I haven't had a phone since you left. The contract was cut off the day you went on holiday. My mum doesn't have enough money to pay for it, so I've been using a temporary one, and I don't have your number. I dialled a number I thought was yours but I think I mixed up a digit." She looked confused._

_ "Oh, right. Just a big misunderstanding then right?" I raised my hand, pinky out. Her attention turned to my hand, she bit her cheek, and shook her head. She prised my curled fingers apart with her own before intertwining them. It felt right. I lifted my gaze, transferring it to her eyes - which were already looking at me._

_ "I missed you. A lot." Her eyebrows lightly raised simultaneously. Causing her eyes to shine brighter than ever, the moon emphasising the blue in them. _

_ "Me too Britt, me too." I replied, fiddling with with her fingers with my empty hand. She smiled and my insides melted. I took a deep breath in, a sharp sting of pain jolted through my body - reminding me of my recent surgery. I released my hand from hers and shifted my body so it was left half the bed empty. She looked confused, her eyes questioning me._

_ "The chair doesn't look to comfy." She smiled sweetly, before climbing onto the bed with me. My side suddenly felt warm as her body pressed up against me, the bed dipping slightly. She nuzzled underneath my arm, making sure she didn't touch my tender chest. Her arm came over, placing across my stomach. Her fingertips traced circles around my bellybutton, and after a while it came to a stop; her palm laying on my waist, squeezing it tenderly - and with that we fell asleep._

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><p><em>I awoke the next morning, my palm tingled. I looked down to see that it wasn't clutching anything, Brittany wasn't there. My heart sank, and I glanced across the room - my eyes hovering over an unfamiliar bag. It was baby pink, only a small piece of luggage. <em>PIERCE _was pasted on the size in large white capitals. I swung my legs over the side of my bed, rubbing my eyes with my hands. A tall blonde bounded in the room with a spring in her step, a grin spread across her face faster than a spark on petrol. Her perfectly straight, white teeth beamed at me, sendind butterflies all over my body. She approached me, her legs pushing in between my own, my knees crashing against her lower thigh. __**Damn these hospital beds are high **__I thought to myself.__Her hands grasped my shoulders, gently stroking them with her thumbs. My fingers instrinctively ran up the sides of her thighs, settling on her hipbones. I felt her body shiver under my touch;_

_ "Morning gorgeous." The blonde said, her attention focusing on the larger lumps on my chest, covered by the awful hospital robe._

_ "Hey." I giggled, her head slightly tilting whilst revealing another brilliantly white smile._

_ "Coffee?" Her arm stretched behind her, reaching to the table which held a white mug, steam gently flowing over the top. _

_ "Please." I nodded._

_ "How are you feeling this morning?" My eyes focused on the coffee mug, I brought my lips to the rim, feeling the liquid slide down the back of my throat, settling in my stomach._

_ "Alright. The grogginess has gone but now I just have the ache. But... on the bright side. I get to go home today." She smiled and bit her lip. That smile was ridiculously arousing. As if she could read my mind, she bent forward, pressing her lips to mine. This kiss wasn't like She had always been able to read my mind. I smiled into the kiss and she pulled away, scrunching her nose. She was so god damn adorable. I stood up, my hands skimming her waist before settling on the small of her back, drawing her body closer to mine. I winced at the pain as her breasts met my new ones, but I pulled her tighter. Our hipbones colliding, and my head nuzzling into her collarbone. I pressed a small, sweet kiss at the base of her neck, while her hand stroked up and down my back._

_ "I've missed this." The words flowed out my mouth without my brain taking notice._

_ "Me too San. Next year you're not going on holiday." She smirked as she released me from the hug._

_ "That's cool with me B." My hands smoothing down my robe. "I need to get out of these disgusting clothes." Without a word, Britt skipped over to my bag, pulling out a pair of jeans and a white tank top._

_ "It's warm today." Her other unoccupied arm reaching out to the curtains before pulling them back. I flinched as the sunlight hit my pupils._

_ "Yeah? Well best make the most of the day. I'm going to get ready." I stated, expecting her to turn around. She smoothed past me, sitting cross legged on the bed - her eyes watching me. I shrugged out of my hospital gown, revealing a big white bandaged that covered my breasts, going round to my back. Her eyes widened in shock._

_ "Does it look that bad?" I questioned her._

_ "Oh no, I even looking at the bandage." I gazed down, examining my body, realising I was standing in my a thong and the bandage. I smiled._

_ "I don't know how it's possible S, but somehow you manage to get even more beautiful every single time I see you." Brittany spoke honestly, her fingers playing with a lace on her Converses which her eyes were fixed on.. My face stayed facing the floor, a blush covering my cheeks due to the compliment. _

_ "Thanks Britt Britt." I shot her a toothy grin. Her blue eyes sparkled at me and a sigh came from my chest. She dipped her head, like she was questioning my sigh. I coughed quickly, covering up what I'd just done._

_ "Come on then. Let's go." I said before she nodded and grabbed my bag, swinging it over her shoulder before picking her bag and up gripping it tightly. Despite carrying what I knew were two heavy bags, she reached out her hand, waiting expectantly. Despite the tingles and butterflies mixing in my stomach, I knew that me and Brit were always just best friends; maybe sometimes with benefits but only friends. I'd never had another best friend, so the way I was feeling obviously was how two best friends feel towards eachother. __**Jesus, how could I mistake an amazing friendship for something more? Santana Lopez almost thought she was gay. Ha.**__ The words ran through my brain, bringing a laugh that acknowledging how stupid I had been._

_ "Well?" I shook my head, throwing the thoughts away before pressing my cool hand to her soft palm. Her thumb gently stroking the back of my hand as we walked towards her car. It took a while before it clicked;_

_ "Brit? You drive?" She had mentioned driving previously but I'd never really processed it._

_ "Yeah. While you were away I had to keep myself distracted, so I took my drivers ED class. Apparently I'm not stupid at everything." She beamed a glorious smile at me. Her own sentence contradicting herself. __**Distracted? From what?**__ I let those questions pass, I didn't need to know._

_ "Cool. Well, drive me home chauffeur." I winked at her, causing a smile to spread across her face. My eyes gazed into hers, a slight confusion mixed with her pupils._

_ "It means personal driver. It's a joke B." She stucked her tongue out whilst still grinning at me. __**Friends. Just friends.**__ And she drove me home, both us singing Adele loudly, and badly. I'd always loved this side of Brittany, well there wasn't a side I didn't love about her - but her playful, childish side was just too adorable. I couldn't help myself when I reached out and placed my hand over hers which was on the gearstick. Her hand flinched quickly, suprised at my affection, but a warm smile expanded across her gorgeous face as she turned her palm up, intertwining our fingers. We stayed like that the whole way home._

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><p><em>That night we were in my room, giggling over the pictures Manhands posted on Facebook of her and Finn. We were both sitting side by side, cross legged and in corresponding pajames. I was wearing grey short shorts and a baby blue tank top, she was wearing baby blue short shorts and a grey tank top that clung tightly to her toned body. Watching her change into them was more than difficult; so I'd fixed them to the computer screen, focusing on the picture of Finn and Rachel cuddling by the sea.<em>

_ "He has to be mentally unstable to go out with her without someone pressing a knife into his back." Her giggle subsided and she turned her head to look at me. _

_ "Well I mean, she's happy. He's happy - together they're happy. It doesn't matter what other people think, if they love each other, they love each other regardless of other people. The relationship is between two people, those two people, not the entire school." The tone in her voice told me she was slightly offended by my comment about Rachel. I furrowed my eyebrows, arching my right one, questioning her answer. The words sunk in, __**why did that offend her so much? **__But that was another wonderful thing about her, no matter who it was, she'd always find the good in anyone - I'm surprised she managed to find any in me. She acted the part of the dumb blonde but she was smarter than everyone thinks._

_ "You're smart B." She widened her eyes, stunned by my statement. She welled up, reaching over placing her hands on mine, her palm on the back of my hand, which were in between us. We were now sitting cross-legged facing each other._

_ "No-one's ever called me smart before." Her eyes now glistening with tears. They blinked to my lips and then once again back to my eyes. She rolled over my hands with her own, linking our fingers together. I rolled my lips inwards, pushing my tongue out as I did - moistening them. She gulped and leant forward; my eyes closed, awaiting her lips. Just as I expected, a soft pair of lips pressed against my own, it was a sweet, caring kiss. No sexual tension behind it. Her lips parted, doing the same to my own, her soft tongue tracing along my bottom lip. I sighed into the kiss, releasing a little moan. I felt her smile into the kiss and I pulled away, staring into her beautiful azure eyes._

_ "Sometimes it's easier to play dumb because they're situations where I'd get hurt a lot, because of how much I know. So being stupid is almost an escape route." She spoke honestly._

_ "Damn Brit." I smiled back, the butterflies in my stomach going wild. She definitely knew how to use those lips. Her kisses always left me wanting more, they did something that left me tasting her on my lips. Such an amazing, unique taste - always kept me coming back for more. "You know how to kiss." We both erupted into laughter. I didn't know what to say, she sounded as if there was reasoning behind her playing stupid, like some motive to keep on pretending to be dumb._

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><p><em>I bent forward, leaning to the left of Britt, closing the laptop which had previously been beside us. I pushed up on my hands, reaching to the floor where I put the laptop, making sure no damage would come to it. As I rose, I pushed myself onto her, forcing both of us down onto the mattress. She wiggled out her legs from underneath her; tangling them with my own. I took the position of laying on my back, Britt placed a hand tightly over my waist. She had always had a vice grip - I remember the mornings I spent trying to prize her arms from my side, waking her up in the process. The rarely-seen Brittany scowl that pasted across her face, which suddenly transformed into a great big grin as her blue eyes met my chocolate ones. I shifted in the bed, making myself more comfortable. She felt my movement and she raised her arm, going with it. She re-draped her arm across my chest, avoiding the tenderness. Her fingertips brushed over my shoulder, tracing down my tanned skin towards my hand. My palm faced upwards, so she caressed her smooth nails over them. I brought my hand to the top of her arm, which was under her head. I grazed my pointer finger down her pale arm lazily, hovering over the crease in her elbow. I did this for several minutes, feeling her cuddle into me as close as physically possible.<em>

_ "Can we stay like this forever S?" She whispered, her breath tickling my neck._

_ "Forever is a long time Britt Britt. Things change." I squinted my eyes, remembering my holiday. She hadn't talked to me the whole time, fair enough that her contract had been cut off and she didn't have my number - but I had been home for three days before my surgery and she didn't bother coming to see me. If it wasn't for my surgery, how long would I of had to waited before she came. Would she have at all?_

_ "That's why I'm asking. I know forever is a long time, and I'd happily spend it with you, here, forever." I smiled affectionately, warmth spread through my aching chest - instantly making it feel better. I could feel her eyes on me. I tiltled my head down, her hand meeting my cheek as if she was about to do it for me. She bent her head up, my lips greeting hers. Her hand lifted our hands into mid-air, our lips moving in sync with eachother. They fit so perfectly. __**Just sex. No feelings. Remember.**__ I wouldn't let myself feel anything, I built a wall a while ago, and it wasn't coming down. Santana Lopez never feels anything for anyone, and her best friend was no exception. I'd always worn a suit of armour, protecting myself against anything that would require feeling any sort of human emotion. Emotions fucked everything up. We're best friends. __**Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends.**__ The voice in my head echoing my words whilst Brittany's tongue was smoothing her tongue over my own, massaging it. We parted, taking a deep breath - she placed one last sweet kiss against my lips before turning onto her back angling herself away from my body, her head resting into the crook of my armpit. Her right hand was playing with the fingers of my left hand, which was grasping her other hand. The moonlight highlighted it. This moment was so perfect. Two best friends just lying in complete silence, no awkwardness. There was no need to speak. I felt so vulnerable lying here, Brittany had a way of opening me up. But at the same time I'd never felt safer. I could arm myself with thousands of guns and knives, and I still wouldn't feel as safe as I did in that moment. _

_ "I've missed you, I never thought I was capable of missing someone that much." I revealed into her lucious blonde locks, ending with a kiss. Coconut powered through my nostrils, entering my brain and making me shiver._

_ "Me too S." Her soft voice whispered; I'd always loved her voice. It always drove me insane, it turned my inside to mush everytime I heard it. She lowered our entangled hands, placing them over her. I could feel her heart beating through her chest rapidly. It was one of the best feelings, listening and feeling her heartbeat, knowing it was beating like that because of me. It sent tingles through me, fizzing out in my heart. I pulled our hands tighter, securing her to me. Like that, we fell into a blissful sleep._

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><p><em>The rest of the summer carried on like this; we were together almost every day. Sleepover after sleepover, attending numerous parties hosted by Puck. Each time he would try it on with me, and the jealously that stared me in the face through bright blue eyes stopped me. One specific party, Puck leaned in to kiss me whilst he had me pressed up against the wall and I turned my head, my eyes focusing on the beautiful blonde sitting on the sofa across the room.<em>

_ "Whoah. Since when is Santana Lopez frigid?" He questioned rhetorically. The accusation made my eyes pop open, I was offended as his remark. It just happened to be said when the song playing through the speakers had ended; a few eyes stared in our direction as Puck stood there smirking._

_ "Frigid?" I exhaled through mostly closed lips. "Actually the only reason I'm rejecting you is because I don't feel like faking another orgasm tonight." I pulled the queen bitch face; which Brittany had named the 'Santana Scowl'. The whole room giggled under their hands, which covered their mouths. Brittany rose from the sofa and walked over to me; grabbing my hand and leading me to the toilet. _

_ "Come on San. Time to pee." She announced, letting everyone hear. As we left we heard the whole room scream with laughter; Puck yelling at everyone to shut up or leave. _

_I giggled at the memory. Brittany sitting up, her face turning to me whilst my hand was running up and down her back. We were watching The Notebook so she knew I wasn't laughing at that. She gave me a questioning look, awaiting me to answer the silent question._

_ "I was laughing at that one party Puck had where I told him about my fake orgasms." She smiled, the memory running over her own brain. She swung her legs over the edge, her hands placed either side of her palms down. She pushed down on them, making her stand up. She walked towards the bathroom without a word._

_ "B?" I called out, no response. The bathroom door was wide open but she didn't answer. I got up cautiously; I'd got used to the pain in my chest but it was only now that I realised I didn't have any. I approached the bathroom, my head peering round the corner. She was applying lip gloss, and fixing her hair. _

_ "It's time to take off the bandages for good." She smiled, her eyes fixing to my chest. She reached towards me, pulling me infront of the floor-length mirror. "I'll be in there." She pointed towards the bedroom, leaving me to examine my new breasts after closing the door. I took my top off, staring at the bandages wrapped around my chest. I'd gone to the local hospital to have my stitches taken out three weeks before; and they'd told me I could take the bandage off soon. Britt was with me and obviously she heard more than me, I was too ecstatic to remember the date in which I could take the bandage off. Once again, I'm so lucky to have her._

_I reached round under my left arm, undoing the safety pin. I slowly unwrapped the bandage, finally revealing a perfect pair of DD boobs. The nipples were perfectly placed, like before, but they were bigger and perkier. I cupped one, feeling the silicone inside. It didn't feel unnatural; but it definitely didn't feel like my old ones. There were no longer angry, red scars underneath them - just a faint slightly silver line. Although my olive skin managed to mask scars quite well. I loved them - it was so worth it. I reached to put my top back on before I noticed a bag on the toilet seat, 'Santana' written on a post it note which was stuck to it. I opened it up, finding a black lacy bra with purple lining and tiny bows on the straps, matching thong and all. They were sized correctly, exactly my measurements. __**Brittany.**__ The name flashed a smile across my face. I hadn't worn in a bra in weeks, the bandage always acted as one. So I undressed from my original thong, putting on my brand new ones she'd bought me. I placed my white tank top back on, along with my jean short shorts on I'd been wearing previously. My cleavage was bigger than ever, peeking over my top. They felt huge in this balcony bra, like I had a ledge underneath my chin. I knew she was awaiting me; so I opened the door and took a deep breath._

_As I stepped out the door, I felt her head snap up, eyes widening. A smile gradually crept across her face; her white teeth beaming at me. She bit her bottom lip and crawled to the end of the bed, which was closer to me. She swung her legs over the edge and placed her hands, palms down, her mouth forming into an O shape._

_ "Well?" I questioned, already knowing her answer due to the reaction, but it was better to hear the words._

_ "Wow. They're umm," she coughed, "definitely.. wow." She could barely get any words out. I dipped my head, eyes gazing at the floor - concealing my smile. I felt two hands at the back of my legs, pulling my thighs towards her. My head raised as I straddled her; letting my arms drape around the back of her neck. Her lips pressed to my collarbone, tongue slowly tracing up my neck, her lips returning to my jawline._

_ "I'm assuming that's good then." I giggled into the air, her hot breath meeting my ear._

_ "Definitely." She kissed the hollow just under my ear. "But you were beautiful and sexy before them anyway. Now you're beautiful and even more sexier; which I didn't think was possible." Her teeth grazed my earlobe, slightly tugging at them. She pulled away, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. I bit my bottom lip before she rested her forehead against my own. "I want you so much right now." She was struggling to restrain herself, I could tell by the handful of my shirt she had on my back._

_ "And you're restraining yourself because..." Her eyes met mine, smiling at my suggestive tone. She pressed her soft lips to mine, a groan instantly coming from her mouth. That was such a turn on. I smiled into the kiss before slowly urging my tongue between her lips, asking for access. Her lips parted and our tongues met, a sensual oral battle begun. Her hands slid up my thighs, gradually approaching my ass. They slipped underneath me, grabbed the behind of my thighs - and she stood up. Our lips never parted as she laid me down on the bed, one hand under me, which I'm pretty sure meant she could feel the heat emitting from my centre, and one on the small of my back. She pulled away, slowly peeling off her top. I pushed myself up on my elbows, edging up towards the headboard. My head rested on the pillow as she crawled up on all fours towards me. Her bright pink bra illuminating a tan. Our lips met once more, the contact made me shiver; my arousal levels were already through the roof. Her hand slowly slid down to my hipbones, her fingertips caressing the skin covering them. My top was riding up, and her hand helped it. Her palm pressed to my taut stomach, my hands were sliding up her back, feeling every muscle. She pressed her body closer to me; I was about to burst with the way I'd felt. It had been such a long time since she had touched me like this, with no intention of stopping. I wrapped my legs around hers, so she was lying in between my legs. The fabric rubbing against our centres, creating friction and even more heat. I moaned as her lips ran down my jawline to my neck. Her tongue swirling on the sensitive spot she knew I had. _

_ "Fuck Britt." I breathed. I pushed towards, our bodies colliding and lips parting. I flipped us, so I was straddling her again. Sitting up, her hands ran down my sides, her fingers hooking into my jean shorts. I jumped at the touch, her hands ever so cool. Her bright blue eyes shone at me, sparkling with lust. Goosebumps covered my body as she slid her fingers under the waistband of my new thong. She unbuttoned my jean shorts, her fingers cool to the touch. I bit my bottom lip; she mirrored my movement. I raised my hips, pressing myself into her even more. My hands roamed over her toned abs, landing on her breasts. I could feel her nipples through her bra, which were already hard. I bent at the waist, my lips returning to hers. I was all of a sudden aware both of us were wearing too many clothes. I stood up over Britt, her hands running up my calves. Removing my top and shrugging off my shorts - she took off her shorts. Her eyes widened at the sight of the underwear she'd bought me on my nearly naked body. Thin pieces of fabric covering the spots we both wanted too touch on eachother. I re-straddled her, our lips colliding once more. My tongue was probing in and out of her mouth, gasping for breath every now and then. She brought her palm to my stomach, sliding down into my underwear, her fingers sliding over my folds. I arched my back, wanting more. She turned me so I was on my back, removing my bra in one swift movement._

_ "Dr. Martinez did a good job." She winked, before leaning on her side, my body tingled, due to the missing body heat. Her lips met my neck, and her hand returned under my thong, toying with my folds. I groaned into the night; my breath almost visible due to the unusually cold night. Her index finger slid in between, meeting my swollen clit. She rubbed gently in circles, before sliding two fingers into me. It felt so dream-like, I was terrifed I would wake up. She thrusted into me before throwing her leg over my own, straddling me, fingers still moving. My body immediately recognised her rhythm, moving with it. She kissed down my cleavage, her tongue meeting my left nipple, sucking gently. My centre was thrilled; each touch sending a jolt of electricity down to my clit. Her tongue followed my toned body, before meeting the top of my underwear. She removed her fingers, which glistened in the moonlight. I blushed and she removed my thong, tossing it to the side of my bed. We always stayed at my house now, my parents were out ninety-five percent of the time, leaving me and Britt all alone. My mom and dad trusted me; they knew me and Brittany were best friends. A wet sensation pressed against my soaking centre; removing any thought of my family from my mind. I gripped the sheets on the beds, my knuckles turning white. Her tongue slid expertly between my folds, hovering over my swollen clit before returning to continous strokes. It only took a few minutes before my body was shaking, my back arched and my body falling limp._

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><p><em>I was panting heavily as Brittany returned back up to my face. She pressed her lips to mine, I could taste myself on them. She slid her fingers over my soaking wet folds, moistening her fingers. They approached her mouth as her tongue poked out, licking my juices of her hand. <em>

_ "Ohmygod." I whispered quickly. She pressed her fingers to my mouth, I licked them gently and she shivered. We kissed for a bit while I recovered, I could still taste myself on her. My hand came around to her back, unclasping her bra; revealing a perfect pair of boobs, hard pink nipples staring at me. I gently grazed my teeth against her one as I slid down her body. I parted her legs, brushing my fingers against the outside of her pink underwear. She grinded her hips; making my touch harder against her. The heat emitted from her centre, I pushed her pants over to the side; sliding one finger into her. She moaned as I slipped another finger in, thrusting gently in and out. My face was so close to her centre, my breath probably sweeping over it. I stuck out my tongue, prodding it to her clit. She arched her back; I knew this was what she'd wanted for a long time. I pushed another finger in, my eyes flickering up to her face as I watched her eyes popping open. She bit down so hard on her lip it turned white. I licked up and down, every now and then swirling my tongue over her swollen clit whilst thrusting with my fingers. I removed my fingers, placing both palms on her stomach as I buried my face into her centre. Her thighs gently squeezing my head. I licked ferociously and I felt her coming as she tightened her thighs around my head; I pressed my tongue to her clit and her back arching for at least twenty seconds before she collapsed to the bed, breathing heavily. I kissed my way back up her body before meeting her lips. A small sweet kiss was what ended that night. I curled up my naked body against hers, feet intertwined and limbs tangled. My arms curled over her waist, securing her to me. Her hand played with my hair and we both stayed silent for a bit._

_ "Even though you were sexy before; those new additions aren't bad." She giggled, breathing into my hair. I was half asleep as she said this, slowly drifting off._

_ "They're yours. I'm yours." I responded, half dazed._

_ "Always. Proudly so." She replied, hugging me tighter before we both fell into a deep sleep. And that, was the best way I could have ended my Summer._


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Confidence

Season 2 starts here! This is after summer, and they're back at school. I'm working my way through season 2 and trying to get onto the summer afterwards. It'll get a lot more interesting when that happens, as I have loads of things up my sleeves. Please read and review. And I thank anyone who's read any of my previous chapters - my new stats came in today and I've already had loads, just in one day! Thank you and hope you enjoy!

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

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><p><strong>Chapter Thirteen: Confidence<strong>

_ "How has your life changed since the birth of your bastard child?" Jewfro pressed the microphone to Quinn. _

_It was the first day of school, of being a Junior, of going back to the bitch Santana Lopez after spending a summer wrapped up in Brittany's arms, snuggling and kissing into the night. Myself and Britt were standing by her locker after hearing Q ranting on about how perfect her summer was, reconnecting with her mother and pining over some guy she met whilst on a cruise in the Bahamas. We'd both just come from Britt's locker, she was scribbling something in her note pad whilst I was daydreaming and filing my nails._

_ "Well, I'm happy to be back," Q responded as she shut her locker, _

_"... and I'm ready to start fresh." She smiled, revealing a perfect set of white teeth. I glanced to Quinn as she reached over and pointed the camera back at herself; Fatboy, Jewfro's assistant had it fixed on my torso. _

_"And I'm a lot less hormonal so theres," she paused, "not any crying." _

_Jewfro immediately shoved the microphone towards me. I snapped my head up, clutching my nail file in my left hand, watching his creepy eyes staring at my brand new boobs._

_ "My eyes are up here Jewfro. And it was uneventful." _

_I slightly furrowed my eyebrows, I had to go back to not caring about the beautiful blonde standing next to me. A waft of coconut blew towards me, as she bent towards the microphone. I stared at her, watching those lucious lips as they spoke;_

_ "People thought I went on vacation, but actually I spent my summer lost in the sewers." Her face was sincere as she lied to the camera. _

_If I didn't know that wasn't true, I doubt I'd be able to tell she was lying - plus it was such a Brittany response. Jewfro and Fatboy walked off, interviewing the two asians on the way. Q still looked shocked at Brittany's response;_

_ "Right, well I'm off to class now." She turned her head slowly, I could imagine her saying 'riiiiight' as she walked around the corner. I turned to Brittany, shooting her a confused look._

_ "What? Lost in the sewers? What kind of response is that?" I crossed my arms, leaning my left shoulder against the locker._

_ "Well I was lost in the sewers. You said me and you weren't cheating on Puck and Mike because the plumbing was different. I assumed you meant we had sewers... because our plumbing is down there." _

_Her logic did actually kind of make sense; maybe it was because I'd spent so much time with her I knew exactly what she meant 99% of the time. I'd started dating Puck again, after agreeing with Britt that we had to act like nothing had happened over Summer. She revealed that her and Mike had split up, but she never seemed that phased by it. She stared at me, the corners of her mouth turned up into a brilliant smile. _

_ "Right Britt, well if anyone asks don't tell them that." I tucked my nail file into my bra, raising my hand and sticking out my pinky. She connected her pinky with my own and we walked to class._

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><p><em>After second period we had Glee club, so we arrived, taking our seats at the back of the room next to each other. Chang sat next to Brittany; it was awkward for me and I wasn't in the middle of them, so God knows how they could stand being next to eachother. Apparently the singing Asian and Chang were together now; after hooking up at some Asian camp for Panda's or something. Mr Schue stood at the front of the room, his eyes scanning the pieces of paper infront of him.<em>

_ "These are comments from Jacob Ben Israel's most recent Glee Club blog; _Glee is a giant ball of suck._" _

_ "We get it Mr Schu, everyone still hates us." The gay kid, who's name apparently was Kurt - news to me, spoke._

_Then again I didn't really want to look him in the eyes; let alone talk to him, he might start throwing a hissy fit or slapping me with his handbag. _

_"So what? So we're plankton on the high school food chain. The only difference now is that none of us really care." He spoke honestly; his words were true. _

_I didn't really care that I was in Glee Club because I liked it. It made me feel free, it was kind of a fucked up dysfunctional but loving family._

_ "Kurt's right, we're a family. They can bring it all they want, none of it is gonna break us." Wheezy spoke after Kurt, they're relationship had certainly sprung out of nowhere._

_ "I'm really happy that you guys have all bonded; the problem is that all this negative stuff is keeping other students from auditioning." Mr Schue answered back; and despite Wheezy basically reading my mind and saying what I would never admit in a million years, he did have a point._

_ "Good why do we need new members?" Tina retorted. _

_I turned my head, Brittany was completely out of it. I smirked and listened into the conversation once again._

_ "Since Matt transferred we only have eleven members." Mr Schue was waving his hand in front of his shirt, vest and tie, one hand tucked into his jean pocket. Come to think of it he looked pretty damn fine today. _

_I brought my hands together, them resting in between my lap. I could feel Brittany mirroring my movement, so we were both sitting in exactly the same place. _

_"And if we want to go to Nationals, if we wanna beat Vocal Adrenaline, we have to go from a small rebel force to a giant wall of sound." His face started resembling a tomato as he was getting into his little pep talk._

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><p><em>The dwarf got up and started talking, rambling on about how great Vocal Adrenaline were whilst we were all at the hospital; waiting for Q to pop. Of course she had stayed there. <em>

_She positioned herself next to Mr Schuester, crossing her arms and obviously trying to act like a leader. Finnocence agreed with whatever the hobbit had said and stood up, heading towards her and standing by her, wrapping his hand around her waist. _

_They looked so awkward together, completely wrong. He was like the BFG and she was like Frodo. She beamed a smile; I guess it was kind of sweet - but only my brain would ever hear those words._

_ "Gross." Brittany spoke._

_ I laughed, realising she had been more into the conversation than I had. My Schue started another talk that was supposed to pschye us up, trying to get us to go out and find new members. However I knew that would end in a couple of cherry slushie facial, and I was not down with that. I'd managed last year; getting through without being slushied and I wasn't expecting one anytime soon. _

_Without realising, a smile had pasted across my face - I guess I was kinda excited for new members to join, we needed some fresh man candy and this could be our chance to get some. Brittany started clapping enthusiastically, and I crooked my head to the side, meeting her brilliantly blue eyes. _

_She always got so excited over things like this; she was just so fucking adorable. I felt a eyes on me as I realised Quinn was watching me gawp at Brittany like a kid with a brand new toy. I faced forward, pretending like I hadn't noticed. _

_We spent the rest of the meeting practising a number which we performed out in the school yard the next day, where all the lunch benches and the infamous 'McKinley Stone Steps' were._

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><p><em>We'd all dressed up in matching black tops that said 'New York City' and bling; styling ourselves to be slightly more 'G' as Chang had called it. Obviously me and Puck were the only ones who could really pull it off as we both came from Lima Heights Adjacent, one of the few Ghetto's in Ohio. <em>

_Britt could too, but she'd never lived in a ghetto before, the thought of her even attempting too brought a smile to my face I was wearing one of Puck's hat that he'd leant me the night before. A trade for a fake orgasm didn't seem that bad of a deal. _

_Myself, Britt and Q were at the top, dancing slowly down the stairs. Damn Britt could dance; hip hop was one of her specialities - and she could do it so well. Her dancing was definitely in my top 5 of turn-ons, watching her body gracefully prance across any type of floor, her toned body twisting and turning. _

_**Stop.**_

_I shook the image out of my head. By the end of the number; barely anyone had even taken notice of us. I mean of course I'd seen a couple of unpopular kids staring at me but they weren't Glee material._

_ We walked back towards the locker rooms, changing and discussing our performance. Myself and Britt were the only people left in the changing rooms after Mercedes had exited with the singing Asian. Both of us were standing in our Cheerio skirts and bras. I was fiddling around with my shoes, my foot on the bench, bending over. I knew how short this skirt was, and I knew that it would've caught Brittany's attention. I flicked my head; feeling her azure eyes burn into the side of my face. I smiled, tugging my lip between my teeth. She cleared her throat; and I stood up to attention, facing her. Her eyes had popped open, her mouth drooping. I winked and she walked towards me; pressing her hips into me as my back hit the locker. She groaned and kissed my neck - my hands ran up and down her sides, fingertips brushing over her ribs, just how she liked it._

_ "San, that's not fair. We're supposed to be acting normal. You said that." She whispered as her lips retreated from my neck and moved up to my jawline._

_ "I have no idea what you're talking about." I giggled, and turned my head as she pressed her lips to mine. They slanted together, moving in sync as her tongue asked for permission to enter my mouth. I smiled and my lips parted, granting access. Her tongue danced through my mouth and her hands ran up through my hair, grabbing handfuls. My tongue responded and I felt myself getting too hot - so I pulled away._

_ "Whoah; okay. Bad idea. We can't, not here B." She backed away; biting her lip. I could feel on my thigh that was pressed between her legs that she was too hot as well. _

_ "Yeah. Agreed." She said, her eyes burning into my own._

_Despite both of us wanting to back away, neither of us made the first move. We stared into each others eyes - I could see the want and arousal in her beautiful blue eyes. I leant forward, pressing my lips to her one more time; tasting her lucious lips and savouring the sweet taste before pushing her away and tugging my Cheerios top on. We linked pinkies as we exited; I was still cooling down from the heated encounter that took place just several minutes before._

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><p><em>The next day, I was called into Coach Sylvester's office. Apparently she had heard about my summer surgery and wasn't pleased. She said that 'any person who needs to pump herself full of gravy wasn't worthy of being Head Cheerio. I explained that I wanted to be noticed more, because I did. Despite appearances, I was never that confident. I mean sure I know I'm hot, but every girl is insecure, so I changed what I felt insecure about. I didn't regret my boob job until this very moment. It was definitely effective; nearly all the guys I came across since I'd come back to school seemed to be hypnotized by my increased breast size and Brittany's reaction resulted in the best orgasm in history. I was loving the attention, except those unnattractive and unpopular nerds ogling at me. <em>

_In the space of 5 minutes I had not only become vulnerable infront of Sylvester, but I'd also been demoted to bottom of the pyramid. Which meant I was going to be leant and stood on, great whilst Q was going to replace me, going straight to the top as Head Cheerio. _

_**Bitch. Of course it was her. She wants to regain her power. Fucking slut. **_

___I was infuriated, tears welling up in the corners of my eyes with anger. My hands shaking as I exited Coach's office, I could feel my heart beat quickening and the adrenaline running through my veins. I stormed up behind Q, who was already waltzing around the halls like she owned the place. I shoved her with as much force as I could gain, her pummeling into the lockers. She immediately struck back, pushing me backwards. _

_**Oh hell no.**__ My inner voice was even angry._

_ "YOU did this to me.. YOU told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery!" I yelled at her, my face inches from hers. I could feel the rage radiating from my body._

_ "You have surgery when you get your appendix out. You. Got. A. Boob. Job." She spat back at me, getting all up in my grill. I snapped._

_ "Yup. Sure did." I raised my left hand and it connected with her cheek, a loud slapping noise echoed down the halls._

_ "YOU CAN'T HIT ME." She retorted, facing my once more._

_ "Yeah I can. Unless you got yourself knocked up again. SLUT!"_

_ My hands gestured to her stomach. I was good at comebacks, I always had been. Ever since I'd attacked some kid in middle school after he called Q a bitch, even though he had no idea what it had meant. She grapsed my shoulders, and pushed me into the lockers. I was about to go all Lima Heights on her ass. _

_ "Stop the violence." _

_A soft, familiar voice whispered from the crowd. We wrestled for each other and she grabbed my hair. I muscled up the power and literally threw her to the floor, she face planted it and struggled to get back up. I went for her but Mr Schue came between us, pushing me back._

_ "He-he-hey hey! What is this!" He demanded. Staring at me. __"We're supposed to be a family!"_

_He pushed us even further apart as we both lunged for each other. Quinn's face was full of rage. Mr Schue released me and focused on Q, grabbing her shoulders and pushed her down the hall._

_ "Oh please. She already has a family. SHE'S A MOTHER." I raised my hands above my heads, knowing I'd won this._

_ "WALK AWAY AND TIGHTEN UP YOUR PONY BEFORE CLASS!" She yelled after me._

_I headed towards the crowd where I saw a blonde staring at me. I pushed passed the people and felt her following me. We headed towards the girls bathroom where she locked the door behind us as we entered - preventing anyone from entering the room. We talked for a while and she embraced me, calming me down. She knew exactly what to do to; stroking my arms up and down with her cool fingertips, sending shivers down my spine. I turned towards the mirror before re-assembling my perfect ponytail. I smirked but remembered the demotion._

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><p><em>After school Glee club came quicker than I thought, which meant another encounter with Q. Me and Britt entered, standing behind the piano with half the club. We waited until 4:58 before anyone spoke. The dwarf assuming no-one was coming to audition so we left. The next couple of days there were rumours that Berry had sent the new Asian exchange student to a crack den, preventing her from auditioning because she was so good. Even though she was basically my arch nemesis; Berry definitely had a side to her I could get along with. There were too many Asians in the club already so I didn't feel any anger towards her. However we were called to the Auditorium at 4, and watched the new asian perform Listen, by the one and only Beyonce. We didn't bother sitting, but B knew I hated standing, so she took my waist and hoisted me up to the ledge. Her hands grazing against my legs as her hands lowered. This Sunshine girl was actually amazing<em>

_ "Wow, Moonlight is amazing." Brittany bared a grin._

_ "Sunshine sweetie." I murmured back. We both started waving our hands in sync, enjoying the performance. _

_At Cheerios practice after school Quinn was talking to Coach Sylvester, and she shot me a sympathetic look. I was at the bottom of the pyramid and Brianna was digging her knee into my back. I didn't even both to meet her gaze. My right elbow gave way, but I had to regain my strength otherwise I'd be kicked off the Cheerios for good. And fuck that - if I wasn't a Cheerio, I would be a nobody. _

_The next day we were all in the choir room talking, Finn walked in looking bothered. We were discussing Sunshine's performance, and her betrayal as she moved to Carmel High to join Vocal Adrenaline, because they bought her and her mom a condo. I heard Brittany tap her legs and I looked her questionly;_

_ "What?" I mouthed to her._

_ "Legs." She raised the corners of her mouth, kind of smiling. I raised my legs and placed them over her thighs, her hands rested on my shins._

_I saw the dwarf outside the room, looking in at us, wondering what the hell she was doing. I noticed her mouth popping open, she must be singing. Again. She's so freakin' annoying. I felt Brittany move her hands, her fingertips were brushing up and down my legs, sending shivers down my spine._

_ "Come back to mine after practice to do some homework?" I whispered suggestively, using air quotes at the word 'homework.'_

_ "We don't have any homework S?" Her eyebrows furrowed and I waited for her to get what I meant. _

_"Oh." _

_**Finally.**_

_"Yeah sure honey." It was the first time she'd ever called me honey, and it felt so right. Best friends call each other stuff like that right? _

_**Yes. Of course they do. Don't read into this.**_

___ So I cleared my concious and we carried on discussing 'Moonlight' as B had called her. The memory bringing a giggle from my throat. _

_After Cheerios practice we rushed to my car. I'd picked Britt up this morning so it's not like we couldn't go home together. We took turns driving too school but she shared a car with her mom so I drove most days. We got back to my house and I pulled up in the drive; neither of my parents cars were there so we rushed inside, not bothering to bring our school bags. Before I could close the front door Brittany had tackled me too the floor, straddling me. Her lips met mine and her hands roamed all over my body, cupping my breasts and gently pinching my hard nipples. Our tongues collided together, massing each other. I moaned as I could feel my centre overheating. It barely took any time with Brittany to get ready, so to speak. My hands ran up her thighs, sliding over her body, remembering every curve. She parted our lips and sat up, pulling her Cheerios top over her head, revealing a black lacy bra that pushed her cleavage up. She slid her hands round the back, not faffing around and removed her bra. I gasped at her beauty, rubbing my hand in betwen her legs, over the fabric covering her core. She smiled, and then bit her lip - noticing my glare. She bent down and her perfect nipples pressed against me. I was wearing way too much clothing so I sat up, holding Brittany on my thighs, her legs wound around my waist, feeling her vice grip tighten. She did the honour and slid her hands up my top, throwing it by the living room doorway. She kissed my neck, nibbling on my skin, possibly creating a hickey. I giggled and felt her chest rumble as she giggled with me. Our lips met once more, moulding into each other, my tongue sliding across her bottom lip - this always made her moan, and on queue, she did. I pushed my legs up, securing my hands around her ass, gripping firmly. I stood up; and headed for the stairs. Her arms were secure around my neck, holding herself up against me. I managed to climb two stairs before giving up, and placing her on them. I was hovering over her, so I kissed her neck, sliding my body down hers. I traced my tongue down the middle of her breasts and hovering over her stomach. _

_I brought my hands up, unzipping her skirt and slipping it over her long, slender legs before tossing it over the banister. I flickered my eyes up to hers, she was staring at me, already panting heavily. I traced two fingers up her thighs, pushing her panties to the side and pushing them into her core. She gasped and started grinding her hips with my rhythm. Our bodies recognised each others touch so well, they always felt the beat and moved with it. Almost like dancing. I stuck my tongue out and gently flicked it against her clit, she arched her back at the touch and her hand moved to the back of my head, tangling in my hair. I flicked my tongue a couple more times whilst thrusting before I slid another finger in, her eyes popped open and she bit her lip. I moved back up her body; kissing my way up her torso before I met her gaze. She stared at me, obviously struggling to keep her eyes open due to the pleasure - and I felt her body shuddering as she was about to come. I circled my thumb pad over her clit and she shook, her whole body trembling. Her back arched so high up I placed my free hand under the small of her back, so she wouldn't hit it when she went limp. _

_ "Look at me Britt Britt." _

_I whispered into her ear as she was shaking, her eyes widened and I met her brilliantly blue eyes. I watched her come and it felt amazing. I made her feel like this, I had the power to give her such a powerful orgasm. She sank back down and my hand retreated, gliding up her body. I licked my glistening fingers, then taking them whole in my mouth. She tasted so fucking good, always. I licked my lips and I pressed them to hers - she licked my lower lip, exhaling and sending her sweet breath into my mouth. My eyes fluttered at the taste and I closed my eyes. _

_After a couple of minutes of regaining her strength, she stood up, shoving her hand out infront of her. I took it and stood up. She grabbed my thighs before yanking them upwards, lifting me to straddle her waist. This girl was like superhuman - she had so much strength it was unbelievable. She walked up the stairs, knowing my house she entered my room before climbing onto the bed, resting my head on the pillow. She kissed me tenderly, and somehow this kiss felt different. It was passionate, and.. _

_**Fuck. **__**This kiss was romantic.**_

_As if she read my mind she parted our lips, staring into my dark chocolate eyes._

_ "Are you alright San?" She looked concerned. "I just wanted to say..."_

_ "Yeah B. I'm fine. Just shut up and kiss me." _

_I didn't want to talk, she was obviously leading the conversation somewhere. Plus I felt like I was about to overload. I pressed our lips together, I tried to get into it as before - but my mind was elsewhere. I think she noticed her hand stroked up and down my arm - she did this when she was worried about me. I slipped my tongue into her mouth, attempting to remove the worries from my mind. Her hand trailed down my stomach, tracing an imaginary circle with her fingertip around my belly button. She lifted herself up by her hands, pressing her body into mine as she laid on me. She slipped her leg in between mine, and started moving up and down, creating friction on both of our centres. _

_ Our lips syncing together, melting into each other. Our bodies were connecting, moving in rhythm. My hands stroking down her arms to intertwine my fingers with hers. She raised our arms, pushing them behind my head, pinning my arms down. She moved her lips to my neck where she kissed it gently, her tongue sweeping over the skin. I moaned and started to shudder, preparing myself for the magnificent ending. Her body copied my own, shuddering too. We both started shaking intensely. I bit down on my lip and snapped my eyes open - meeting the sapphires that were her eyes. We stared into each others eyes as waves of euphoria flowed over both our bodies. Mine arching into hers, and hers moving with mine. She collapsed on top of me, her breathing was rugged, but she returned her lips to mine with a sweet kiss. _

_About twenty seconds later, she shifted off my body, leaning on her side, her arm in a triangle, her palm leaning against her temple. She stared at me and I felt butterflies in my stomachs. _

_**Why did that time feel so different?**_

_The gaze wasn't awkward, we carried on looking at each other, I could see her eyes sparkle in the moonlight. Her hand stroked down my arm, starting at my shoulder. She hovered over the crease in my elbow, gently tickling it. I shivered, she knew I loved that spot. A smile stretched across my face and broke eye contact, dipping my head as I blushed. Her fingertip touched my chin, raising it to look back into her azure eyes. She then tenderly caressed her fingers down my cheeks, pressing our lips together. I poured everything I had into this moment._

_ I could have stayed there forever, just looking at the beautiful being infront of me. The feeling I had running through my body was unbelievable, it was fireworks and butterflies, romance and fear all tied together. I felt so vulnerable and safe at the same time. _

_ I could feel her hot breath sweep across my face, a blonde lock of hair was out of place so I reached out, stroking it down, wrapping it around another piece of hair. I brushed my fingertip across her cheekbone, rubbing my thumb across her lips. She pouted them, placing a little kiss on it. I closed my eyes, savouring the moment as she took my hand and linked our fingers together. I snuggled into her, and she cradled me, our bodies pressed into each other in an emotional tangle. She kissed my forehead and we both drifted off to a peaceful sleep, my mind yelling at me. _

_**You're letting her in. Never let anyone in. Never give anyone the power to break you.**_

___My body shut down, falling asleep. The words echoing through my brain._

* * *

><p><em>Glee club was discussing doing a Britney Spears number in practice, a thought that Mr Schue wasn't happy about. Despite us growing up with her, apparently she wasn't a very good role model. He was suggesting some old guy called Christopher something, which all of us didn't want to do. It wasn't exactly important to me until Brittany spoke up;<em>

_ "I don't wanna do Britney." Her head tilted towards the floor, her feet twiddling together._

_ "Why not Britney, Brittany?" Kurt asked. I have to admit I was curious too._

_ "Because my name is also Britney Spears." She responded_

_I thought about her name, it was close to it but it wasn't. Brittany Pierce, I guess if you said it fast you could almost hear it. Everyones heads were turned towards her, and Mr Schue questioned what while Wheezy asked what the hell she was talking about._

_ "My middle name is Susan. My last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany S. Pierce - Brittany Spierce." _

_Q was staring at her, 'what the fuck?' was writting across her forehead. _

_"I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears shadow, I will never be as talented or famous." The room fell quiet, all listening to her logic. _

_"I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to stay as a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears." _

_Mr Schue was obviously amused by this;_

_ "Well... There you have it guys. It's been decided." A smug look pasted his face, emphasising his butt chin.__"No Britney, sorry."_

_ "Thanks Britt." The gay kid spoke sarcastically, immediately heating up my veins. _

_"Thanks alot." He smirked at her, this pissed me off._

_ "Leave Brittany alone." I snapped, shooting the Santana Scowl at him. I placed my hand on her shoulder._

_ "Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road."_

_ I sympathised with her, pretending to feel her pain. She didn't need me to understand, she just wanted my support. I rubbed her back, staring into her brilliantly blue eyes._

_The following day at school - Miss Pilsbury had her boyfriend in to speak to us. He was hot for someone ancient, Mr Schue was alright but this guy, damn, that's one hot mess. Apparently he was a dentist, and he was giving us a talk about dental hygiene._

_ "You chew this little capsule, and if there's any plaque you missed the dye will stick to it and turn your teeth blue." _

_Being the outspoken person I am, and knowing what thoughts were running through every girls mind at this moment, I spoke up;_

_ "Can I just say you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen." He smiled and replied;_

_ "I get that all the time." Obviously he knew how good looking he was._

_ "No like seriously, you can totally drill me anytime whenever you..."_

_ "SANTANA!" _

_The ginger spoke, obviously threatened by my offer. I smirked, knowing he was probably imagining me naked right know. _

_"Okay, let's stay focused." She muttered unintelligibly._

* * *

><p><em>My eyes were focused on the older man infront of me, imaging myself rolling around in bed with him. He handed me a capsule and I seductively opened it, turning my head to look at a laughing Brittany, obviously she'd watched me staring at him. We were instructed to chew them; they did not taste good. Everyones attention drew to Berry as she had bright blue teeth. I giggled; she so wasn't above everyone despite what she thought. I smiled, turning to Brittany. She nodded and whispered; <em>

_ "Your teeth are sparkley." A smile spread across her face. _

_"How about mine?" Whoah. Her mouth matched her eyes. Wheels spoke;_

_ "I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror." _

_He pasted a empathetic look on his face. I smiled;_

_ "There you go blue tooth." I said to him, a smirk creeping across my face after._

_ "I don't brush my teeth. I was my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist." She glanced at me confused, I didn't know what to say so I shot her a sympathetic smile. She was so cute, despite the plaque that covered her teeth._

_ "With some deep bleaching and scaling, you'll be as good as new." _

_The hot dentist spoke to Brittany as if she was a child. _

_"Alright open up." He was sitting beside her now. _

_"Eurgh. Close it." He moved his hand downwards, gesturing to shut his mouth. The hot dentist looked at Miss Pilsbury, Mr Schue was obviously jealous as they stared at eachother with awe. Brittany had opened her mouth again, smiling. _

_"Close again." So she did._

* * *

><p><em>Brittany was made to have an emergency appointment right after Glee Club, so I headed home alone. It felt horrible, I like it one bit. The house felt cold when I entered my room. I did worry about Brittany, she was like the macaroni to my cheese. When I wasn't with her I worried about her, when I was with her though, everything was alright - no matter what was going on. Best friends were like that - they felt incomplete when they weren't together, right? I was due to pick her up at 6, so until then I did some Spanish work for extra credit.<em>

_ When I arrived, the dentist she went to wasn't exactly the most attractive. It still had all the features of a dentist, including white walls and a strong smell of antiseptic. She wandered out, obviously high from the anaesthetic and into my arms. Hugging me close. She didn't let go of me until we got to the car, she ran her fingers up and down my arm, playing with my fingers. I'd brought the spare car, a 4x4 Chrysler so I helped her into the back seat, letting her lie down. _

_ "San? Why didn't you bring your broom broom?" She questioned, her eyes closing slowly._

_ "You need some sleep, to wear off the anaesthetic." I smiled at her. _

_"You always look after me. Did you know I held a snake? It was awesome. I was in a sparkly body suit and I was Britney Spears. Carl was there too, I was dancing over him singing Slave 4 U. I looked awesome. I'm totally talented." She announced, clearly she'd had some reaction to the anaesthetic that sent her into a dream world. I was covering her with my coat as she spoke._

_ "Ooh how exciting Britt. Get some sleep and when you wake up you can tell me all about the snake." I replied, shutting her door and walking round to the drivers door._

_ ".. love with you." I opened the door, hearing the last words of Brittany's sentence. She started snoring so obviously she'd been dreaming. I took her back to my house; her mom wasn't home yet and she couldn't be alone. I carried her up to my bedroom, laying her on my bed. I slid next to her, leaning on my elbow, just looking at her. She was so beautiful it hurt, the mere sight of her made my heart pound in ways I'd never known before. I'd never had a best friend before; and I never wanted another one - she was the best I was ever going to get, and I'm just lucky that I found her._

_When she woke up she spent the rest of the evening telling me about her dream. Apparently the last thought she had was of Britney Spears, and so the dream had formed off that. _

_ "I've totally gotta try this out B." I smiled, linking our hands together. _

_"Let's go tomorrow." She instinctively leaned in towards me, her tone lowered as she spoke the last word. Our lips were just inches apart, and I took this moment to visualise every milimetre of her perfect face before pressing my lips to hers in an oral battle, our tongues fighting for dominance. We had a length make out session which involved a lot of touching, but no sex. She had to head home so I walked her to my door, leaning in to place a quick kiss to her cheek when she turned her head, latching her lips to mine. I was shocked by the movement as my mother was only in the living room next door. I backed away immediately, my eyes widened._

_ "Britt. What the hell?" I asked, my tone slightly infuriated._

_ "Sorry. Couldn't resist." She answered, she gave me a smile that erased any trace of anger I had._

* * *

><p><em>After school the next day; I was sitting in the dentists chair with Brittany in the one next to it while hottie read through my files and examined the picture of my teeth.<em>

_ "So, Santana." He was scribbling something on a piece of paper in my file. _

_"I'm looking at your charts and x rays." He spun to look at me, his eyebrows furrowed. __"Your teeth are perfect." His face, obviously wondering why I'd come._

_ "That's right." I stared at my nails, just after finishing filing them._

_ "Well I can't just put you under." I crossed my arms, tucking my hands under my elbows, before pasting the Santana Scowl on my face. "Anaesthesia isn't something to joke about, it's serious." Right, fuck this. I need to persuade him._

_ "Okay, listen. My dad's a doctor." I unfolded my arms. "And not a tooth doctor," I air quoted the tooth doctor part, folding my arms once more. "A real one. He like went to college or something. Which means I have a killer health plan that pretty much pays for everything. So get up in my grill." I gestured to my mouth with my right hand, hanging it in the air afterwards. "Cause Britts and I wants... To get our anaesthesia on." I did my sassy head thing that always worked when persuading someone. I wouldn't have a Ford Mustang GT500 if I hadn't owned that move._

_ "That's totally cool." Brittany agreed, smiling at me before resting her head back in the chair._

_ "Okay. Guess I can give you super strong bleaching." Carl suggested, I smirked at him. He offered to turn the radio on. Me and B looked at each other, already figured that one out._

_ "We've got it covered." Britt and I said in sync, as well as putting our headphones in. As I drifted off I had a very vivid dream of a sexually-charged rendition of Me Against The Music. We were sharing a fantasy, I was in a cream suit consisting of a vest and pants, occasionally a blazer. She was dressed in a black suit, tight vest with white tank top underneath. It emphasised her incredibly sexy body. Even Finn was in my dream. We both woke up, giggling at the memory._

* * *

><p><em>Brittany stuck her hand up, demanding to have every solo ever. This of course pissed off the dwarf. When Mr Schue questioned her, she announced that the anaesthesia induced a very realistic fantasy of her being Britney Spears. The whole club was looking at her as if she was mad, most of them had their upper lip raised at one corner, looking down at her.<em>

_ "Now I realise what a powerful woman I truely am." She finished. I decided to join in, to back her up._

_ "I went with her. I had a Britney fantasy too. Although now I'm thinking about it, I'm not really sure how our fantasies combined." I said._

_My brows furrowed, thinking over it. This started an argument between Kurt and Mr Schue, but suprisingly Kurt was actually backing up Brittany._

_ "I'm more talented than all of you, I see that now." She stated. __"It's Brittany. Bitch."_

_My head was titled down, and I smiled before grabbing her hand, squeezing it tightly. Kurt went crazy, yelling about Britney before telling Schuester that he should stop being so uptight all the time. Mentally, the whole club was going WAHEYYY, because Mr Schue had just been put in his place by a student. I raised my hand as Kurt spoke; amazed at his words. This of course ended in the gay kid being sent to the principals office. The whole club was amazed that he had stood up for what he believed in that much._

* * *

><p><em>Later that day, Berry dressed up in a Britney Spears outfit, the one she wore in Baby One More Time. As she sat down next to me in Glee practice; I finished applying my lip gloss and turned to her;<em>

_ "Well Rachel, congratulations." She turned her head, smoothing down one side of her cardigan, her attention directed towards me. _

_"Normally you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man, with a very dark, specific fetish," I placed the lipgloss on the chair next to me, "But I actually dig this look. Yayy."_

_ I clapped my hands quietly, sharing a smile with the girl that annoyed the crap outta me. She smiled a very toothy grin and thanked me. Kurt stood up and talked about Britney Spears again, antagonising Mr Schue by making a sarcastic comment._

_Mr Schue had been convinced a few days after, by reasons unknown - and we prepared a number to perform infront of the school at the homecoming assembly. We all dressed up in similar smart outfits that included bowler hats and black/white suits. Apparently, during the performance, a few students had become sexually aroused and started yelling sexual compliments at us. Coach Sylvester didn't like this and set off the fire alarm, which caused more damage than good. He told us later that we weren't allowed to perform anymore Spears numbers, despite the clear benefits that they gave us such as a boost of confidence._


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Speechless

******A short entry, just letting you guys a feel of how Santana feels. Please read and review! I hope you enjoy and I welcome any feedback, good or bad! Thank you lovely readers!******

******Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.******

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Speechless<strong>

_The next couple of weeks shot past really fast, after school hours spent mostly with Brittany's tongue down my throat. I savoured each one as they imprinted into my memory. _

_News travelled fast as it was revealed that Kurt's father Burt, which I laughed at when I first heard but only because of the one letter difference of names, suffered a heart attack. _

_Wheezy sung Whitney Houston's 'I Look To You' to him, hoping that he would find strength in faith or some shit; however apparently Kurt was an atheist. _

_I didn't know if it was due to his sexuality or something, but I didn't judge him, this time at least. Schuester told us that Kurt made a formal complaint over the Glee club singing religious songs. __Apparently Sue told him too, being an atheist herself, some sob story about her family or something. Ever since she'd demoted me I'd felt no sympathy for her and her sob stories._

* * *

><p><em>A couple days later in choir practice - Mr Schue announced that Puck had been sent to prison or something, well the teenage equivalent anyway. <em>

_Personally I was a bit pissed off considering I didn't know about it until now, but then again I barely spoke to Puck - we just had sex every now and then. Finn went all red faced, saying that Puck put his needs before everyone elses and that he didn't care blah blah blah._

_ "He's probably the dumbest person on this planet and that's coming from me." Brittany spoke as Mr Schue finished telling about Puck going to Juvi. _

_I sensed a bit of jealousy in her tone as we talked about Noah. She knew I'd been sleeping with him after I told her a couple nights ago. _

"Sex isn't dating right?" She'd said, copying my words. I'd squinted my eyes detecting something in her eyes that I wasn't entirely sure of.

* * *

><p><em>Apparently we'd also found a new member to join Glee club, clearly this person had a death wish but hey, wasn't my neck.<em>

_ "... Our new member Sam Evans." My Schue announced, introducing the new kid._

_Finn pulled a ridiculous grin on his face and a blonde swishy haired guy jogged in, holding a notebook. His mouth was like the size of texas, those lips reminded me of a salamander, he could swallow me whole with those things. I watched Q's eyes stare at him as he ran, her next target. I knew that look only too well._

_ "Hi everybody," he said shaking Mr Schue's hand, _

_"I'm Sam. Sam I am, and I don't like green eggs and ham." He giggled, swaying his body back and fourth. _

_**Oh my god.** **He just laughed at his own joke. That's embarrasing.**_

_ "Oh wow. He has no game." I said. _

_Finn stood up, walking over to him. Obviously this was the guy Finn had said 'idolized him' and that's why he turned up to the audition... Oh wait, no he didn't. _

_Schuester asked what a duet was after Sam sat down. Our assignment was to pair up and sing a duet, the winner would get a dinner for two at Breadsticks. This immediately caught my attention;_

_ "I have to win. Literally I have to win." I said to Brittany, she nodded in agreeance._

* * *

><p><em>Later that night we were at Britt's house, lying on her bed. We decided that we were both to tired from Cheerios practice to have sex, plus I was still a little freaked out from last time - which I'm pretty sure came under the category of 'making love'. <em>

_I pressed my lips to her neck, my tongue twirling over her sensitive spot. I could feel her hand running up my back towards me neck, it sent shivers down my spin. Her other hand was rested on my back, at a strange angle due to keeping myself up with my elbows pressed against the bed._

_ "I love your sweet lady kisses." She said, her breath tickling my ear. I could hear both of our hearts pounding._

_ "Mhmm.." I parted my lips from her neck, pulling back and looking at her. _

_"It's a nice break from all that scissoring." I smiled at her and our eyes connected. _

_I leant in to press my lips to hers, but as I did I slid off to the left, teasing her. She giggled, grasping the back of my neck firmly, securing my lips to her throat once more. I was basically on top of her, just inhaling her sweet coconut scent, adoring the beautiful being in front of me._

_ "We should do a duet together." She said._

_I carried on kissing her neck, hoping she'd shut up some time soon, I didn't want to talk. I never talked during, I'd told Finn the same thing before I stole his V card. _

_"How about Melissa Etheridge's 'Come To My Window'." She carried on._

_ I snapped my head back; why was she suggesting a lovey dovey song? Her hands were roaming all over my back, nearly making me lose focus on what she'd said. _

_**Please don't make me think about feelings Britt. **__I said in my head to her._

_ "Look first of all, there's a lot of talking going on," I met her clear blue eyes;_

_"...and I wants to get my mack on." I broke the eye contact, returning my lips to her neck. _

_**Why is this bothering me?**_

_I tried to get into it like before, but tilted her head to the side and spoke again;_

_ "I don't know I just..." I backed off, pulling my body away from hers. _

_My heart was pounding, not with anger though. It was strange. It was like her words were setting off an alarm, causing my walls to shoot up and turning bitch mode on. I could feel the hurt I'd just caused, just by stopping the kisses._

_ "And second of all, I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and wanna sing about making lady babies." _

_**Why did you just say that? No-one ever said anything about being in love**__. _

_Shit. My conscience was right, I needed to recover. _

_"I'm only here because Puck's been in the slammer for about 12 hours now and I'm like a lizard, "I raised my hands, tying up my dark brown locks into a classic Cheerio ponytail, "I need something warm beneath me or I can't digest my food." _

_I could feel her eyes gazing at me, the guilt set in straight away, but I couldn't look at her - I didn't want to see the hurt I'd just caused by harshly rejecting her._

_ "Then who are you gonna sing a duet with?" Her soft voice spoke, quieter than usual. I knew I'd hurt her even before she spoke, and I felt guilty then. But now? Now I felt like shit. But then I smirked, thinking of who I was going to sing my duet with. _

_ "Wheezy. I'll approach her tomorrow asking her, she wouldn't mind - it'll give her a popularity boost." I responded. _

_"I've gotta go now Britt Britt. See you tomorrow." I stood up, grabbing my bag on the way out. _

_I couldn't turn round to look at her, knowing I'd probably run over to her apologising if I did. Then I'd be vulnerable again. I closed her bedroom door, sighing. I hated hurting Brittany, but things were easier this way. They weren't complicated; I couldn't do complicated. _

_**Just sex.**_

_I'd always tell myself that, no-one was going to get passed these walls, I'm Santana Lopez and I'm as stubborn as hell._

* * *

><p><em>When I got home, and entered my bedroom. I threw myself on the bed, burying my head into a pillow. I was mega tired and I needed sleep. Well that's what I told myself anyway. <em>

_**Go to sleep or you'll start thinking of things.**_

_My conscience knew the real reason. I threw my Cheerios uniform over the chair by my desk, sleeping in my underwear. It was too hot for pajamas anyway._

* * *

><p><em>The next I followed Wheezy in the corridoor, encouraging her to sing a duet with me;<em>

_ "Why would I wanna do a duet with you? We can't stand each other." She spat at me, throwing in a disgusted look at me too. She pulled up beside her locker._

_ "Look Wheezy, I know I've tried to punch you a couple times, " I paused, standing beside the lockers next to hers, _

_"...and sometimes when you're not looking I put weird things in your food. But it's a new year. You and I are the best singers at this school." I told her, I was certainly the best, she followed closely behind I guess._

_ "I don't get what the big deal is, it's just a meal at Breadsticks." __This almost offended me. I'd been going to Breadsticks since I was like 11._

_ "I'm sorry," I took a step forward, "have you been to Breadsticks?" _

_I brought my hand to my chest, suprised that she hadn't. Then again I guess it was still serving food, so she couldn't have. _

_**That was mean.**__ Guilt washed through me, but I had to live up to my rep as a complete bitch. _

_ "They are legally forbidden to stop bringing you breadsticks." Her eyebrows raised, if I talked about food enough she'd be persuaded. _

_ "Once I brought a wheelbarrow, when the manager tried to stop me from filling it up, I called the corporate office and got him fired." I smiled, remembering that day. She exhaled, and I knew I'd succeed._

_ "Well I guess our voices do sort of go together." She responded._

_I could practically see the drool slipping out of her mouth as she thought about bringing a long a pair of those gigantic knickers and filling them up with the never-ending breadsticks. _

_ "That's right girl. If we do a duet together we will be the undisputed top bitches at this school." I stated and raised my eyebrow, brushing passed her. I just got my duet partner._

* * *

><p><em> We met up during break, and decided on singing a duet by Ike and Tina Turner. I hadn't driven Brittany to school today, I'd recieved a text this morning;<em>

Won't be needing a lift. Mom's here. B x

_I knew I'd hurt her, the one kiss revealed this if not the guilt that was still hanging around inside of me. _

_After leaving Mercedes, I walked down the hall, and leant against the lockers talking to Darren, a new target of mine. I stopped paying attention as soon as she walked round the corner pushing wheels around. I stood into the middle of the hall and she walked passed me, giving me the evil eye. She turned around, releasing one hand from the wheelchair and crossed out her chest before wagging her finger at me. She spun, returning to pushing Artie's chair. _

_**Ouch.**_

_She wasn't mine anymore. That stung. My eyes sunk to the floor, hurt washed over me. _

_**Why was this effecting me so much? I never had this reaction when she was with Chang.**_

_I twirled around, telling Darren to meet me at Breadsticks at 8. _

_It got to 7:30 and my eyes were puffy from crying. I texted him saying cancelling that night, that I'd caught something and didn't want to come out - he responded by asking if I wanted him to come round and make him feel better. This pissed me off, so I texted back a violent message; in which he replied 'whore.' _

_I didn't even give a shit about that; and I turned back to my pillow, soaking it with my tears._

* * *

><p><em>The next day at choir practice, it was mine and Wheezy's turn to perform. We smashed it by dancing and singing amazingly. I shook my ass, knowing what effect it'd have on every guy in the room - and Brittany. But that wasn't the point. Our voices did go together incredibly well, and I could dance. Something Brittany had helped me with. <em>

_I felt her eyes on me the entire performance; I could tell she was pissed at me because she wasn't singing along. We ended, and my Santana Scowl made an appearance. Mr Schue congratulated us, not that I didn't know how great the performance was anyway._

_ "Just to let you know, we've already got our customed made bibs. Do you know why? Because we be going..." I turned my head, nodding Mercedes to join in,"... to Breadsticks." Both of our hands doing the exact same movement._

_ "You guys have your work cut out for you." Mr Schue pointed at the rest of the Glee Club. They all looked amazed by our performance. _

_**Good we'd scared them.**_

* * *

><p><em>At Glee club, Kurt announced that we no longer was going to duet with Sam, instead he was going to duet with 'the most talented member of Glee Club.' <em>

_**But I've already performed?**_

_I giggled to myself quietly, laughing at my own joke. _

_Apparently he was to perform a duet with himself. Gay and conceited, however was I going to keep myself from jumping on him?_

_ "How can you do a duet by yourself?" I narrowed my eyes. _

_"That's like vocal masturbation or something." I heard someone giggle at my comment. _

_Apparently he was doing a number from Victor/Victoria, although matching up to Victor was going to be difficult - it would mean sprouting a pair of balls. I looked around the room, seeing if anyone else thought he was as crazy as I did._

_ "Watch and learn Santana." He pointed at me, I narrowed my eyes so much that I thought they would close and he started performing._

* * *

><p><em>The two asians were the next to perform; and they were pretty fucking good, despite the dancing one not being able to sing - but it worked so well. We had to join in on some parts; slightly cringey but whatever. I shot Mercedes a questioned look as she started singing along, right in front of my face. Not cool. <em>

_I tried talking to Brittany afterwards, but she walked off pushing Artie towards her car. She must be giving him a lift home, they wouldn't spend alone time would they?_

_At lunch the next day, I'd learnt that apparently Brittany and Wheels were now officially dating. So I approached him from behind, he was wheeling along, his lunch tray on his lap._

_ "She's using you for your voice. That's the only reason she had sex with you." I said, envy eating me up at the words. Eurgh, Brittany had sex with a cripple. Gross._

_ "Wait, how do you know that?" He asked. I turned, catching any guy that was walking past. I settled my hand on a a guy with sandy hair._

_ "Hi, do you know Brittany?" I asked him._

_ "Cheerios Brittany?" I nodded._

_"Yeah, we had sex." He said, before walking off, a smug smile across his face. _

_It wasn't a coincidence that he was walking passed at the right moment. I'd had a word with him out in the hall, saying he could cope a feel of my boobs if he did this. So he did, and he grabbed my tits like they were bags of sand, squeezing tightly - probably the first time he'd ever touched a girl, let alone her boobs. _

_I turned back to Artie, obviously saddened by this lie, his eyes fixed to the floor._

_ "Look, I don't mean to be a bitch..." I kept my eyes on his, lowering myself to his level;_

_"...well yeah actually I do." I admitted, I was now squatting on the canteen floor next to him. _

_I rested my arm against the armrest on his chair; _

_"The only thing you can give Brittany, that she can't get somewhere else, is superchoice parking." _

_I whispered looking up at him. I'd obviously pissed him off, and I hoped this would break him and B up._

* * *

><p><em>The next performance was Finnocence and the dwarf. They sung a really quite offensive song about religion - they even dressed up. They were definitely going to lose. When Sam and Quinn performed their duet of 'Lucky' it was so sappy it was almost unreal. They looked like love-sick puppies. She started playing the guitar for him, and they were so close.<em>

_When the lyrics 'lucky I'm in love with my best friend' - something happened inside of me. I felt sad, the song upset me. Immediately I became a bitch, reacting to the sadness;_

_ "So freakin' charming!" I said sarcastically to Mercedes - whom I'd become quite close with thanks to this assignment. _

_Mr Schue told us all that Brittany and Artie had pulled out the competition. I'd succeeded. _

_**Hooray for me**__. _

_But I wasn't that happy about it after seeing Brittany, she was sad. Mr Schue revealed that the winner of the dinner-for-two was Sam and Quinn. I didn't like this; so I got up and tried to take the free dinner coupon. _

_Wheezy grabbed my hand, pulling me back - and I shot her a dirty look. She let go, and I sat down in a mood, Mercedes sat down next to me, taking the usual place of Brittany and she comforted me._

* * *

><p><em>Afterwards, I went up and hugged Brittany, she didn't push me away like I'd thought. <em>_She wrapped her long arms around me, embracing me before whispering in my ear what happened between her and Artie. _

_Apparently he hadn't revealed his 'reliable source' - and Brittany would never work it out, she trusted me._

_That night we went back to my house; and we started on our Spanish homework. We barely touched the whole night, and when she got up to leave she placed a quick kiss on my cheek and made a swift exit. Ever since we had, eurgh, we'd made love - things had been weird. __At school it seemed normal, but I mean we'd always been like that._

* * *

><p><em>In Glee Club a couple days later, Kurt and Rachel performed a duet, they sat up on stools and the lyrics made me think about what I'd done. Did I feel guilty for splitting Wheels and Britt up?<em>

_**Shit.**_

_I never wanted to see her unhappy; and in all honesty I didn't know why I struck out in a jealous rage. It contradicted everything I'd ever convinced myself of believing._

_Later that evening my phone started buzzing beside me; I leant over, muting my tv and answering it._

_ "Hello?"_

_ "Santana?" Her voice seeped through my phone, entering my brain, bringing several memories to my brain. I smiled adoringly._

_ "Yeah Britt Britt?" I responded cheerfully._

_ "Why the hell would you tell Artie I was using him for his voice? And that's the only reason I had sex with him?" She muttered furiously. _

_For the first time in years, Santana Lopez was speechless._


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Sectionals

**I'm currently working through several episodes in one chapter, about 4 or 5 per one so I apologise for the length of these coming chapters. Please read and review - and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen: Sectionals<strong>

_Mr Schue announced that we were doing the Rocky Horror show as our next assignment, apparently it had suddenly became one of his favourite movies. Convenient considering Miss Pilsbury and her hotshot dentist boyfriend were discussing it and and apparently it was their 'thing' that they did together - it replaced sex as she was obviously still a virgin and really, really frigid. Carl had sexual frustration pasted all over his face, I could help let his anger out, if he wasn't as fucking loyal as he was to the ginger clean freak. I mean seriously, I could smell copper from the back of the choir room._

_Frankenteen had no idea what the Rocky Horror Show was, ironic considering he looked like he would have fitted in there incredibly well. My smirk obviously pasted my face because Brittany turned to me and shot me a confused look. _

_She was sitting at the front with Wheels, I was sat all alone, watching them. It didn't feel right, my left side almost felt cold... a tingle ran through it watching her, wishing she was sat next to me and not the Cripple Express._

_Of course the King of Man-Hands had something to say, apparently it was a point of controversy to perform this. Kurt joined in, agreeing with Berry - but Schuester insisted we were to do it, and that the point of performing arts was too 'push the boundaries.'_

* * *

><p><em>I'd bet my entire allowance that he was a mega dork in high school, who was in glee and he was obviously overshadowed by a more popular, better looking guy. We were all given permission slips, saying that he'd cut out a lot of the risky sections, apparently that would make everything better. <em>

_I handed two to Sam and Quinn who were sitting in front of me, together, as a couple. We would charge admission, not that anyone would pay to watch us perform considering the whole school still hated us and 80% of the club was sitting getting slushie facials - but who said we couldn't dream? _

_The admission fees would go towards transportation to Nationals in no other than NYC. Something I was definitely looking forward too, maybe there I'd meet a celebrity and they'd whisk me away. _

_**Don't be fucking stupid. You wouldn't want one else anyway, they'd never be able to make you feel like you did when you were with...**_

_I shut off my mind, before it could finish. I turend my attention back to the conversation flooding in the room. The dwarf and the giant took the main roles, like always, as Brad and Janet - and Wheels took the role of the cripple, not like anyone else could. Schuester immediately assigned Kurt to take the role of Dr. Frank N. Furter, the transvestite. _

_**Wow Glee Club was virtually the Rocky Horror Show itself, even without trying.**_

_"No, there is no way I'm playing a transvestite in high heels... and fishnets and lipstick." He exclaimed, shaking his head. _

_"Why? 'Cause that look was last season?" I snorted, laughing to myself. He might as well be, that's probably how he spent his Saturday nights anyways._

_Suddenly, Chang offered to do it - apparently he'd got more confident with his voice or something. It sounded fucking awful but at least the kid had confidence. Sam was offered the role of the Creature, Rocky. Quinn murmured something sweet and icky about how he was cute, so he suited the role._

_"Better start working on those abs." I interjected, smirking at him._

_"You kiddin' me? You could cut glass with these babies." He brought his hands up to his chest, obviously pleased with himself. "No problem showing off my body." He said suggestively, looking at Quinn. Eurgh, I literally wanted to hurl. Couples freakin' everywhere - whatever happened to hooking up? Everything was better without feelings, including sex._

* * *

><p><em>A few practices later, we were back in the choir room. Schuester called Berry and Finn up, they were about to perform 'Damnit Janet' for us. The inner bitch called out as I remembered he had to take his top off;<em>

_"Oh I cannot wait until he takes his top off," I glanced at Brittany who was sitting beside me staring at me, "Can't wait to see the hot mess underneath." I announced._

_"What are you talkin' about?" He questioned. Berry standing by his side looking offended. _

_**Fucking hobbit. **__I said internally, I went to answer but as if Britt could read my mind she did before I could;_

_"You can't have Sloppy Joes everyday for lunch and think you can get away with it." She wasn't as dumb as everyone thought she was, I personally didn't think she was stupid at all - she had always been very perceptive, as if she possessed a sixth sense that could read people without knowing anything about them._

_"Um.. that's incredibly rude." The dwarf spoke, crawling out of her hobbit hole and linking hands with the BFG. She had to defend him in all fairness, but even she knew that that was the truth._

_"Is it?" Quinn spoke, shooting a dirty look at Berry. "Guys whisper behind our backs about how girls look every day. They objectify us all the time." She was currently half in her outfit, a massive afro on with a white maids cap - a white piece of fabric tied around her waist, making her look more 'maidy'._

_"She sort of has a point" Tina agreed._

_"Yeah," I crossed my arms, "Earlier today Artie asked if he could make a gigantic omelette when I'm done with the ostrich eggs I'm smuggling in my bra." I recalled the moment, my hand had swept across his check harshly, leaving a red hand print. Brittany turned to look at me, she changed the subject rather quickly as an awkward silence settled over the room;_

_"I'm super looking forward to seeing Sam in his gold bikini." She directed it at me. Her strikingly beautiful eyes glaring at my dark chocolate ones. I smiled sweetly at her before Sam responded._

_"It's gonna be ab-ulous." He said arrogantly. But I was still looking to see what he was packing underneath that surfer boy exterior._

_They talked for a while before scripts were handed out to us. Rachel and Finn started performing their number and I glanced to my left, Britt was obviously having trouble reading her lines - so I ran my finger underneath the lines she was to read and she mouthed them along with Finns words. I read over my script; and found out I was to play Magenta along with Quinn - some maid. I was slightly offended as most maids were Latina, but Schuester wasn't a racist._

* * *

><p><em>After practising, a lot. Chang announced that his parents refused to let him play the transvestite, and the show was cancelled. Later that day we were all called into the choir room and Carl was standing at the front with Ginge, because he was a huge fan of Rocky Horror, Sue had manipulated him into helping save the production. He auditioned, singing 'Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?' <em>

_As he sung, Brittany was up dancing - she moved so gracefully over the shiney floor. God it was mesmerising watching her, I could hear my heart beat quickening. I smiled, before remembering I was surrounded by people - couldn't have them thinking I wasn't in constant bitch mood just because of a smile. I consealed it, my mind grinning. _

_But Brittany beckoned me to join in with her dancing, and I just couldn't resist so I did. Our bodies collided every now and then, a jolt of electricity bolted through my body._

_The performance though... It was hot. Really hot. The older man knew how to move that fine piece of man-butt but unfortunately it was completely focused on the OCD freak at the front, whom he was dancing with._

* * *

><p><em>After he finished, Schue obviously took pleasure in telling him that he wasn't supposed to be auditioning for Eddie as he was cut out. But the look on the dentists face told us that he wasn't exactly happy playing a tranny, so Sylvester offered to change the script to fit in an 'Eddie'. <em>

_Wheezy stood up from the back after the arguments over who'd play Dr. Sausage. Apparently she'd been inspired by the words in the script 'Don't Dream It, Be It". She took the role happily and later performed 'Sweet Transvestite' during a dress rehearsal. It was freakin' funny watching how jealous Schuester was of Carl when he joined the production, especially as he entered on a motorbike through the stage wall like two acts early. _

_Sam had been replaced by Mr Schue, apparently the role of Creature for a student was way to risky. Especially in the tiny gold shorts, Mr Schue was going to look hot. As me and Britt were walking towards the car park, we passed the Spanish class, which was currently occupied by Miss Pils and Mr Schue. I tapped Brittany on the shoulder;_

_"Britt. Look, they're alone." I winked at her, she giggled in response._

_"Wonder what they're gonna get up too" She stuck her tongue out, wiggling it. _

_That immediately sent a wash of arousal over my body, but I had to focus. She looked so cute today, her hair tied up in the usual Cheerio ponytail, but there was something different about her eyes, they seemed to sparkle. Maybe it was just a change of mascara or added eyeliner? I didn't know so I just shook it off._

_We crept over to the window and ducked, trying to hide our presence. We slowly rose together, our faces inches apart. I was very aware of how close we were - but Britt didn't look at me once so I shook it off. They started singing 'Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me'. We kept ducking and rising, hoping to God that they wouldn't see us. I dind't care to be fair but it'd be better if they didn't, slightly pervy._

_"I'd only ever kissed before.." Miss sung the lyrics with meaning. Brittany spun her head to look at me, her eyes widened._

_"Is she a...?" She questioned, I turned and nodded. I could almost read what was spiraling through her mind. Miss started unbuttoning her cardigan, taking it off. Apparently this was very sexual, then again holding hands probably was to her._

_"More, more more..." Me and Brittany sang in sync, almost joining in with their performance._

_I don't think it really crossed his mind, the disturbing fact that one of his students would be doing this heated number with him during his actual performance. The fact that we were watching them secretly reminded me of the part in the show where Magenta and Columbia were spying. _

_Brittany wiggled at me where the ringing noise was supposed to take place. Her nose scrunched up and I had to restrain myself from pressing my lips to hers. I bent down, removing myself from temptation, leaving Brittany watching. She came down a few second after, pulling me up with her. _

_**Whoah.**_

_Schuester had his top off. And hot damn, that was a fucking nice sight. He was incredibly toned, but it was more like admiring a piece of art than wanting to fuck his brains out. _

_When Miss pushed Schuester onto the chair, both Britt and I swung our heads back, making sex noises. It did turn me on, considering I knew what he actual sex noise was - the impression was close, but definitely not the same._

_Miss Pilsbury wheeled Schuester up to the window, sitting on his lap. Brittany grasped my arm, and started playfully pushing me. She stroked up and down my arm, gently tickling me as the lyrics said 'touch-a, touch-a, touch me' - it was odd considering this was obviously a sex fuelled song, and we were standing there flirting along with the lyrics. But we were best friends, that was normal._

* * *

><p><em>They approached the window which we were hiding behind, still singing and completely unaware that we were there - but that was our queue to leave. We ran down the corridoor, clutching our bags. Carrying on the song we'd just been listening too.<em>

_We linked pinkies as we playfully skipped down the corridoor;_

_"Touch a, touch a, touch me." I sang to her._

_"I wanna be dirty." Lust burnt from her eyes. "Thrill me chill me fulfil me" She carried on, still observing our bodies dancing with each other._

_"Creature of the night" I finished, I wrapped my arm around her waist, we'd been jumping around so our breaths were heavy and fast. We entered the deserted car park, still singing to each other before we reached my car. We leant against the side of the car, and proceeded to catch our breath. I closed my eyes and rested the back of my head against the cold metal. I felt warmth flush over my body as Britt pushed herself up against me, her hipbones grinding onto me and her mouth assaulting my neck. I closed my eyes and took in every sensation - the sun soaking into my tanned skin, bringing a layer of sweat over as the warmth mixed in with my sexual arousal heat. The sound of birds singing and Brittany's hands winding around my waist. It was brilliant, amazing, a dream come true. I felt just so damn fucking good. _

_Her hands ran up and down my side, gently stroking the side of my boobs. Light scratching on the small of my back. Brittany's soft lips brushing up and down my neck, warm breath washing over my neck whilst she gently sucked on the sensitive spot under my ear. I bit my lip before raising my finger to press underneath her chin, tilting her head up so it was inches from mine. _

_Our lips crushed together in an oral battle, our tongues fighting together. Kissing Brittany was just so right, something was alive and breathing inside my chest eerytime our lips met. It was like seeing the light after being trapped in a dark room. I suddenly felt a sense of security, like I had to push her off me. I pulled away, a confused pale face stared at me. _

_"Sorry. It wasn't you. Just... not in public B." I said, her face full of hurt._

_We got in the car and I reached my free hand over to grab hers - but she jolted, and that made me feel like the biggest bitch in the world. Well, at school I was but hated being one to Britt. She was like a kid, she never admitted to being hurt - but I could read her like a book, her lower lip jutted out and I just wanted to kiss her._

_"I'll make it up later yeah Britt Britt?" I said, dipping my head and making puppy eyes at her. We were parked in her drive way at this point._

_"San you know I can't resist that adorable face." She murmured, the corners of her mouth raising, as if she was trying to resist smiling. It failed as a big toothy grin spread across her face. I leant across and kissed her cheek, inhaling her coconutty scent._

* * *

><p><em>As we walked down the corridoor the next day, pinky fingers linked - Finn was walking down the middle, in what looked like his Grandpa's underwear. They were cream and gross, obviously crinkled due to age and just eurgh.<em>

_**Eurgh, I can't believe I slept with that.**_

_We proceeded to the auditorium where we got suited up into our costumes, during one of the numbers - Carl came out and confronted Mr Schue about the little private rehearsal with Miss Pilsbury. For reasons I didn't really care about, the show was cancelled. But we still performed the musical, for our benefit or some shit. We performed 'Time Warp' where Brittany smashed a tiny solo and it was fucking awesome. _

_We finished, all panting heavily due to our performance and dancing. The girls, including Britts and myself, headed to the changing room where we got back in our usual outfits, I'd enjoyed this assignment but it couldn't last forever._

* * *

><p><em>A couple weeks later, Puck was out of juvie and back in my bed. He ran his hands over my body as his tongue darted in and out of my mouth repeatedly. He was known as the ladies-man but he definitely wasn't, he did not know how to use that tongue. Luckily he copied that movement when he went down on me, apparently he'd missed my 'taste.' He managed to make me squirm, but it was so uncomfortable - it didn't feel right. <em>

_After faking another orgasm, I flipped him and starting making my way down his body. He'd certainly muscled up since being in the slammer - he now possessed toned abs, the beginnings of a six pack was definitely there. I wrestled with his bulging jeans, undoing them and sucking on his swollen member. My jaw ached after a while, and it didn't seem like he was anywhere close to coming, so I slid my jean skirt up and pushed my thong to the side. I straddled him, feeling him enter me and he moaned. He pumped several times, and I just wasn't getting anywhere. There was no arousal factor so I grinded my hips, pressing my clit to his stomach and I started to moisten up. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my clit swelling up._

* * *

><p><em>She opened her eyes, her brilliant blue orbs staring into my chocolate ones. Her fingers moving in sync with my grinding, I bent down to kiss her lips - they were so soft and I smiled into the kiss. My hands slid up her taut stomach, and tickled the pink mounds on her chest. Her occupied hand gently retreated, a thumb circled my clit and she entered me with her fingers again. She was so fucking skilled, and it was hard to believe that I was the only girl she'd slept with. <em>

_She knew every part of my body so well, her free hand smoothing over the dip above my curve. Our tongues were massaging each other, sliding over each other just like they had so many times before. My body shook furiously as I reached the climax - she thrusted one more time into me, her fingers reaching deep into me, completely still. Her fingertips curved upwards, prolonging my orgasm and she gently bit down on my bottom lip._

* * *

><p><em>"Wow babe. That was good." He lifted me off him and I realised I'd just had a real orgasm with Puck, however it wasn't because of him.<em>

_**Shit. Imagining Britt while fucking Puck - nice one San. **__My conscience clapped me._

_I sat under the sheets, clutching them to my chest. He rose and buttoned up his jeans again. We hadn't even taken our clothes off before doing it. This was just sex. This was what no-strings-attached-sex felt like._

_**What the fuck do you have with Britt then? Don't be stupid - it's only different because she's girl.**__ With that my mind and myself shut up._

_We had our next assignment, we had to split up - guys vs. girls, but us girls had to sing a manly song and vice versa for the guys. We all debated on what to sing, settling on a mash-up of Start Me Up/Livin' On A Prayer._

* * *

><p><em>Puck had returned to school, sporting earrings and the classic Puck-hawk. Apparently he got out early because he promised to do community service - even though I'd seen him we didn't really talk. He decided spending time with the Cripple was community service. Me and Britt went on a double date with Puck and Wheels after he apparently wanted to get back with her. Personally I thought he was a douche as he was pretty mean to her, and that's comiong from me. <em>

_At the end of the meal, we were to go back to Puck's place - which sent a jolt of butterflies swarming through my stomach as I realised this would probably end up with me and Britt making out in order of turning Puck on. We dined and dashed, well supposedly but Puck caught Artie paying for it, which was super lame. We ditched the cripple and went back to Noah's house as planned._

_As I sat on the sofa, Britt's hand touched my thigh. I glanced at her, and she winked. That wink made my insides go all mushy, but it instantly turned on my horny button. Puck entered the room with three wine coolers, his eyes popping at the sight of B's hand stroking up and down my leg. He handed us a wine cooler each, before popping open his own and chugging it back - he sat, legs open watching us. This was our queue._

_Britt leant forward, pressing her lips to mine. I swept my tongue along her lower lip, asking for access. She granted and I started to taste her. I smiled and she'd obviously felt it as she mirrored it. She swung her thigh over me and straddled my hips, grinding up against me. I brought my hands to her shoulders and shrugged her jacket off, throwing it to the floor. My fingertips traced a line down her arms until her wrists, where I grabbed her hands and interlocked our fingers. She parted our lips, moving on to my neck where she licked and sucked gently - which was definitely going to leave a hickey. _

_"I love you San." She said, her hot breath tickling my ear. She never did this, and when she did it was always a whisper._

_**Puck**__._

_I snapped open my eyes to see him with his hands down his trousers. I immediately remembered that we were doing this for him and my body shut up. My back when rigid and I pushed her off me, getting up and sprinting for the door. The cool breeze hit me and I shivered, my hands reached into my pockets, fumbling around for my car keys. I opened my car door and lifted my leg up as if I was about to enter the vehicle. A cool arm grabbed my hand that was on the handle and I spun around to look who it was._

_"What the hell was that?" Puck asked. I was suprised, I thought Brittany might have chased after me, but I guess not. I was so fucked off - she'd only said those three words because Puck was watching, it would turn him on more. I turned and shot my Santana Scowl at him._

_**But why are you so bothered by that? You never minded doing things with her infront of Puck before.**__**Wait.. before what?**_

_A memory of the night we made love flashed into my brain, burning into my skull. My bitch mode was at 100% now as I was looking at Puck._

_"Fuck off Noah." I only called him that when I was extremely pissed off._

_"Jheeze, whatever bitch. Change your tampon and then talk to me." He slammed the door, almost catching my ankle. I put the car into drive and sped off, street lights flickering into the car every few seconds. Anger rippled through me, my mind was not going to win this one. It was telling me lies, I felt like ripping out my hair._

_I pulled up into my driveway and big suprise, no-one was home. I threw open the front door and ran upstairs where I dived onto my bed in tears. I stayed like that for the whole night, just sobbing into my pillow. It was a regular thing nowadays - so I always kept a spare pillow under my bed just in case I neeed sleep._

* * *

><p><em>The next day at school was completely normal. Puck was ignoring me but I wasn't that bothered. I hadn't seen Britt all morning as she'd send another text telling me she didn't need a lift. The school hours passed by incredibly slowly, the minutes dragged on forever. Schuester was out, apparently he was ill or something. But he did look like shit at choir practice.<em>

_Man hands tried to get all the focus in glee club, once again and this time it set me off. The rest of the club basically saw my attack before it happened and held me back - I was strong but even I couldn't break through this many arms._

_We had a substitute, Holly Holliday. She sounded like a pole dancer, and she could've passed for one too - just an upper class one. The club members decided that Mr Schue being off meant we could relax for a bit, so we buttered the floor in hope that the new sub would fall over and have to take leave too. However she kinda just glided over it, obviously she was used to being a sub and knew all teenage tricks. She turned out to be awesome actually, suggesting we sing any song of our choice._

_"Cee Lo! That's what I'm talking about!" She said, her hand moving in what looked like a supposedly gangster way. The club cheered, happy with the suggestion._

_"Oh wait, excuse me. What would you know about Cee Lo? 'Cause you're like 40." I stated, my arms crossed. _

_She didn't look offended by this remark because turns out she was kind of like me - she just didn't give a fuck._

_"Top 40 sweetcheeks." She responded before busting out a pretty damn awesome cover of Forget You. _

_Britt sat next to me, while we sang along, doing the 'ooh ooh's'. We started dancing, forgetting about what happened the other night. This sub was fucking amazing, we all got up. The holy trinity gathered together, singing backup vocals and doing similar choreography to each other. This made Glee so much better, I'd stay here forever if we could do modern numbers more often. By the end everyone was off their feet, not Wheels of course, and my arm was wrapped around Britt's waist as she sung the last lyrics._

* * *

><p><em>We went for taco's afterwards. Brittany licked the cheese off the top of the meat;<em>

_"I love munching taco's." She stated, a big grin on her face, and I laughed at the innuendo. "But they don't taste as good as you." She winked at me, her tone very suggestive before tucking back into her taco. _

_I jumped, suprised that she'd got the reason for my giggle. Schuester came back and we did a mash-up of Singing In The Rain/Umbrella, a modern and old number. It was wet but incredibly fun, and Britt looked really hot in her outfit._

_The next couple of weeks consisted of Kurt's dad and Finn's mom wedding prep. We were going to be performing. I always saw Britt and Wheels together, and a tingle ran through me everytime. _

_**What is this feeling?**_

_It was abnormal, and I'd never really felt it before. _

_**Jealousy. Santana Lopez was jealous.**_

* * *

><p><em>I talked to Finn and told him he needed a coolness injection; he was getting really lame now and it was embarrasing knowing I'd slept with him. He got angry at me, so I threatened to tell the dwarf. I hated being one of the only single ones - and if I turned into mega bitch again and split up a couple of people, I'd feel alright again. <em>

_**Selfish bitch. **_

_**Yeah I know.**__ My inner monologue was having a conversation with itself._

_I'd avoided Britt as much as I could during the wedding, but standing next to her at the altar didn't give me much of a chance. I nudged her; keeping her awake. And as Burt spoke his vowels, my eyes lowered, feeling the words. He described Finn's mom with such love, he felt so much towards her and it made me feel more alone than ever. At the celebration after, we all sat down in our places and the couples formed. I danced along, faking a smile but I just felt so lonely. _

_I'd always seen the brighter side to being single; there's no attachements, no commitments and no responsibilities, but at times, it was really freakin' hard to be alone because it was upsetting. Puck came up to me, sitting beside me. I realised I'd been staring at Brittany who was a couple of chairs down from me, sitting with Artie. We'd exchanged a couple of smiles but we'd barely talked._

_"Dude what's up with you?" He asked, genuinely concerned._

_"Nothing. Why?" I answered._

_"You look so miserable, and during the ceremony you looked like you were about to cry." He crossed his arms._

_"I'm fine." I retorted._

_"If you say so, but the way you're staring at Brittany doesn't back that up." He got up and left, not waiting for a response._

_**Stop staring. Fuck, just stop it.**_

_The wedding came to an end and we all went our seperate ways. Britt leaving with Artie of course. Hurt ran through me everytime I saw them together, but I was Santana Lopez - I didn't feel anything for anyone. I'd always been protective over myself, and I wasn't going to change for anyone, even if she was my best friend. Because that's all she was and has ever been, my best friend._

* * *

><p><em>After Schuester revealed that Finn and Rachel weren't going to get a solo for sectionals, and a silent celebration for everyone in the room. The hobbit started protesting. The 'creative discussion' carried on, resulting in me revealing to her that me and Finn had done the nasty the previous year. I didn't give a fuck that she was hurt, no-one pisses me off and gets away with it. <em>

_I smirked afterwards, but I could feel Britt staring at me, noticing how bitchy I was being. This sent a wave of guilt over my body, I hated that she could do this to me - that she had that control over me._

* * *

><p><em>Sectionals came and I'd been given a solo which I was totally stoked about. Before the performance the whole Glee club was arguing about cheating or something - not being funny but get over it, without cheating relationships would be boring. Relationships are boring full stop, sleeping with the same person over and over again? Psht, please. Sex with randomers is so much more fulfilling.<em>

_**Liar. **_

_**Shut up. **_

_**Well someone hates the truth**__._

_I felt like two different people, in my brain there was two sides of me in a constant argument, it was fucking horrible - but sex seemed to quieten them for a bit. SO that's what I always did when the argument got to heated._

_After a sickly sweet performance between Sam and Q, who were obviously crushing on each other hard, it was my turn. My heart was beating radically, my palms sweated and my skin was hot to touch. I felt two cool hands place a headband on my hair, which had a black lace bow on it. I inhaled, coconut rushing into my lungs and I smiled, my nerves were instantly calmed._

_"You can do it San. You're amazing." She whispered into my ear, I felt Berry trying to listen in as she adjusted the headband._

_"I'm nervous." The beginning of the music started, awaiting my voice._

_"Don't be. You're gonna nail it S, you're perfect." With that I started singing my heart out. To my suprise I felt a tap to my butt as she slapped it infront of hundreds of people, a flush crawled across my face, but the words flowed out all the same._

_Brittany was to dance through this with me, her and Chang being another main attraction. She could fucking dance to say the least, her moves were flawless and she'd move with the beat, feeling each one. She'd once described it to me as flying, she felt so free when she did it, everything disappeared and nothing was wrong - no matter what was going on in the world. Everything was so peaceful. She just loved to dance, it was her dream to be a professional dancer or a choreographer._

_I finished the number and we all crowded together to hear the results. As the commentator announced 'New Directions' - we'd all jumped up and down in celebration, smiles pasted across everybody's face as we'd released the hard work had paid off._

_Two arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I turned, spying a golden lock that had fallen over my shoulder. I placed my hands on top of hers as she whispered into my ear;_

_"Told you you'd be amazing." She kissed my neck quickly, too quick for anyone to see. I spun in her arms, intertwining our fingers._

_"Me? You freakin' bombed that B." I smiled at her, wrapping my arms around her neck and pulling her head into the crook of my neck. I kissed her hair and we hugged for ages, only seperating when we had to leave. I spent the night smelling coconut on my skin where she'd been._


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Back To Life

**Something a little new - present day Santana comes back in this chapter! Please enjoy and review if you have time! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen: Back To Life<strong>

_Brittany still believed in Santa. She always had, even when people tried to tell her different - she stood up for what she believed in. I'd always admired that about her, she didn't really care. Some people called her naive but she really wasn't, she wanted to believe in Santa Clause, so she did. The admiration I felt for her was so extreme - most people thought that Brittany wasn't the best person to admire considering she had a major obsession with ducks and she got most of her life information from Woody Wood Pecker cartoons._

_But they were wrong. She was definitely someone to look up too, she'd been called stupid countless times and she still put on a brave face and believed in whatever she wanted too - whether it was real or not._

* * *

><p><em>Puck had stolen some empty christmas presents from the mall, and we'd all contributed by giving some ornaments to hang on the tree that was in the middle of the choir room. We were all singing 'We Need a Little Christmas', each person taking their turn at the lyrics, and it felt like how Christmas should feel like - full of joy and happiness. Glee was definitely some type of family, but I'd always refused to admit that aloud because I never showed any feelings apart from anger.<em>

_However, Artie had crowded all of us round after finding out that Britt believed Father Christmas was real. He told us, despite me already knowing, and everyone had the same shocked look pasted across their faces. We knew that it was only a matter of time before someone told her and she believed it, but it wasn't going to be this year. _

_Wheels made sure of it by assembling a group visit to the mall where we'd all enforce Brittany's belief in Santa Clause. Myself, Q, Sam, the two asians, Wheezy, The white rhino and Wheels all accompanied her. Kurt had moved to the gay academy due to Karofsky bullying him about his sexuality. He'd always been a douche, but this time he'd just gone too far._

* * *

><p><em>When we arrived, Santa was black. I sighed, knowing that Britt would probably not buy it after seeing a black Santa, mostly because she always drew him as white. But I was wrong as she smiled and enjoyed the fact that some guy, who was probably perverted, was dressed up in a Santa suit and pretending to be him.<em>

_We took our turns and Mercedes went up first. You could barely hear anything over the voices in the mall it didn't really matter considering we all said superficial things that we probably were going to get, just to convince Britt that he was real. When it came to my turn, I wandered up in my Cheerios uniform and red and white striped socks to match the occasion and sat on his lap. I lifted my legs up onto his leg and linked my arm around his back, giving Britt a full view of my legs._

_"I want bling. I can't be anymore specific than that." _

_I told him, knowing full well my dad would buy me off with a Tiffany's bracelet or necklace because he supposedly had to 'work' on Christmas Day. This just meant he was screwing his secretary. Both me and my mom knew but never said anything, I was happy the way I was, and I didn't really care for my mom because the only relationship we had was our blood type and DNA. _

_As he nodded, I felt something bulge against my left thigh which was pressed into his stomach._

_"Okay, wait hold up." I raised my finger. "Please tell me that's a roll of Certs in your pocket." _

_**Eurgh. Creepy old dude getting a boner over me.**_

_Brittany went up and sat down, telling him her name._

_"You've gotten really tanned." She commented. "You're amazing."_

_She pointed to Artie, and she asked Santa if for Christmas, he could regain the ability to walk. _

_**And now we're fucked.**_

_There was no way that was going to happen - so I'd just turned on some old man for no reason at all. If I wasn't already mentally scarred from previous events in my life, that would've done it._

* * *

><p><em>Later on, the teachers had decided that the presents Sylvester had recieved from her rigged 'Secret Santa' were going to be sent to a charity or something. Conveniently, they went missing, a long with our tree. According to Brittany it wasn't her, she'd seen Santa take all the present - but like Artie said at the mall; she wouldn't see who it was, she'd just see the suit. The guys decided to sell their watches, and the girls were to cut off our hair. I took a pair of scissors and raised them to my ponytail, but Mr Schue cut in and stopped us before we could.<em>

_"I'm old school anyway, most of this isn't mine." I said, shrugging my shoulders. It wouldn't bother me, I'd just buy new extensions. But he insisted that we weren't going to sell watches and our hair to buy the charity more presents. So I agreed, putting the scissors down._

_Brittany leant over to me, pressing her lips centimetres from my ear. _

_"Disappointed that you couldn't use your scissors?" She murmured. I shot her a questioned look. "I know how much you like scissoring." Tingles shot through me and I dipped my head, hiding my blush. She giggled and walked back over to Artie, placing her hand in his. I scowled, but I felt eyes on the back of my head so I turned - meeting Puck's glare. _

_**Jealousy's a bitch isn't it**__._

_My inner monologue said what I read off Puck's grin. I didn't bother saying anything, so I narrowed my eyes at him, and he turned away - paying attention to the endangered beast beside him. There relationship was sickening, how could he want to tap that piece of meat when he had this fine ass here? Not that I wanted him anyway._

_**I know who you really want.**_

_Oh my god. That was going to start getting really fucking annoying. I shook my head, hoping the thoughts would pop out my head as I did. They did and I smiled to myself, anyone who saw me would probably think there was something mentally wrong with me. _

_**You miss her. I know you do. I am you after all.**_

_The dull ache shot through my body; I felt like I needed anything to try and remove this pain. When I got home I ran to my dads liquor cabinet, where I whipped out half a bottle of vodka and drank it straight. It burned my throat as it entered my stomach, I winced at the kick it had. But that just didn't seem to do anything. I did miss her, terribly, but she was with Artie, so it was natural that we didn't hang out as much - well we hadn't for a while. I couldn't bare it any longer, so that night, I headed to a bar._

* * *

><p><em>I sat down in a tight green dress and highlighted my breasts, and about four guys came over to me at once, I shrugged them off, waiting to find the perfect one. I finally started chatting to this decent looking guy called Bryan - he had a majorly dorky name, but that wasn't going to put me off just yet. He was cute. He had dark brown swishy hair and a muscular build. He was wearing a grey pin-stripped suit, with a pink tie and black shirt - obviously trying to give the impression he'd come from a hard day at the office. He had thick eyebrows and a little stubble, one that looked like he'd just been hit by the puberty fairy. Apparently he was 21, but then again, my fake ID said exactly the same thing. <em>

_After he bought me a few drinks, we went back to his where he obviously still lived with his parents. _

_**21 my arse.**_

_I coughed and he turned his head as we walked down the drive to his house, questioning my cough._

_"Dry throat." I said, giving him a cheeky smile._

_"I know what you need." He winked at me, I hoped he meant a fucking drink._

_His room was above the garage, seperate from the main house. We entered, climbing up what seemed like thousands of steps before arriving at his cluttered room. He swept round, picking up things but I pretended not to notice. We sat on the sofa, and carried on chatting, we each had a wine cooler that was stored in his mini fridge._

_"So, Santana, what do you wanna do now?" He asked suggestively._

_"Um, wanna have sex?" I said bluntly. He looked genuinely suprised by my tone. Even though I'm pretty sure that's what he expected, I don't think he really thought I'd say it like that._

_"Sure." He leant forward and kissed me roughly, he was new at this. His hands shook as he roamed around my body, squeezing my breasts hard._

_"Are you alright?" I questioned him as I pulled away, staring into his emerald green eyes. They looked slightly familiar and I didn't know why._

_"Yeah baby. Now come on, strip for me." He demanded. I got the impression he was a virgin and he couldn't dirty talk for shit and he was panting nervously. When we were both stripped down to our underwear I parted our lips, moving them to his ear;_

_"Got a condom?" I asked, I didn't know him and a condom was essential, despite me being on the pill._

_"Oh.. er." He hesitated._

_**Obviously not.**_

_"Hold on, I'll be right back." _

_He shrugged on his jeans and walked through a door I hadn't seen before. I sat there feeling slightly revealed in my dark purple matching underwear so I grabbed the blanket that draped over the back of the sofa and covered myself. _

_I look around the room, it was definitely a teenager's slum. There was an unmade bed behind me, a widescreen TV in front of me which had a coffee table blocking it. The coffee table had pizza boxes on it and porn magazines. I cringed thinking I was sitting on a sofa where he'd probably jacked off at least ten times this week, and it was only tuesday. There was a single lamp that illuminated the room standing in the corner, a pair of boxer shorts hanging over the side. The walls were dark brown, and wood beams overhead. There were beer bottles everywhere, and I'd wished I'd had one of those instead of this cheep wine cooler I was clutching in my hand. _

_The door creaked and I didn't bother turning round. However no-one made any movement, so I turned my head. A huge bald man with piercing emerald green eyes was staring at me. I gasped, remembering why Bryan's eyes had been so familiar. _

_**That's him. The attacker.**_

_The memory ran through my brain like a video. Pausing at his face in the darkness. I jumped up, but couldn't move any further. The blanket was still clutched around me; tight around my body. My body was frozen with fear, my heart beat was rising as a snarl formed over his face. I could feel a sweat drip form at the nape of my neck; he took two steps in and I mimicked his movement, but in the opposite direction. I gulped loudly, and he bared his teeth in an aggressive grin before shutting the door behind him and coming towards me. I closed my eyes and thought of her._

* * *

><p>My eyes snapped open, immediately wincing at the bright light that was coming in from the window. I was back in the hospital, a beeping was sounding in the background. I squinted my eyes, and brought my hands up to rub them. I opened my mouth, feeling the dry burn that ran down the back of my throat<p>

"Water?" I murmured, hoping there was someone around.

A hand lifted a cup to my mouth, the plastic touching my lips and the cool liquid running down my throat, soothing it on the way down.

"What day is it?" I asked the anonymous person.

"It's December 25th. Merry Christmas." The voice spoke; it was unfamiliar. I turned my head to meet the gaze of a nurse.

"December!" Holy crap, I'd been out for months. Four to be exact.

"Yes Miss Lopez."

The nurse had dark brown eyes, which were surrounded by dark wrinkles. She was wearing candy cane earrings and a red and white headband. She was a latina, just like myself and in some ways she reminded me of my mother. Except this nurse cared more about me in the first few minutes of me being awake than my mother ever did in my whole lifetime - well when she was alive.

The nurse was wearing bright red scrubs, which contrasted with the white hospital walls and made her clothes seem much brighter than they actually were. I placed my palms to beside me, and hoisted myself further up the pillow. The nurse leaned over and a buzzing started, the back half of the bed was rising, which made it a lot easier to keep myself up.

I looked around, expecting to see a clock. Instead I saw a bunch of white lilies in a frosted glass vase. I furrowed my brows.

**Someone must have been here.**

"Senorita?" She directed at me. "Can I get you anything?"

**Did I have my own private nurse or something?**

"Um.. No thank you. Sorry, what's your name?" I asked, giving her a little smile.

"Maria. I'm your private nurse. According to your health plan set up by your father, may he rest in peace, " She did a cross on his chest with her fingers, starting at her forehead, touching each bicep and ending on her stomach, "You require a personal nurse."

Wow. I guess my dad did care about me a little bit. I felt empty, a part of me did miss my father a lot, but he was a moody bastard at the best of times. Ninety-five percent of my life I'd spent alone, no mother and no father. When I'd see them they'd complain at me, so I'd seperate myself from them. I'd adjusted to being alone, because that was the best way to be. That way, no-one could hurt you. Until you met...

"Stop." I said aloud, the nurse looked at me with a confused expression.

"Sorry, I was having a conversation with myself in my head." I giggled, hoping she wouldn't think I was a freak.

"Que está bien." _(It's okay) _She responded.

I smiled, exhaling through my nose. I stretched my arms to feel any sore spots, but there were just aches from where I'd been laying in one place in my cucumbered state. I threw back my covers, examining my body and I saw a cast on my left leg.

"Whoah. What happened there? Surely I would have recovered by now?" I turned to the Latina, awaiting an answer.

"Well.." She picked up my charts and read through them. "Apparently you had a severe break. They had to reset your bone and put pins in it. You had them out a few weeks ago and now we're just waiting for your bones to heal. You should be out of the cast in a couple of days actually." She said, glancing back up at me.

"Oh wow, okay." I looked around the room, noticing a chair by my bedside. It wasn't the one which the nurse had previously occupied. It was nestled up right next to where my right arm would have been. I furrowed my brows once more before remembering what I wanted to ask the nurse;

"Sorry to ask so many questions; but do you know who brought me the lilies?" I gestured to them with my right hand.

"Ah, no sorry Senorita. I've only been by your side for two days. They were here when I arrived." She explained; a sympathetic look spread across her face.

* * *

><p>I hadn't kept in contact with any of the Glee club since... I flinched, the memory running through my head. I couldn't even talk about it. It hurt too much. The same dull ache ran through my chest, spiking my heart with what felt like a thousand knives. I'd been hit by a fucking Jeep and this hurt more. The agonising pain of that one, single memory was almost unbearable. I shut my eyes, trying to squeeze out the pain through my tear ducts - but all that came were real tears.<p>

"Oh I'm sorry, I shall try to find out for you. I didn't realise it meant so much." The Latina scurried out the room, frightened by my tears. I leant my head back against the pillow and took a deep breath. I sat there idly for a few moments before reaching over and turning on the tv that was positioned on the wall in front of me. It was a flat, widescreen TV, pretty fancy for a hospital. Then again, my dad always made sure I had material things instead of real affection, funny guy he was.

I flicked through the channels, passing over news stations and a soccer game. I paused when I came to a kids channel - the Woody Wood Pecker cartoon was playing, I smiled a smile that only she had ever seen. It was a vulnerable one, and she had once named it the 'Bile' - slightly unforunate but she claimed it because I only did it when I was around her. I wanted to see her, and I knew I never could ever again - the pain of knowing that was so hard to take. In some ways I wished the car had ended my life, so I wouldn't have to do this anymore. This never ending pain had already hit me and I hadn't even been awake an hour.

**Jesucristo - por qué no puedo tomar un descanso? **_(Jesus Christ - why can't I catch a break?)_

Ah my trusty inner monologue was back. Oh how well it had served me before my accident, I said to myself sarcastically.

**Welcome back Santana.**

I shut my eyes, hoping my conscience would disappear. I took a deep breath, wincing at the emotional pain that dug through my ribcage, straight to my heart.

What sounded like a gun shot went off and my eyes snapped open, focusing on the screen. It was the episode where he get shot out the cannon - I laughed, thinking back to my high school days...


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Cannon

**Just to clarify - the writing in italics is a memory, the one in bold is Santana's conscience speaking, and the normal writing is present day Santana. Please read, enjoy and review! Thanks! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen: Cannon<strong>

'What sounded like a gun shot went off and my eyes snapped open, focusing on the screen. It was the episode where he get shot out the cannon - I laughed, thinking back to my high school days...'

* * *

><p><em>She stroked the cannon as if it was her baby. The large flames were painted on a black background - attempting to make it look more fierce. Personally I thought the 20ft piece of machinery was already looking just a bit ferocious without the flames.<em>

_"My Sueclear Weapon." Coach Sylvester said, an evil expression on her face. The whole Cheerio team was standing out on the field in front of this impressive cannon. "Becky." She summoned the simple girl, and the she walked over, smashing a bottle of champagne against the side of the machine._

_"Brittany." She said, my eyes were focused on the liquid dripping slowly off the side of the machine. _

_"Line on up." _

_The blondes face next to me fell. It took me a while to get what Coach meant. _

_"Congratulations. You're doing this stunt for the big competition." She said, nodding her smug face. She spoke as if it was an honour to be shot out of a fucking cannon. That was going to hurt, but no-one stood up to Sue Sylvester. Brittany eyed up the cannon, looking concerned. Surely Coach couldn't actually go through with this?_

_"I don't wanna die yet." Brittany exclaimed, a sad expression pasted on her face. _

_"Least not until One Tree Hill gets cancelled." That was such a Brittany thing to say._

_"Fine." Sue said angrily, her hand flicking behind her, summoning two girls carrying a mannequin. _

_"To put your toddler fist sized mind at rest, we'll do one final test run." The two Cheerios loaded the cannon whilst Brittany's mouth dropped open. Sue pushed it in with a long stick, and fired the cannon. The mannequin shot about 15 metres in front of the huge machinery, and split the lifeless body into about five parts._

_"Any of you speak German?" Coach asked. Brittany's head turned to stare at Sue._

_"I may have to read the owners manual." Sue added before walking off towards the locker rooms._

_Brittany picked up the head of the mannequin, it was all blackened due to being burnt. She examined it and worry spread over her face. My heart was beating fast, but surely _

_"Don't worry." Quinn said. "I'll talk to Mr Schue and he'll take care of this."_

_Brittany dropped the head and tears started to fall from her beautiful blue eyes. She turned to me and I stepped forward, pulling her into me. Her head nuzzled into the crook of my neck and I felt it moisten up. _

_"Britt it's okay. Mr Schue won't let this happen." I whispered into her ear. All of the Cheerios had walked off the field so I took this chance to lift Britt's face up so it levelled with mine. I pressed a simple, sweet kiss to her lips before embracing her again._

_"P-p-p-ple... If I die... Sa-san-santan... I lo... please... you." I didn't really catch anything that she said, but I held her tighter, inhaling her magnificent smell._

* * *

><p><em>Later, during choir practice - all the football players walzted in, looking like they owned the place. I immediately snarled at them as I saw Karofsky clutching a slushie. The whole club protested immediately; but Coach Beiste walked in, announcing that in order to end the rivalry between us Glee kids and the team, they would join for a week. I hated this as much as the next glee kid but I'd slept with basically half the team so I got along with them.<em>

_In revenge to the opposition to her cannon plan, Sue moved the cheerleading Regionals competition to the same night as the football championship game - which fucked up all of our plans considering I was offered the part of singing 'Heads Will Roll' at half time. _

_The Holy Trinity was pressured into choosing between the Cheerios and Glee club; and Santana Lopez was not happy about it._

_"What the hell are we gonna do?" Quinn asked._

_I turned my attention to her as I stopped fiddling with my zombie make-up. Britt was standing in front of the sink next to mine, she mirrored my movement. _

_"If we go to our cheerleading competition we're gonna miss the half time show and we're out of Glee club. I'm torn." She stated, her face was saddened. The previous question had obviously been rhetorical._

_"I'm not." I stated, facing the mirror once more and wiping off the green gunk covering my face._

_"I'm Brittany." Britt said, confused by our conversation._

_A bathroom stall door opened behind us, and Coach walked out clutching a red folder. I turned in suprise, none of us were expecting to see her in here._

_"Couldn't help but overhear your conversation." She murmured, glancing over us._

_"What are you doing in there?" Quinn questioned, shoving her hands into her Cheerio jacket pocket._

_"Enjoying the eavesdropping afforded me by the Swiss timepiece regularity and utter silence of my 2 p.m. ninja poops." Sue responded._

_I looked to Brittany who had her head dipped, as Coach walked over to the towel dispenser and dried her hands after washing them._

_"Well I typed these up for you ladies..." She handed us a piece of paper each. _

_"... Requiring your signature, tending your resignation from the Glee club." I took it and read over it, popularity was more important to me, so staying in the Cheerios was probably the best idea - but Glee was like my family._

_"Brittany, here's a note for you." _

_Sue handed Britt a piece of paper; _

_"Handwritten and in crayon from the human cannon saying how much it misses you." She said patronisingly. _

_Britt would take this seriously, I fucking hated it when someone took advantage of her. She was childish and people took that for granted sometimes._

_"Coach that cannon is gonna get Brittany killed." Q said, her tone raised now with anger._

_"Is that really worth it to win a stupid National championship?" Q followed. I guess she got pissed too. I stayed freakishly quiet, debating over my choice._

_"Seventh consequtive stupid National championship." Sue exclaimed, correcting Quinn._

_"This is ridiculous." Q had definitely grown some balls in the last couple of weeks; she'd never stand up like this to Coach._

_"You had quite a year last year Q." This was just plain fucking mean - Coach knew how sensitive Quinn was over the pregnancy, she hadn't fully recovered yet, emotionally of course. _

_"And as I recall, you didn't have such a good time out of that Cheerios uniform." Sue spat, looking her up and down. Q now had her bitch scowl on; one that deamed her one of the most popular girls in school._

_"Ladies I am giving you the chance right now..." I turned to look at Q, my face sympathetic. I glanced at Brittany, who was chewing her lips, her mind obviously working too hard over this decision. _

_"... To choose once and for all where your true loyalties lie." Sue finished, her tone very angry._

_"Choose the Cheerios." She said, looking at Britt and I. "Or choose the Glee Club." Her face reddened with anger, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the folder. _

_We all stood there for a couple of minutes in complete silence. Mentally debating the pro's and con's of each choice. _

_"We don't have a choice, do we?" Quinn said, her face full of sadness._

_"We do. But it's social suicide. We'll be nothing if we quit Cheerios." Britt said, her words were true but now we all had to decide whether it was better to have a social status or friends._

_We entered Mr Schues office, and handed the resignation in. He looked at us, all disappointed but he nodded._

_"I understand. Good luck girls." He said, before returning to his work. And we walked out, no longer a part of the Glee family. My heart was saddened, but I kept a smile on my face. No-one outside of Glee knew I actually preferred Glee to Cheerios, and they were never to find out. If I didn't care so god damn much about my stupid status I could actually be happy._

_**Maybe that applies in more than one situation.**_

_I completely ignored that thought and with the rest of the Holy Trinity, attended Cheerio practice on the field five minutes later._

* * *

><p><em>Two nights later, Q and I walked up to Britt who was standing, staring at the cannon.<em>

_"I'm gonna die." She said. _

_**Fuck. You might actually lose her.**_

_What was I supposed to do? I couldn't do anything except hope fate would step in and stop this from happening. I'd spent last night with her, comforting and hugging her. It was emotional, and I wanted to say so much - but I just couldn't. Something was preventing me from spilling out every thought I'd ever had about her._

_"It'll be worth it." I responded, shrugging my shoulders. If it came down to it, I'd jump in there myself before letting her do it. I stared at her, waiting for any comforting words to come out when I heard a voice._

_"Hey."_

_"What are you doing here?" Quinn spoke, all three of us turned to face Frankenteen, who was jogging up to us in full football gear._

_"Stopping you from going to Sue's Regionals competition." He responded. _

_"You guys have gotta come to the game with me." He gestured towards the pitch._

_"Haven't you been paying attention?" Q retorted, narrowing her eyes._

_"If we're not Cheerios, we're nothing." She glanced at us, hoping for some type of agreeance._

_"You think that but it's not true." Finn exclaimed; scrunching his face in anger._

_"You joined Cheerios to be popular; you joined Glee club because you loved it." He added, his voice softening as he spoke._

_"Sue doesn't care about you guys." He lifted his hand, which was clutching his helmet - pointing to Sue who was standing by our transport to Regionals._

_"She's fine killing Brittany." I saw Brittany nod in my peripheral vision._

_"Tell me honestly, if you didn't think it would hurt your reputation, which would you choose?" He asked us, making us all speak the truth in our minds._

_"Glee club." Brittany answered, shrugging her shoulders. We all knew that was the truth, but our social status meant so much too all of us. _

_He nodded and took a step towards Q, and looked down at her; "I know you. You don't think you are, but you're strong enough to do this." _

_He looked into her eyes - despite the whole Berry fiasco, there was totally still something there between these two. After a couple seconds of eye contact, Q spoke;_

_"Okay."_

_"Okay?" Finn breathed curiously._

_"Okay." She repeated, nodding her head._

_"What about you Santana?" He faced me. I smiled and responded;_

_"Screw her. She put me on the bottom of the pyramid." My eyes flickered to Brittany who was staring at me. She knew how much being in Cheerios meant to me, and I could see how proud she was by her blue eyes sparkling at me._

_"Come on, we've only got a few minutes." Finn said, stepping forward with us towards the pitch._

_"No time for a foursome ladies, bus leaves in five." _

_Coach stepped up in her black with white stripes jacket - she always went for the athletic look. I don't think I'd ever seen her in something that didn't sport white stripes down the side. Quinn turned around in time with all of us;_

_"We quit Cheerios." She followed with a smirk._

_"You can't quit Cheerios, it's blood in, blood out. Now get your sweet little cans on that bus." Sue's head flicked backwards towards the transport._

_"But we still quit." I spat the words at her; proud with our decision. My smug smile spread across my face - knowing it would piss her off._

_"You're my stars. If you leave, I have no performance." Her head was now shaking rapidly, obviously stressed by our decision._

_"Sucks for you." Brittany added, before turning round and heading with us to the field. We left Coach standing there absolutely gobsmacked. It felt fucking awesome._

* * *

><p>I giggled at the memory. It did feel fucking amazing to do that to Sue after all those years of torment and ear bending we got from her. That year her Cheerios lost Regionals for the first time in seven years. She was named Loser of the Year in a televised interview with Katie Couric. Furthering her ire, the cheerleading budget was slashed in favour of New Directions. That fucked her off even more and it felt brilliant.<p>

Puck had convinced the former football players to return. Of course Karofsky refused to participate, him being the only one. But as our performance was going on, I watched him join in after seeing the positive reaction from the crowd. Beiste had the football players back and we won by using our zombie costumes, adding a little bit of fear to the game.

**That was a good year.**

I smiled, realising Maria had returned to the room, she walked up to me and fluffed my pillows. I lifted my head, allowing her. I flexed my toes whilst stretching my arms above my head, realising I hadn't walked in months. I winced at the pain that shot up my left leg as I'd forgotten about my broken leg.

"Maria? Would you help me up?"

Maria nodded and approached me, her hands pointed at me, palms up. I muscled up the energy to swing my legs over the side of the bed, they felt so weak and numb. I shook them for a while, trying to get the feeling back. Maria ran her hands up and down them, squeezing tightly. It felt weird having human contact, but apparently it pushed the circulation round quicker. I wiggled the toes on my right foot and the pins and needles that I'd felt before were no longer there.

My hands placed in hers, squeezing hard and thrusted myself off the bed gently. My right foot touched the cold floor, the sensation immediately flowing through my skin. I put a bit of pressure on my right leg, feeling myself being able to stand. My right foot supported my weight and I stood up with no problem. My left leg didn't really ache that much anymore, so I applied a bit of pressure on it.

"Ah ah ahhhh." Maria said, tutting at me. "You need this on first."

She leant down, fixing a cast-boot around my foot. It was dark blue, definitely not my colour. I then stood up on both feet, my thigh muscles trembling after all the time of not being used. I hobbled over to the bathroom, instantly needing to pee. I let go of Marias hands and shut the door behind me, locking it. Even the sensation of peeing felt fucking weird.

I finished and stood up, walking over to the mirror. My hair was tied up in a rough ponytail, my hair sticking up all over the place. I untied it, running my hands through my thick, almost-black hair and tying up it again into my old Cheerios style. I smiled at the memory, wincing at the one that followed it. I unlocked the door and headed out towards the bed. Maria had disappeared and that left me alone with my thoughts. I perched back on the bed, staring at the lilies on the table beside me.

The days passed and I stayed alone in the hospital. No-one cared about coming to visit me, and I thought back to what I'd done to deserve this. Q hadn't visited me, but I hadn't spoke to her in quite a while. The last time we had talked I ended up telling her to go fuck herself, probably not the best thing I'd ever done. I remembered all the fights we'd had over the twenty years of knowing each other, we'd met in elementary school and stayed friends ever since. Well, up until the day of the argument anyway. I thought back to that week; remembering what happened.

* * *

><p><em>It was the week after the Holy Trinity had quite Glee club, and we were now in our normal clothes. It felt weird not to be recognised, not to be wearing the red uniform that caused us to stand out ever so much and I was in the choir room with the rest of the Glee kids. Schuester said that we were to pick a partner and sing what we defined as the worlds greatest love song. Britt was sitting next to me; clutching onto wheels. A pang of jealousy shot through me as a brilliant smile flashed across both their faces; they were so happy together. I hated it.<em>

_Frankenteen stood up and made a speech about how none of us had been slushies since our performance at half time, and apparently he was the closest thing we had to a celebrity so he wanted to give to a charity - us. He was to set up a kissing booth, a dollar a smooch. Wheezy said something that amused the group; I didn't even listen._

_"I've kissed him. And can I just say, " I paused for effect, my face looking at the ground, "not worth a buck. I would however pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man boobs." The Santana smirk masking my face._

_"Do you ever get tired of tearing people other down?" He questioned, obviously he didn't find my joke very funny._

_"No, not really." I answered honestly, it was one of my hobbies._

_"Cause you always seem to be meddling in other people's business." He claimed. _

_The truth hurt, so I came up with something to say quickly._

_"Please. You guys love me. I keep it real, and I'm hilarious." I spoke, knowing they didn't really love me because of my honesty. _

_"Actually you're just a bitch." Lauren said, hey I didn't know white rhino's could talk. The whole club gasped, a couple of 'whoah's' occured from Mr Schue's mouth._

_"Okay. I'm sorry, you've just got eyes for my man." I turned and ooked at Puck, knowing I had his virginity in my pocket. Unfortunately; he had mine too._

_"Okay first of all, I'm not your man." Puck spat at me, I turned back to face the front, crossing my arms. I could feel Brittany staring at me; apparently it clicked that me and Puck were no longer sleeping together like I'd told her the other night._

_"And Finn is right, all you ever do is insult us. Three weeks ago you said you were disappointed I didn't have a lizard baby." Quinn added._

_"Five minutes ago you said Mr Schue belonged in a twelve step programme." Tina interjected._

_Mr Schue's eyes widened and focused on me. "Wait what?_

_"You're addicted to vests." I said, shaking my head._

_"The truth is Santana, you can dish it out but you can't take it. Okay maybe you're right..." I turned my head to face the dwarf who'd apparently strapped on a pair. "... Maybe I am destined to play the title role in the broadway musical version of Willow, but the only job you're going to have is working on a pole." She snapped at me. _

_I glanced around the room, watching everybodys faces as they giggled. I'd never been so fucking humilated in my life. No-one bothered to stand up for me, not even Brittany._

_"Fine." I muttered, grabbing my bag and heading out the room. _

_"Santana." Mr Schue said, but I headed out the room._

_Footsteps echoed behind me as Brittany had followed me. I collapsed to the floor in tears and the bell rang, which meant students would be coming out of class._

_"You could try rocking back and fourth, people do that in movies." Brittany said softly, sadness pasted her face. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she was smoothing down my hair with my hands. She was sat on the floor next to me as I cried._

_"No.. I just try to be really, really honest with people and I think that they suck. You know?" I turned to face the blonde sitting next to me. Her hand was rubbing up my back and up to my neck._

_"Yeah." She nodded, and carried on comforting me. We eventually got us as my tears dried and I embraced her. The halls were now empty and I wondered how long we'd been sitting there for. Britt led me to the girls bathroom where I tided up my make-up, reapplying my eyeliner which apparently made me look super hot as she had said. _

_She grabbed my wrists and tugged them forward so I was facing her. Her deep blue diamonds that disguised themselves as eyes bored into mine. I smiled and felt a cool finger run up my tanned cheek. It ascended up to my temple where it brushed a lock of my dark brown hair behind my ear. Her face came closer to mine as she leant forward; she pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I exhaled and I felt her chest rumble with a giggle. Now I didn't care that I'd been publicly humiliated and offended by the people I least expected it from._

* * *

><p>That was the week I'd found out about Quinn and Finn's affair. I rememberd the 'gassy infant look' Finn had when he entered choir practice one time, a long with the 'Queen bitch face' Quinn sported. I did what I did best, well second best. I couldn't fuck my way out of that situation.<p>

**Funny.**

**Oh shut up.**

Revenge. I had worn a sexy nurse outfit to school that day, whilst carrying a teddy bear. I'd walked into the nurses station and found out one of the boys had mono - and my plan was decided for me. I kissed Finn after kissing the sick dork, whose day I'd made by the look on his face as I'd exited the room, and luckily for me - Finn had kissed Q, therefore giving her mono too. However Sam has been naive enough to believe that apparently Q had 'saved Finns life' by giving him mouth to mouth after Frankenteen choked on something - such bullshit.

But Q had remained my friend. Her and Sam were still together - she never really seemed all that pissed at me for backstabbing her thinking about it. But a couple of weeks later after Sam had performed a Justin Bieber number in Glee club, I had decided I wanted him. So I talked to him about his relationship with Quinn. Telling him that I knew that Finn and Q were going behind his back. And that the only reasons he was still with Q was because he was in denial. I told him that me and him should date, but I knew how much of a pushover he was - and that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Apparently I had been wrong, he split up with Q the next day and we started dating. Despite everything - Q and I stayed friends, although she probably harboured some secret hate for me.

I took a deep breath in, feeling the cold air sink through my throat and enter my lungs. My body sank back onto the bed and my spine hit the mattress - the sun spiralled in through the window of my room, it highlighted my dark brown locks as they splayed all over the pillow. My hands were placed together, fingers linked on top of my stomach.

I had definitely been lucky over the course of my life, I'd survived a broken heart, getting hit by a car, being attacked/possibly raped, got through my parents deaths and somehow, managed to stay alive even when I lost... I couldn't even say the next word. The familiar pain shot through my skin, straight to my heart. It didn't even both to torture me this time; it just got straight to the point.

My body sank back onto the bed and my spine hit the mattress - the sun spiralled in through the window of my room, it highlighted my dark brown locks as they splayed all over the pillow and this reminded me of a time when I'd done this before. I clutched my chest, and folded my body into the foetal position. I hated feeling this weak, this vulnerable - and my mind drifted off...

* * *

><p><em>I jumped up, but couldn't move any further. The blanket was still clutched around me; tight around my body. My body was frozen with fear, my heart beat was rising as a snarl formed over his face. I could feel a sweat drip form at the nape of my neck; he took two steps in and I mimicked his movement, but in the opposite direction. I gulped loudly, and he bared his teeth in an aggressive grin before shutting the door behind him and coming towards me. I closed my eyes and thought of her.<em>

_"What are you doing in my house? And where's that little blonde, slutty friend of yours." He snapped at me. _

_The question was rhetorical obviously; he probably thought he'd never see me again. _

_"B-b-b... Bry..." I stuttered with fear._

_I couldn't even hear myself over the sound on my heart beating hastily against my ribcage. My fingers were turning white as I clutched the blanket closer to my chest. I wished Britt was here with me, she was my saviour and I hadn't told her where I was._

_"Hahaha. Going round the family are we?" He laughed, the image of a killer clown came into my mind - the only thing I could've ever imagined to laugh like that. _

_He took another step forward, closing in on me. The door burst open and Bryan bounded in, armed with a condom. His eyes flickered to his father and back to me; he could obviously see the panic stricken expression that my face currently occupied._

_"Dad?" What's going on?" He stepped towards the person he just questioned, eyes still alternating between us._

_"Nothing. Just introducing myself to your friend here." He answered; raising his right eyebrow before narrowing his eyes at me._

_"You're lying. Tell him the truth." I snapped, it wasn't me speaking. My conscience had taken over my mouth, using it to express the words._

_"The truth? What the fuck is going on Si?" Bryan's face reddened with animosity. _

_I assumed his dad's name was Si - and obviously they didn't have the loving father/son relationship considering Bryan just used his first name to address him._

_"Stupid whore doesn't know what she's going on about." Bryan's father retorted, sniffing through an obvious deviated septum. I smiled, knowing what my comeback would be._

_"Nice broken nose you got there Si. What happened?" I pasted my Santana Scowl on, bending down to pick up my dress and phone. _

_"Someone punched me a few months ago. Random mugger." He barked, too quickly as a response._

_"You sure it wasn't my best friend? A 16 year old blonde girl who kicked your ass after you tried to rape me?" I snorted. _

_I'd never said those words out loud before and it sent a shudder through my body. This beast in front of me had once roamed his hands all over my body. It was enough to make me want to vomit. Bryan dropped the condom, his mouth opening to an O shape. He stared at his father and started shaking violently. I slipped on my dress on underneath my the blanket and headed towards the door; a large hairy arm smacked in front of me, skimming past my face before landing palm up against the wall._

_"Where the fuck do you think you're going whore!" Si's face was only inches from mine, his grassy eyes filled that were filled with rage stared into mine._

_Another pair of strong arms ripped the arm from in front of me. A loud smacking sound echoed through the doorway I was standing in._

_"RUN SANTANA!" The adrenaline kicked in and I sprinted out the door, not bothering to look back._

* * *

><p><em>About a mile and a half down the road I stopped, bending over to catch my breath. I could see the hot oxygen coming out from my lungs mixing with the crisp air as it turned white in front of me and disappeared into the night sky. I was standing on the corner of an unfamiliar street, my black court high heels clutched together in my left hand. My other hand pressed against my thigh, steadying myself. My body straightened and I did a 360 circle, trying to figure out where I was. <em>

_**Fuck San now you're lost. You didn't even know where the guy lived.**_

_I took another deep breath and advanced forward; walking at a steady, but fast pace towards a gas station that had a neon sign which contrasted against the night sky. I pushed the covenience store door, hoping they wouldn't be shut - but only a click occured. The door was locked. _

_**This really isn't your fucking night.**_

_"FUCK SAKE!" I yelled in the deserted forecourt. _

_My knees gave way, leading me to the damp concrete which sparkled due to the lights coming from inside the store. My fists slammed onto the ground, an ache shot through my body as my skin collided with the gravel. A trickle of warm liquid ran down my forearm as I lifted my fists into the air, blood pasted the ground beneath me and it dripped onto my dress, staining it. A vibration came from my shoulder as a tear slipped down my cheek, balancing over the top of my lip._

_I reached up and took out my phone of my bra, totally forgetting it was there. Without looking at the Caller ID I answered;_

_"He...Hello?" I sobbed down the line._

_"San? What's up? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I soft, masculine voice answered back - full of worry._

_I tried to respond, but all that came out of my mouth was sobs. _

_"Where the fuck are you?" Puckss voice questioned urgently._

_"Mobil." I finally managed to say; my eyes glancing around, focusing on any road sign I could see. "Corn...corner of Shawn... Shawneee road." Each words interrupted by a deep, sad breath._

_"Give me 5 and watch out." He spoke before the dial tone sounded. I dropped my phone; hearing it clang against the floor - splitting open. I didn't even give a shit, all I needed right now was her - my saviour. But there was no way I could reach her now._

* * *

><p><em>As he said, five minutes later a truck swung round the corner at intense speed. The two wheels situated on the right side of the truck lifted off the ground. The truck halted and a masculine figure climbed out. His top half was bare and he was wearing chino shorts that fitted nicely. He ran over to me before scooping me up in his arms; my headed tilted and rested against his right peck. He was so warm and it was only now that I realised just how cold I was. I snuggled into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. <em>

_Cool leather hit my back; I was incredibly unaware of any of my surroundings - all that was functioning properly was my ears, I listened to the soft voice of Ray LaMontagne whilst he sung 'Hold You In My Arms'; it echoed out of the car stereo. Tears were still pouring out of my eyes; clouding my vision, but the lyrics flowed through my mind..._

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions

My worried mind that you quiet

Place your hands on my face

Close my eyes and say

That love is a poor man's food

_The only thing accompanying the lyrics in my mind were images and memories of Brittany. Her perfect golden locks that framed her face ever so well, the perfect head of hair always shone against the sunlight, highlighting the natural lighter tones. She had such beautiful, brilliantly blue eyes that always sparkled when they looked at me. _

Don't prophesize

I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

And I could hold you in my arms

I could hold you forever

_I imagined the warmth of Brittany's body pressing into mine, her long, slender arms wrapping themselves around my waist - hugging me tight. The smell of coconut flowed over my body, sinking into my nostrils. I could taste her sweet mouth on my lips and the tears just kept coming._

* * *

><p><em>Eventually I heard the engine stop and the drivers door open. Another door opened and strong, masculine arms placed under my knees and behind my back - swinging me back onto his bare chest. I returned to my normal position, my head crooked to the side, pressing against his peck. The cold air that once stung my cheek was no longer there, instead warmth pressed against my skin; warming it up instantly. The smell of vanilla flowed through the air, infecting my lungs.<em>

_"Sorry... I just... I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know... I didn't know where to take her." Puck stuttered, he was talking to someone but I couldn't see who - my eyes were now shut. Someone muttered something back; the sound was muffled so I didn't make out anything they said. I felt a few slips and slides over my soft skin as I was being exchanged. Fabric wrapped over my hands, covering the grazes and cuts._

_The next thing I knew my body sank into a soft bed, my spine moulding itself into the mattress - the moonlight spiralled in through the window of my room, highlighting my dark brown locks as they splayed all over the pillow. I only knew this because the tears had stopped flooding my face, and my eyes squinted because the moon seemed like the brightest light I'd seen in years. It enhanced the white lilies that were standing tall in a vase on the side table next to the bed. I inhaled deepy, the floral smell filling my lungs._

_Instinctively, I clutched my chest before folding my body into the foetal position - my head twisting to place my cheek against the pillow. I couldn't prevent the next wave of tears that drowned my pours. I felt so weak and vulnerable... and that was something I wasn't used too. With that, I fell into a dreamless sleep._

* * *

><p>I cringed at the memory - remembering how it felt to be so open and weak. When I opened my eyes, Maria was standing next to my bedside.<p>

"Mija.. it's time to wake up." She even spoke to me with my mothers words.

I yawned, stretching my arms above my head - flexing my muscles in the process. I hadn't realised but I'd fallen asleep. I sat up, readjusting my hair and I flung my legs over the side of the bed.

"You get your cast off today." She beamed a smile at me, she was more excited than I was.

"Really? Wow." The time had gone really quickly; it felt like only yesterday that I'd come out of my coma. My head cocked as I noticed the missing flowers in the room - Maria informed me they'd died yesterday. Something inside me saddened, like the flowers were supposed to mean something to me, but if they had I had no collection of it.

* * *

><p>A couple of hours later the cast had been taken off and it had reminded me how long I was out. I was in desperate need of a shower. When I entered my room I headed straight for the shower, stripping out of my hospital pajamas on the way. I turned on the water, waiting for it to warm whilst examining myself in the mirror. I'd gotten a lot skinnier since being in hospital, my cheekbones were incredibly visible and my skin had a slightly grey tone to it. My hair was thinner, and it looked unhealthy, just like the rest of me.<p>

The water heated up to the right temperature so I entered, feeling the spatters hit my skin. The feeling was so relaxing and it sent a harmonious glow over my body - enlightening my face. After finishing washing my hair and shaving everything, which definitely needed doing - I exited and was greeted with a huge, fluffy, white towel, held out by Maria. I wasn't embarrassed as it wasn't exactly the first time a stranger had seen me naked. I took it, hugging it around my body - my stomach rumbled in sync.

"What would you like to eat senorita?" Maria asked softly.

"Chocolate chip pancakes." I responded, knowing exactly what my stomach wanted.

Once Maria had brought them in and placed it on my bedroom table; I started munching ferociously. My God I had missed food - I had been without it for months, not that I was in the right mind to remember. The taste of the chocolate brought a very fond memory back to my mind; one that resulted in the Santana Lopez that everyone knew to the really one standing here today.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Party Rockers

****The title was inspired by The Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO. but the story has nothing to do with it. ****

****Most of this chapter focuses on Episode 14 in Season 2 - Blame It On The Alcohol. This was shut after Sam and Quinn broke up so Santana is now with Sam. Please read, enjoy and review! ****

**Thank you to all the reviews I've recieved so far! Interesting and valuable feedback!**

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen: Party Rockers In The House Tonight<strong>

_"Hey S." A chirpy voice said down the phone. "Have you heard about Berry's party this Saturday?"_

_"Yeah." I said shutting my locker. "Sounds awful." My brows furrowed and the Santana scowl made an appearance._

_I did look hot today though, wearing an aviator jacket like those pilots used too in one of the many, boring world wars. A short, tight purple dress that hugged my curves and my hair slightly curled, falling over my shoulders with a purple flower pinning one side back._

_"Is anybody going?" I asked. To my left I saw a beautiful blonde approach me, fitting into my right side._

_"I don't know, let me find out." She responded, bringing her phone down and pressing the call button to Wheels name._

_"Did you hear?" She asked Artie, him buzzing into a three way. This was definitely not a three way I wanted to be a part off. Cripples probably couldn't even pleasure himself let alone someone else._

_Brittany smiled at me, but as I turned to see the glorious smile it faded._

_"Yeah. Mercedes just told me." Artie retorted._

_"Tell them I'll go if they go." A voice added in the background, sounded like Wheezy._

_"Tell them yourself I ain't no pony express." Added Artie, laughing quietly at his own joke. I heard a click on my phone as Wheezy popped up on my Caller ID. I buzzed her in, to join the party line._

_"You're going right?" She asked me._

_"Only if there's liquor. Because a Rachel Berry party is not something I can do sober." I stated._

_I could barely handle the dwarf when I was sober, and one of her parties seemed overwhelming._

_"But it's alcohol awareness week." Brittany said innocently. She'd always hated going against the rules. I turned to look at her, responding to her question._

_"Precisely, and I am aware of how much fun alcohol is." I exclaimed, well it's not like it wasn't true. Alcohol Awareness week is just another week of adults pretending like they give a shit about teenagers damaging their livers when really it's an excuse to give, once again, another lecture._

_"Let's ask Puckerman." I saw Brittany smirk at my comment in my peripheral vision. Puck was the only one who could score us some alcohol._

_"You go for Puck." He answered as I buzzed him into the conversation._

_"Noah, it's Santittany and Artcedes." Brittany smiled at my abbreviated names. "Can your friend score us some wine coolers?" _

_"No, but his ID can." He answered, as we walked into him round the corner. Artie and Wheezy were now standing with us._

_"Well then, if we're all in it's settled. The Rachel Berry house party train wreck extravagansa is officially a go." Mercedes said, ending the party line. _

_We all departed into different directions; me, Puck and Wheezy heading to Spanish, leaving Britt and Wheels to have some alone time before following. As we walked away I turned to examine B and Artie, she looked happy - and she deserved to be. It made me smile but a dull ache invaded my moment; reminding me of the jealousy. Fortunately it had died down, I was with Sam now, and mildly happy. He was well endowed and that proved useful after our date at Breadsticks the other night..._

* * *

><p><em>We'd arrived back at my house and he immediately perched on the edge of my bed, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs. I could tell he was a little nervous so I shut the door and brought him a wine cooler. We drank away and as the night proceeded, I got bored of talking and I needed to get me some.<em>

_I stood up, locking my bedroom door. I turned to see him smiling as I got near him. He kissed me as soon as I sat down next to him. As our kiss got deeper and more passionate, I lifted my hand to his face, slowly wiping my finger across his huge lips. Kissing him wasn't as strange as I thought it would be, despite the size of those things they didn't feel large._

_"You're so hot." He whispered in my ear as our lips parted. _

_I just wanted to tug down his trousers, pull down his pants and draw his cock out - but he had different ideas._

_He ran his hand along the curve of my bum where my knickers should've been and gasped._

_"Commando?" He whispered, winking at me before pressing his lips to mine once more. _

_I nodded into the kiss and I moved my arm to stablise myself as his hand travelled lower down my arse cheek. I placed my hand on the couch between his legs, and noticed that if I subtly rested my hand on the bed here, I could feel his cock stiffening through his jeans._

_"Mmm", he said, his knob giving a little twitch against my arm, "that felt good." _

_His hand gently tugged at my dress; his fingers exploring my bare skin under it. I opened my eyes to see blonde hair and instantly felt a throbbing between my legs. I tried to think clearly as I realised I'd probably end up thinking of her whilst fucking him - which probably wasn't the best idea._

_I gave him a long kiss, and his tongue danced around in my mouth. Within moments his hands were freeing my breasts from my dress and bra, my hands tore down his jeans to get to his penis. He slipped on a condom and entered me, grunting at the same time, and I felt really _full_. I never really enjoyed sleeping with guys, Brittany had always been the best. She knew everywhere that I wanted to be touched and what felt good. It was like she was the map to my body; every spot and point of arousal was a target for her. It never took me long to prepare with her, unlike it did with guys._

_I was pretty sure he'd been waiting for this all night as I felt him increase in intensity relatively quickly. His strong arms wrapped around my waist, clutching me closer as I rode him. I could feel him shuddering as his thrusts sped up and he did one huge one before coming to a stop, groaning loudly into my ear. We sat there for a couple of moments, sweaty and him shaking before we both erupted into a giggle fit. We kissed once more before fixing up our clothing. He said goodnight and I kissed him on the cheek goodbye._

* * *

><p><em>When we got to Berry's house, it was pretty damn big - larger than I expected. The front was on stilts and the walls were mostly covered in glass, letting everyone see what was inside their house. She led us in through a huge metal door and through another one which led us to what looked like a basement. As soo as the door opened there was a very accurate painting on her hanging on the wall, staring anyone that entered right in the face. The smiled dorkily and I noticed she was wearing a terrible pale green dress thing that looked like she'd borrowed it off her Victorian relative.<em>

_Sam and I grabbed our 'wine cooler coupons' and took full advantage, swigging them down quickly. It was pretty dull at this moment so I straddled Sam when we sat on the sofa, bringing my lips to his. _

_The last people to enter were Kurt, Finn and Blaine - in a strange way I wished Kurt and Blaine would get together, they were pretty fucking cute. The two Asians and Puck were sitting at the bar counter, a liquor cabinet stuffed to the brim was locked with a padlock - obviously preventing any unwanted people from entering. Mercedes and Lauren were sitting on the stage, Q hovering above them. She looked sad at the fact I'd come with Sam, but fuck it - she didn't put out and I did._

_**You're a slutty bitch, you know that right?**_

_I did, but I had my reputation to uphold. Since removing myself from the Cheerios - I had to keep it up, which wasn't exactly easy. Rachel approached Q and I noticed Brittany perch herself on the washing machine. Her eyes wandered across the room but I knew they were trying to watch me. _

_She looked pretty hot, wearing black short shorts and a white tank top with a black tie hanging loosely from her neck. Long black socks wrapped around her legs, ending at the knee. A pink fluffy shrug covered her arms and a black trilby hat covered the top half of her blonde hair which hung straight over her shoulders_

_Me and Sam macked out on the sofa a bit more before Rachel started getting all bossy._

_"Brittany! Remember the rules! No sitting on anything!" Her voice squeaked, she was so fucking annoying. "Okay everybody. Cheers!"_

_A couple of voices spoke as they announced they were leaving. The only reason I was staying was because I was getting my mac on. I glanced up briefly; meeting Brittany's gaze. She was one of the people and this instantly made me want to leave with the group._

_"Why is everybody leaving?" Rachel whispered._

_"Because this party blows." Puck answered._

_"I... I haven't even had my first sip yet." I wasn't exactly focused on my surroundings, so I assumed this was the dwarf complaining again._

_She muttured something unintelligibly, but Puck suggested breaking into the liquor cabinet and now I started focusing on what was going on. Finn turned up the music, letting 'Like A G6' echo throughout the room and the party begun._

* * *

><p><em>About an hour into opening the liquor cabinet - Brittany yelled that it was time for tequila shots. She winked at me suggestively before beckoning me with her finger. I approached her and she pulled off her top, revealing a pink bra with black spots. I grabbed the salt and placed a line of it up her stomach, Sam handed me a piece of lime and I licked her stomach, savouring the taste of her skin before sucking on the lime and shotting the tequila. Everyone clapped and Brittany flipped herself backwards before yelling;<em>

_"My turn! My turn!" However everyone had now turned their attention to Berry who was chugging the wine cool. She grabbed the pink, jewelled microphone that stood on the stage, before burping and announcing that it tasted like 'pink'. Not that that was possible but hey it's Berry, nothing was normal about her._

_That was the night that I finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for Brittany. The rest of the Glee kids played Spin The Bottle whilst I stood out of it; and carried on drinking. The bottle landed on Sam and then Brittany - and the blood ran out of my face when I saw them lean in together. _

_"You know what? A reminder." I announced, realising I was about to say something about Brittany, so I covered my tracks. "I owns that guppy mouth. Those Abercrombie lips belongs to me. They leant in and I took a large swig of my drink._

_Their lips touched and I no longer felt jealousy for Sam, it was blatent and plain jealousy in the fact that someone was kissing Brittany. I was hating it. They properly got in to it as Sams hand wound around the back of her neck. I stepped in, letting the alcohol control my body._

_"You know this is not." I attempted to pull Sam away from her, I had to act as if I was jealous about him _

_"Hey honeys?" I said when I finally yanked them apart, Sam looked at me smiling._

_"This is not a Big Red commercial - no me gusta." Sam's hair was all tussled and I felt Brittany's eyes bore into the back of my skull._

_A lot of the night was a blur, but I did remember yelling at Sam about Quinn, and feeling my heart break as I watched Brittany kissing Cripples whilst sitting on his robotic lap. Her hand slid up his chest and wrapped around his neck - jealousy raged through my body when I knew I wanted my lips to be where his was instead._

* * *

><p><em>The next morning I awoke with a banging headache and cotton mouth. An arm was wrapped around my waist, clutching on to me. Blonde hair was spilled across the pillow next to me and I smiled - Brittany had come home with me and not Wheels. I stayed staring at her whilst enduring the elephant pounding on my head before the body turned for a couple of minutes.<em>

_"San?" She had woken up; her eyes squinted at me as she felt the pain I did five minutes ago. We giggled and then decided it was too loud so we stopped, both grabbing our foreheads in agony. I rose and slumbered over to the sink where I stuck my head under and drank what felt like galleons of water. Brittany followed and did the same thing._

_We both noticed how little clothing we were wearing and our eyes popped open in sync. We were both in matching underwear, black lacy thongs and balcony bras. Brittany giggled;_

_"We're so close we even have the same underwear." She spurted out in between laughs._

_I giggled with her before tugging some PJ bottoms and a tank top on._

_"Bedroom day?" I asked, realising the implications that could've come with that question._

_"Definitely." She smiled and pulled on similar clothing, all belonging to me. She grabbed my hands and locked them together, twirling our fingers. We stood there for a couple of seconds, just gazing at eachother before I felt the pounding in my head once more._

_"Aspirin, and breakfast."_

_"Definitely."_

_We bounded out the room, hand in hand before entering my kitchen. My mom and dad had gone out to a lunch date with my dads bosses or some shit - there was a note but I didn't bother reading it. I cooked up some chocolate chip pancakes and the smell was so attractive. I placed them on the thin island in the middle of my kitchen and leant over to inhale the magnificent scent that wafted off the food. Britt was perched on the kitchen stool on the other side and she mirrored my movements._

_"Mhmm S, they smell fucking amazing." She mumbled before ripping a piece off and pressing it towards my mouth. I took a bite and smiled before doing the same._

_"They taste pretty good too." I added, scrunching my nose at her. We tucked in, taking forks out so we didn't look like animals. _

_After finishing the last crumb off the plate Brittany tilted her head to the side and her brows furrowed whilst her eyes were fixed on my mouth._

_"Britt?" I said, hoping to snap her out of it. I couldn't have her looking at my lips like this when she was happy with Artie._

_"Hold on..." She pushed forward on her palms before pressing her lips to the corner of my mouth, her tongue gently sweeping across the skin there. I shuddered and she leant back, smiling at me._

_"You had a chocolate chip there." I dipped my head, embarrassed but totally turned on. I leant forward and pressed my lips to hers after a few seconds of debating whether to do it. There was no tongue, just a simple kiss._

_"Did I have something on my lips?" She questioned._

_"Nope." I smiled at her, showing my teeth. She smiled back before resuming the kiss. Her soft lips shocked me every single time they met mine, a tingle shot straight through my body, hovering around my heart and centre. I pulled back, feeling way too hot for my liking. I couldn't, not while she was so happy with him. It wasn't fair - why did I have to crush on my best friend when she had a boyfriend? Why did I have to crush on her at all for that matter? She's a girl. She isn't gay._

_**Stupid fucking Santana. Stupid, stupid, stupid.**_

_I retracted my head, pulling away. She licked her lips, tasting me on her own lips before furrowing her brows at me._

_"You alright San?" She said, a curious tone edged her voice._

_"Yeah I'm good. Sorry." I shut my eyes and shook my head before shooting her a smile. We linked pinkies and headed back to my bedroom. She jumped on the bed, legs apart and arms up, calling me towards her. I turned on the movie and crawled up the bed, turning so my back was against her chest. She slid her hands down my arms to meet my hands, before interlocking our fingers. She kissed the back of my head and wrapped her arms, along with mine, across my stomach. We stayed there and watched movies for the rest of the day._

* * *

><p>I laughed at how I spent the rest of the week, dry heaving and looking after the elephant that stood on my head. My mom had asked what the noise was on and I had to tell her I was practising bird calls - she bought it as she had no idea about anything that went on in my life. For all she knew I could be in the mafia and kept a panda as a pet. She was always fucking clueless.<p>

Ahhh. The memory of her funeral ran through my brain, it had been sad but _she_ was by my side - and nothing felt as terrible when _she_ was there. The familiar sting managed to prick me once more, leaving a dull ache echoing through my body.

We performed Blame It (On The Alcohol) as one of our assignments, but Schuester hadn't been happy because apparently it glorified alcohol. I stood up and shrugged off the memories. Not wanting to remember the rest of that week which included puking on stage in front of the whole school and being incredibly turned on at the side of _her_ wearing jean short shorts, a scruffy american flag t-shirt and cowboy boots. She looked so fucking good during that performance.

* * *

><p>I hopped off the bed, it was the day of my dismissal.<p>

**Brilliant! But where are you going to go?**

My conscience had a good point. Was I supposed to go back there? To the place filled with agonising memories?

"Maria? Do you know if I have a car here?" I asked her, my eyebrows lifting together.

"Si senorita. It says in your file someone requested you had your own transport for your dismissal due to stubborness." Maria frowned, reading over the words again.

Whoever requested the vehicle was correct, I really didn't want to be cared for - I liked being individual and taking responsibility. I didn't want to be taxied everywhere, I wanted to drive and have my freedom back.

After a couple of hours, it was my time to leave. I had to sign a form at the front desk, but I exited with a grin on my face. I'd been given keys but I didn't know what car belonged to me. I pressed the unlock button and two lights flashed. I turned my head to examine a brand new Ford Mustang shining in the sun. It was black with two white stripes running down the middle - my dream car.

**Who did this?**

As if she'd heard my thoughts, Maria spoke from behind me;

"Mija.. Someone bought it for you brand new from the garage down the road. No-one knows who as it was just left outside with the keys and a note that said it was for you."

I hugged her goodbye and loaded my bags in the car before leaving the hospital. The Mustang had a built in GPS system and my current location was in Green Valley, just outside of Columbia. I typed in my destination and apparently I had a really long drive - 500 miles long.

Green Valley was beautiful, the road leading up to the hospital was relatively steep and surrounded by beautiful pine trees. The hospital was obviously an expensive, private hospital for rich people. I was kind of flattered that I was there - then again I had been made a millionairess after my parents death. A 24 year old millionairess wasn't bad, but I never told anyone about the money because they'd instantly label me and I wouldn't be able to lead a normal life.

As I drove, I felt myself heating up, so I undid the windows, letting the breeze flow through my car. It attacked my hair, which was currently being held back by a pair of aviator sunglasses. I pulled them down and ran my hand through my hair, meeting several tangles that had formed in the last couple of minutes. The car was so smooth to drive, and it didn't take long to adjust to the gears, it was a manual but that meant I could go faster so I wasn't that bothered - plus a free car?

**Spoilt ungreatful bitch.**

**Yeah yeah. Okay.**

I giggled, realising I did this quite a lot - arguing with my own conscience. My lip pouted out as a sad expression pasted my face. That reminded me of something and I winced at the memory of the first time _she_ had talked to me about her feelings...

* * *

><p><em>It was after Glee practice and we went back to my house. We sat on my bed and I was helping her with Spanish.<em>

_"Britt come on, you need to know these for our pop quiz tomorrow!" I almost yelled the words at her._

_"But I can't! Nothing's working S." She was sad, her lower lip jutted out._

_"B, it's really not that hard." I said gently._

_"Easy for you to say. You're smart. I'm just a dumb blonde." She burst into tears as she finished the sentence. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace._

_"You're not dumb. You're not even stupid B." I whispered into her hair, kissing it. Her slender arms slid around my waist, gripping my hips, pulling me away from her._

_"I am." Tears rolled down her cheeks so I stroked them away with my thumb pad._

_"Look B, I have an idea of how you'll learn it okay?" I said, my eyebrows raising as the idea popped into my head._

_She sniffed, whipping a tear from the end of her nose with her hand. "Okay..."_

_"Right, I'll say a sentence, and with every correct answer - you'll be rewarded." I smirked suggestively, she caught on immediately and brightened up._

_"Oh yeah? Like what?" She teased, as if she didn't already know. I smiled and started speaking;_

_"Hola. Mi nombre es Brittany."_

_"Hello. My name is Brittany." She answered in english. I leant forward, placing a kiss on her forehead._

_"El nombre de mi mejor amigo es Santana."_

_"My best friend's name is Santana." I placed another quick kiss on her left cheek._

_"Tengo el pelo rubio."_

_"I have blonde hair." I kissed her other cheek._

_"For someone who thinks they're stupid, you're doing well." I shot a smile at her, and she smiled back nodding. "Mis ojos son azules."_

_"I have blue eyes." She murmured, as I gave her a kiss on the sensitive spot by her ear. I could feel her hot breath on own ear, which sent shivers down my spine._

_"No tengo idea de lo bella que soy."_

_"I have no idea... how beautiful... I am." She paused in between the words, processing them before smiling sweetly at me and tugging her bottom lip between her teeth._

_"Tengo un novio llamado Artie." I had to bring him back into the conversation in order to stop myself from ripping her clothes off._

_"I have a boyfriend named Artie." I kissed her jawline as a reward. Her face frowned as he probably popped into her mind. _

_"Pero yo amo a mi mejor amigo más que él." I giggled, joking around with her._

_"But I love my best friend more than him." Before I could lean forward to kiss the other side of her neck, she pressed me into the bed, crawling on top of me and kissed me. Her tongue swept across my bottom lip and she exhaled, sending her sweet breath straight into my mouth._

_"Whoah. Britt. Come on, you're with Artie." I said, pulling my lips away from hers._

_"But you said it's just friends talking with their tongues super close?" She whispered against my lips, which were only milimetres apart. I didn't bother responding and gave in. Our lips slanted together, moulding into each other._

_I loved kissing her, it was one of the most underrated aspects of sex, but it was definitely my favourite. A kiss from her would get me going, no matter what else was going on in the room. It was like making love with our mouths. It took me away to that place where the only things you could hear were our synchronised breaths as we parted our lips, and the only thing felt is the pulsing between both of our legs as our bodies pressed together._

_She was a great kisser, a fucking fantastic one in fact. Her kisses sent shivers down my spine, making my fingertips tingle and my centre throb. Her kisses made my whole body feel electric. They made me forget who I was and what I was doing._

_The warm summery air was making us both friskier by the second; our hands explored each other greedily as our mouths moved in unison. Brittany hadn't touched or kissed me like this in such a long time, but it didn't seem to matter now that our lips were re-united. We lay there, kissing and the whole world revolved around us. It was fucking magical._

_I could tell how aroused she was by the way she was grinding her hips against mine. Everything was intensified, especially when she whispered in my ear;_

_"Is it okay to do this?" Her breath tickled my ear, sending even more shivers down my spine._

_I gasped as she squeezed her hand down the middle of us and under my royal blue skirt, twisting two fingers into my underwear. I didn't even respond but she knew I wouldn't care. I raised myself so it gave her more access. _

_"Oh my. You're so wet." She murmured in my ear as she rubbed her fingers along my folds._

_It felt so fucking good; almost too good. As she stroked me lightly, I felt myself quiver, and I couldn't stop myself from gently shifting on her hand and asking her to put her fingers inside me. _

_Waves of pleasure washed over me as her fingers entered my; it felt divine, her fingers softly stroking my wetness. I then knew what was to come. That is - me coming. It was inevitable, there was nothing I could do to stop it - not that I wanted too anyway. I grabbed the edge of the bed and steeled myself in an effort to make my shuddering less violent. Her lips were taking assault on my neck as I felt her fingers moving faster inside me._

_I held my breath, and gritted my teeth, feeling my body and all my muscles become rigid as I held back the shaking and convulsions. She returned her lips to mine and our tongues battled for dominance._

_I flipped us over, sitting myself on her hand and I bent forward to kiss her once more. She thrusted a couple more times and I came violently, dripping onto her fingers. A flush covered my cheeks as I collapsed, panting heavily. She lifted my chin, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. _

_"Jesus... Christ Britt." I said breathlessly, that was probably the most intense orgasm I'd ever had._

_She giggled, and kept moving her fingers inside me, a dangerous thing to do. I threw off my white and navy striped tank top before pulling my bodycon skirt over my head. I pressed my lips to her neck, licking and sucking at the pulse point. I parted my mouth from her throat to remove her top but replaced them on her lips._

_Preoccupied with her hand constantly moving between my legs, I concentrated on what I was to do her, a long with the sensation running through my centre. I came again, shuddering intensely as I felt her thumb press against my swollen clit. A wave of europhia washed over my body. My back arched and I collapsed on her, feeling her nipples hardening. I slid off to the side, and she turned, propping herself up on her elbow - staring at my face._

_"Wow." I muttered before kissing her softly. I caught my breath and slid my hand round her back, unclasping her bra before throwing it somewhere in my room. We pushed ourselves up the bed and I hovered over her, slipping my fingers into her shorts and unbuttoning them, shrugging them down her legs. I kissed her from head to toe, following the contours of her body with my fingers._

_My fingertips ran over her breasts and I spent a while caressing them, feeling my centre heating up as my hands stroked her nipples. They were already hard so I swirled my tongue around them and sunk down between her thighs. I kissed the outside of her soaking panties, teasing her. She groaned before bringing her hand to the back of my head._

_I hooked my fingers in the sides of her underwear, sliding them down her soft, pale legs. Switching kisses between each thighs before heading north. Her mound was glistening, and I couldn't wait to taste it. I placed a gentle kiss on the centre, the heat radiated on my mouth._

_"S..." She exhaled the words a long with a breath, it almost came out as a whisper._

_I stuck my tongue out, flattening it. I slowly dragged it up her centre. Her back arched and a moan escaped her lips, so I repeated the movement. I lifted both her legs gently over my shoulders to get a better angle and twisted my tongue to the side, gently flicking it over her clit. I did this a couple more times and her back didn't flatten against the bed. I brought my left hand up her taut stomach to circle my fingertip around her nipples and I dipped my tongue in and out of her folds. She carried on moaning and I twisted my tongue around her swollen clit. After a few moments my jaw ached so I retracted my tongue, circling two of my fingers on my right hand around her core. I gently pushed the fingertips in and she arched once more. My tongue returned to press flat against her clit, sucking gently as my fingers entered her fully. Within two minutes of thrusting and sucking her clit, her thighs tightened around my head, pinning my ears to my head._

_Her body shuddered violently and she screamed;_

_"Santana!" Her hands clasped on my hair whilst the other squeezed her fingers against my own. _

_My fingertips curled up inside of her; in order to increase the length of her orgasm. Her back finally flattened against the bed and she started panting heavily. I kissed my way back up to meet her face, pressing a gentle kiss on to her soft lips. She gulped as I withdrew my fingers - bringing them up to my mouth and sucking her juices off my fingers. She gave me a sexy smile before wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling my lips back to hers. She licked my bottom lip and swept her tongue a long the parting in my lips - tasting herself on me._

_We lay there in silence, enjoying each others company when hurt ran through me. She was supposed to be going to Wheel's house after this. I swung my legs over the edge, pushing myself off her and stretched. I picked up my underwear and slid them back on before doing the same with my bra. I felt the bed behind me dip so I turned to meet the gaze of a beautiful blonde._

* * *

><p><em>"Hey." She smiled.<em>

_"Hi." I responded bluntly._

_"What's up? Did I do something wrong?" Worry struck her face, her eyes looked concerned_

_"No Britt Britt, it's cool. You didn't do anything. But you're going to Artie's in twenty minutes so you need to get ready." I answered._

_She got up and shrugged her panties back on, a long with her top. I was fully dressed._

_"Babe, you have major after-sex hair." I said, a giggle escaped my lips. I didn't even mean to call her babe._

_**Shit**__._

_I scrunched up my face, hoping she didn't notice. _

_"Would you mind?" She said innocently, handing me a hair tie. _

_"Course not." I smiled back, taking the hair tie. She sat down in the chair in front of my drawers, lifting one leg up so it was in a triangle on the chair, whilst the other was on the floor. I brushed her hair into a ponytail and wrapped the tie around it when she spoke suddenly;_

_"I wanna talk to you about something." She paused, waiting for a confirmation, but decided to carry on as I didn't respond. "I really like when we make out and stuff."_

_My heart pounded, I released her hair, bending over to say something into her ear;_

_"Which isn't cheating because..."_

_"The plumbings different." A tiny smile creeped across her face as she spoke those words. I headed towards the chest of drawers were my lipgloss was, I didn't want to meet her gaze._

_"But when Artie and I are together we talk about stuff like feelings." I didn't really know where she was going with this so I furrowed my brow._

_"Why?" I asked, shaking my head and applying a thin layer of lip gloss._

_"Because with feelings it's better." She stated. _

_**Fuck. She's trying to talk about feelings. Block her out San, block her out!**_

_"Are you kidding?" I stared at her in the reflection of the mirror; "It's better when it doesn't involve feelings." I dropped my gaze because I knew she'd be hurt by my words. "I think it's better when it does't involve eye contact."_

_I turned to her, attempting to meet her stare. But her head was dipped._

_**The only way you're going to do this is if you hurt her.**_

_"I don't know. I guess I just... " She switched her gaze to the bed which we had previously occupied. "I don't know how I feel about us."_

_"Look." I said, dropping my hand from the drawers and bending over to pick up the pillows that were on the floor. _

_"Let's be clear here." Her eyes followed my movement."I'm not interested in any labels. Unless it's on something I shoplift." I said as I threw the pillow back on the bed. I felt a flush of embarrasment as I realised there was another pillow on the floor, they must have flown off during one of our orgasms._

_"I don't know Santana. I think we should talk to somebody." She stated, her hands clasped together in between her legs. "Like an adult. This relationship is really confusing for me."_

_Panic shot through me. _

_**She wants to tell people what you two are doing. Hurt her, it might get her to shut up.**_

_"Breakfast is confusing for you." I turned, shaking my head at her patronisingly._

_"Well, sometimes it's sweet. Sometimes it's salty. Like what if I have eggs for dinner. Then what is it?" Her brows furrowed as her mind went off track._

_I thought about her words. They processed through my mind. 'This relationship is really confusing' - hell yes it was._

_**This is what best friends do. It's not a relationship; it's a friendship.**_

_"I've gotta go now San. But think about it, please?" She spread an adorable smile across her face before shrugging her shorts on and exiting. Placing a quick kiss to my cheek before shutting the door._

_**She likes you. Shit. She feels the same.**_

_My conscience was running wild - creating fictional situations in my head. I spent the rest of the night wondering what the hell I was going to do and say to her the following day at school._


	19. Chapter Nineteen: White Lilies

**I'm only a couple of chapters away from starting the Summer of Season 2. Pleas read, review and enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen: White Lilies<strong>

BEEEEEP!

**Whoah shit. Jesus mind out, you don't need to go back in to hospital.**

I swirved my car, shit, I'd been drifting into the second lane of the I-95. That memory was so vivid and real in my head, I could replay it anytime I wanted - not that I did. It was almost too painful to think about. I checked the time, it was going quickly, I'd already been travelling for an hour, 95 miles done, 405 to go. I pulled over at a gas station and hopped out my car; filling it to the brim. When I walked into the store, several men stared at me - I'd missed attention, even if it was male. All human interaction I'd had for the past couple of weeks was between a Latina nurse and a creepy X-Rayologist or whatever they're called that tried to cope a grope. I think my exact words were;

_'You'd like to see what you're grandchildren look like right? Yeah, okay then remove your eyesight from my twins or I'll snap your dick like a twig. The speed of which it's done is your choice, I'm kind like that - but it __will__ happen so back off Grandad.'_

He never looked at me again. A smirk crawled across my face; I have to admit, I miss being that Santana Lopez - the popular one with all the power, the one who didn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. The strong one.

My flicked back to the 'night of Bryan' when Puck had rescued me from a very similar gas station. I looked around, noticing the familiarity in the name. 'Mobil' was in large letters situated on a 15 ft sign outside the forecourt, and a wonderful scent filled my nostrils - vanilla and coconut. I walked across the concrete, my boots clicking in rhythm. It was so humid today; the sun beat down on my tanned skin, almost creating a sparkle. Such a long time had passed without direct sunlight touching my skin that it prickled with warmth, sending an unfamiliar tingle down my spine. The very tingle that I'd felt shooting down my back another night, only a very long time ago...

* * *

><p><em>The next thing I knew my body sank into a soft bed, my spine moulding itself into the mattress - the moonlight spiralled in through the window of my room, highlighting my dark brown locks as they splayed all over the pillow. I only knew this because the tears had stopped flooding my face, and my eyes squinted because the moon seemed like the brightest light I'd seen in years. It enhanced the white lilies that were standing tall in a vase on the side table next to the bed. I inhaled deepy, the floral smell filling my lungs.<em>

_Instinctively, I clutched my chest before folding my body into the foetal position - my head twisting to place my cheek against the pillow. I couldn't prevent the next wave of tears that drowned my pours. I felt so weak and vulnerable... and that was something I wasn't used too. With that, I fell into a dreamless sleep._

_What felt like minutes later, my brain started functioning properly again; causing my eyelids to open. I forced them shut, hoping to switch off again - but I felt the bed dip, and hot air to flow over the contours of my body. A warm body pressed into mine, before an arm crept across my waist, tucking itself over my stomach and pulling my gently in. Another arm caused the pillow to dip before fingertips glided across my forehead, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. A coconutty scent wafted over my face; as did a smile. I turned to face the embracer, tucking my head into the crook of their neck which was only inches infront of me. _

_The arm that was now draping over me, pressed against the small of my back, closing the centimetres between our bodies. A pair of lips pressed to my hair, inhaling the scent._

_"Brittany." I breathed._

_"I'm here baby. I always have been, and always will be." Her soft responded, immediately sending a wave of calm over my body. _

_My body shifted; pressing my hipbones into hers. It didn't feel arousing or sexual, it was completely passionate and romantic. Something neither of us were used too._

_"I love you, Britt Britt." _

_She sighed before tightening her grip on me._

_"Love you too, Sanny Wanny."_

_Her chest rumbled, before a light giggle erupted through her pefect, pink lips. I giggled with her before inhaling deeply; imprinting my brain with the way her skin smelt - it was sweet and coconutty; it smelt like newly cut grass, warm cookies just out the oven, a green field on a summers day - everything positive and lovely in the world. Everything that was just so Brittany. I could stay in the moment forever, it's what heaven must be like. Our bodies pressed together, inhaling each others scents, just listening to our heart beats, synchronising so they could beat together as one. _

_**She never says 'I' love you? You wanna know why? Because she doesn't.**_

_I didn't get why it bothered me so much? One stupid letter removed from that statement sent thousands of thoughts speeding through my mind. But there was no way I was going to let those thoughts get to me now; I switched off my conscience and focused on the moment. The famous quote from'Perks of Being A Wallflower_'_appeared in my brain, it just fit perfectly. _

And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite.

_I didn't care about Sam, Puck, Finn or anyone else for that matter - I didn't want to share this moment with anyone but the people who were in this room, on this bed, tightly tucked together._

_Whilst her right hand was occupied with my hair, feeling it fall through her fingers before repeating the process - her left hand released from my back, pulling us apart slightly. A single fingertip traced an invisible line down my arm, sending an unfamiliar tingle down my spine. It hesistated as it reached my hand, before proceeding to turn it over, palm up and intertwining our fingers together. Both our hands clutched together with a vice grip as she brought it slowly up between our bodies, gradually flipping my hand so it was facing her. _

_Her soft, sumptuous lips pressed to my olive skin which covered the back of my hand, causing goosebumps to form all over my body. She hovered, leaving the kiss a little longer than usual, before resting the hand in between our heads._

_I nuzzled my head closer into her neck, placing a single kiss to her throat. I felt her shudder under the touch; as her body mimicked mine covered itself in goosebumps. Our legs tangled together, smoothing over our calf muscles. _

_Our eyes never broke contact; her beautiful sapphires staring through my chocolate brown eyes and into my soul. I was letting her in completely, into untouched waters. Her eyes glistened and sparkled, acknowledging the access and thanking me simultaneously. Despite building up all these defenses and walls around my heart that had remained for so many years, she'd managed to make them fall apart, just by being her. And I didn't mind. I didn't mind that I was allowing her to see my vulnerability, I didn't mind that I was opening my heart, inviting her in. In some ways I guess I wanted her to break them down, I always had. Ever since I'd seen her in the gym, gliding across the shiny floor in grey trackies and a black tank top, I knew she'd be the best thing that was that was ever to happen in my pathetic existence._

_And I knew, that in this very moment, everything would change. It would change the course of our relationship, and alter our friendship. And I fell asleep, grinning at this realisation._

* * *

><p>As usual, the next morning we awoke - heading to school playing 'Happy Cheerios'. In some ways, I guess it did and did change things, looking back over it. It did because it forced me to think about things that I'd previously pushed aside, into the deep, dark corners of my mind. But it didn't because we still played the same old charade at school, linking pinkies in the hallway and smiling at guys that we knew were checking us out.<p>

We were such kids back then; despite thinking about how grown up we were because we could drive and stuff - we really didn't know a thing. I'd been told that but being me, I never listened - I would always shoot the person a Santana Scowl, and they'd scurry away, knowing my reputation.

It wasn't until Holly Holiday returned to school that I had really started learning what life was about; my first lesson in Life 101 had been painful, but it taught me everything I needed to know for the several weeks that were ahead of me.

* * *

><p><em>"She's in the library." Jacob Ben Israel quivered, a sweat forming over his brow.<em>

_"Now run along Jewfro, your presence is unwanted." I snapped at him, he was an annoying, pervy fuck after all - so it's not like I felt bad._

_Britt and I walked through the corridoor, searching for this place called the 'library'. I mean I wasn't dumb I knew what a library was, but I'd never been there - it was like a sin to go in their if you had a body as hot as this. _

_We hadn't touched since the talk in my bedroom three days ago and it felt weird having her in such close proximity and not linking pinkies or bumping elbows. I'd rang her up the next night, telling her I would talk to someone just for her, which she was pleased with. She suggested Miss Holliday as she was the only one who was likely to help; and to be honest, the only one who would understand._

_We entered, Brittany's hands shoved into her black jean pockets. She was wearing a tight long-sleeved black and white striped top, with a baggy one shoulder pink top that hung loosely over the undertop. I was wearing my white biker jacket with a grey hoody and black tank top underneath. Black jeans covered my legs. _

_"Ladies!" The older blonde lady grinned as she approached us; Lauren and Puck were in the background, probably watching porn or eating chocolate, whichever hobby they decided to share today._

_Brittany turned her, allowing me to talk; "Miss Holliday... We need your help." Blue eyes were still fixed on my face._

_"Of course. What about?" She shuffled the red book that was under her left arm to her right hand._

_"Me and Britt. Can we go somewhere a little more private?" I swallowed heavily, my face growing more serious. She instantly knew the significance of the talk as her grin faded into a forced smile._

_"Follow me sweetcheeks." Her head tilted to the side; before she stepped forward, passing Britt and I. We entered the biology room; she shut off the lights as we walked through the door, she was good with knowing not to fuck around. Britt and I stood by the door, waiting patiently as Holly decided to become an interior decorator and move the desks around._

_**Is this really necessary?**_

_"Take a seat ladies?" She gestured to the floor, interrupting my thoughts. Britt stared at me, questioning her actions. I didn't meet her gaze and I slumped to the floor, crossing my legs before placing my hands against my calves. Britt did the same - and Miss Holiday did shortly after._

_"So why are we sitting on the floor?" I was timing how long it was before B asked._

_"Because we're in Japan." Miss Holliday responded, attempting to lighten the mood with a joke. She laughed at herself before carrying on;_

_"No. Welcome to my sacred, sexy, sharing circle." _

_Her hands created a circle in the air, gesturing to the positions we were sitting in, although it was really more of a triangle._

_"I wanna thank you guys for confiding in me 'cause I know this is tough. And I wanna ask both of you if either one of you thinks that you might be a lesbian?" I was astounded at her forwardness, we hadn't even mentioned anything about feelings, all I said was it was to do with us two. It was like she had a sixth sense or something, kinda freaky._

_Britt looked at me before responding; knowing I wouldn't go first._

_"I don't know."_

_"Yeah I mean who knows? I'm attracted to girls and I'm attracted to guys. I made out with a mannequinn," I turned to my head to face Brittany, who's eyes were full of sadness, her eyes flickered towards me as I dipped my gaze to the floor, "I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was in the shape of a person."_

_My mind smiled, the memory running through my brain. That was a really weird fucking dream, painful too. But I passed over it, focusing on the current situation._

_"Well we've all been there..." Miss Holliday said, obviously remembering something of her own that was just a little fucked up. _

_"I went to an all girls college where the only industry in town was the manufacturing of softball equipment." Her headed tilted to the right, looking at me, before tilting to the left to look at Brittany. "I still feel a little tingle when I hear Ani DiFranco." She hissed in before shivering the day dream that she was obviously going to fall into, away._

_**Wow. She's getting turned on thinking about a singer... A female singer. **_

_I knew she was the right person to talk too, she'd been around the block a few times._

_**And a few times after that.**_

_"Anyway, it's not about who you're attracted too ultimately, it's about who you fall in love with." Her words sank in and I looked to Brittany, the cogs in her mind spinning faster than usual._

_"Well I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it." _

_Brittany was right, I did refuse to talk about it. But only because I was scared to think about something I knew would mess me up. My eyes sank to the floor; her words hurt me but she was only speaking the truth. I couldn't meet her eyes, which I knew were on me - if I did I would probably burst into tears._

_"Okay... Well, I know talking about feelings can be really hard..." Holly's eyes told the story of a women who knew what it felt like to keep people out. _

_"...So I have an idea. Why don't you guys find a song and see if maybe the lyrics of the song could help you start a dialogue going?" _

_It did make sense, we were in Glee club and that's how we dealt with things. And I knew exactly what song to sing;_

_"I could be down with that." I said cooly. Brittany turned her head, her brows slightly furrowed with curiosity._

_"I have the perfect song." Shit, the backing was mostly guitar. Neither me or Britt played, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get through the song without crying. We needed another person._

_"There's just one problem..." I met Britts stare, a smile edged at the corners of her mouth. "Britt and I may need your help to sing it."_

_Holy smiled, her arms clamping together over her body. "I thought you'd never ask."_

_"Landslide." One word, that's all Holly needed._

_"You're in luck. I learnt that song in college."_

_We stood, and Holly wrapped her arms around both of us, pulling us together._

_"Tomorrow. Glee practice, choir room. No excuses." She released us and we exited, hopeful smiles crossing our faces as we waved her goodbye. Britt never questioned my song choice, I knew she had heard the song - but I doubt she ever really read between the lines._

* * *

><p><em>For me it was probably one of my all time favourite songs; put aside 'You Oughta Know' by the goddess - Alanis Morrisette. <em>

_Landslide is about taking a chance and just going for something that you've always wanted. It's about falling in love with someone who you've known for years, that you've built your life around. The control you once had has been taken away from you by this person, leaving you with very little. It's about giving your all to someone, giving everything you have, and trusting the person to do the same. The impact the person has made on your life has been so dramatic, it's similar to a landslide. It brought down everything you've ever believed in to be right._

_It was such a sudden movement in your life - everything was going fine and then one day you just fell in love with someone who made you question everything. And you don't want to accept it because it means your life will be altered dramatically, and you're scared that if you do change - you'll lose the one person who every really meant anything to you because they've always been there, and your life has been created with them in the plans. As if fate had laid a hand. _

_And so tomorrow in Glee Club, I was going to lay down my feelings and sing my heart out._

* * *

><p><em>The day came quickly; all us Glee kids piled into the room, taking a seat. Miss Holliday walked in with a guitar attached to her back and beckoned to the stools in front. She took the middle one and Britt and I took either one beside her. Country guitars started playing as Holly took the lead; it came so naturally, singing with Britt and Holly, there was no need for promps on when to join in, it just flowed.<em>

I took my love and I took it down.

I climbed a mountain and I turned around.

_The beautiful blonde stared at me, like she did that night after escaping the attack. She was looking into my soul._

And I saw my reflection

In the snow covered hills

Where a landslide brought me down.

_All my life I'd kept every person out. Anyone that tried to get through to me failed instantly, they never tried. Not like she did. She'd kept fighting and fighting, until I couldn't hold back anymore. There was something different about her; something I never thought was conceivably possible. Her eyes bore into my own; she could see what I was thinking._

Oh, mirror in the sky.

What is love?

Can the child within my heart, rise above.

_I sung with her; distracting myself. My immediate reaction to when the cogs in my brain ran too fast, when I thought too much._

Can I sail through the changing oceans and tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

_The lyrics flowed through my mind, erupting more detailed thoughts. Water welled up in my eyes; _

_**Don't cry, don't cry.**_

_Britt and I had always been best friends, we'd always had a connection that no-one else had. We were always close, sometimes very close. But emotionally, we were on the same wave length. Our minds clicked in a way that I never thought was possible. We were special, unique. Maybe that's what stood us out from the crowd. She had managed to break through my barriers, through everything that had prevented everyone else in my life to run away. She's stayed when the whole world walked out. And I knew why._

_**Say it.**_

_The words were flowing through my conscience, but I couldn't speak them internally._ _My walls snapped back into action, causing my mouth to sing a long. I leant forward slightly, Brittany copying my movement. She had read my every thought just by studying my face. Something, once again, no-one else had ever been able to do._

Well I've been afraid of changing,

'Cause I built my life, around you.

But time makes you bolder,

Children get older,

And I'm getting older too.

_Britt and I sung harmoniously together; never breaking eye contact. I couldn't fight them any longer, my eyes welled up and salty water slowly trickling over my eyelids, onto my cheeks. The lyrics were so right, they were perfect for out situation. I had been afraid of changing, I never wanted to leave the person I'd become because I was safe, and numb. Anything that would ever jeopardise that, anyone that ever tried to make me feel anything, I'd always shut out._

_But Brittany... Brittany was special. She was amazing, and beautiful, kind and caring, passionate and romantic. Everything I'd ever wanted. She'd always been there for me; always helped me out without question. When she'd ask me what was wrong when I was down, and I'd replied nothing or 'I'm fine' - she'd wait around for the answer, knowing I was lying. She could always read me, and understood who I really was, behind the bitch mask. She had always loved me for who I was, despite my actions._

_**You're in love with her.**_

_I was. And it was fucking stupid that it had taken this long for me to realise. When she was with me, she made me into a better person. I always felt complete when she was by my side. I guess I always had. I'd slept with countless amounts of guys because I guess deep inside, I knew how I really felt. I trusted her with my life, and with a snap of her fingers, she could crush me - and that scared the shit out of me. She gave me butterflies every single time I saw her, she'd give me a quick grin and I'd melt inside. It had been so obvious, it was always there - and I guess my mind didn't want to accept what my heart already knew._

So, take this love and take it down,

Yeah, if you climb and a mountain,

And you turn around,

And if you see my reflection in the,

Snow covered hills,

Where the landslide brought me down.

_She was my landslide. She'd been the only thing in my life that ever grounded me, but never anchored me down. I had a seemingly perfect mountain before her; and when she bounded into my life unexpectedly, she'd caused the biggest impact I'd ever felt. The walls came crumbling down willingly, she'd opened my heart, letting herself in without my permission. I guess that's what happens when you love someone; you feel the intensity of emotions - the jealousy, the anxiety, the love, the pain - everything that comes with it. Coming to think of it; I don't get how I'd ever avoided it. I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and saw the one thing that ever really meant anything to me. _

And if you see my reflection in the,

Snow covered hills,

Well maybe,

Well maybe,

A landslide will bring you down.

_The whole Glee club applauded, unaware of what they'd just witnessed - the breaking of Santana Lopez. The admittance of being in love with her best friend, her soulmate. Everything that I'd ever wanted was sitting merely metres away from me, and I'd just showed everyone that through one silly song. _

_"Is that really how you feel?" Brittany whispered, dipping her head and seeing through my soul. She'd seen every single thought that had gone through my head during that song - as if it was printed on my forehead._

_"Yeah." I sniffed, rubbing the tears away._

_A smile graced my face, as did hers. Miss Holliday watched me rise from my seat as I took a few steps towards Britt, meeting her embrace. My arms wrapped tightly around her neck, hers taking place around my back, pulling me closer. I'd been fighting this for so long, and I didn't really see why. It was so obvious and I'd been too stupid to see it._

_"Thank you." I murmured under my breath into her ear. She inhaled, acknowledging my appreciation. We released and she tilted her head;_

_"Wasn't that hard was it?" She teased._

_I tipped my head, our noses were now two inches apart. I fought the urge to kiss her; knowing Artie and Sam were in the room. _

_**Shit. Artie. Sam.**_

_I'd basically just openly admitted to being in love with my best friend who was A: taken and happy, and B: a girl. Then again I fitted into both of those criteria too; Sam was in the room and I'd just sung a song about loving someone who I'd known and loved, making a huge impact on me life - which obviously wasn't directed at him._

_But my heart just didn't care; I'd met her for a reason, and the reaosn was to fall in love. Brittany, now standing in front of me was everything I wanted and needed, and always would be. She was the only person I'd ever do anything for. She was the reason I smiled so much._

* * *

><p>That feeling didn't last long. Feelings like that never did. The realisation of being in love is amazing at first; but the aftermath isn't so glamorous. Before I'd known it, anger, rejection, pain... all these emotions flashed through me as I was balling my eyes out down the crowded hallway. Hundreds of eyes flickered to me, their mouths dropping in amazement. Santana Lopez was crying; in front of people. Her vulnerable side was being shown.<p>

My heart was aching, I can still feel the ache to this very day. I thought that with time, the feeling would fade - but it never did, it's still as intense as it ever was. The thoughts just increased it. The heart pounding through your ears, eyes welling up and clouding over, the sensation of mascara running down your face. Saying it hurt was an understatement.

As I joined the I-70, my stomach rumbled. I pulled over into a neat little convenience store, just a quarter of a mile off and got out. I ordered a coffee frappucino at the Starbucks counter and proceeded to sit down at a quaint little table in the corner of the store. It was a two seater, and it over looked Mt Pleasant. The blue was bright blue; the colour of _her_ eyes. There were a few clouds covering the beautiful forms that sprouted from the earth. The fresh air was pounding against my lungs; everything was so natural and new. I'd only known man-made things for the last couple of weeks.

I finished up my drink before I knew; and headed back to the car. The sun was dying down; but the warmth still spread through my skin, causing it to tingle once more. My mind raced with the thoughts of _her_.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Just suck it up. You can do it.<strong>_

_I walked up the corridoor, all these faces were turning to look at me. Sometimes I really did wish that I wasn't this noticeable, it would have made this moment a hell of a lot easier. I could feel the fear that pasted my face - __**keep it cool San. Keep it cool.**__ I approached her; I knew she could feel my presence, she always knew when I was there._

_"Hi."_

_She turned to look at me; her eyes smiled, but her face didn't. "Hey."_

_"Can we talk?"_

_She closer her textbook; before placing it in her locker. "But we never talk."_

_"Yeah I know but..." I could feel the words choking me; hovering in my throat, not wanting to come out. _

_"...I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club." She nodded, her eyes now meeting mine."Because it's made me do a lot of thinking." _

_I took a deep breath; __**you can do it.**_

_"And what I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time." _

_It felt like bile was rising in my throat; it scoulded the back, I swallowed heavily, pushing through.. _

_"I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings..." _

_My eyes flickered to the hallway, what if someone could hear me? They'd judge me immediately, I can't have that kind of reputation on my shoulders._

_"...feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences." _

_**Don't cry. Don't cry. **_

_Her eyes scanned mine; reading into my expression._

_"And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't." _

_I shrugged, a weak attempt to lighten the intense feeling that pounded against my ribcage._

_"I understand." She replied innocently, her orbs glaring into mine._

_Something in her eyes told me that she needed me to say the words. I wouldn't spill it out unless she really needed me too._

_"Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?"_

_She gently shook her head, her knuckles going white gripping the straps on her backpack. "No, not really."_

_My heart throbbed against my ribcage; I could almost feel it removing itself and sliding it up my throat. I gulped; my eyes dipping to the floor._

_**Fucking look at her. Suck it up and tell her.**_

_"I wanna be with you..." _

_I breathed, my heart quickening with every word._

_"...but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school."_

_She smiled; which instantly calmed me down. Her eyes sparkled; she wanted to hear the three little words I'd never been able to say to anyone before. But I didn't know if I could._

_"But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you..."_

_The tears started falling; I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I was breaking; falling apart in a school corridoor._

_"...you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words."_

_She knew me so well. Not only did she know every piece of skin and contour of my body; but she knew my heart. She knew me, better than I knew myself._

_"Yeah, I know but..." I sniffed, trying to withold the tears that were already falling._

_"...I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back." Her eyes darted around the corridoor; full of sadness, trying to conceal tears. I hated hurting her- my words were honest. I was scared, terrified of everyone staring at me, judging me because of who I fell in love with._

_"...Still, I have to accept that," __**Take a deep breath and say it. There's no point in pretending.**_

_"I love you. I love you, and I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn..." I lowered my voice; unaware of the volume._

_"...or any of those other guys. I just want you."_

_My heart was pounding heavily; I'm suprised I'd been able to get this far. I swallowed hard, her eyes were studying me, they no longer sparkled. This sent a large spark of terror spiralling throughout my body._

_"Please say you love me back. Please." I begged; my heart was open to this girl. This girl had managed to pry me open. The tears fell, creating a waterfall over my cheeks. I couldn't hold them back. My heart was laying on the line, being offered to the beautiful blonde that was staring at me._

_"Of course I love you! I do!" Her eyes changed; suddenly they were no longer full of love, they were packed full of guilt._

_"And I would totally be with you if it weren't for Artie."_

_The words sunk into my brain, confusion ran throughout my body. "Artie?"_

_"I love him, too." My brows furrowing, she couldn't be saying this._

_"I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him." She added, I could feel her eyes apologising to me._

_"Yes you can! He's just a stupid boy!" I was begging her, I might as well have been on my knees. _

_"But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up. And I'm lucky enough that you're still single..."_

_My head started shaking as rejection set in. She was choosing him; the pain that rushed over my body was almost too much to take. I examined her as she reached for my hand; trying to make everything feel better._

_"...I'm so yours. Proudly so." _

_My head tilted to the ceiling, trying to keep in the tears. She was choosing a cripple over her best friend, she must really love him. He provided things I couldn't. She wanted to hear those three little words, and she got what she wanted. Anger flashed through my body as a response, the Santana Lopez protection system was kicking in._

_"Yeah, well, wow. Whoever thought that for being fluid, you could be so stuck."_

_She closed her eyes, fully aware of how much she was hurting me. I could see how guilty she felt; but my head wasn't letting her into my heart anymore. She wrapped her hands around me; attempting to pull me into an embrace. I raised my arms, pushing her back. I couldn't handle her touch, she'd just chosen a guy over me, she didn't love me. She was lying to protect my feelings._

_"Get off me."_

* * *

><p><em>I used the only force left in my body; which was barely any and pushed her away. I had to push her away; I had to let her go. My heart was on lockdown and no-one could get passed it this time, no-one. She wanted him, so much so that she would break my heart. I couldn't fight with that.<em>

_I spun around and headed down the corridoor, with no clue where I was to go. The parking lot was only a few halls down, but it seemed too far away. I felt a couple of hands attempt to grab at any part of my body; but at the speed I was going, no-one could catch me. They'd all failed until one yanked me into place, stopping me in my tracks. The corridoors were now deserted, only myself and the person hanging on me like an achor._

_"Santana? What's going on?" Mercedes asked, her dark brown eyes staring into mine._

_I couldn't reply; the tears streamed down my face. No-one had ever seen me like this before; at least until that day._

_"It's because of Britt right?"_

_But it wasn't a question, it was a rhetorical statement that sounded like one. I just continued to stare at the ground infront of the black girl. A hand came up to sympathetically caress my shoulder. But how? How did she know? Especially Wheezy._

_"You can't bottle up everything S. I'm not one to judge or tell." _

_"I just... I want her... She's with him... It's not fair... She loves him... Not me." I managed to squeeze out between sobs. _

_My forehead now resting against her bright blue jumper. She wrapped her arms around me; bringing me in for a hug. I couldn't resist the comforting physical contact, I needed it._

_"He's a stupid boy San, she'll come to her sense. And baby girl, you're blind."_

_I raised my head slowly to stare into Mercedes eyes._

_"How? How did you know?"_

_"Sugar, do you remember our duets competition?"_

_I nodded; not quite knowing where she was going with this._

_"Brittany was pushing Artie down the hall, and she crossed out her chest?"_

_I continued to nod, remembering that day in the corridoor._

_"I watched your face crumble at that moment; I watched the blood drain out your face as she walked away with him."_

_"But I didn't even know..."_

_"Your heart did." She said before I could finish my sentence. "Don't be stupid Santana. That girl couldn't be more in love with you if she tried, her face lights up when she sees you, when your name is mentioned her eyes sparkle as if Santa just walked in the room, I've seen her cry over you and don't even get me started on her reaction to you and Sam and Berry's party. So don't be an idiot, don't let her go."_

_I started crying again, and arms pulled me in once again, hugging me tightly. I just let myself go, straight into the arms of a girl who I'd been so mean to before._

_"Why are you doing this? I've... I've been such a... bitch to you." The words came out eventually, my breathing was restricting the access to my voice box._

_"_Y'know the loud ones who act like they don't give a fuck about anything, you know, g_irls like us. We do that to protect ourselves. You're more transparent than you think. __Come on girl, you know her better than anyone else. If she said that she loves you, it's true." Mercedes added, tightening her squeeze one last time before leaving me standing in the hallway to mull over her words. And once again, I was alone._

* * *

><p><strong>To clear up any confusion, just finished the episode Sexy. I'm only going to briefly go over chapters now, glancing quickly at the episodes considering you probably know what happened in all the episodes off by heart! <strong>

**Thank you! and please review! I need some feedback!**


	20. Chapter Twenty: Too Soon

**The present day Santana is making a bigger appearance, and she'd having flashbacks which are in italics.**

**Thank you for the reviews! Especially **_**darkanglee **_**who's been a huge help!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty: Too Soon<strong>

I was only a few miles away from my destination. The streets became more familiar as I drove on, although none of the faces struck any memory. It had been over a year since I'd been here, despite feeling alone most of my life - for some reason, returning to the scene of the crime made me feel like the last person on earth. The tragedy that had happened here not only 13 months ago still echoed over the streets, leaving a trace.

Twenty minutes later, I edged into the centre of town - heads turned as they saw my brand new car drive through the streets. I'd forgotten that weren't used to cars like this around here; it was Lima Heights Adjacent, not Hollywood. A flash of blonde hair caught my eye in the crowded streets and I slammed on the brakes, causing a screeching and the heads that weren't already turned - definitely were now.

The hair disappeared and a face replaced it. But it wasn't the face that owned those brilliantly blue eyes, it was someone I'd never seen before. If the windows hadn't been tinted black; that would have been really embarrasing. A wave of emotions struck me as if they'd slammed me against the rocks, crushing me once more and transforming the dull ache into constant stinging on my fragile heart. I managed to start the car again, pulling over to a quiet side street where I bent at the waist; crashing my head against the wheel. I squeezed my eyes shut, muttering to myself.

**She's gone. Stop looking for her. She won't be there. Don't do this to yourself again. You need to get out of here.**

I took several quick breaths, before sucking in one huge gulp of air. I twisted my neck slowly, straning the muscles before hearing the engine roar underneath the front of my foot on the accelerator. Before I could even process my thoughts, my body had made my decision and I was on the highway, leaving Lima before I'd even got there. I was driving fast, no idea where too, but I had to get away. It was too soon to be back here, my heart hadn't healed.

* * *

><p><em>The next couple of days went by quickly; I'd barely made any eye contact with her. Recently I'd joined Celibacy Club, and not my usual version of it where I slept with most of the members - I needed to take some time to reflect my thoughts and despite it sounding corny as hell; I needed to find myself. Brittany had confronted me a week later; she knew how long I needed to calm down.<em>

_"Can I ask you a question?" Her scent wafted towards me; blocking my mind temporarily and filling my lungs. "We used to be really close and I miss being your friend." _

_Wow, she missed being my friend. Felt good to know where I stood in her life. She sounded so unsure of herself at the time; like she didn't know who she was talking too._

_"Still waiting for the question." I smirked; but my heart didn't as she knew I was just pushing my walls against her words._

_"Did I do something wrong?"_

_**Did she really just fucking say this?**_

_Anger flashed through my body, flaring up the blood in my veins and shooting them pulsing around my body. But as I turned to yell at her; she knew how stupid the question was as soon as it had left her mind._

_"I don't know, did you! All I know is that you blew me off, for Stubbles McCripple Pants." _

_That little nickname was definitely a withdrawal of what I wanted to call him. The truth is, I was trying to look tough - but I was in too much pain to come up with anything creative. Every time I met the glare I felt like crumbling to her feet and begging her to be with me, every touch, accidental or not made my stomach curl. But not in the lovey way anymore, it was in the painful, soul-crushing way now. It's just what she'd done to me with her words. Before I could let myself collapse, my brain reacted;_

_"But it's fine, it's your loss, 'cause now I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam, that we're gonna sing at Regionals." _

_Santana Lopez's Protection 101 - when in pain, be aggressive. Attack emotionally and personally. I spoke my words, directing them at her love of Glee club and apparent love for me - that would get her if both loves were as strong as she'd said. Guilt automatically ran through my veins as I could see how much I was hurting her._

_**But she's hurting you more. Remember that.**_

_"Wait, you're still dating Sam?" Her voice made me sound stupid. Panic struck her eyes as she realised her tone. "But you said you were in love with me."_

_"I honestly don't know what I was thinking."_

_**Don't be fucking stupid. You know she knows you better than you know yourself. She knows how you really feel.**_

_She didn't respond, her blue eyes bore into the side of my head - I knew she was reading me. I knew she was trying to pass the walls, awaiting me to crumble back in to her arms. I twisted the lock infront of me, attempting to ignore her gaze, but all I hit were random numbers._

_"Look, can you stop staring at me? I can't remember my locker combo."_

_Brittany had stood up for me after Coach Sylvester had called us 'Tweedledumb and Tweedlefakeboobs.' She'd known I was too weak to stand up for myself. That was the day Sue filled our lockers with dirt._

_"I don't even remember putting that in there." Britt said, wiping her mouth, erasing some of the dirt from her lips._

_I had just walked off after Brittany's failed attempt at breaking the ice, managing to reach the car park before flooding myself in tears. I turned on the car; eyes blurred and sped off, seeing a flash of blonde hair in my rearview mirror standing watching me drive away. I pulled into my driveway, hurling myself out the car and entering the front door._

_As soon as the door shut; I slid against the nearest wall, and crumbled onto the floor. The door clicked only seconds later, and a pair of arms wrapped themselves around me, pulling me in their arms and heading upstairs. I didn't even speak as the hands undressed me after we entered my en-suite bathroom; and soaking me under the warm water escaping the shower. I don't know how, or why she was here, but the beautiful blue eyed blonde was comforting me, washing away the dirt as if it was a metaphor for all the feelings and emotions we were feeling towards each other._

_She removed me from the shower, rinsing out my hair and tying it up with a towel before covering me in a huge fluffy towel and pushing me down onto the bed. I closed my eyes for what only felt like a second, waking up half an hour later to a soft voice speaking from the corner of the room._

_"I can't make it tonight Artie."_

_"Yeah I am with her."_

_"She needs me. I know you need me too but right now my priorities lie with her. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"_

_"Love you too."_

_The pain that came with those words almost crippled me. The bed dipped beside me as a warm body pressed behind me and whispered into my ear;_

_"Love you San."_

_She loved us equally, but there was something about Artie that made her stay with him. If I wasn't so fucking scared she'd be with me, but he was her safety net. He filled a hole in her heart that I couldn't, because he wasn't afraid to be with her. He did have the advantage of being a guy, but to her gender didn't matter. I didn't give her what she wanted, I couldn't because of the crippling fear that filled my body, creating my decisions. I said the only word in response that I was able to push through the sobs that occured every second;_

_"Ditto."_

_I loved her, but I wasn't ready to give her what she wanted. I couldn't give her what she wanted. Maybe in the future I could; but right now, in that moment - she was happy with him. She loved him, and she loved me. It took some time, but I realised that now - but the fear was holding me back, the talks and the looks I'd get... I just couldn't handle. We fell asleep that night; clutching each other as if it was the last time._

* * *

><p>And it had been. It was the last time we held each other as we drifted off into a peaceful sleep. For the weeks that followed that, we didn't touch. We didn't have our phone calls and texts, we didn't fall asleep in each others arms listening to the breathing and eratic heart beats.<p>

It was a week later when Berry decided to get her massive beak fixed. Apparently planning a well needed nose-job. Why not change if you don't like what you see in the mirror? I did and now look at me.

**Okay, probably not the best example.**

Prom posters had started going up that week, Quinn and Finn were up, even Zizes and Puck were up. I'd figured out an elaborate plan that if I became Prom Queen, I could tell Britt to dump Artie and she'd be with me. But in the course of that plan, I figured out Karosky's reasoning behind being a dick; I wasn't the only one in the closet.

Thinking about it now, he was the male version of me. Terrified of who he really was, so he hid it by being a complete douche bag to everyone. Figuring it out did explain a lot, his very strong reaction to Kurt being gay and the Night of Neglect corridoor incident. Turns out being a closet lesbian and a judgemental bitch wasn't all that bad.

I'd met up with him at Lima Bean that day after school, expressing my secret to him and my idea of becoming 'beards' to win Prom King and Queen. He'd eventually agreed after thinking it was probably better to take his time coming out the closet, than being shoved out by me. Not that I would have ever done that; in high school I was more talk, but no-one dared risk it after the few incidents where I hadn't been.

Karofsky and I had declared our fake love in front of Glee that next day, which had slightly elevated my mood because Brittany looked genuinely upset - but I wasn't going to wait around forever. Well, I thought I wasn't.

* * *

><p><em><strong>What the fuck was that?<strong>_

_I'd just heard someone tapping at my window. Before I knew it, I was in a ninja-type crouch armed with a baseball bat. My parents had gone away for two weeks and I was all alone, with no protection. As I approached the window, the top of a blonde head of hair hovered just underneath the window pane. I chucked my baseball bat down before throwing open my window._

_"Britt my parents aren't in." I murmured, a cold tone edged my voice._

_"Shall I go downstairs then and come through the front door then?" She questioned sarcastically._

_"Funny. Do whatever you like, I don't care."I said dismissively. I turned to face my bed and before I could take a step, her soft palm grazed my shoulder, pulling me to a halt._

_"You know who you're talking to right? I know you fucking care. So stop pretending you don't and just be honest with yourself for once." She barely ever got angry with me, this was one of the very rare times she ever did._

_"Sorry. Force of habit." I whispered._

_**Why are you apologising to her? You didn't do anything wrong.**_

_"Don't apologise San, you didn't do anything."_

_I suppressed a giggle; hoping she wouldn't notice. My head was now dipped and staring at the floor. A single cool finger pressed underneath my chin, pulling it to gaze into her eyes._

_"Britt I'm sorry, I just... I hate being this weak."_

_Her cool arms slid around my waist, pressing against the small of my back so my body pressed against hers. My face pressed against her chilled neck, her breathing was still heavy due to the climb up the side of my house._

_"You're not weak, you're the strongest person I know. You opening up like this to me like you did was the best thing you could've ever given me."_

_"But it hurt, so much..."_

_"And that's why I'm so proud of you." _

_Her eyes glistened as they stared at me, studying my expression. I knew what would was to happen; and I couldn't let it. So in order of preventing it; I pulled her towards the bed by her wrist and laid her down, snuggling under her arm. She didn't question my movements and just pulled me in closer to her chest while I sobbed. _

_"We're going to be okay San. You know that right?" She asked, kissing my hair as she waited for an answer._

_"I hope so B, I really do." We laid there in comfortable silence until we both fell asleep._

* * *

><p><em>"Hey! Do you like my shirt for Glee?" <em>

_She opened her jacket, revealing the printed t-shirt underneath which read 'I'm with Stoopid' with an arrow pointing towards her gorgeous face. It was such a Brittany t-shirt._

_"It's perfect. Check out mine."_

_She watched as I opened my jacket. Her eyes scanned it and gave me a look, and I knew exactly what it meant._

_"What? It's perfect. Legend has it that when I came out of my mother I told the nurse she was fat."_

_Okay, maybe that wasn't entirely true - but there were many legends going round school about me, and I had to live up to them._

_"Well, I made a different one for you."_

_She unfolded a t-shirt and showed me. It read 'Lebanese' - but she knows I'm Puerto Rican..._

_"I'm Hispanic. Wait... was that supposed to be lesbian?" _

_I whispered the last word as if it was a swear word. My eyes darted around the room; looking to see if anyone saw it._

_"Yeah isn't that what it says? When you told me all that stuff the other week it meant so much to me, to see you be so honest, especially because I know how bad it hurt. I was so proud of you."_

_She started using the proud card, the one that made me tingle inside because despite hating opening up; which she knew - she'd always be so proud when I did manage too. Low blow Britt, low blow. My instincts kicked in; if she had made that top, was anyone with her when she had? Had she told anyone? Or put it on that stupid cheese show of hers?_

_**Shit, who was I going to have to go all Lima Heights on? Please don't be someone I pretend not to like but actually do, I don't have enough strength.**_

_"Well don't get used to it. And certainly don't even think about telling anyone."_

_**"**__Why not? You're like the most awesomest girl at this school, why would you try to hide any of that?"_

_**You couldn't if you wanted to anyone. Remember someone called Karofsky?**_

_"I'm dating Karofsky now."_

_Her face sank, her eyes staring deeper into my mind. I pushed the walls back up; blocking her out, but she was hurt, and she was making that visible._

_**"**__That's gross."_

_"You don't get a say in who I date anymore."_

_"Why not? Because I'm dating somebody? Because you're Lebanese and I think I'm bi-curious?" _

_The anger was spreading all over her face, her once sparkling eyes were now full of anger. I swear these lockers will be the death of us; everytime we meet here something always happens. Fucking lockers._

_"No." I shook my head; praying for the power not to say the next few words. But they came anyway;_

_"Because I said I love you. You didn't say you love me back." _

_"I do love you, clearly you don't love you as much as I do or you'd put this shirt on and you would dance with me." Anger slipped through her teeth with her words. _

_**Funny way of showing it.**_

_**She does love me; but not enough to break up with Artie. **_

_Britt pushed passed me, and walked away, swinging her hips. She'd only ever do that when she was pissed - and I had pissed her off. She was asking me to do a lot, and I was getting fuck all in return. So I'm supposed to put on a t-shirt that misspells lesbian, stand up in front of Glee club and sing like everything fine and fucking dandy? No. I couldn't. I did love her, so much - but that was just asking to much of me._

_Guilt washed over me as headed away from me; I stood there holding her t-shirt for a while, thinking about what she was asking of me. I loved that girl more than I'd ever loved anyone in my entire life, and the thought of losing her made me want to curl up into a ball and die. I wanted her, so badly - but if I did what she asked, what would come of it? I could lose everything; everything I'd built up in the last few years._

* * *

><p><em>I went to sixth period, mulling over the decision whether to go to the performance afterwards. Karosfky came up beside me, his body immediately going rigid when I grabbed his hand. He physically repulsed me; but it was nice having someone in the same boat as me. I had to live up to appearances, if anything look suspicious between Dave and I, everything could go wrong and my reputation would be shattered.<em>

_"Dave, do you mind if we go to the auditorium after class?"_

_"Sure. You wanna watch the gay kids... I mean Glee kids?" I eyed him up; slightly raising his eyebrow._

_"You enjoyed performing during the football championship game so don't fucking call them that again, kay?" I snapped._

_"Yes, Santana." He grumbled through his teeth._

_After sixth we parted ways briefly; I headed to my locker, putting my textbooks away and grabbing the t-shirt before heading to the bathroom. Mostly everyone had left by now, only a few voices coming from the corridoor. And my nerves were getting the better of me. _

_**Do it for her.**_

_My heart whispered, which gave me a slight shock as my conscience always powered over my its voice._

_**Do it if you want, but you'll ruin everything. They'll see you for who you really are, and you'll get daily slushies, you'll be called rug muncher and a dirty dyke. But if you're cool with that - go right ahead.**_

_That send me into a spiral of panic, and I threw the Lebanese t-shirt to the side, watching it slide onto a heap on the floor. _

_"Santana? Hurry up. The performance is about to start." Karofsky shouted through the door, tapping it lightly with his knuckle._

_"Gimme a sec." I said in a slightly raised tone, he didn't answer._

_I stood there, staring at myself. My eyes didn't look like my own; they looked like the eyes of someone who was in agony. They were battlescarred and pained. All because of one person. I thought of my decision, I knew I wasn't going to perform; but was there any point in going to watch? Would it make my heart sink just that little bit more? I took a few steps towards the t-shirt, bending it over to pick it up before feeling the material with my thumbs._

_"Finally. Jesus, what took you so long?" Dave asked, eyeing up my shirt._

_"Nothing." I said bluntly._

_"Lebanese huh? Thought you were Spanish?" He shrugged his shoulders; maybe no-one would crack the code. We walked towards the auditorium; holding hands as we entered. The Glee Club was already performing; the beautiful blonde prancing across the stage, a serious expression pasted her face. _

_We sat down, and I released our hands. Karofsky was seriously getting into the performance; if it wasn't for his social status as a hot-shot football player, he'd be joining Glee at the drop of a hat. The song was 'Born This Way', and as the lyrics came on I looked down to examine the words printed on my t-shirt. I _was _born this way, there's nothing I could do to change it; but I was too goddamn fucking scared to accept it._

* * *

><p>It'd been two months since my very regrettable return to Lima; and the ache was dulling down. My heart no longer screamed out for me to run away - I was comfortable just driving around, never knowing where I was going. It gave me peace of mind, knowing that I didn't have any responsibilities, no bills to pay, no-one to miss me, no-one to call.<p>

**You're lonely.**

"Yeah, I know." I whispered to myself. The wind beat through the windows; warm air rushing around my car. The sense of freedom hit me; I was free, free from everyone and everything. All the problems, all the arguments and all the people. But despite all the years of wishing and hoping I could just run away from the small town of Lima, Ohio - right now it was the only place that I really wanted to be. I didn't want to be free anymore, freedom sucks. It just reminds me of how lonely I really am.

I wouldn't turn around though, loneliness is something I can cure with a drunken night at a bar. But that heartache... That wasn't something that could be healed quickly. It wasn't something that could be healed at all, if I'm honest. Time just dulls it; it turns the initial intense pain into something bearable, something my body can handle. The constant waterfall of pain had now turned into a slow drip, each one just as agonising as the one before; but the speed allowed my body to pace itself so it could bear it. I was never going to be peaceful, but I'd built a tolerance. So for now, I would be fine.

* * *

><p><strong>Prom Queen candidate who spends most of her time in the closet!<strong>

_"What the fuck!" _

_I screamed in the middle of a crowded hallway, grasping a copy of The Muckraker, reading the printed words that lay in front of my eyes._

_"Yes?" I snapped at a ginger kid, who ran down the hall crying._

_Storming down the hallway, I was studying each room looking for the blonde that had created the anger that was burning through my veins. As I passed the choir room, I saw her sitting in a chair at the back next to Kurt, who was reading through a copy of The Muckraker._

_"THIS..." I shouted, holding up the paper in my hand. "Is your fault! You told everyone that I played for another team on your ridiculous melted cheese show?_

_The whole Glee club turned to look at me; but they all knew attempting to calm me down wasn't the best thing to do. I could see Mercedes staring at me in the corner of my eye, and Artie flicking his eyes between me and Britt as he watched me yell at her._

_"Wait are you mad? You do play for another team..."_

_**Is she seriously fucking telling everyone!**_

_"...You were on the Cheerios and now you're in New Directions."_

_"And you couldn't think of though of any other way to say that!" _

_I said angrily, shrugging my shoulders in the process. The whole club was looking between me and Finn, who apparently had read something that pissed him off too. I stared at Brittany, she genuinely meant that I was in Glee, not that I was gay. She mouthed 'sorry' at me, but I turned away, rolling my eyes. As I turned I watched Artie study me; he was the only one really listening to the argument between me and Britt, and I knew he was reading into it after she ditched him for me on their date to Breadsticks a few nights ago._

_After a few minutes of storming out, in the same fashion as Finn - I realised that she would never have outed me, and I just confronted her in front of the whole Glee club, which made me look bad because it looked like I was trying to hide something. _

_**Shit, well she could have said it differently.**_

_It was a few days after that she approached me in the hallway, crying. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her head into my chest. Her forehead nuzzled the crook of my neck but I pulled her away; before it got too much, and stared her right in the eye._

_"B what's up?"_

_"He... he called me... stupid." _

_Anger coursed through my veins, my heart quickened it's beat and my fists clenched._

_"What." I said bluntly, my voice cold. "I'm going to fucking kill him."_

_"No! San don't! Please. He didn't... He didn't mean too." _

_"Why did he call you that?" I questioned her, her answer was the only thing holding me back from kicking his scrawny ass out that wheelchair._

_"He said you were a bad person." She murmured, her head dipped, focusing on her hands that were twiddling in front of our bodies. I placed my hand around her neck, leaning into her and rubbing my thumb on her hand. I had to comfort her; she was upset._

_"Britt, I am a bad person. But he shouldn't have called you stupid, because anyone that loves you never would. If they really loved you, they'd know you aren't, not even a tiny bit."_

_I pressed my fingertip to her nose. She smiled and walked forward, pressing her hand to the small of my back - so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders._

_"We're over you know, me and him." She added, I swear a blush crossed her cheeks._

_"Yeah B, I know." I couldn't help but smile at her, she was trying to tell me she was ready. But my smile faded as I realised I still wasn't. They'd ended so quickly, and if he hadn't called her stupid, they'd still be together. It wasn't the right time for me, for her. She still loved him. But I couldn't help but wonder, when would it ever be?_


	21. Chapter Twenty One: A New Place

**This chapter is getting a lot more interesting. So please read! I'm enjoying writing this more! Please read, review and enjoy! You know the drill! Thanks :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty One: A New Place<strong>

NYC. New York City. The Big Apple. Whatever you wanted to call it. And I was here. I took in a deep breath, inhaling the New York air. I was standing on a little wooden bridge facing the Statue of Liberty. It had been three months since my little mustang had taken me here, I didn't even know where I was going - but I knew wherever it was, it was going to be a fresh start, I would start out new.

I'd spent the first few nights bent over a bar, drinking Tequila by the bottle. My tab was worth over $200, and I had no money to pay it with. However, making out with the bartender Carlos, reduced it a hell of a lot. He wasn't bad, but he smelt of stale alcohol and had freakishly cold hands, but I'd made out with worse. He'd been the first person I'd kissed since I'd awoken in the hospital bed, he'd been the first to kiss me since... her. It all felt so wrong, almost like I was being unfaithful - but I had no-one to be unfaithful too. My...

"Brittany..."

I breathed her name out, squeezing my eyes shut. It was the first time I'd said it in years. And it was still just as painful as the first time I'd said it after the accident. My Brittany... My beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed best friend who'd I'd fallen madly in love with wasn't here anymore, she wasn't mine.

I'd managed to stumble up the stairs into my one bedroom apartment overlooking the Manhattan skyline; before collapsing on my bed.

"Brittany." I whispered into the air, I'd broken the barrier now. I couldn't stop saying it. With every time that I'd spoken her name, it felt like someone had socked me in the stomach. I clutched my chest, folding my body into the foetal position. My chest felt hollow, it was open. I'd let someone in years ago, and it had messed me up forever. There was no way and still has never been any way of healing myself. Even after all this time.

All because of one stupid person, no different from any other of the stupid people I'd met in my lifetime, had wandered into my stupid but easy life. And suddenly, I'd given her a piece of me, she didn't ask for it, I just gave it to her, completely voluntarily. I guess I really should blame myself for this. This agony was caused by my own actions, it's my fault I feel like this right now. I could have pushed her away, just like every other person in my life, but no. That day, that day when I'd seen her glide across the floor in the gym, no make-up, hair tied up messily into a loose ponytail - ever since then my life would never be my own again.

She'd gotten inside me, without my permission. She'd knocked down every wall I'd ever built, and just occupied my heart. Being in love with her, had eaten me from the inside out. Hollowing my chest and leaving me to be this empty, weak, pathetic person. "I can't break up with him, it's not right" had turned into a glass splinter, working its way through my chest and into my heart.

And still, even right now, lying on my bed in my one room apartment, it still tears me apart. It still fucking hurts. And not just in the imagination, it had never just been in my mind. It was a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. That blonde, had one day just walked into my life, and changed me forever.

I'd never healed, getting away had just dumbed the pain down. But she couldn't rule my life anymore, she wasn't here, and never would be again. I was never going to see that glorious face again. I missed her so goddamn fucking much and she'd never know. If I could go back, and change everything I would. Especially the week of Fleetwood Mac...

* * *

><p><em>I'd led her into the music room to express my 'private feelings for her' by singing Songbird. I couldn't hold in my emotions, but no-one was around to see it. Well, Brad was but was he basically furniture. The tears fell as I sung the last lyric, before I wiped it away with my finger, breaking the eye contact that had been constant throughout the song.<em>

_"So why couldn't you sing that to me in front of everyone?" She stepped down from where she'd been sitting to place her face only inches from my own. "Now that Artie and I aren't together."_

_"No, not yet. I'm not ready for that type of public announcement." I turned away, not wanting to meet her hurt face._

_"Ever since that Muckraker thing, people have already started treating me differently. I got asked to join the golf team."]_

_She examined my face for a millisecond, knowing how deathly afraid I was of people finding out. She knew how much I'd be shitting it because people were treating me differently; and especially the golf team. That was full of lesbians and fat dorks hoping to get some from them - when they had no chance for more than one reason._

_"Well what if I went first?"_

_**She loves you enough to sacrifice herself first.**_

_She stood in front of me, smiling._

_"Come on Fondue For Two, I'll ask you out to Prom and tell you how I feel. And all you have to do is say yes."_

_I considered it; why was this so fucking hard. But the smile she gave me shattered everything I was scared of. The nightmare was now gone, I found myself smiling. We were going to be together._

_"Okay."_

_"Yeah."_

_She wrapped her arms around me immediately, her eyes sparkling with joy. She pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't want to hide my love for her; I wanted to be with her, and the fear that had stopped me before just seemed so insignificant. I was standing here, breathing in the coconutty scent of her hair, taking in the warmth of her embrace. I could do anything and everything as long as she was by my side, as long as I could have this - I'd do anything._

_**It's just one yes, right?**_

_I nodded into the hug, and she broke it, smiling proudly at me before taking my pinky and leading me to class with her. We sat in Spanish, goofily smiling at each other, trying to make sure they were secret as the suspicions were getting worse with every touch between us two. After a long day, I climbed into my car, still smiling._

_But the illusion disappeared. As soon as she'd gone, the fear set in. Without her, it came rushing back and it was stronger than ever. I had two hours until I was supposed to be at Britt's house, outing myself. I just wasn't ready - I couldn't do it. I turned on the engine and rushed home. I swear I caught people staring at me as I drove out; I was going to have to get used to this. The malicious whispering and the looks that branded 'dyke' into my forehead. My stomach churned as realised I couldn't go through with it._

_As soon as I got home, I ran up into my room, throwing my bad somewhere and whipping out my phone. I typed 'I can't' into a blank, and clicked over Brittany's name. 'Are you sure you want to send the message?' flickered up on the small screen. All I had to do was press enter, such a simple move, but the consequences... Just like the small yes you had to give Brittany._

_**It's now or never San, make your decision. You know what this will do to her. **_

_I was going to let her down, but I wasn't ready. She said she'd wait for me, she would accept that I wasn't ready. She couldn't hate me for that right?_

_**She's not going to wait forever.**_

_I squeezed my eyes shut, clenching the phone tightly. I wanted to do it so badly, I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't. I blocked out the whispers in the back of my mind before pressing enter. Relief washed over me, but guilt took over before I could feel the real effects._

_**Well done. You've missed your chance.**_

_My eyes were now aching from squeezing them so hard. But I forced them open, knowing I had to do something. I logged onto Jewfro's blog and posted a rumour that I knew would instantly boost my rep once again. The thought of everyone knowing I was in the closet scared me shitless. But half and hour later, I logged onto YouTube, to watch her video. She would always post it around 7pm, but it was now 7:30 and no video. She's done her hair and properly dressed up; the familiar theme tune played in the background while the whispers returned._

_**You're an idiot. She loves you.**_

_"Hi, I'm Brittany. Welcome to Fondue For Two."_

_Her eyes were sad, her expression was... well pissed off. Understandable considering I just let her down._

_**Again.**_

_What? When have I let her down before?_

_**She tried to get your attention in the week of the duet assignment. She wanted to confess her love for you, by singing Come To My Window to the Glee club. She's loved you all along. And you're too fucking stupid to realise that. Everyone thinks she's the dumb one out of your duo, but really - it's you.**_

_Shit. The whispers were right; she wanted to sing a duet in front of everyone. She wanted to tell me how she felt, and I told her I wasn't in love with her. I crushed her, with just a few words, and I didn't even know. She'd given me the chance to confess her love and to give up everything she had just to be with me, once again, and I'd blown her off, knowingly._

_"My guest today was supposed to be Santana, but she texted about an hour ago and it just said 'I can't." Her shoulders shrugged, and the tears started forming in. I hated hurting her, I would do anything, apart from the obvious, to make sure she wasn't hurting, but I couldn't. _

_"Oh well, the show must go on."_

_**She means she must go on.**_

_I clenched my eyes shut, letting the tears flow over my cheeks. I sobbed until the early hours of the morning, hoping she was thinking of me. The space next to me felt so empty without her there. I wanted to be next to her, I wanted to tell her how unbelievably in love with her I am, but I couldn't._

_**You've done enough damage.**_

* * *

><p><em>The next day at school - Jewfro approached me as I was walking to my locker.<em>

_"Any comment on the vicious rumour left on The Muckracker website about you and Karofsky doing it in the backseat of a parked car in the 'Holier Than Now' cemetary?"_

_"No comment." This would totally boost my rep. Although truth be told, the furthest me and Karofsky had gone was holding hands - and that was basically forced upon us._

_"Any comment on the fact that when I looked up the IP address of the person who posted the rumour - I found out it was you."_

_**Shit. You've been found out. Think of something, quick quick!**_

_I turned to face him, hovering opposite me and Britt's locker. Why did she have to be there at this very moment? I hadn't talked to her since the text; and I missed her despite our last contact being under 24 hours ago. She was applying her mascara, her eyes glancing out the corner towards me. I met her gaze, knowing she'd heard Jewfro's comment._

_"My computer was stolen."_

_A clapping sounded in my head. I slowly met Britt's gaze, my heart was pounding._

_"Look, all I can say is that Dave and I are going strong and..." _

_I breathed in, watching Brittany process my words. I was still hurting her; it was like I couldn't control it._

_"...We're very excited about our Prom King and Queen campaign. Vote Santofsky."_

_She was listening in to the conversation, and it made me feel so insecure. I couldn't reveal my feelings in public, especially not to Jewfro. I hated this so much, but I couldn't stop it._

_"So you two are in love? Soulmates so to speak?"_

_Brittany was now intensely watching me, she paused applying her lipgloss just studying my face. I knew she was waiting for me to announce everything considering I was so willing too the last time she saw me. My pulse quickened, and I stared into her brilliantly blue eyes; she was so fucking beautiful it almost hurt to watch her. My heart was telling me to just spill out my every emotion, but I couldn't. I knew I was hurting her, but I was hurting myself by hurting her. But my mind had different ideas._

_"Yeah."_

_The words punched me in the stomach as they'd left my mouth - an acidic taste ran up the back of my throat, burning my words as they escaped mouth._

_"I'd say that was accurate."_

_I could feel her disappointing glare bore into the back of my head as I turned away, all I really wanted to do was run towards her and kiss her. I missed kissing her, I missed touching her and hugging her whenever I wanted too. I needed her, more than I needed air. I could handle anything that came at me when she was by my side; she just made me feel so complete. Nothing mattered when I was with her, being with her was easier than breathing. But I needed time before we could have all that, and I closed my eyes, praying she understood._

* * *

><p>Two months later, I was standing outside Millenium Star Records after being signed. The last couple of months had been amazing. I'd started out as a junior mail clerk, which basically meant I walked around with a trolley handing out mail to people I wish I was. Fortunately a senior manager had heard me singing and recommended no other than Jamie Foxx, to listen to me. He had and now I was on my way to stardom. Alone.<p>

Everything was going by so quickly, and before I knew it, I was sitting next to Jennifer Lopez at the MTV awards after releasing my first music video. I'd arrived in NYC only five months ago. The first month consisted of me in the bar, owing Carlos $200 which I'd paid with my macking out skills, and I was barely living off ramen noodles in a one bedroom apartment that over looked Manhattan.

I was a world-wide music sensation, I'd reached three million hits on YouTube and it was because of sheer luck. But the hole in my heart was still there, still reminding me of everything and everyone I'd left behind. I'd ran into Matt Rutherford a couple of days after collecting my Breakthrough Artist's Video Award. After transferring from McKinley, his life had elevated. He'd gone to London, where he studied at the Brit's school of Musical Talent and he was signed up to choreograph Lady GaGa's music videos.

"Wow Matt, well done."

"Thanks San." His smile was still brilliantly white. "So, how's everyone else? Quinn, Tina, Mike, Finn, Puck? What about Brittany? What did she end up doing with her life?"

Her name punched another hole through my heart. After the night of my breakdown a few months back, I hadn't spoken of her. The memory was just too painful.

"I haven't heard from most of them since I ran away like two years ago. But last time I checked Quinn and Puck got hitched, had another kid. Finn and Rachel were on/off like always and Tina and Mike had just had their first kid. They're all growing up."

**Wow, two years ago. Two years since you gazed into her eyes. Two years since you touched her. **

The memory of her ghosted over my brain, my pain receptors buzzing as the stings returned, impacting my heart. I skipped the Brittany question, hoping he would drop it.

"Tina and Mike? Really? Damn, so much has happened since I left." He murmured, taking a sip from his Starbucks cup.

"Yeah. You could say that. Anyway, I gotta go, catch up soon though yeah?" I grabbed his phone and typed in my number - it was nice having contact with old friends again. It was nice having contact with anyone, despite living the star's life, lonliness still crowded me.

That night I returned to my local bar, one I rarely visited anymore. I entered and a couple of people approached me; asking for autographs and pictures. I obliged, knowing it was boost my rep and proceeded to sit down on one of the vacant stools.

"Usual Miss Lopez?" Carlos asked, winking at me.

"Not tonight. Beer please."

"As you wish." He walked away, grabbing a Budweiser and opening it before placing it on a coster infront of me.

"Thanks."

I took a swig before deciding this probably wasn't the best idea - I was in the public eye now, getting drunk in a random bar wouldn't go down to well with the papers. I called Jen, my PA and she sent a limo to pick me up. Exiting wasn't as easy as entering though, paparazzi swarmed me, throwing microphones in my face and yelling questions. It was a classic New York night, the neon signs were bright, the skyline illuminated and the moon shining down on the sidewalk. Which was covered by hundreds of fans as well as paparazzi.

**News spreads fast, huh?**

I managed to edge my way through the crowd, pushing past the arms that appeared in front of me. Buzz, my personal bodyguard, exited the black limo and headed towards me. Several bright lights flashed as pictures were being taken of me and he grabbed my arm, pulling me behind him, barging others out the way. About two metres away from me, I heard a question that caught my attention;

"What do you have to say about the rumours between you and Matt Rutherford? Pictured earlier today having an intense conversation?"

I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes before turning to face the blonde, pale skinned man. Might as well clear up any rumours that are going round already.

"He's my friend. We knew each other in high school. I hadn't seen him in a while, so we had a quick catch up."

I responded truthfully before turning back towards the car. I felt an arm on me, but it was quickly removed as Buzz snapped it away. A crunching sound came from the contact; but I ducked and took a seat inside the limo. Jen was sitting opposite me; sipping on a glass of champagne and staring at me. She was obviously chewing her tongue, an annoying habit she developed since being my PA, and giving me the 'you should know better' look.

She was an attractive women, a pretty British brunette with neat librarian glasses. Her hair tied up into a bun a sticking out from it. She was dressed in a dark grey blazer, purple frilly V necked blouse that dipped just above her cleavage, and a tight, dressy skirt that finished above the knee. I could probably fancy the pants off her if it wasn't for the memory of _her. _Plus no-one knew I was gay, it'd never come of interest. I guess with every celebrity, they were assumed straight until proved otherwise.

"What Jen?" I snapped. "Why are you giving me that look?"

"You went out, didn't tell anyone where you were going, didn't take your phone and are now getting arsey at me because you fucked up."

"Mom? You're alive?" I said sarcastically. "Oh wait, you're not my fucking mom. So if you want to keep your job and your reputation I'd shut up. Within two minutes of firing you I can make sure you won't be able to be hired from here to Ohio." The name came naturally, I didn't even specially mean there, but it had just happened.

"Sorry Boss." She muttered before dipping her head back to her Blackberry. "Apparently you had a secret rendevous with Matt Rutherford on 42nd street earlier? Is anything going on there?"

"For the millionth time today, I ran into him, accidently, and caught up with him."

"I need to know every detail to handle the press." She exclaimed, inferring I was lying.

"Look Jen, you're a great PA, but you're not me. You're not my conscience and you're sure as hell not my best friend. So no, I'm not fucking Matt, never have..."

Okay, slight lie there. But she didn't know and he wouldn't tell.

"...And never will. I knew him in high school, and it was nice to catch up with someone." I finished, shooting the Santana Scowl at her.

"Okay." She typed furiously into her Blackberry, obviously hurt by my remark. Not that I cared, everyone knew I was a bitch so once again - had to live up to it.

* * *

><p>We arrived outside my apartment building, I now had a studio penthouse overlooking Brooklyn Bridge. The view was mesmerising. After moving in here a month ago, I hadn't even had the time to unpack. After having to travel up twenty-three floors; my apartment was only a corridoor away. I'd bought the whole level, after agreeing with Jen that it would probaby be best not to have the public around.<p>

The apartment was coated in white paint, as soon as you walked in you'd approach a massive living room. The kitchen was intertwined was next door, only blocked off with a half wall. The kitchen was massive, like huge. It was mostly black marble with the occasional glass counter top, and a breakfast island smack bang in the middle. The sink had a massive window overlooking the East River, which at night was definitely something to stare at. The bedroom was a few metres away, as you entered you'd be amazed by the king bed right in front of you. The wall behind the bed was cupboards, and the bed slightly dipped underneath higher cabinets. The colours consisted of soft browns, a few oranges and mostly neutral colours like beige and white, and the best part of the apartment was the balcony.

As soon as you stepped out the sliding glass doors, the view of the entire Brooklyn Bridge as well as miles of New York and the East River was visible. There was a hot tub bubbling constantly to the left, and on the right was a couple of sun loungers and a BBQ area. I'd never really used them due to my schedule, but it didn't matter to me all that much.

I climbed out the limo, waving Jen and Buzz goodbye. The bell boy smiled at me as always, his gaze fixing on my bra that just slightly stuck over the top of my tight red dress. The elevator man greeted me and accompanied me in the elevator, making small talk as we ascended.

"Good evening Miss Lopez."

"Good evening Raj." I replied cheerfully.

"How was your day?"

"Tiring, looking forward to a night in with my two boyfriends, Ben & Jerry." I smiled and his eyes beamed. He was an attractive, indian man who'd come to America in search of stardom, but instead he winded up pressing buttons all day. The doors opened and he spoke once more;

"Sounds Good Miss Lopez, enjoy your night." I turned away, catching his gaze fixed on my ass. At least he tried to be subtle, unlike that pervy bell boy.

I unlocked my door and chucked my keys on the side table. A clink sound was made as it hit the glass, and I instantly flinched. I didn't bother turning the lights on as I knew where I was headed. I exhaled heavily; feeling the loneliness creep over my shoulder and I turned into the kitchen, before opening the liquor cabinet and grabbing the bottle of vodka. I poured a glass and chucked it down, feeling the burn as it descended into my stomach. I had my hands pressed either side of the sink, watching the sky line as life went on for everyone else. My mind wandered for a few minutes thinking of my journey to stardom. It was only 18 months ago that I was waking up from a coma, alone, to a Latina nurse telling me she didn't know of anyone who'd visited me in the four months I was out.

I shook my head, removing the thoughts before turning and plopping myself down on the black corner sofa. I spread my legs out and could still fit about four people on it, spread out. It took up most of my living room; but I had nothing else to fill it with so why not? I had a 65 inch Plasma HD Ready 3D TV and all these material things - but it still didn't fill the void. I switched it on, hoping some boring reality TV show would send me to sleep. But as I found Desperate Housewives, I heard a noise coming from the bedroom. I was all alone so I hopped over the back of the couch, crouching to grab the baseball bat I stored underneath it before approaching the bedroom door. I pushed it open gently and flicked on the switch. A blonde head of hair caught my eye and I immediately dropped my weapon; my eyes widening with shock.

"Santana."

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><p><strong>So what do you think guys? Good cliffhanger? Please review with any comments, good or bad! I need some feedback to fuel my writing!<strong>


	22. Chapter Twenty Two: Suprise

**Holy shit! Sorry for my french but the amount of reviews I got on my last chapter was amazing! I'd love to thank every single one of you that took the time to review and give me your opinions! You inspire me and give me the will to keep writing! Love you all!**

**There is a siding of Faberry in this, I decided to give it whirl. But it's only a mention, nothing big.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Two: Suprise<strong>

_'I was all alone so I hopped over the back of the couch, crouching to grab the baseball bat I stored underneath it before approaching the bedroom door. I pushed it open gently and flicked on the switch. A blonde head of hair caught my eye and I immediately dropped my weapon; my eyes widening with shock._

_"Santana."'_

* * *

><p>"Quinn! Quinn!" I rushed over to her, throwing myself into her lap and squeezing my head against her chest. "What are you doing here!"<p>

I was ecstatic to see her, I hadn't seen a familiar face in so long and seeing her just made life instantly easier. I was reminded by all the times we'd fought and argued - but right now I didn't care. She was here, my other best friend.

"Wow Santana, can't breathe."

She exhaled when I released her. I turned to meet her gaze before realizing my actions. I leapt out of the chair, smoothing down my dress.

"Sorry. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone."

"Yeah I know, two years coming up. We've missed you S." She exclaimed, immediately sending guilt throughout my body. "But you've been a busy girl. First single and music video, you've definitely done well for yourself." She beamed a smile at me, but something sad flashed through her eyes.

"Yeah. But you know all about that by now. Shall we carry this on in the kitchen? I could die for a G&T." I said, gesturing to the kitchen.

"Sure S."

She sat down on one of the stools by the bar whilst I fiddled with the bottle of Gin. I poured out two, and placed one in front of her.

"So Q, what's going on with you? How's Puck?" I took a gulp, feeling the cool liquid slide down my throat, easing my nerves.

"Noah's fine I guess, he's being a jackass but he's providing for our daughter Kathy still. She's 3 now, can you believe. Much more grown up since you've seen her."

**Still? What does that mean?**

I remembered looking over her crib, staring at the hazel eyed beauty infront of me, she had been so tiny, I never held her, scared about dropping her or something along those lines.

"Wow, 3? That's pretty old for a baby." I responded, not knowing whether to ask about 'still'. "So how about you? How's work? How's life?" I added, hoping she'd soon elaborate.

"It's alright actually, I'm still a real estate agent. Except I do have something to tell you actually. It's kind of an announcement." She glanced at me quickly, tension rolling off her shoulders.

"Calm down Q, why you so nervous? We used to tell each other everything, what could be so bad?" I giggled, meeting her serious stare. I took another sip, waiting for her announcement.

"I'm actually engaged..." She murmured, I went to congratulate her but she held up a hand. "...To Rachel."

Now that was definitely something I hadn't expected. I spat out my mouthful of Gin and Tonic all over the counter in front of me. I choked for a while before gulping a breath of air and practically shouting at her;

"BERRY! RACHEL BERRY!"

She stared at me doe-eyed. I must have seemed angry by her reaction.

"Whoah, no sorry Q. I'm not angry, just, well... Franky I'm fucking godsmacked. But so happy for you!" I leant forward, pulling her into an awkward hug across the island counter.

"Thanks San, I know you haven't always been a fan of Rachel's but I never saw it before. She'd always been there and I'd never noticed." She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes no longer had the sad tone to them. I smiled, revealing my teeth. I was genuinely happy for her; but what about Puck? He'd been my lesbro but we never had anything emotional, it was always physical between me and him in high school.

"And Puck? What happened to him?" I asked, before she started talking about the whole story.

"Just as you left, I found out he was banging his secretary by walking in on them in our house. I kicked him out after a long, heated discussion and Rachel had come over to comfort me; we got talking and before I knew it we'd kissed."

She smiled at me, waiting for my nod before carrying on.

"The next few weeks we chatted and realised that there was something more, we started hooking up regularly and eventually we decided to be together. Puck was obviously sour about the whole situation because he blamed himself for 'turning another hot piece of ass into a lesbo' as he so delicately put. Obviously referring to you, don't worry I slapped him for that. I'd never thought of Rachel in that way, for most of my life I thought she was just fucking annoying, but I saw her in a different light that day, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She's so great with Kathy and we're kind of like a happy family. We only decided a few weeks ago to get engaged and yeah, that's the story."

She gulped the last sip of her G&T before coughing, snapping me out of the daydream I was in. I looked at her and she was genuinely happy, I'd only ever seen her like this before and that was when she first started dating Sam.

"Damn girl. Didn't know you were into that kinda shit." I joked, nudging her playfully.

"Neither did either of us." She giggled, before rising and pouring herself another drink. I played with the cushion on the sofa, we'd moved due to comfort. She grabbed the empty glass out of my hand and took it with her to refill. I remembered the night I'd first drank Gin and Tonic; after Prom.

* * *

><p><em>Prom was fast approaching; I'd already been with Kurt, Tina, Lauren and Britt to the dress shop to choose our outfits. Brittany smiled at me, examing the red dress that covered my tanned skin. I watched the gleam in her eye as I walked out and pulled a smile that revealed my teeth. Apparently we had to bring Kurt because 'getting a look past him is like a thumbs up from Joan and Melissa Rivers' as Tina had said. The night progressed and Prom was finally here. We all arrived, and I'd danced with Karofsky, keeping up appearances. Luckily for me; he was crowned Prom King. So I was ready to accept;<em>

_"Now the 2011 McKinley High Prom Queen..." Principal Figgins paused, horror crossed his face. "Kurt Hummel."_

_My face filled with rage and tears, I ran off the stage as Kurt had made an exit, Blaine just behind him. I ran through the hallways; before entering an empty classroom. Britt was just on my heels;_

_"How could my running mate win and I didn't? I mean just because I hate everybody doesn't mean they have to hate me too." I sobbed._

_"It's just a stupid crown, you can buy one at the party store." Brittany exclaimed, leaning casually in the doorway with her arms crossed. She didn't understand._

_"I'm going to be an outsider my whole life. Can't I just have one night where I'm Queen? – Where I'm accepted." I added, my heart sinking with every word. _

_I turned my head to watch Brittany take a few steps forward. I gulped down the sobs, replacing them with anger._

_"As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing and moving to a Lesbian colony. Or Tribeca." I could feel the confusion wash over her as she tried to decipher my words. "It's the only place where I'll ever be accepted."_

_My sobs ran through again, I racked my brain wondering why I hadn't won. Brittany took a few more steps forward, until she was infront of me._

_"Not it's not, you can be accepted anywhere you want, as long as you're honest with yourself. I don't know why you weren't made Prom Queen, I really don't."_

_"They must of sensed that I'm a lesbian! I mean they must've!" I paced back and forth towards the door before facing Brittany."Do I smell like a golf course!"_

_She dipped her gaze to the floor answering quickly;_

_"They don't know what your hiding they just know you're not being yourself." I stepped towards her, staring into her beautiful eyes. "If you were to embrace all the awesomeness that you are you would have won." She stated._

_How could she be so sure? If I outed myself, I would be slushied everyday, not rewarded with a crown. I stared into the azure coloured orbs before shrugging and saying;_

_"How do you know?"_

_"Because I voted for you." She stepped towards me, closing the space between us. "And because I believe in you Santana."_

_I stared into her eyes; the urge of wanting to kiss her was overwhelming - the butterflies were slamming against the side of my stomach; bouncing off and hitting the opposite side. No-one had ever said that to me, not even my mother. I looked at her with nothing but love, I was so in love with the blonde standing only inches in front of me. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I had to hold back. So fucking unfair._

_"This prom sucks." I murmured, shaking my head. "Now what am I supposed to do now?"_

_Britt leaned in, our nose a couple of inches apart. "Go back out there and be there for Kurt. This is going to be a lot harder for him than it is for you." _

_She handed me tissues, I took one before wiping my face and mascara that was pasted across my cheeks._

_"Okay." I breathed, before Britt linked our pinkies, and proceeded to the gym. I smiled and leant my head against her shoulder as we entered._

* * *

><p><em>The after party consisted of me getting incredibly drunk on tequila. We'd all headed back to Puck's house. An hour in, Britt was up on the table stripping, I was yelling at Artie for some unknown reason, and Mercedes was falling over, giggling histerically. I'd passed out three hours after taking my first sip of alcohol, and woke up to sleeping Glee kids. My mouth felt like I'd been chewing cotton wool; so I got up and walked into the kitchen where Quinn was, apparently doing the same thing as me.<em>

_"Hey Q. What's up?" I murmured, the hangover was already kicking in._

_"Nothing. Just spent the night watching Finn gawp over Rachel - he doesn't exactly make it subtle."_

_I reached for a cup, filling it up and gulping down the contents. She finished her drink, and waited for a response. _

_"Yeah. He does love you though, even if he loves her too." I said the only thing that sprung into my head._

_"Well, you know what it's like being in love with someone who loves someone else too." She exclaimed. The statement caught me off guard and a bubble of air hitched in my throat; causing me to cough erratically._

_"Sorry?" I asked after catching my breath._

_"San, I've known you since we were this high." She gestured to her upper thigh. "You don't think I've seen the way you look at Britt? As if she's the only girl in the whole world who could brighten up your day with just a smile. You look at her like you'd do anything to be with her, like your world revolves around the silly blue eyed beauty."_

_"Uh... Erm... Wha... No... What?" I managed to come out with after trying to find anything._

_"You can deny it all you want, but I know it's true."_

_"Since when? How long have you known?" I asked her, my eyes dipping to the floor._

_"Ever since I saw you watching her glide across the dance floor on the first day of school. Your eyes sparkled like they'd just seen the light after years of being locked away in a dark room."_

_"Please, don't tell anyone Q. I don't really know how to handle it yet."_

_"Of course San, your secret is safe with me." She took a step forward, wrapping her arms around me. "But you need to get your shit together and go get your girl San. Without her, you wouldn't be able to function properly."_

_I pulled away, smiling and nodding at her. Britt walked in just as we released each other from the embrace._

_"Hey guys. San can you get me some water please?" She squinted, waking Britt up was not a great idea, especially after alcohol._

_"Sure honey." I reached over to pour the water into the glass I was grasping and handed it to her. Our fingers brushed and her eyes snapped open - it felt like a jolt of electricity had just passed through our skin. I flicked my eyes to Quinn, who was smiling at me. She walked passed me, leaning in to my ear before whispering;_

_"Remember what I said." And she exited, winking at me after passing under the doorway._

_"What was that about?" Britt asked, after watching the interaction._

_"Nothing B. Nothing." I leant forward, kissing her on the cheek swiftly before heading towards the living room and lying back down on the sofa, covering myself in the blanket by my side. Only seconds later did I feel her presence as she crouched beside the sofa. Warm breath tickled my ear as a whisper erupted from Britt's mouth;_

_"I'll wait for you Santana."_

_I lifted my head, craning my neck so our lips were only a hair's breadth away._

_"You're worth the wait." She added, before turning away and heading back into the kitchen._

* * *

><p>Q returned, clutching both glasses full to the brim with gin and tonic. I smiled, before we carried on chatting. She told me about her and Berry's first date, sparing the intimate details. She told me how Kathy was and how her first day at school had been, Tina and Mike's wedding and Blaine's amazing job offer here in New York, taking the place of some British guy in a magical broadway show or something. I smiled and nodded, taking in every word she had to say.<p>

Until there was a silence, I took a sip of my drink and the dull background noise of Eva Longoria rambling on about something to her hispanic husband. I could see her brows furrowing, as if she was debating with herself whether tosay something that was running through her mind.

"Why did you leave San?" She finally said.

"I couldn't bare it, it was just an instinct. I had nothing to stay for since she... Since the accident. My gut told me to run, so I jumped in my car and drove away."

"But San..." She interrupted, attempting to say something.

"Don't Q. I can't. Speaking about her makes my chest ache, it makes my heart burn and my memory sting with the memories. She's gone and that's that."

I brought the glass to my mouth; feeling the hole in my heart tear open just that little bit more as I accepted the loss. My mind ran free, remembering the weeks that led up to me escaping the only place I'd ever known to be home.

* * *

><p><em>We were two days away from Nationals. All of us sitting in a fucking hotel room. We were in New York City. The Big Apple. The place we'd all been getting excited over, and we were sitting in a fucking hotel room. We had to write original songs again, so we'd all decided one would be written by the guys, the other by the girls. So after taking a stroll around NYC, thanks to Quinn for rebelling - Berry sat us down and we all took a turn in writing something, I'd been assigned to writing the first verse of it - which was probably the most difficult. I was squeezing my forehead with my fingertips when I felt Britt's presence.<em>

_"Hey." A soft voice spoke._

_"Hey B." She squeezed my shoulders before massaging them. She could always tell me emotions, it was like we were on the same wavelength or something. Her head lowered, peering just beside my face. The skin on our cheeks brushed as she scanned the empty piece of paper in front of me._

_"Struggling?" She whispered, her breath washing over me as well as her scent. Coconut and vanilla filled my lungs; I loved her smell, it was the best aroma to ever exist in the entire existence of man._

_"Just a bit." I asked, she giggled and tipped my chin up with just one finger._

_"Just look inside here." She pressed her other hand to the right of my chest. I raised my hand, clutching hers and moving it to the other side._

_"My heart is here Britt."_

_She dipped her head in embarrasment; "Whoops." The cutest giggle slipped from her lips, causing a grin to cover my face._

_"It's all in there." She added, a serious expression now pasting her face. "You just need to look properly."_

_She spun around, backing away and throwing herself back onto one of the mattresses before involving herself in a conversation between Tina and Lauren. I scribbled down words, correcting them every now and then to make them feel right. _

_Within ten minutes; I'd written the first verse and I handed it to the dwarf. Her eyes flicked up to me before scanning the page. I heard her sing the words under her breath..._

Hey hey hey

You and me, keep on dancing in the dark,

It's been tearing me apart,

Never knowing what we are.

Hey hey hey,

You and me keep on trying to play it cool,

Now it's time to make a move ,

And that's what I'm gonna do.

_"Wow. Santana this is brilliant."_

_"Don't patronise me hobbit." I snapped. It was almost a reaction when she spoke. "Sorry." I added, before turning away and secretly smiling. A pair of long, slender arms embraced me, lips pressed to my ear and whispered;_

_"Told ya." She backed away and winked at me. I grabbed a pillow and swung it round, it met her head and she turned around, staring at me doe-eyed._

_"Oh no you didn't." She whacked me round the head with the first pillow she could find. And with that, all the girls started a massive pillow fight. All we needed was to dress down into our underwear and we'd be in Puck's imagination._

* * *

><p>"San?" Q asked me; shaking me out of my daydream.<p>

"Yeah? Sorry, daydream." I looked at her; showing her an apologetic smile.

"S'okay. So do you want me to order you a pizza or what? The guys kinda on the phone listening in so..." She pursed her lips into an 'o' shape, hanging onto the last word with an 'oooo'. She shook her hand, her mobile pressed up against her chest to muffle our talking.

"Ah, yeah. Sure. Um.." I couldn't even focus on what pizza I wanted; the memory still bouncing around my brain. "New York BBQ please."

I smiled toothily at her, and she returned to the phone. After a minute of speaking into the phone; she murmured a quick thank you and hung up. She rose from her seat; heading towards then kitchen and opening the fridge.

"Oh my. Haha!" She giggled; my eyes shifted to her.

I'd only just noticed what she was wearing. A white summer dress with light brown flowers spotted in random places over the material. A dark brown shrug masking her shoulders and creamy skin. Her had was cut into a slightly shorted bob than I remembered it; but it was hairsprayed into a 'just-got-out-of-bed' look. The hazel brown eyes were covered by large black lashes that were painted with black mascara. She definitely didn't fit into the lesbian stereotype.

She noticed my examination of her clothing before speaking;

"Santana? Wrong blonde." She giggled; I smiled, before the image of the other blonde snapped into my break; causing a large pressure to build upon my chest. The sofa dipped and Q was beside me once more; armed with two bottles and a bottle of wine. She poured them and handed me a glass. I took it, thanking her and sipping it. The wine ran down my throat, soothing my chest and I breathed out, relieving some of the pressure, before she carried on.

"Do you remember the day before nationals when I thought you were suggesting a threesome? Hahaha." A snort escaped with the giggle; her eyes popping open, suprised at the sound she'd just made.

"Haha... Yeah." My smile faded as my brain went into memory mode once more.

* * *

><p><em>The next day we awoke in panic. Shit, one day til Nationals. We all sprung up, changing into our clothes and scribbling down random words into sentences that could possibly be used for lyrics. One by one, as the day went by, we all decreased, seperating off into random rooms until it was just me, Q and Britt left. Q got up, walking to the bathroom, a ring of tears forming around her eyes as she closed the door.<em>

_I could feel the awkwardness cloud the room as we sat there. Since when had it got this bad? We couldn't even be alone in a room with each other without feeling sufficiently awkward. How long would it stay like this? _

_**It'll get better, stop worrying.**_

_What if it never does? What if we're in the constant state of awkwardness everytime we're left alone together._

_"San?" The blonde beside me said, her sky blue eyes glaring at me. Her eyes darted from one eye to the next; studying my face._

_"Yeah B?" I answered, dropping my gaze to the bed between us. She obviously saw my visual movement and shuffled her hand onto mine, stroking the back of my hand with her thumb pad. I flinched as the spark ran between our connecting skin. _

_"We're going to be alright." She smiled sympathetically; tilting my chin up with her free hand. Her palm lingered over my cheek, brushing it gently with the back of her knuckles. _

_"Sometimes I really do think you're psychic B." _

_She released our hands; leaning over and sliding her hands around my waist, pressing my body to hers. I ran my hands up her arms; feeling a shudder, and rested my forearms on her shoulders, letting my fingers play with her golden locks._

_"Why can't I be the superhero?" She questioned, I pulled back and examined her confused expression._

_"Psychic, as in reading minds. Not sidekick." I giggled; realising her mistake. A flush reddened her creamy complexion and she dipped her eyes, laughing to herself._

_"Come on, we need to get ready. I'm getting hungry." I continued; my stomach followed my words, and started grumbling. "But not before I repencil my eyebrows, they feel funny."_

_We both stood in sync, and headed to the bathroom._

_"Shit Q's in there. How long has she been gone?" I glanced at my wrist, as if I had a watch._

_"Not that long... But I guess you could keep staring at your imaginary watch and pray it speed up time." She said sarcastically; playing with the doorframe._

_I rolled my eyes before hammering on the door._

_"Quinn! Quit hogging the bathroom. I needs to re-pencil my eyebrows on."_

_"Doesn't she get it?" I added, turning to Britt. On queue, the hazel eyed blonde slid open the door and walked out, brushing straight passed us._

_"It's all yours." She wavered her hand, gesturing back towards the bathroom._

_I watched her walk into the room; she looked so fragile. As if she was about to break. Britt and I took a few steps, following her into the room._

_"Everybody is already in the other room working." I smirked, shaking my head at her. Britt turned to me, mouthing 'what's her problem?'_

_"Oh yeah. Is Mr Schue in there?" Q picked her bag up off the bed, clutching them in her arms. "Cause I think that I'm going to tell him that Rachel & Kurt keep sneaking off."_

_I opened my mouth to speak, but Brittany beat me too it. "You can't do that, he'll have to suspend them." She shook her head and I watched the words exit the perfect, pink lips that I craved to kiss so badly._

_Quinn shrugged her shoulders. "And there goes our chances at Nationals. Darn." She muttered sarcastically. _

_**Why the fuck is she being so non-chalant!**_

_Anger flared up inside of me. I knew she was bitter but this was taking the piss._

_"You know what, we get it. You're pissed about Finn dumping your sweet ass. But get over it." I groaned; leaning towards her for emphasis._

_Her expression turned to anger, and her tone raised as she yelled at me. "I don't want to get over it okay!"_

_Truth be told; I knew how she was feeling. I knew what it felt like to ache after someone who I longed for so badly; I knew what it felt like to feel bitter because one person shattered your dreams and wishes. But the only think you could do, is to build a bridge and climb the fuck over it. Otherwise you'd just dwell in your pool of self-pity for eternity._

_"The only person you are sabotaging here is yourself." I said, not bothering to snap back at her. She was upset; and me biting at her bait just wouldn't help her. I knew that only too well._

_She inched towards me quickly; causing my body to jump back slightly. "I don't care about some stupid show choir competition!" She yelled after groaning. I watched as Britt raised her eyebrows, suprised by Quinn's tone._

_"Well you should because this is the one chance we have to actually feel good about ourselves." I raised my tone; trying to get my point across. _

_I watched her hazel eyes fade slightly grey, she was broken, falling apart right in front of me and I was standing here yelling at her. For the first time in my life; I felt sorry for Quinn Fabray. There was no longer a single remnent of the Queen Bitch/Head Cheerio that she'd formally been. I watched as her eyes well up once again, causing red rings to encircle her squinting eyes._

_"Aren't we supposed to be the popular girls?" She whispered through saddened lips, I felt her pain. I itched my neck whilst shaking my head, a slight uncomfortable aura creeped over the room as Britt and I felt what she was saying. "So why can't we have our dreams come true? She has love, Tina has it, even Zizes hooks up."_

_We knew exactly what she was feeling, and she knew it too. She was relating with our pain; trying to emit her emotions through Britt and I's experience. She descended, landing on the bed. Her eyes were downcast. Britt and I were just standing there, thinking over her words - relating them with our worlds. _

_I sat to her right, Britt to her left. "I just want somebody to love me." She sobbed; allowing the tears to escape from her eyes. How could I make her feel better? _

_**Think girly San, you know Q better than anybody.**_

_"I think I know how to make you feel better." I murmured, awaiting her response. _

_She scrunched up her nose, sniffing harshly. "I'm flattered Santana, but I'm really not that into that."_

_Britt turned to me; a confused expression pasted both of our faces. The blue eyes flashed; before a smirk appeared across her face. I concealed mine, before rethinking my words and what situation were in._

_""No. No I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a haircut." I shrugged; my eyes darting to a smiling Brittany who was nodding in agreement._

_"Yes totally." Britt followed, backing up my suggestion._

_Quinn smiled; agreeing with her expression. I rested my chin on her shoulder, feeling her cheek against my temple._

_"Come on then Blondie. Can't wait around forever." I laughed, standing up and holding out a hand to Quinn. Britt giggled and arose out her seat, mimicking my stance. She placed a soft palm in mine, and we headed out the door giggling._

_Soon after arriving at her hairdressers, Quinn was finished. Her hair had been cut into a pixie shape, the ends flicking out by her jawline. It enhanced her cheekbones and eyes, making her look even more stunning than before._

_"Stunning." I said, baring a toothy smile. Brittany copied it, repeating my words. A wave of relief covered me, I felt like the Holy Trinity was back together; and it made me smile a dorky grin._

* * *

><p>I smiled the exact same dorky grin, and Quinn furrowed her brows before a confused face replaced her frowning.<p>

"What?"

"Nothing. Just remember our 'Holy Trinity.'" I spoke, raising my hands and doing air quotes.

"Hah! Yeah, when we were on top of the world. When nothing could reach us, let alone hurt us. Guess we were proved wrong, ey?" She winked, gulping down the rest of her wine. Hazel eyes turned slightly sour as her jaw clenched; her mind wandering off just like mine had in the last couple of hours we'd spent together.

"Yeah Q, we did." My smile faded, replacing it with a glazed expression as I took another sip of my wine. She snapped her fingers in front of my place, bringing me back to the room before another memory caught my attention.

"San. You really shouldn't have left. You've missed so much. Are you ever coming back home?" She leaned the ball of her hand against her temple; propping herself up on her elbow which rested on the back of the couch.

"This is my home now. Lima isn't, and never will be again." I said bluntly, Quinn took another sip, gulping loudly before shaking her head.

"Why do you have to be so aggressive all the fucking time Santana. I'm not yelling at you or anything, I'm asking you a simple question. For fuck sake." She uttered before reaching over to the coffee table which held her bag. She reached inside and threw something at me. It was a photo of all of the Glee club back in the hotel room after Nationals. Instead of us beaming with joy and smiling, I was being held back by Q, Chang and Sam. I giggled; remembering that night.

* * *

><p><em>"She ruined it for all of us!" I screamed down the hotel corridoor before heading into the room. <em>

_Most of the room had been packed up, the mattresses folded and pillow stored neatly on top. However I could barely see anything else in the room because my focus was on the dwarf, waddling in like she owned the place. My anger flared up once again, sending firey adrenaline coursing around my body, pumping my heart faster and faster as my knuckles clutched. I could almost taste venom in my mouth as I pounced at her like a snake. As if they'd forseen my movements, Quinn was clutching my waist, holding me back while two other pair of hands attached themselves to my body; preventing my pounce._

_"Escucha, soy de Lima Heights adjacent y yo tengo orgullo!" I spat the words at the brunette hobbit who was quivering in her school girl socks. Her arms were crossed and she looked genuinely terrified. "Sabes lo que pasa en Lima Heights adjacent? Cosas Malas!" _

_I attempted another launch, but three pairs of arms straining me back as my anger released like a burst of energy. A body stood in front of me, and cold hands touched my cheeks. Britt had approached me; placing herself between myself and Berry. Her eyes were wide full of worry._

_"San? Calm down." _

_She said, moving her head around trying to catch my eye. She finally did, and I instantly calmed down. Her eyes darted between each one of my eyes, her beautiful blue orbs washing over me like a wave of calm. She took my arm, nodding to whoever was holding me back as if they'd questioned her gesture. She led me towards the door, and we exited the room._

_We entered the adjoining room; our fingers still twisted together. I watched her long golden hair flick over her shoulder as she twisted to face me, her high cheekbones shimmered in the lighting and I brushed the back of my fingers over them. Her smooth skin shivering under my touch, and her eyes slowly closed while she inhaled. I left my hand to linger over her jawline, sweeping my finger up to her chin and running over her lips. I retracted my finger, after she kissed it, and pressed it to my lips._

_"Santana..." She whispered, her eyes slowly opening to meet mine._

_"I know." _

_I breathed before she stepped forward, pressing my body flush against mine and sliding her long, pale arms around the small of my back. I buried my face into her neck and nuzzled, inhaling the vanilla and coconut scent dawdle in the back of my throat. Her blue pearls shined brilliantly at me, removing all purpose for the lighting as it illuminated the room._

_"Back off on Berry. It wasn't her fault. She couldn't hold herself back, sometimes lust..." She murmured, kissing my hair, "...gets the better of people."_

_I noticed the change in her tone as she hesitated, she was fighting a losing battle with lust just as Rachel had done with Finn - but it didn't change the fact I was majorly pissed at her. We just stood idley in the middle of the room, just listening to our heartbeats and erratic breathing. Just standing there in the moment - enjoying each others company in silence. It was perfection. Well until a cough sounded from the door._

_"Scuse me Brittana? We've gotta get packing and out. The plane leaves in two hours." She shut the door, winking at me as Britt turned her gaze back to me._

_"C'mon. We've gotta go."_

_Three hours later we were on the plane, sitting in complete silence. No-one was talking and the awkwardness was like a giant elephant perching itself in the back of the plane. It stayed like this for the rest of the journey, and we all went out seperate ways - my mind filled with the scent of the beautiful blonde that I was painfully in love with._

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><p>When I woke up; Q was completely conked out on sofa, drool seeping from the side of her mouth and all. I grabbed the wine glass that was slanted in her hand, and placed it on the side before lifting her legs so she was lying out straight. She mumbled something about Berry in her sleep, which did make me cringe, before turning over and falling asleep.<p>

"Night Q." I whispered as I shut the door to my bedroom.

I lay awake for hours, twisting and turning. I hadn't done this much thinking since I'd gotten in NYC. Maybe it was time for a change of scenary? Having Quinn here was great, but it really didn't take much for her to find me... It could be that easy for one of the others like Puck or Mercedes, and I'm not sure I could handle them going on about how much I've missed and that I shouldn't have left. But they didn't know - they'd suffered just like I had, but not to my extent.

The pain I felt every time I saw a blonde head of hair or brilliantly blue eyes was almost unbearable. The lump at the back of my throat always rose and almost suffocated me every single time I heard a whisper of her name, even if it wasn't directed towards the blonde I knew, the blonde I loved. It still put me into a state of agony.

I let my mind wander through the dream universe, watching the sheep jump over the fence and the moon smile down on me. nfortunately, after a few blissful minutes of peace, it settled on a memory that I really didn't want to think about. The night that my Brittany, my breath-takingly beautiful soulmate, died.

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><p><strong>Please tell me what you think of this! Review and enjoy! Thank you guys!<strong>


	23. Chapter TwentyThree: Weight of the World

**I do apologise for the last chapter as many of you have said you were upset by it - but please carry on reading! There's so much more I have to write about and I'd love you to keep reading and helping by giving reviews and criticisms!**

****Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.****

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Three - Weight of the World<strong>

_"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

_The hallways were filled with cheers and hoorays as the last school bell went, indicating that summer has just begun. I was walking down the tee-peed corridoors, (you know, where some jackass thinks it's funny to throw toilet paper over every single locker) linking pinkies with a blonde beauty that I was stupidly in love with. When our pinkies were linked it was like no-one could touch us, it wasn't as big as a hand hold, but it was enough to signify to people that it was just me and her, no-one else._

_We exited the school through the main entrance and slowly down the beautiful stone steps; inhaling the scent of freedom. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I'd just been told by my soulmate, that she loves me, more than she's ever loved anyone else in this world. And because of that, anything was possible._

_My heart soared and pounded erratically at the memory, a grin spread across my face that made me feel like I'd been sleeping with a coathanger in my mouth all night. I turned to stare at the beautiful blonde beside me, who's eyes gleamed and sparkled back at me, and I knew this summer was undoubtedly going to be the best summer anyone's ever had. No worries, no cares, no doubts. Just me and Brittany. _

_**Sounds like heaven.**_

* * *

><p>Quinn yawned, knocking me out of my memory, and apparently dream. She was standing by the door, hair ruffled and eyes squinting.<p>

"Sorry San. I must have fallen asleep last night."

I stretched my arms above my head; yawning in the process.

"It's cool."

I smiled sleepily, she grinned back and walked in, plopping herself down on my bed with one leg dangling off the bed.

"Can I borrow some of your clothes? Nothing designed by Heatherette or Michael Kors though, if you don't mind hotshot."

"Course. Just through there, take your pick."

I pointed towards a door, she furrowed her brows and crooked her head before getting up and approaching the door. With a simple hand movement the door swung open, and her jaw dropped.

"Jesus San! Your closet is like another bloody room!" She exclaimed, poking her head round the door to see my reaction.

"Hah. Yeah, well I haven't worn most of them. Jen bought them for me."

"Jen? A girl? Oooh San, what haven't you told me?" I heard her say through the closet, a teasing tone hit her voice.

"Oh, no. My personal assistant." I replied bluntly, still trying to wake up the rest of my body.

"Wow, definitely famous then. Got your own bitch ha!"

She exited, sporting a superman t-shirt and white short shorts. I giggled and she picked up a pillow which rested on one of the armchairs before chucking it at my head.

"Nice outfit Q. Out of everything in there you managed to find a Superman t-shirt?"

"Comfort, not fashion." She replied; shrugging her shoulders and proceeding to the kitchen.

Only after a few minutes did my nostrils realise the waffley aroma flowed through the house. I inhaled heavily before attempting to get up. I pushed myself down the bed, allowing my legs to dangle off the edge. My phone buzzed so I laid back to reach over to grab it. Jen's name flashed on screen, I rolled my eyes before picking up.

"Hello?"

"Miss Lopez. I'm just checking on your schedule today; you have nothing planned but I suggest not appearing at a random bar again." She said sarcastically. I glanced to the clock, only 9am.

"Yeah. Sure. One of my high school friends turned up last night anyway, so I'm just gonna spend the day with her." I yawned halfway through the sentence.

"Okay. Well watch out for any paparazzi if you go out and try not to do anything abnormal."

"I can do whatever I like but thanks for the concern Jen." Anger edged my voice, causing my teeth grind a little. I sat up, slowly pushing myself up off my bed and walking over to the mirror.

"It's my job to look out for you. Goodbye."

She hung up before I could reply; I'd only been awake for ten minutes and I was pissed off. I arranged my hair so it looked slightly acceptable, pulled up into a messy ponytail before entering the kitchen.

**You escaped it last night, but today you're going to have to face it.**

I knew I would, Quinn wouldn't avoid the subject of _her_ for long. At least I could prepare myself though. I could attempt to build a wall and practice poker face for a bit instead of being struck at my weakest, causing me to crumble and fall apart just like I did whenever I'm alone and thinking about her.

"Q, you don't have to cook you know, I can do it myself."

I scowled, before taking note that my grouchy mood wasn't because of her and she hadn't done anything wrong. She turned to raise her eyebrow before sliding a plate in front of me, filled with waffles.

"Sorry. Jen pissed me off. Being a celebrity isn't actually all what it's cracked up to be."

"Oh god, I feel so sorry for you. Being worshipped by all your fans and having money, a huge apartment and having other celebrities as friends! Waaaaah!" She mimicked a baby crying, pretending to wipe tears away from her eyes before grinning.

"Anyway, how did that happen? Last thing all of us lot heard, Chang had seen you tears streaming, basically a fucking mess driving around in Maryland. But then you like disappeared, for years. No-one saw you, we were all scared something happened to you." She dipped her head, obviously I had more of an impact on all of the Glee kids than I thought.

"Well I was in a coma for like four months..." I stated, her head shot up and crumbs fell out of her mouth where it opened.

"Holy shit! What happened?"

"Well I didn't know Chang had seen me, but I was in a very, very dark place after the accident and I just kept driving, hitting up random bars and sleeping in my car. I ended up on the pier at West Beach in August, and I intended to end everything but something kicked me out of it. When I walked back to my car, karma bit me in the ass and hit me with a Jeep." I finished, munching down another bite of maple syrup covered waffle.

"Shit. I didn't know the accident would have that bigger effect on you." She muttured innocently, not meeting my wide-eyed gaze.

**What the fuck? Is she being serious?**

I ignored her comment, carrying on with disbelief. "And then after the coma I didn't have my job anymore, no-one had come to visit me in the hospital. Well someone had, but they didn't leave a note or anything - just a bunch of white lilies, and never returned. Then the closest contact I had with someone was with my private nurse Maria who turned out to be my mother, well not actually but she might as well have been..."

I got up, heading to the fridge and getting out the orange juice. Pouring two glasses I took a sip before continuing;

"Then when I exited the hospital, someone had bought me a brand new Ford Mustang because apparently they knew I'd want to drive as soon as I could. Someone had literally bought the car of my dreams, it was black with two white stripes running down the middle, and still to this day I don't know who bought it."

I shrugged my shoulders; darting my eyes to Q who was listening intently. She took a sip of her orange juice, swiring her fingertip around the rim of the glass and glaring at me once more.

"I knew where I was going as soon as I got in the car. I typed in my old home address in Lima and drove, nearly crashing several times on the way, but I got there. Even before I got there; I knew it was a bad idea, my heart started pounding and my breathing was abnormal but I just tried to get over it. But I felt like I was back in high school, the looks I was getting was too much to bare and I knew I was looking for _her_. I knew that was the reason I went back there. But it was too much so I escaped; driving away. Months later, aftering touring around random places like Boston and Chicago, I ended up here, in New York."

I carried on speaking, telling her about my big break and how lucky I was, skipping the heartache and loneliness. She listened closely the whole time, moving us over to the couch in between the story. An hour later I'd finished.

"So yeah.. And now I'm here. Living the high life as people like say."

"Damn San. Your life could be a freakin' movie." She laughed, her eyes turning away to the TV screen which currently had Sky news on it.

"Yeah. So when you gotta go back Q?" I asked.

"Well actually, I was hoping you could take me back in the next couple of days. I don't have enough money and I know a few people that'd like to see you." She beamed a smile at me, I knew immediately this had been her plan all along.

"Well I'd have to check, I can't just disappear whenever I want now Q, you know that." Her lower lip jutted out; so I reconsidered it.

"I'll talk to Jen. I know I have an interview with David Letterman tomorrow night."

"But you're free Friday, Saturday and Sunday right?" She frinnged.

"I guess so. Keep yourself busy for a minute, laptop's over there."

I said standing up, grabbing my phone before making my way to the bedroom. I shut the door behind me and dialled Jen's number. A few minutes later I returned to the living room, tapping Quinn on the shoulder.

"All set! Friday evening we're going back to Lima."

And two days later, that's exactly what we were doing. Our bags were packed and shoved in the back of my mustang. Before I knew it, we were heading out of NYC back to Lima, windows down and music playing.

"How is everyone else?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

She started speaking, knowing she'd be doing this for some time, and I let my mind wander; rethinking over all the memories of the place I used to call home.

* * *

><p><em>"San, we need to talk about us. Like properly." <em>

_The blue eyes flicked up to me, whilst her hands remained on mine. We were laying on a field, facing each other with out bodies behind us. Her legs were tangling together, bent at the knee her feet were up in the air, twiddling together. She was so cute I almost couldn't contain myself._

_"I know B. But can we not right now? Can we just enjoy us for a bit? It's only been a couple of days since we broke up from school and this is the first time we've been together, alone." _

_"Sure San, but don't leave it too long please? I want to be able to call you my own." She stated, her eyebrows lifting slightly at the last few words._

_I nodded and smiled, my eyes darting back and fourth between her lips and eyes. I wanted to kiss her so much, but I didn't know if it was too soon. As if she read my mind she leant in; her eyes closed and I smiled before mimicking her movement - our lips were only inches apart when my mind started racing. This was going to be the first time we were going to kiss since she told me she loved me. My heart thrummed and the butterflies multiplied in my stomach. _

_Right then, at that moment, there felt like there was no-one else in the entire world, just us two, coming together as one. I was horridly and happily in love with this girl, she made my heart skip a beat and my mind go blank. Whenever I looked at her I couldn't help but grin, I was so in love with her, and I just didn't care what anyone else thought. Her breath was getting hotter as her face got closer to mine, I swallowed hard and licked my lips, preparing myself for the greeting of our lips. _

_But on queue, her phone buzzed and the moment had gone. I rolled over onto my back and groaned; she picked up her phone after letting out a heavy sigh._

_"Hello?" She said bluntly; I'd never heard Britt pick up the phone with any other voice than her normal cheery one._

_"What? Now? Mom!" She yelled, her face reddening as she sat up, crossing her legs._

_"Okay. I'll be there in five. San's coming with me." She shut the phone and leant on her elbows so she was propped up, her face was upside down as she peered over me._

_"I've got motocross championship in twenty minutes apparently. You'd think I'd remember something like that right?" She giggled and kissed my forehead. "Come on."_

_She held out her hand and I took it, we'd now moved on from linking pinkies and held hands. The feeling of holding hands with Brittany was amazing. It's like the first steps to intimacy, after holding hands comes the kissing and nicknames, all the cringey stuff that we'd already by passed years ago. Everytime she held my hand it was like she was telling me 'I love you. I trust you. I love showing the world you're mine'. It was such a small gesture, but I loved the enormous meaning behind it. _

_Holding hands was and always has been a big deal to me. If she couldn't kiss me, she'd always interlace our fingers. Even on the worst of days - as soon our hands connected, suddenly everything felt okay. The first time she unexpectedly grabbed my hand and interlocked her fingers with mine, a massive grin spread across my face - one that only ever occured with her. It was my Brittany smile. Despite all the confusion and fuck-ups that we'd been through, despite everything we needed to talk about surrounding us, it just didn't matter. Because I know that everytime we held hands, I had all I ever wanted, and would ever need right here, in the palm of my hand._

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><p><em>Several minutes later we were back at Britt's house, I was sitting on her bed, fiddling with my fingers and she was casually undressing and putting on her motocross outfit which actually made her look incredibly sexy. She noticed my glaring and came to stand in front of me;<em>

_"Whatcha thinking about?" She grinned teasingly, knowing the exact answer._

_"Well, I was just thinking how sexy you look in that." _

_I ran my hands up and down the back of her thighs, she was standing in between my legs which now hung over the side of the bed. _

_"And how I'm supposed to restrain myself from just undoing everything you just did."_

_She bent down, chewing on her bottom lip and tilted my chin up, with one finger, pulling my lips to hers._

_"BRITTANY!" Her mom shouted before we could make the final move._

_"Coming!" Britt yelled._

_Truth is; I didn't want to hide anymore. I wanted to kiss her and do it freely, in front of everyone. All the worries that I had now seemed so stupid. I didn't give a shit about what anyone thought, they could throw anything at me - but I could handle it because as long as I had Brittany by my side, I'd be alright._

* * *

><p><em>We sat in silence throughout the car journey, my body was aching due to having to strain myself not to reach out and just touch her creamy skin. We arrived to the dirt track, and I suddenly wished I was wearing something different. A lot of my skin was out due to my tied up blue shirt and jean short shorts. I clutched the front of my shorts and tried to tug them down as there were several fat, hairy biker men lusting over me.<em>

_Britt walked beside me, watching me as my insecurites were seen. She linked out pinkies, knowing she wanted to hold my hand and I relaxed instantly. She held her helmet in her other hand and turned to me;_

_"I've gotta go now San, but my mom's here so you can stay with her?" Her brilliantly blue eyes gleamed at me, I could actually see the love in which she looked at me with._

_"Yeah B."_

_**Tell her you're ready. Do it!**_

_My body suddenly had a massive urge to kiss her in front of everyone, but I restrained myself, knowing I had the rest of summer to do so. She turned away, kissing me lightly on the cheek and inhaling my scent. She was a couple of steps away before I called her name;_

_"Britt?" I chewed on my bottom lip hesitantly, "I want to call you my own." I said, copying her words from hours before. Her face lit up as she clicked with the reference to the previous couple of hours - she ran over to me and nearly knocked me down with the hug she gave me._

_"After the championship - we'll talk about it." She murmured cooly, trying to hide her excitement which beamed through her sky blue eyes._

_I sighed heavily, feeling happier than ever before. She was going to be mine, and I could kiss her whenever I wanted, hold her hand whenever I wanted, tell her I love her in front of everyone. All my previous fears were now so pathetic, it may just be summer but I still wanted to show her off as mine to every single person. I loved her so much and she loved me too._

_**She's yours.**_

_My inner monologue finally spoke, making me body shiver with the words it'd just said. I watched her hop on her bike and line up, awaiting the gun shot. The sun beat down on my skin and I felt even more revealed after I shook myself out of my 'Brittany bubble'. I glanced around to see of any shade and saw a nearby tree, so I took shelter under there, sliding down the bark and plopping myself on the floor._

_I closed my eyes and inhaled; this moment was so perfect. The dirt track in front of my wasn't obviously but the person on them was. I watched her speed around the ring, flipping and twisting on her bike flawlessly. She danced the exact same way, twisting her body and making even the most violent moves seem peaceful. _

_I watched her black uniform with white stripes down the middle race around the track, flying over the jumps like they weren't even there. One by one she passed the other racers - they'd be so pissed when they realised they'd just had their ass kicked by a girl._

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><p><em>But then it happened, I watched one of the bikers in front of her tip forward just a bit to far. His front wheel collided with one of the other bikes and skidded along the ground. Everything started flowing in slow motion as I saw the black uniform with white stripes flip over the handle bars, after slamming into the side of the bike which had just skidded along the floor - sending it spiralling into the air and over one of the jumps, a thud echoing over the track.<em>

_My heart was beating faster and faster as I ran over to the track, hopping over the fence that blocked the spectators out. I slid along the ground on my knees as I approached the body lying in front of me, ignoring the throbbing that pounded out of my kneecaps. My Brittany was lying on the dirty track; sprawled out and her eyelids shut, blocking the blue diamonds that hit millimetres behind the thing piece of skin. Within a few seconds her mom was knelt beside me, grasping her hand and crying histerically._

_"BRITTANY! BRITTANY!" _

_Her mom yelled, no response from the still body. I reached my hand over her body, never touching but just hovering over it - trying to feel the warmth radiating from her body as it always did, but there wasn't anything. My mind went blank and my mouth went dry, I didn't feel or hear anything for the next hour as my body went into shock. I couldn't feel anything, no worry, no pain, nothing._

_The next thing I remembered I was sitting on a chair in a weirdly clean corridoor. My hands clutched a paper cup filled with water. My eyes were wide and completely empty as I met a pair of blue ones._

_"Santana... Honey..." _

_I felt tears flow down my face as I recognised the face in front of me to be Karen, Brittany's mom. Her hands were removing the cup and replacing them with her hands and she wiped a tear away from my cheek. I could hear her quiet sobbing as she nudged my cheek - trying to wake me out of this state of nothingness. I raised my head, gazing in to her eyes. They were surrounded by a bright red ring, caused by crying._

_"Honey... She's gone."_

_I bowed over, my forehead connecting with a warm shoulder as I felt the sheer sting of heartbreak shoot throughout my body; causing my heart to smash through my ribcage and launch itself up my throat. The tears shot out of my eyes, they just kept coming and coming, my breathing became harder and I tried to catch it in between my sobs. She'd just gone, just like that. _

_Rejection impacted my body suddenly, causing my body to stand up and run into the room next to me. I saw her body, lying there peacefully. Her eyes shut and her perfect lips placed together delicately. Pain struck me again, my legs went to jelly as I sunk to the floor. My knees whacked against the cold floor, another throbbing stung my body but I ignored it. I dragged myself over to her, grabbing her hand and tugging on it, wanting to wake her up._

_"Brittany wake up. Wake up. Please... Please... Wake up. Stop it and just wake up!" I started off with a whisper, raising my tone gradually._

_I sat on the floor next to her hospital bed, banging my head against the hard plastic bedframe. Repeating the words over and over again, wishing she'd just wake up. Two arms grabbed me as they pulled my hand away from hers._

_"NO! BRITTANY WAKE UP! BRITTANY." My eyes were running, mascara pouring down my cheeks as I pushed through the arms trying to restrain me. I scrambled over to her bedside once more, still sitting on the cold floor. The arms reattached themselves to mine, yanking me up._

_**She's dead.**_

_No longer was I going to see her brilliantly blue eyes, no longer would my heart skip a beat whenever I saw her. I was never going to be happy again. My soul mate, the only one who ever touched my heart was gone. And there's nothing I can do about it. Agony ran through my body, pushing the tears out my eyes and thudding pressure against my chest. My whole world just collapsed, the weight of the world pressed against my chest, almost suffocating me._

_My fight or flight response kicked in; forcing all my strength into getting the arms that were touching me away from my body. The adrenaline coursed through my veins as I ran out the room, heading towards anything that looked like an exit. I pushed against the barrier, opening a fire exit and setting off the alarm. My head was racing and my heart was thudding loudly against my ribcage, my hair was in a mess and so was my heart. I could feel my cheeks swelling and eyes puffing as the tears continued to fall._

_What the fuck was I going to do? I had nothing left in this world anymore. She was my everything; she was everything to me and now she was gone. One second I had her in my arms, inhaling her beautiful coconut scent and now I was in pure agony, my heart cracking every time a tear streamed down my face. I was falling apart, the only thing holding me together was the skin that enframed my body. I had no idea where I was - all I knew was my legs were aching after pumping them and forcing them to run for miles. _

_I stood outside a huge white house, turning to find it was my own.I dug my hand through my pocket and found my keys, letting myself in and throwing myself up the stairs towards my bedroom. The pounding in my chest remained, the tears still flowing. As soon as I entered my room; a waft of vanilla and coconut forced itself down my lungs, sending memories shooting throughout my body, aching with the thoughts of kissing her and touching her pale, beautiful skin. It was too much to take, with a shakey hand I scribbled on the nearest piece of paper I could find and headed for the door, grabbing a baag with a few clothes in it and my car keys._

_I stumbled down the stairs, trying to catch my breath with all the energy I had left. I could barely see a thing with the blur that pasted across my eyes. I pressed the button on my keys, a beeping sound indicating my car was now open. Throwing my bag in I bent over, feeling a stab twisting deep into the corners of my heart, lacerating every thing in its way. I was being internally tortured by the memories of her. I couldn't even speak her name, the burn that followed it was to painful. She was gone, and I'm here all alone. My body spasmed with pain as more memories flooded over me._

_I turned on the engine with whatever was left in me before reversing quickly out of my drive. Pressing my foot down harshly on the accelerator and speeding forward, leaving everything behind. I couldn't function where I was going - all I knew is that I had to get away. The dangers of driving whilst crying whispered into the back of my mind, but I couldn't care. Me dying right now would just be a release of the pain, and escape of the emotional and physical misery I felt thudding against my ribcage. The pain was so excruciating and I couldn't do anything to alleviate it; so I kept driving, hoping with distance it would dull out into something more bearable. _

_I didn't bother looking back, there was nothing to look back too. My love, my best friend, my soul mate, was gone. And in that moment, that's all I knew._

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><p><strong>I apologise for this chapter, it took me a while because I tried to emit all the emotion Santana would feel in this situation and that took some time. <strong>

**Please review and tell me what you thought!**


	24. Chapter Twenty Four: The Return

**Please forgive me for the death of Britt as I know a few of you were disappointed - but it does lead to something so don't give up reading just because of her death! I promise it will be worth it!**

**Thank you for the last couple of review I got, I appreciate it dearly.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Four: The Return<strong>

"Santana?" Quinn almost yelled at me; "Can you pull over please? I feel like I'm about to wet myself."

I nodded before pulling over and watched her pale legs run into the nearby trees. A heavy sigh escaped my lungs as the back of my head hit the seat. My eyes glanced at the GPS system which revealed that we only had about twenty or so miles til Lima. The nerves started to set in as a bead of sweat dripped from my forehead onto my black leggings. With a quick flick of my hand it disappeared and I sighed again, clenching my eyes and drumming my fists gently against the steering wheel.

**This was a stupid idea. **

**You do realise you're just gonna fall apart as soon as you get there right?**

**You won't be able to handle it, you're not strong enough.**

**Hey, at least you get a break from all the fame.**

My mind was racing and before I could subconciously answer the thoughts, the door opened and Quinn climbed back in, fiddling with her hair which had been messed up due to wind.

"You look beat San. Put on some mascara."

She handed me a black stick and we sat in the hard shoulder while I applied some. She was right, I looked dead. Then again I did just drive over 480 miles, so I kinda had reason.

"And before you think it. It's not because you've been driving for hours. You look emotionally beat."

I shook my head, dismissing what she'd just said and set off again.

"What's up with you? You're sweating bullets." She asked; studying the side of my face.

"Just nervous I guess, I haven't seen all these guys in such a long time. Just quite a lot to take really." I was answering honestly; but there was someone muttering in the back of my mind that there was a different reason, a deeper reason. But I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"Well you did fine with me, I mean, you spent so much time with these guys.. Especially..."

"Yeah I know, but, that was back then. This is now." I exclaimed bluntly.

"Well it was your choice to run away, in all fairness." She said cooly, not even bothering to look at my shocked expression.

**What the fuck?**

"Yeah because I had too!" My voice came out a little more violently than I expected.

"What just because Britt.."

"Stop." I cut her off, using her nickname in a sentence was like taking a baseball bat to the head, repeatedly.

"Why can't we talk about her? Fucking hell it's not like..." She folded her arms, but I slammed on the breaks, skidding my car to a halt.

"SHUT UP! For fuck sake please." I screamed at her, suprised by my own outburst. Her mouth dropped into an 'o' shape and her eyes widened, like a deer seeing headlights.

"Jesus San. What got your fucking knickers in a twist." She faced forward, huffing in the process.

"Look, I just don't want to talk about her." I muttered, lowering my voice. "Sorry."

"Why?"

**Why does she keep pushing this?**

"Because I try not to think of her often, and I usually succeed. But when I do, it's like someone's stabbing me right in the heart with a knife, twisting it around and pouring salt and lemon juice on the wound. That's why I don't want to talk about her, it's just too painful."

"Right... Okay. Well come on then, let's stick on some music. Might as well make the last few miles of our journey fun!"

She leant over and turned on the radio; a familiar tune flew out the speakers. I love those moments when the lyrics to a song just fit perfectly to your situation, **don't you?** I thought to myself before humming along to the song;

_I whisper goodbye, I swear it's not for the last time._

_I know it's not easy._

_This could never be easy._

_Five-thousand miles with traffic of you in my mind,_

_There'll be pain, there'll be glory._

_Girl you don't need to worry;_

_Cause my heart will wait._

"WOOOO!" Quinn yelled, causing me to jump. "BACK IN OHIO BABY!"

I giggled along with her; but the nerves were still getting the better of me. The song still flowing through the car, my ears tuned back to the lyrics;

_I hear your tears, they're falling down through these eyes._

_Pouring out just to reach me._

_Calling out for some meaning._

_With all those times we sat and dreamed of life:_

_Oh how the future it could be,_

_The flawless drawrings of beauty._

_So don't give up, girl, don't give in._

_Don't stop, believing in me._

_This is just the beginning._

"Welcome back Santana. You're home."

* * *

><p>She smiled at me warmly as we entered Lima, it still felt wrong being here. Like I was messing with fate or something. The same feeling I got when I came back here after coming out my coma grew in the middle of my chest, but I wouldn't give in this time. I wouldn't.<p>

After a few minutes she started to direct me round a few familiar streets, ordering me to turn left or right every now and then. We pulled into a driveway of a large brick house just outside of Lima village, it was right round the corner from Lima Bean - our local coffee shop and the Warblers hangout.

We both stepped out the car, and towards the front door, bags in hand. She opened it and I was immediately blasted with the familiar 'Fabray' scent. The same one that I got every single time I used to enter the Fabray residence. I smiled at the memory before putting my bags down in the living room.

"Leave the unpacking til later, we have some people to visit!"

Q said excitedly; she grabbed my hand before I could answer and yanked me towards the door. I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily before clambering in the car. We arrived at Lima Bean about five minutes later and entered. I immediately heard several yells;

"SANTANA!"  
>"YOU'RE BACK!"<br>"WELCOME HOME SUGAR!"

Kurt, Finn and Mercedes all ran up to me, pulling me into a tight embrace. Everything went dark as I was smothered with several others bodies, not entirely sure who they were but I went with it. The sunlight hit my pupils once again as the bodies slowly disappeared, a hand grasped mine and shoved me onto a seat underneath me.

It felt so strange being back. All the same aromas emitted off the bodies, and in some ways, I did feel like I was at home. Like I'd finally found the place I was supposed to be.

"So girl, what's happening in the world of fame and fortune?"

Mercedes asked; winking at me. She'd lost a hell of a lot of weight. She was now more curvacious and her face had shrunk considerably. She was dressed in the same old bright colours she used too, but her nose stud and whacky shoes had disappeared. I remembered the rumours that went around about her and Sam, she'd never said they were true but I'd seen them macking out behind this very coffee store a couple hours after school ended that fateful summer.

"Not much. I mean I've met a couple of cool people; had lunch with Emma Watson a few weeks ago actually. I've babysat Willow Smith, she was pretty cool - except for that fucking song about whipping her hair back and fourth. She wouldn't drop that. But honestly, it's mostly a lonely place to be."

"Ohh hell to the no. You should've come back sooner! We've always been here!" She smiled, wrapping her arms around me once more. "But you're here now, it's good to have you back."

The next to approach me was Kurt and Blaine, they'd tied the knot a few months back and were now looking to adopt kids.

"Damn Blaine, you better have made an honest man outta my boy here." I smirked; tapping Kurt on the back gently.

"Oh don't you worry Santana, we're happier then ever."

"Good guys, good. I'm happy for you."

I managed to force a smile but then they leant in and started eskimo kissing. Bile started to rise in my throat as loneliness set in once more. I felt another pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind as the smell of Puckerman soaked through my nostrils and into my lungs.

"Hey San."

"Hey lesbro."

I turned round to face his hug, and pulled him tightly against my chest as rumbles erupted from both of our chests. Puck had always been my go-to guy. Even though we had our differences, well a lot of differences, and our thousands of fights - he'd been like a weird brother that I was allowed to sleep with.

"Good to have you back."

We pulled apart and I stared at him with disbelief. He'd got a lot more muscular, which I didn't really think was that possible and he no longer sported his signature mohawk. Instead he had a full head of hair, covering all of it and the front was tilted up slightly, so I guess it was a miniature mohawk.

"Your hair!" I murmured, he smiled, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth and nodded.

"Yeah, decided to grow up. But I'm still a bad ass." He punched me playfully in the arm and we giggled for a while.

"So why'd you sleep with your secretary whilst married to that hot piece of ass over there?" I pointed to Q, who was at the counter ordering.

"Well, not sure if she told you this as well but I caught her and Berry flirting, like more-than-friendly flirting. Arm touching, playing with each others fingers, playfully tickling each other. I tried talking to her about it once and she went insane, yelling that she there was nothing going on. But she was way to touchy about it.."

He sat down opposite me, leaning against the table in the 'cool' way he always did. No matter what, he had been and always would be cool. It's just something he possessed, like a talent.

"...I knew she'd never been like that with other girls - so I asked my secretary to investigate. Which of course meant because I was unbelievably charming and impossible to resist, she had to get on this." He moved both his hands down his body, hovering over his crutch.

"No wonder I'm a lesbian." I retorted, giggling with him.

"Hah! Well, seems I was right." He tipped his head forward, pointing to the coffee counter.

I furrowed my brows at him before turning my head to see Quinn and Rachel, wrapped up in each others arms. The biggest smile was plastered all of Q's face, I'd never seen her so..

**Happy.**

I cringed at the word. I wanted that, not with Q or Berry, definitely not with Berry. But I wanted to go back to when that was me. When I had the love of my life wrapped in my arms, telling me how much they love me. My heart ached, sending the same old dull feeling across my body and mind. It was almost like a reaction now; any time something sprouted in to my mind that was to do with Brittany, my body would arm its defence and protect me from any other pain.

"Santana. Nice to see you again." Berry exclaimed; staring down at me.

"Rachel. Nice to see you too." I replied coldly.

I'd never got a long with her, but Britt had convinced me once to be nice to her. The memory shot back, sending my mind into a trance.

* * *

><p><em>"I like her. So should you." Britt claimed, leaning up to place a kiss to the corner of my mouth.<em>

_"It doesn't work like that B. I don't automatically like someone just because you do." She placed another kiss to my nose, and then to the other corner of my mouth. _

_"But when you do that it makes it very hard to resist." I added, biting my lower lip._

_The blonde was spread out across my body, basically on top of me. Her body heat radiated off her body, warming me up. Considering it was winter and my room was cold, I was incredibly greatful - not that I wouldn't have been anyway._

_"Did you have fun visiting Santa today?" I asked, it had been the day of the mall visit, where we'd all sat on Santa's lap. _

_"Yeah. Especially 'coz I now know what to get you for Christmas." She beamed a smile at me, resting her chin on my chest and staring up into my eyes. I was momentarily dazzled by the sparkle in her gorgeous blue eyes, but then I processed what she said._

_"No B, I wasn't saying I wanted that from anyone else. Just Santa, 'cause he's like mega rich."_

_"Well duh. How else could he afford to make all the presents." She rolled her eyes._

_**Fuck she's adorable.**_

_"Haha. True. True." _

_"You're not avoiding my earlier point Sanny. I want you to be nicer to Rachel. She hasn't done anything to you and you're kinda mean to her." She claimed, a serious expression plastered her face._

_"I'm mean to everyone, it's not just her."_

_"You're not mean to me." Her eyes widened and the corners of her mouth raised into a little smile._

_"That's because you're special to me." I answered, meeting her gaze._

_"Really?" She grinned toothily before a blush crossed her cheeks._

_"Really." _

_I said, pushing her gently so her back touched the bed and we'd reversed roles. I was now resting my body flush against hers, my lips pressed to her neck. She knew exactly where I was going with this and ran her fingertips gently up my back, dipping underneath my t-shirt._

_"You're rather special yourself San. But you know, if you're nicer to Rachel from now on... I might just reward you." _

_Hot breath tickled my ear and sent a shiver down my spine. I pulled apart to stare at her breath-takingly beautiful face, just to make sure I knew what she meant before closing in the gap between our lips. As our lips met a spark suddenly flew everywhere, her tongue gently slid over my bottom lip and I tasted her sweet flavour on my tongue. She parted her lips and I ran my tongue over hers slowly, savouring each sweet gush of air she breathed._

_A moan escaped her lips as my hand slid down her stomach and past the waistband on her girl boxers. My fingers slid in between her slick folds ana her eyes popped open. Her body started to shudder as I entered her. And within a few minutes of thrusting, I pushed my thumb pad on her clit and she shook violently before collapsing underneath me. Her brilliantly blue eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she opened them slowly to gaze into my eyes._

_A smile crossed her face before her lips were suddenly attached to mine. She pushed my shoulders; rolling me over and reversing our roles so her body was now pressed against mine. Her hips started pushing against mine, causing my centre to heat up even more. Her fingertips grazed up my sides, gently hovering over the bottom of my ribs before fiddling with the hem of my top. With one swift movement it was on the floor behind her and she'd pushed her way inbetween my legs. I crossed them around her waist and I felt her hips push into mine, causing my back to arch. _

_Her lips were focusing on my neck, nipping and sucking gently up and down. I let my palms slid over the small of her back, applying slight pressure. She kissed her way down my body, licking up the centre of my cleavage before coming to the outside of my short shorts. She hooked her thumbs into the side of the short shorts and slid them gently down my legs, causing goosebumps to flow all over my body. A moaned escaped my lips and my cheeks reddened with embarrasment. A heard a giggle come from the bottom of the bed and our eyes met;_

_"I love that I have this effect on you." _

_She murmured, pressing her lips to the outside of my soaking underwear. I shuddered and gripped the bedsheets until my knuckles felt like they were about to pop out my skin. I felt her fingers gently push the fabric aside before her tongue dipped into the most sensitive spot. Sparks flew in my eyes as she lapped up and down, twisting her tongue into my folds. It only took a minute or so before a wave of euphoria crashed down on me, sending me into a haven. She prolonged the feeling by sliding two fingers in and curling them upwards, my eyes tightened and my thighs clamped down on her hand as fireworks appeared behind my eyelids. _

_I slammed down on the bed, after realising how much my back had arched. My side warmed up as a body pressed against me, kissing me gently on the forehead. Her fingers tickled up my body before they curled around my waist, pulling me into her. We lay there for a few minutes, just inhaling each others scents and I thought about her request._

_"Okay, maybe I'll be a bit nicer to the hobbit." _

_I teased, she grinned toothily and pressed her lips to mine before snuggling down into the pillow and tucking my head into the crook of her neck..I cuddled around her body, letting my arms snake around her waist - just feeling how our bodies just fit together perfectly. I lay there listening to her heart beat and breathing, a snore escaped her lips and I tilted my head so my lips met her ear;_

_"I love you Brittany."_

_My tone was so sincere I suprised myself, and as I started to drift off to sleep, embraced in her arms I could've sworn I heard her say,_

_"Not as much as I love you Santana."_

* * *

><p>My mind let itself out of it's zombified state, returning me back to the present. Apparently I was driving back to Quinn's house with Berry and Finn. I glanced in the rear view mirror to see Q and her fiancee kissing, I cringed before remembering what it felt like to do that, and it brought a smile to my face.<p>

"Alright guys, keep it PG." I giggled, before recieving a teasing scowl from Q.

"Jealous Santana?" Q added, smirking at me.

"Of you and Berry? HA! Hell no." I replied; a laugh erupting from my chest.

We pulled into the drive and Finn got out, opening the door for Q and Berry, before doing the same for myself. He smiled as I thanked him and we entered the Fabray/Berry residence - now that I knew they'd been living together I started noticing annoying things that obviously belonged to the dwarf. I couldn't help but laugh loudly when I came across a huge golden star that hung above the fireplace - apparently something I hadn't seen before.

I sat on the sofa, sighing heavily as my butt hit the leather and I flinched - I'd always hated leather sofas, fabric ones were definitely the way forward. I looked around the room for a few minutes, inspecting the pictures that were placed around the house. As my bum started numbing, I stood to get an even closer look. And as I ran my finger over the edge of a couple of the frames I could almost feeling the memory that emitted from the pictures.

My feet started moving to the left, and my eyes scanned over a couple more - some of Quinn and Rachel by Lima Bridge kissing, some of Q and Beth and some of the three of them. They almost looked like they were in chronological order as they started descending to when Beth had her third birthday. But I came across one and I crooked my head to the side, examining it closer.

It was a picture of Q laughing, her teeth showing and her eyes gleaming with happiness. But as I looked at the figure next to her, I started taking in the details. In the background was a fair of some sort; probably the annual Lima Carnival that happened every Summer. The head was dipped, and at an angle which didn't catch the face of the unknown person. The blonde locks fell graciously from the head were covered by a pair of hands as if the figure didn't want to have a picture taken. The hands were long and slender and looked recently manicured. A dull ache started erupting through my ribcage as it reminded me of her.

I turned away to a bouncing Q who was entering from the kitchen, armed with two packets of popcorn and movie. Obviously we were having a movie night.

"Movie night!" Berry yelled, approaching Q in the same fashion that she'd entered.

"Right, San pick a film!" Q added, before pressing her lips to the tiny brunette in front of her.

Finn bumbled in behind them, pushing past the embraced bodies and took a seat beside me.

"So I lost my virginity to a lesbian and two of my ex girlfriends turn out to be gay too. I'm like the lesbonator." He let out a rough laugh, causing his eyes to squint and nose to scrunch.

"Haha. Yeah Finnocence - well you can't dance so you had to have some type of talent, bar singing of course." I retorted, he nudged me gently with his elbow.

A few minutes later Q plumped herself down next to me and Berry sat on the floor in front of her. I'd chosen Dawn of the Dead as I knew it was mostly gore, zombies and blood and I wouldn't end up curling under a blanket on my bed, crying my eyes out over the stupid happy ending.

The movie started rolling but I just couldn't get into it, something about the picture disturbed me. Everytime I looked at it, it looked more and more like her. I turned to ask Q but she was already asleep, mouth open and hair tangled in Berry's hair. As much as I didn't want to talk to her unless I had to, I leant down to ask the small brunette in front of Q.

"Pssst, Rachel." I cringed, having to address her with her proper name. "Who's in the picture by the table lamp with Q?"

She turned, eyes slightly shocked at the fact I had a) addressed her by her proper name and b) asked her something that didn't end in an insult.

"Um, I don't know. I think it's Britt."

She faced the screen and my eyes furrowed as I sat back up. I thought back to any time when we'd been to a carnival with Q and I just couldn't place it .

**Maybe she went without you.**

Hm maybe, I thought in answer to my inner monologue. As soon as Kim Poirier came on the screen I forgot started to push it to the back of my mind, but the whispers inside of my head kept screaming at me that there was more to the picture then what I could see.

Q suddenly jumped out, scaring the crap out of me and glanced at the clock that perched on the table nearby.

"It's 9.30!"

"So? It was 9 o'clock half an hour ago, what's the difference?"

As I finished my question the doorbell rang. Q looked at me with a slightly off smile - as if she'd just done something which caused her to feel guilty. An itch formed at the back of my neck and my throat ran dry; I heard my heartbeat quicken as Q walked towards the door, hands clutched together tightly. She reached for the doorknob and opened it; before turning her gaze to me, ignoring the figure and speaking;

"She's here."

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you've enjoyed this! The lyrics I used were from some of Joe Brooks song, My Heart Will Wait.<strong>

**Please review and leave any comments! They're much appreciated!**


	25. Chapter Twenty Five: Faint

**Right guys, sorry to leave you hanging again but hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised by this next chapter! Thank you for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything to do with it. This is entirely fictional and in no way part of the show Glee. But if I did I would totally rock that show.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Five: Faint<strong>

"Um, that'll be $24.95 all together."

Q handed over three ten dollar bills before taking the bag out the delivery guys hands.

"Well that was awkward."

She giggled; before scrunching her nose at Berry. Urgh.

"C'mon guys? At least let me eat something if I'm gonna have to throw up later."

I murmured under my breath, rolling my eyes. Q caught my whisper and shot me a narrowed look. Finn and I were sitting side by side in front of the coffee table while the dwarf and Quinn were sat on the sofa, leaning over and emptying the bags of chinese food. Several boxes spread across the table and I grabbed a few, peeking inside until I found my ginger chicken. As I shuffled the food in with chopsticks; Berry caught my eye.

"Despite having many other talents, I've never mastered the art of chopsticks."

Q looked at her adoringly, her puppy dog eyes gleamed at Berry with such love - I almost felt like I had to leave the room in order to create enough space for their cringyness. I gobbled up another piece of chicken before Finn spoke.

"So, have you seen…"

Q coughed violently, and when my eyes darted to her it had obviously been a forced cough. I furrowed my eyebrows and Finn did his deer-in-the-headlights look before his cheeks reddened and he stuttered something.

"Umm-I-I-have… Errr… Chang? Babies. Asian babies?"

"What?"

**What the fuck was that about?**

"Have you seen Tina and Mike's new addition to the Chang family? Baby girl Chang?"

"No. I haven't had time. You know how long I've been here."

I added suspiciously; Quinn was now scoffing her mouth as if she was trying to withold something. Finn was giving her a curious look and she shook her head subtley. However when she flicked her eyes to me she realised it hadn't been as inconspicuous as she'd wished.

"Seriously what the fuck is going on guys?"

I slammed down my chopsticks, crossing my arms awaiting their answer.

"Nothing. I think I just have indigestion."

She slammed her balled up fist against her chest several times and giving me a fake smile. As if on queue, the doorbell rang. Quinn's eyes widened even more so than before and shot up, almost sprinting to the door. She swung the door open and greeted the stranger with a handshake.

"Rachel! She's here!"

My heart started pounding once more and the itch formed in the back of my neck again, basically forcing my head to turn to the picture of Q with the unknown figure underneath the table lamp. My eyes darted from the frame to the door as the shadowed outline stepped inside the door.

"MARIA!" I screamed, throwing myself towards the door.

"Mija! Long time no speak!"

I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. She'd aged quite a bit since I'd seen her, her dark olive skin was wrinkled a little deeper than before, the bags underneath her eyes had increased but her hair was full of volume. She wasn't in her nurse outfit which was strange because I'd never seen her in anything else, she was sporting a grey trenchcoat with a white blouse underneath and black, baggy trousers.

It was a strange friendship that had formed between us two, but she like a motherly figure despite only knowing her for a few weeks. If it wasn't for this woman I probably wouldn't be where I was today, she'd held my shit together when no-one else had. She'd tailored to my every need whilst I was hospitalized, and for that I was forever greatful.

"Q? How did you?"

I uttered, releasing Maria and turning to Q.

"I have my sources."

She tapped her nose and I shrugged it off, knowing she wouldn't be telling me anytime soon how she'd gotten hold of Maria. We spent the night chatting about various things, mostly me as she wondered how I'd become famous after leaving the hospital in Green Valley with only a little bag of clothes and a car to my name. When it got to the early hours of the morning it was time for her to leave, we hugged and she left, just like that.

It kind of hurt seeing her leaving; she'd done so much for me and I'd barely repaid her. I mean sure it was her job but surely I could do something.

"Maria?" I yelled down the pitpath, she turned to meet my eyes.

"Senorita?" I ran up to her, unclipping my bracelet on the way. It was the bracelet my mother had given me years ago, and I'd worn in throughout high school. Tiffany's with a heart, engraved on the little heart was 'mi angelito'. I placed it in her palm and wrapped her fingers around it. A warm smile plastered her face and I smiled back.

"I'd better not see it on eBay." I giggled, hugging her one more time before she climbed into her car and drove off. I headed back towards the house, closing the front door behind me as I entered.

"Thanks Q. That meant a lot." I said, awkwardly standing behind the couch.

"No problem San. Now, we've made your room up. Upstairs and to the left. The bathroom is just across the hall."

Ah, they want you to go to bed. You know what that means. Eurgh.

"Thanks, I'm going to bed now. It's been great being back."

I smiled, before sheepishly waving and walking up the stairs. Before I reached the bedroom I heard a few muffled giggled echo up the stairs and I shut the door, blocking out the sound. After unpacking, which took longer than I'd expected, I changed out of my leggings and into an oversized Disneyland t-shirt. I clambered into bed and lay there, listening to the music flowing from downstairs and the giggles that escaped through the lyrics at every pause.

* * *

><p>My whole body ached, memories raced through my brain playing over and over like a video that I just couldn't stop. The whispers in my head told me that I shouldn't be back here, that it wasn't healthy to return to a place that held so many painful, yet happy memories. And they were right, I was sad. I couldn't let anyone see it because I couldn't let anyone see me at my weakest. Only one person had ever seen that and look what happened. It wasn't the kind of sadness where I could just cry it out, because truth bet told I hadn't cried in a while - it was as if my body ran out of its lifetime supply of tears. It was more like the sadness where my whole body was overwhelmed by it, my heart ached and my stomach felt empty. I felt so tired, so weak. And yet I couldn't sleep, because the sadness chased me into my subconscience, my dreams. It was the sadness that I couldn't escape.<p>

I laid there, listening to my breathing, wishing that tears would fall as that would release some of the pressure that crushed my chest. My eyes closed in order to do so but nothing came of it. I just couldn't cry. I hadn't been able to for years, and I hated it. Everytime I looked in the mirror I could see the tears forming behind my shiny eyes, the sadness that glazed my dark chocolate orbs. I could see it and there was nothing I could do about it, I just had to endure it.

I heard a creek and light shone into the darkness, causing me to flinch slightly at the contrast. I saw a head and a voice spoke;

"S? It's Quinn. I'm just checking to see if you're alright."

I sighed heavily before answering;

"Yeah, I'm fine Q." I managed to force a smile, not knowing whether she could see my face or not.

"No you're not." She approached the bed, tucking one leg underneath her as she perched on the side. "You're upset." Her hand covered mine and I dipped my head. As if I could escape it, she'd known me since I was tiny, she knew how I was really feeling. "Why?"

"I just…" I started before sucking in a huge gulp of air. "I just don't understand why destiny allowed two people to meet, to connect and to share the greatest love of all - when there was never a way for them to be together in the end."

"Santana, you're going to get your happy ending. I know you are. Have a little faith, don't think everything is lost."

"But everything is lost. She's gone and I'm alone." The words managed to sucker punch me straight in the stomach, causing my breath to hitch in my chest and me to double over. My face now pressed into Quinn's chest and I sobbed, without any tears falling.

"She's not gone. She's here, she always will be, waiting for you. There's still hope ."

**What the fuck? Is she insane?"**

"I know people try to use inspirational words when someone they love dies, but really Q, that shit just doesn't work on me. I know what's real and I really fucking hate it when people try to sugar coat me the truth. I don't want that, I want it raw and uncut. Then there's no confusion and no mixed messages."

"Whoah. What? No Santana I think you may have misunderstood…"

"Quinn. Spare the bullshit." I cut her off, grimacing at her previous words. "I'm tired, I need to go to sleep. Night" I turned over, my back facing her and I felt my teeth grit as my inner walls sprung up, immediately defending anything that tried to give me even the littlest bit of hope. She'd obviously heard the dismissive tone and huffed before exiting, shutting the door a little harder than necessary.

**Well tomorrow morning's going to be awkward. Well done Santana. Famous and still a bitch, at least your old characteristics.**

* * *

><p>*ring ring*<p>

"Um.. Hello?" I coughed, trying to erase my morning voice.

"Miss Lopez, it's Jen here. Just to a check up call. Is everything going well?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine." I squinted, the sunlight beat through the window and felt like it was burning my corneas. "Jheeze, what's the time?"

"It's 9:07am. Enjoy the rest of your weekend Miss Lopez. Goodbye."

"Thanks, bye."

I pressed the 'end call' button and threw my phone down the bed. It hit my foot and caused my body to flinch as it left a slight sting. My hands ran through my hair before tying it up into a high ponytail. I managed to shrug on a pair of pajama shorts before wandering out into the hall and downstairs.

**You're going to have to apologise.**

"Q?" I said, craning my neck to see into the rooms I could see. No answer. A few giggles echoed throughout the house from the kitchen so I wandered in.

"Q, I just wanted... WHOAH GUYS!"

I smacked myself in the forehead as I brought my hand up to my face, blinding myself from the sight that I really didn't want to see. Berry was perched on the counter in the corner with her legs hanging over the edge in a short frilly nightgown. Q was standing in between her legs with her palms running up Berry's bare thigh. They were heavily making out and obviously getting a little too heated.

"Jesús cristo - guess you won't be needing breakfast then."

"Shut up S." Q murmured, momentarily removing her lips from the hobbits. "There's pancakes over there."

She flicked her finger towards a plate that was stacked with warm steamy pancakes before returning her lips to its original place. I took a few and stacked them onto a fresh plate before sitting down at the breakfast island. Loud wet noises erupted from the two of them as well as a few giggles and I felt the bile rising in the back of my throat;

"Seriously? I'm trying to eat here!"

"Go eat somewhere else then." Berry whispered into Quinns mouth, obviously it wasn't meant to be heard. I grabbed my plate and huffed as I exited the room, before I could sit down I heard three rapid knocks at the front door. Knowing they were a little preoccupied I yelled to them;

"I guess I'll be getting that then?"

Nothing was said in response so I shoved my plate on the coffee table and walked to the front door. I paused momentarily to glance at myself in the mirror and I just hoped to God it wasn't paparazzi. I looked like shit. My hair was up in a rough ponytail, I was wearing an oversized t shirt which covered the miniscule pajama shorts that I were underneath so it looked like I wasn't wearing them. My eyes were still surrounded by my day old mascara and I really didn't know what I smelt like.

The mouthful that I had taken before getting up was still being chewed as I reached for the handle, and another few raps were made against the door.

"Alright alright!" I said in a grouchy tone before opening the door. My blood ran cold and I stood there, in front of the figure that had been rapping at the door. I could feel the blood draining out of my face and I coughed, choking on a piece of grinded up pancake. After a few minutes of standing there, Q shouted from the kitchen;

"San! Who is it?" She wandered in and I turned to look at her. She examined my face and shot me a curious look. "Jesus San, you look like you've just seen a ghost."

I dropped my arm, which was connected to the door. I couldn't feel anything, my body was literally in a state of shock. My mouth felt like I'd been chewing on cotton wool and my head suddenly felt very heavy. My feet lead me in to the living room where Q was standing and she craned her neck to look over my shoulder at the figure at the door.

"Finally girl!" She yelled, pushing past me and wrapping the other blonde into a tight embrace.

"Hey Q." The soft voice spoke, it still sent shivers down my spine.

I stood with my back to her just staring into nothing, my heart was pounding heavily but I didn't feel like I was living. I could feel how wide my eyes were and Berry walked in, waving her hand frantically in front of my face as if it would snap me out of this trance.

"Santana? What's going on?"

She mimicked Q's head movement and craned her neck to look passed my shoulder; her eyes widened as she saw her and a warm smile plastered the brunettes face as she glided over to the blonde, hugging her.

"Brittany, you finally got here. Took you long enough." A giggle erupted from all three of their mouths and I jumped at her name.

I felt an arm press on the crease of my elbow, it sent a spark shooting through my veins and straight into my heart.

"San?"

My body turned and flinched away at the contact instinctively. Piercing blue eyes met mine and the same toothy grin pasted her beautiful face like it always had. Before I could speak my legs buckled underneath me and I felt my forehead connect with the hard wood floor as I faded into the blackness.

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><p><strong>And apologies for the shortness of this chapter, I wanted to end with a little cliffhanger!<strong>

**Thank you for all your reviews on my previous chapters! But please lead me some feedback for this chapter!**


	26. Chapter Twenty Six: Dream

**Thank you so much guys for your feedback! I know I left you hanging on the last chapter and I do apologise but what I was aiming for worked judging by the reviews!**

**Your input is greatly appreciated! Read, review and enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Six: Dream<strong>

I woke up startled in Quinn's spare bedroom. My heart was beating faster than usual and I could feel a sweat form above my brow. I looked up to see a blurred blonde sitting at the edge of my bed, staring at me. I rubbed my eyes to try and erase the blurryness that covered my eyes;

"Q, I just had a fucking crazy dream. I dreamed I came down to you and Berry macking out and then the door rang and I opened it and Britt was there... Then I fainted and it was all so surreal... But it t was so fucking real you know?"

My mouth felt like it was electronically powered like a motor as it kept babbling on. An itch formed at the back of my neck and I removed my hands from my eyes before looking back to the blonde. A hand stroked up my leg and shivers spread throughout my body.

"Whoah Q, no touchy feely. You got Berry for tha..."

My heart stopped, causing my breath to hitch and for me to double over coughing erratically. Sapphire eyes glared at me and suddenly it felt like a pressure had been lifted off my chest, but at the same time I was being crushed. It was like there was too much pain that I'd become immune to it, the dull ache had overwhelmed my body so much that I just couldn't feel it anymore.

"Hey." The blue eyed angel spoke, her hand still sliding up my leg.

"Um.. H-hii."

I said the words awkwardly, not quite believing who was in front of my eyes. I withdrew my leg from under her hand and tucked it, along with my other, under my chin. My mouth dropped open as I studied her perfect features, the high cheekbones, perfectly pink lips, piercing azure eyes and shining golden locks that draped over her shoulder. It barely looked like she'd aged since I saw her.

"You fainted so I brought you up here."

She said, her eyes clouded with something I hadn't seen since the t-shirt incident at our lockers in high school. I recognised it to be sadness.

"This has to be a dream. This is a dream."

I uttered under my breath, wrapping my arms around my legs and hugging them close to my body. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to wake myself. This couldn't be real. I was there, right there, she was dead - completely lifeless on the hospital bed. No heartbeat. No essence of my Brittany.

"San?"

"Don't. You're not here, you're not real. I can't handle losing you again. I barely survived the first time and this dream is so fucking real when I wake up I'm going to fall apart all over again. I just can't B, I can't."

For the first time, since I can remember, I started crying. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I could feel the wound re-opening. The dull ache jumped out of the sewn up gash left by her death and started seeping through my arteries. It attacked my lungs and started suffocating me, closing my airways slowly as I realised that when I woke up she wouldn't be sitting in front of me, looking more beautiful than I remembered - which I thought would be physically impossible.

As I sobbed into my knees, eyes crushed against my caps, long, slender arms wrapped themselves around me and pulled me into a tight embrace. I inhaled, the vanilla and coconut scent that I only knew to well almost intoxicated me. I couldn't help but melt into the hug that I'd longed for for so many years.

"It's not a dream, I'm real. I'm here. Look, you're touching me honey, I'm right here. Always have been."

Her voice was so melodic, it sent a soothing wave crashing over my body - healing any remnent of pain that was left by her death.

"But... You... You died... No... Heartbeat... Breathing... Gone."

I sobbed between each word, taking a quick breath before spitting out the sentence that didn't make sense. Her palms slid to my shoulders, pushing me back and grabbing my face between her hands. I could taste the salty water on my upper lip, her breath washed over my face, sending me into a sea of calm. The tears slowed down as her baby blue eyes stared into my chocolate brown ones. I could see all the memories we'd ever had together run over her mind as her eyes sparkled at me.

"Santana. I'm here."

She pulled me into her chest before lying both of us down. I was curled up against her body, just crying into her shirt. My fists were clenched around her black cardigan and we lay there while I just cried out all the pain I'd bottled up over the last few years, the scars tearing open at the sheer aroma of the blonde underneath me.

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><p>Several hours later, I awoke, in the same position that I'd fallen asleep in. I took a deep breath, and a coconut and vanilla aroma filled my nose. I glanced up, lifting my head slightly to see the beautiful blonde soundly asleep.<p>

**This is real. She's here. Right now, with you. **

"If this is still a dream it's a pretty fucking elaborate one." I muttered to myself.

Slowly, I removed my arms that were in a vice tight grip around her waist and pushed up on my palms. I hovered over her for a few seconds, our faces only inches away and I stared at her, taking in every gorgeous feature on her face. She mumbled in her sleep and turned over on her side, my arms whipped away instantly in order to make sure she didn't wake up.

I tiptoed to the door, darting my eyes backwards to glance at the blonde laying on my bed. It was like I couldn't take my eyes off her, she was just so perfect. I crept down the stairs looking for any sign of life, but as I walked around the house I realised no-one else was in. All I heard was my heart pounding and my heavy breath, there weren't any cars passing on the street outside and I looked for a clock, to realise it was on 4pm. Two minutes later, Berry and Quinn bounded through the door, grocery bags in hand.

"You're awake!" Q grinned, eyeing up my outfit. "And still in PJ's. What were you two doing up there?" A smirk crossed her face and I shot her a blank look.

"Am I dreaming? Like in inception, am I going to wake up. Because Quinn, this isn't something to be taken lightly, the girl asleep upstairs is the love of my life and if this isn't real I need you to slap me."

A hand darted forward and connected with my cheek, a sting formed as the warmth of the palm disappeared just as quickly as it had touched me.

"You said you needed a slap. I've kinda always wanted to slap you without the fear of you attacking me." The tiny brunette stood in front of me smiling.

"I asked Q to slap me, not you hobbit." I spat back at her, but anger didn't flare through me like it would've done in any other situation.

"San..." Q warned, looking at me through narrowed eyes. "You're not in a dream. She's upstairs, you've felt her, she's really there."

"But she's dead."

"What? No she's not." A giggled erupted from her lips and anger flashed through me, she was laughing at me because of what I knew to be true. "What ever made you think that?" Her hand slapped against her thigh as she tried to catch her breath in between the laughter and words.

"I saw her. On the hospital bed. She died, she had no heartbeat." My eyes were widening as I spoke; Berry was standing in between us, darting her eyes between the blonde and myself. "I've spent so many years crying and falling apart, for you to fucking laugh at me and tell me she didn't die!"

"What are you talking about? You left. Oh my god. This has been a huge misunderstanding."

"MISUNDERSTANDING! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!" I yelled, not even bothering to look behind me as I stormed up the stairs towards my bedroom. I slammed the door and the blonde that laid on the bed was no longer peaceful.

"Brittany. What the fuck is going on? You died. And now you're alive. I saw you. I left because you died. I couldn't handle. What. I can't even. How?" I shook my arms around as the words escaped my mouth, they ended up just hanging randomly in the air as I finished my jumbled up sentence.

"Santana, calm down. Obviously I didn't die if I'm sitting here?" She said; her eyes filled with innocence. "You left Santana. I woke up in the hospital, and my mum told me you'd gone. That you just left, with no goodbye."

Her head dipped and a single tear hung off the end of her nose. My instincts caused my body to react before my mind could tell it not too, and my arms were wrapped around her neck, comforting her.

"I saw you on the bed. You were so cold, and there was nothing lively about you. The doctors said.." I thought back, the doctors had never told me anything. It was all Karen, her mom.

"I don't know what the doctors told you San, all I know is that when I woke up - my mom was sitting by my bed and she told me you'd gone. Packed up your bags and just left." The tears streamed down her cheeks and I brushed the back of my fingers up against her skin, wiping them away.

"Your mom, she told me... She said you died. And when I went in, you were lying on the bed completely lifeless."

"But I didn't die. The doctors told me when I woke up that I was braindead, that I might never have woken up again. But I could still feel everything, a bright light shone inside my mind and I heard your voice. You spoke to me and told me to run away from the light."

I processed her words; looking deep into her eyes to see the honesty that ran behind them. She was telling the truth, every single word.

"You're really here?" I stroked her cheek, feeling her warm skin. Her soft fingers cupped my wrist as she brought it down to her chest to feel her heartbeat.

"I'm here Santana. My heart is beating."

The walls I'd spent so long building suddenly crumbled; I looked into the piercing blue eyes and saw everything I'd missed for so long. The hole in my heart no longer felt like a huge gaping wound, she'd somehow patched it up, sewn me back together with just her presence. I wrapped my arms around her neck, inhaling her scent one more time before standing up and heading downstairs.

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><p>As soon as I got there, Faberry were snuggled on the sofa. They both turned and their faces lit up as we walked in the room.<p>

"Q. Look who it is." Berry said, scrunching her huge beak at us.

"Shut it dwarf." I snapped, shooting her the dirty eye.

"Fabray. Why didn't you tell me she was alive." I was genuinely angry, I could feel it flaring up inside of me. "You could have saved me many nights of..."

"I tried! So many times! But you cut me off. I just thought you didn't want to hear about her." She shrugged; the realisation that this was all my fault set in and the anger disappeared. "Exactly." Her eyes narrowed with her words.

"Sorry." I dipped my head, and turned my gaze to the floor.

"It's okay. Although I do apologise if I led you to believe false information." She replied, giving me an apologetic look. The only response I could give her was a small smile. I turned my head to look at the blonde standing next to me and it took my breath away, the feeling overwhelmed me as I looked to my best... girl...

**Wait, what does this mean for you two?**

As if Q had just read my mind, she rose from the sofa and took Berry's hand. They headed towards the door and turned back before unlocking it.

"We'll leave you two alone for a bit." I saw a smirk plaster across her face as she and Berry exited. We stood there awkwardly, but the sound of my stomach rumbling broke it.

"Let's make you breakfast." She smiled before heading to the kitchen. A few minutes later the aroma of melted chocolate and pancakes wafted through the house, and a few minutes after that a stacked plate of chocolate chip pancakes were in front of me. I hadn't realise how hungry I was, and I stared at them with awe as a piece of drool slipped out my mouth. A pale hand with a tissue sprung out from my side and wiped it away.

"You big baby." She teased, before I started giggling histerically - something I hadn't expected to be doing.

"Ssssssh." I replied, scrunching my nose at her.

Butterflies bounced against the sides of my stomach as I stared into her beautiful blue eyes. Everything started going in slow mo as my eyes flickered to her lips, which were currently being moistened with her tongue. The way she did it was so enticing, I had to force myself from jumping on her right then and there. Her hand hovered by my cheek slightly longer than necessary, I could see the lust flow behind her piercing azure orbs. She was feeling everything I was feeling, I could hear her heartbeat quicken, in sync with mine as her face inched closer and closer to mine. Her hot breath was caressing my skin, sending shivers down my spine.

**Don't do it Santana. Don't let her in again.**

"So, Britt..." I said after coughing, trying to snap us back in to reality. "...What's new with you?"

Her head retreated, her expression unsure of what to answer.

"Well, actually..."

Her eyes darted back and fourth from the door to my eyes as they turned slightly grey. I felt my heart sink as I waited for her to tell me about her husband and three kids.

"... I'm a dance teacher at Little Lima Dance Studios which is actually mine, and I live in a studio apartment about 3 blocks from it, so it's in walking distance." Her eyes met mine once more through thick lashes, they were shining a little brighter than before, but there was still an edge of greyness.

**Don't read too much into it. She's changed, what you knew about her years ago isn't necessarily going to be the same now.**

"Wow B! You own your own dance studio! That's awesome!" I sprung up out of my seat to pull her into a hug, and immediately realised what I was doing so I dropped my arms to my side. We weren't the same as we had been before the accident, I didn't see any love that once filled her eyes, I didn't feel as comfortable as I once had. There was now an uncomfortable air that surrounded us, and I just couldn't figure out why. Her words sunk in and out of nowhere I was being dragged back through time in my mind to when we'd discussed our future plans...

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><p><em>"San, what's your dream? What do you wanna be when you grow up?" Britt's fingertips gently tickled up and down my arm, sending shivers down my spine.<em>

_**To be with you, forever.**_

_My inner monologue spoke the words I couldn't say, so I came up with another response;_

_"Umm. I don't really know. I love singing and dancing, but no-one dreams of becoming a superstar ever come true so I don't really know." _

_I turned in her embrace to face her. My body was pressed up against hers, our hipbones clashing together. I craned my neck to press my lips to her jawline, slowly darting my tongue out every now and then to brush against her soft, creamy skin._

_"I wanna dance. Like for money. But not on a pole, not that kind of dancing." _

_I leant back to press a small but sweet kiss to the corner of her mouth before meeting her stare._

_"Yeah, you don't wanna do that." I whispered into her lips, which were only millimetres away from my own. "I'd get jealous." I caught her bottom lip between my teeth and gave it a little tug before pressing my lips to hers softly but quickly. Her fingertips were still tracing invisible lines up and down my arms, sending sparks jolting through my skin._

_"I want to own a dance studio. Like have my own place where I could teach people to dance. Maybe teach kids or something." I could tell she wasn't catching where I wanted to go with my kissing, so I returned my lips to her neck, nibbling and sucking gently on the sensitive spot below her earlobe._

_"Well there you go then. You know what to do. You could have little Brittany's and teach them too." I giggled into her neck, tracing my tongue up and down her neck._

_"I wouldn't name our kids Brittany, Lord Tubbington would get confused." A childish smile spread across her face. I smiled into her skin at the way she said 'our'. She wanted to be with me forever, just like I did with her._

_"Hey you never know, if I ever get famous I'll buy you your own dance studio." I giggled, she copied my giggle and rolled me over so she was on top of me, grinding her hips whilst assaulting my neck with her lips._

_"I want be married beforehand."She pulled back and stared into my eyes. "To you."_

_Shivers ran through my spine as fear crept over me. She'd always wanted us to be together, and I knew in her head she'd mapped out the rest of our lives together. But something nagged at me at the back of my mind telling me otherwise. I didn't have a response, so I pressed my lips to hers. Our lips locked together, moving in sync. And that's where they stayed for the rest of the night._

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><p>"I would ask you about your life, but judging by the radio and TV, you finally made your dream come true." She murmured, not turning to face me.<p>

**My real dream didn't come true.**

I shook my head to try and hoped the whispering in the back of my brain would somehow just slip out. Britt was washing up the pan she'd used to cook me breakfast before turning to face me and leaning her butt against the counter, drying her hands with a dry dish cloth.

"So um... are you seeing anyone?" She questioned, dipping her head.

"No, I'm um..."

**Still in love you with you.**

"..Single."A flush brushed my cheeks, I knew if I looked up she'd be giggling at the embarrasment that plastered my face.

"Oh, right." My eyes flickered up to meet hers, the grey had returned in her eyes, a darker shade than before. "San I need to te.."

The front door swung open and Puck strolled in unannounced. It still surprised me to see him with a full head of hair.

"Ladies!" A smirk crossed his face, he was still the same old perv he'd always been. "What are you two up to?"

As Britt turned away he winked at me, I shot him down immediately by pasting my face with my signature scowl.

"Nothing. What are you doing here?"

"Was just looking for my ex wife actually." He took a few steps into the living room before plopping himself down on the couch with a thud. "Oh and that reminds me, Britt? Artie called, asked what time you'd be home for dinner."

"Artie? Wha..." I stopped in my tracks, turning to watch Brittany as an guilty expression covered her face. "You and Wheels are back together?"

Her eyes widened; guilt danced across her face. I smiled at her through the tears, swallowing harshly to try and push the lump that had risen in my throat down.

"Oh shit." Pucks eyes widened, apologetically smiling at me. "I'm just gonna go now."

He'd obviously realised that he'd just dropped Britt in it. My heart sank and the I feel like I'd just been bashed several times round the face with a mace.

**Of course she's moved on. She wasn't going to wait forever.**

Puck exited faster than I'd ever seen him exit anywhere before, and that included all those nights where he'd just wanted a hook up. Britt turned towards me, opening her mouth to explain.

"San..."

"I'm happy for you." I forced another grin; sucking in all the pain and trying to make my eyes smile, as that was the thing she was currently studying.

"How long have you been together then?" I added, taking a huge gulp of air. It rushed down my airway as the pain that had pitted in the bottom of my stomach clawed it's way up my throat. I could feel the tears trying to force themselves out of my ducts, but I wouldn't let them.

"Santana I know you don't wanna talk about this." She took a few steps forward, instinctively I moved backwards the same amount.

"No." I replied too quickly, I had to cover it up. "I want to, come on, we used to be best friends, we can talk about anything." I forced another grin, using the 'best friend' shot was low, but I knew what effect it would take. I watched the hurt cloud her expression as she pretended to be excited about telling me the details.

"We've been married 7 months."

**Oh shit.**

I was caught off guard with the married statement. I choked on the biscuit I was currently consuming. "Married? Wow Britt. That's..."

**Wrong, you should be with me.**

"...Brilliant. Guess your dreams came true as well then, married and owning your own dance studio. Everything you'd ever planned." Another smile managed to force its way past the sadness that dwelled beneath my skin.

"Congratulations B."

I stood, wrapping my arms around her neck. I could feel the pain rising from the pit of my stomach and spreading throughout my body, leaving deep gashes wherever it touched. I was still stupidly and horridly in love with someone who could and would never be mine. And that type of pain was something that wasn't ever going to fade with time or drowned with copious amounts of alcohol - because I knew the love I felt for her, would never disappear.

She was happy, and that's what I wanted for her - I loved her enough to want that for her, even if it came at the price of my own happiness. Even if it wasn't me that kissed her goodnight, or wrapping my arms around her before we went to sleep. Even if it meant that I wasn't the one telling her how much I loved her, as long as she was smiling, that was enough for now.

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><p><strong>Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! I'm not to sure about it myself!<strong>


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven: Fight

**Thank you so much for all your reviews! You've all been a great help and I do apologise for not updating sooner but I've been busy recently, but I hope this chapter makes up for it! Read, review and enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Seven: Fight<strong>

_"Sanny, I'm bored."_

_Fingertips tickled up and down my arm, tracing circles on my covered shoulder before going over its previous line._

_"Sannnnyyyyyyy."_

_Britt spoke from my chest, her head rested on my stomach. I loved doing this, pretending to be asleep when she was awake. She'd always whisper little things that she thought I never heard, but I did._

_"Sannnnn. Hmph." Her hand removed itself from my arm, my skin now tingled, missing her soft touch. The bed dipped either side of me as I felt her straddle me, her palm pressing firmly against my taut stomach, bunching my t-shirt up underneath my breasts. I jumped slightly at the contact, and she knew I was awake. I could feel her breasts push firmly against my own as she leant in towards me, her breath became hotter as it waved over my bottom lip. _

_"Fine, I guess I'll have to come up with another way to wake you up." She whispered suggestively before pressing her lips to mine quickly. I yearned at the taste as she pulled away._

_"Hm, still nothing." She giggled, her chest rumbling against my own. I felt her lips press on my neck and her tongue sliding over the skin, causing goosebumps to rise. They traced up towards my ear, sweeping over my earlobe before whispering;_

_"I know you're awake." Her tongue traced along my jawline pressing her soft, sumptuous lips met my own. I kept my lips still, using every inch of strength I had in my body._

_"Oh, alright then." Rejection edged in her tone, and as she pulled away I caught her bottom lip between my own. I felt her smile into the kiss and swept my tongue along the middle of her lips, she granted access and her tongue met mine, massaging it softly. We kissed until we couldn't breathe any more, and we parted, instantly missing each others lips. I turned my face to glance at the clock and her lips pressed against my neck once again, assaulting it with her tongue._

_"B it's 3 o'clock in the morning."_

_"I know, and I was bored." She said innocently, quickly staring into my eyes before returning to my neck._

_"Well, seeing as I'm awake and all..." I murmured into her hair, pressing against her and flipping her onto her back. I laid in between her legs - our heated centres pressed together as her legs wrapped around my waist. My lips met hers and we locked together, caressing each others lips with our tongues. Her hands were now running up and down my sides, my night shirt remained bunched up by my shoulders._

_"S, we can't." She murmured into my lips, knowing where this would lead._

_"Uh huh..." I kissed her again, not being convinced by her words._

_"No, really. We can't." I pulled back examining her face, her cheeks reddened and I shot her a curious look. "Look in the corner."_

_I pushed myself up by my palms, a chill reached my stomach as I immediately missed the contact. My eyes glanced around the room, adjusting to the darkness when I saw a young blonde child, curled up by Lord Tubbington under a pale pink blanket._

_"Why is Lydia in here?" I asked, nodding towards her little sister._

_"Sometimes she gets scared, and she sleeps next to Lord Tubbington - but he won't sleep anywhere except my room, so she just comes in here."_

_"Not to offend her or anything; but I really wish she wasn't here right now." I whispered seductively into the blonde ears, cupping my hand around her heated mound. She clenched her thighs, flinching at the touch and a moan escaped her lips._

_"Santana..." She used my full name, and I knew she meant business when she did. I pulled away my hand, tracing it around her belly button instead._

_"Alright, snuggles?" I asked, slightly disappointed at her demand but none the less, I was still with the most beautiful girl in the world. She nodded and I slid off her, pressing my chest against her back and hugging my arms around her waist, pulling her into the spooned embrace. Her hand pressed against the back of my hand, which laid on her stomach, and intertwined our fingers. My lips met her neck as I heard her breaths slow, knowing she was falling into a deep sleep._

_"I love you Brittany Susan Pierce, never forget that. Forever and always." I hugged her tighter, feeling her heart pound just a little quicker than usual. Whispered words left her mouth as I felt myself drifting;_

_"Always and forever." Smiling, I let myself fall into a deep slumber._

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><p>I pulled the warmth in front of my tighter; opening my eyes I noticed a white fluffy pillow tied into my embrace. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness set in as I clutched my pillow tighter; attempting to squeeze out the pain. But nothing. I felt hollow, and empty, almost like when I thought Britt had died; except this was worse. Because no matter how hard I cried; no matter how much I wanted her, she wasn't by my side right now, cuddling me and telling me everything would be better.<p>

It sounds awful, but her death was probably easier to deal with - because it wasn't her choice not to be with me, she never had a say because it was taken away from her. But this, her being married to Artie, was so much fucking harder, it'd only been a day since I found out and I wasn't sure if I could get through the next 24 hours. This was her choice, not being with me was her choice. She didn't want me, even after everything we had had together, she just didn't love me anymore. She moved on, and I'd been left behind, still stuck in the goddamn fucking place I'd been for the last seven years of my life. Ever since I realise how in love with her I truely was.

The crippling pain shot through my body, attacking every fibre in my body and slashing it with every memory. I twisted and turned, trying to make it disappear somehow. I was being internally tortured by something that couldn't be physically removed. Instead of wallowing I picked up my phone, glancing at the clock quickly.

**It's only 4am.**

A couple of rings came out the phone and the person picked up;

"Jen?"

She coughed, clearing her throat before answering -I'd woken her up. "Santana? I mean Miss Lopez. What's wrong?" Her tone was urgent, she was already worrying.

"Nothing. Just rang to tell you to clear my schedule. I'm staying here for another week. I'll be back a week tomorrow."

"But where am I supposed to say you are? The press are gonna be all over this if you just disappear for a week?"

"You're my PA, you deal with it. Ask Buzz and if necessary hire a PR. Thank you. Goodnight."

I snapped the phone shut, annoyance ran throughout my body. Jen was a lot like Berry in high school - but an older version so even worse. She always had to have everything the way she liked it; she always took over everything, even if it wasn't to do with her and she wore awful novelty jumpers with reindeers or horses on them. They were in fashion once, but even Berry was a tad too late on that.

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><p>We'd met up at Lima Bean the next day, with the rest of the gang and Britt had decided it'd be nice to go back to her and Artie's house for a dip in the pool. My heart sank as I knew this was the enemies territory, and I wasn't sure I could handle it. But I sucked in a deep breath and drove to her house, pulling up behind Mike's black SUV. The house was bigger than I thought, a large white building with pillars supposedly holding up the ceiling. The windows were covered with window baskets filled with healthy flowers. The garage had a room over the top of it and a square, mechanical box connected to the side. Which I assumed was for Wheels as he couldn't get up stairs. I giggled at the thought and Tina turned around to question my laugh.<p>

"You coming San?" Tina yelled, beckoning me with her hand.

"I'll be in, in two minutes."

I forced a smile, she smiled back not acknowledging the fakeness of it. The other couple headed in and I pressed my back against my car, closing my eyes and basking in the sunshine for a minute or so. Just preparing myself for the pain I was about to greet. Pictures of her and Artie were going to be all over the house, there was no way of escaping them. Their wedding pictures, party pictures, their shared belongings - everything to do with both of them together, happily. I flinched at the ache that caused my heart to throb once more, I could actually hear my pulse beat heavily through my ears.

I pushed off the car with my foot, heading towards the big white I entered, I was greeted with a floral aroma, my eyes glanced around the room and I spotted several types of flowers. Britt was standing behind me as I was examining the many different floral arrangements that were just in the the foyer.

"San?" She interrupted my line of thought, I turned to meet her piercing blue eyes, wincing at the slight shock that ran through my heart when I looked at her.

"Sorry, just looking at the flowers. They're beautiful. Hobby of yours or something?" I asked, fixating my gaze on the blondes beautiful body which was currently barely covered. A halter neck turqoise bikini top covered her breasts, and she was wearing a denim short skirt on the bottom. She watched my gaze and I saw her cheeks redden slightly.

"Yeah, I took it up after the accident." A sigh escaped her lips, and she threw her gaze to the floor, focusing on something imaginary.

"Wow, well they're amazing B. Especially that one over there…" I pointed to an arrangement centred on a corner table which was highlighted under a light. It was distinctively familiar to one I'd seen before, but I just couldn't place where. "That's my favourite."

"Really? Mine too." She smiled adoringly, causing my heart to swell and ache.

"Well I had inspiration for that one. There are some gardenias, honeysuckle, white and blue hyacinth, orchid and of course my favourite flower, white lilies, all in that arrangement." I was suprised by the own tone in my voice. My mind started throbbing as I kept finding out things that I never knew, about a girl who I thought was my best friend.

"White lilies? Really?" I asked, flickering my eyes between the arrangement and the beautiful blonde, deciding internally which was more beautiful.

**Do you really even have to think about it?**

"Well the white lily is linked to Juno, the queen of the gods in Roman mythology. By the story that while nursing her son Hercules, some excess milk fell from the sky creating the group of stars we call the Milky Way, and lilies were created from what milk fell to the earth. The message given by them is that it's 'heavenly to be with you'."

She flickered her eyes at me through thick, blackened lashes. My knees felt like they were about to crumble as my heart melted. I swallowed hard, trying to muster some saliva in my bone dry mouth. One arm was crossed over her body, clutching onto the elbow of the opposite which hung straight by her side. Her palm washed over her skin as we just stood there in silence; gazing into each others eyes from across the room. She turned away and exited through the open patio doors. I was met with an embrace from behind by creamy, smooth skinned arms - Quinn.

"Gardenias mean sweet love, honeysuckle stands for bonded love, white hyacinth signifies loveliness and prayer, blue hyacinth means constancy and orchid is rare beauty, love and refinement. The whole arrangement put together is just one hell of a rush of emotion. To recieve that would be bigger than devoting your entire life and love to the person." I giggled, pulling away from Q and turning to meet her gaze, slightly flabbergasted.

"Damn Q, where'd you learn about flowers?" A giggle erupted through her lips, her brilliantly white teeth gleamed at me.

"Haha. I don't, but Britt never stopped going on about that particular one. There's a significant meaning behind it or something, I don't know. She mumbles a lot. Anyway, come on San! Get your bikini on and get yo' Latina butt in the pool." She lightly tapped my shoulder before walking passed me and exiting through the same door Britt had done, only minutes before.

* * *

><p>I changed into my bikini top and tight swimming short shorts in the spare bathroom before walking out into the backyard. Puck, Finn and Mike dropped their glasses, a clang rang as the plastic cups hit the concrete, throughout the warm summer air as I stepped out. A sharp slap followed as Tina's hand connected with Mike's bare back, and he flinched at the pain, but never taking his eyes off me. I let a smirk paste my face as I looked up through my eyelashes to seek the blonde I wanted to see. Britt's face was filled with lust as I exited, her brilliantly blue eyes were wide as I flicked my hair behind me, which had been loosened from it's ponytail so it flowed naturally over my bare shoulders. I almost heard the large gulp from across the pool she took when I chewed on my bottom lip seductively, and flustered my eyelashes a couple of times.<p>

**Even you know how hot you look right now. **

I saw Artie's gaze dart between the two of us next; his expression was unsure. I took a few steps and lowered myself to the ground as I approached the pool. Berry and Quinn were already inside, cuddling and giggling as Rachels hand tickled up her sides. I shook my head, smiling at them before Q looked at me and scrunched her nose. My feet entered the cool water and a muscular figure sat beside me, who I instantly recognised to be Puck.

"Damn girl you still got it." He smirked, eyeing my up and down.

"I play for your team, remember?" I said, tilting my head subtley towards the blue eyed blonde that was currently talking to a cripple on the far side of the garden.

"At least give me one more attempt to change your mind." He winked at me, nudging me playfully with his elbow.

"Wanna drink?" He added, staring at me innocently.

"No to the first question, and definitely to the next. I'm gonna needs me some liquor to get through this." I claimed, my eyes flicking to the married couple and back to Puck.

"Okay, be back in a sec S." He added, whirling up and heading towards the bar, too quick to add what I actually wanted to drink. He returned just as quickly clutching a bottle of Pinot Grigio and a wine glass. My eyebrows furrowed as I studied the single wine glass.

"Not having any?"

"I'm a beer man." He raised a bottle of Budweiser and tapping it to the corner of his forehead.

"Plus you look like you could do with an entire bottle to start off with."

He added, pouring my out a glass. We both took a sip of our beverage in silence and I watched him examine Britt and Artie, who were cuddling over the other side of the pool. I swished my feet around in the water, creating ripples where my legs touched, attempting to ignore Puck's obvious glare as if they saw, it would seem like we were talking about them.

"So Santana… How you gonna get your girl back?" He questioned, not bothering to look me in the eye as he took another swig.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes as I was completely taken a back by his question.

"C'mon, you're not gonna let him get away with this are you?" He said, now meeting my stare.

"It's never been about Bartie, Brittana all the fucking way."

"Oh god, you didn't seriously just make up nicknames did you?" I grinned toothily at how dorky he'd become.

"Haha, nah. We've been saying them for years." He added, gulping down the remains of his beer.

"We?" A curious expression pasted my face as I turned my attention to him once more.

"Yeah, myself, Q, Berry, Chang, Cohen-Chang, Cedes, Kurt, Blaine. Y'know everyone. We all knew that as soon as they were hitched you'd be back soon enough. They were never gonna last."

"Wow. Looks like you had a plan that involved me without me even knowing. Jheeze Noah." I giggled, sipping on my wine which I'd realised was now only a quarter full.

"Seriously San? You're not even gonna try?" His brows furrowed and his eyes were wide, he wouldn't understand unless there was some way of showing him my view.

"Look at her Puck, she's happy."

We both turned our glance to the couple, who were giggling. Britt was sitting on Wheels, her hand running up Artie's bare chest before cupping behind his neck and kissing him squarely on the lips. As I turned back to face Puck, I watched a sad smile cross her face as she's noticed our staring.

"That's all I've ever wanted, her happiness. And she has it, so who am I to destroy that?" I shrugged, the words cutting through me as they left my mouth.

"Santana even you know that girl is never gonna be as happy with him as she was with you. You two, are soulmates. Come on, what you have…"

"Had." I cut in, stopping his sentence before his finger pushed against my lips, stopping my interruptions.

"…Anyway, what you have, is the most epic love I've ever witnessed. You two are just meant to be y'know?"

He added, his words were so sincere. I'd never known Puckerman as this grown up, this adult.

"Well, I thought that once but I mean, I'm not enough for her anymore I guess. She doesn't love me anymore."

I dipped my head, focusing on the water in front of me whilst trying to restrain the water that was attempting to escape from my eyelids. I could see that he couldn't fight my last statement; because he didn't know anything about Britt and how she felt.

"This is not the Santana fucking Lopez that I know. Jheeze, man up. You've gotta fight for her, and you're sure as hell gonna do that as long as I'm around. Go get your girl."

He added, before pushing me into the water, face first. I shot up, flicking my head about ravenously trying to remove the chlorine that stung my eyes with my fingertips.

"You're seriously going to pay for that Puckerman."

I spat jokingly, a cheeky grin pasted his face as I grabbed his hand and yanked him into the pool beside me. We played in the water for a bit like a couple of horny teenagers before making out and fucking several times the same night. However we left the kissing and sex out and just continued having a water fight for a solid hour.

* * *

><p><em>I awoke, the flowers; the special arrangement of gardenias, lillies, honeysuckle etc. They were on a side table, only inches away from my face. The aroma stung my nostrils as it intruded into my airwaves, sinking into my lungs. I couldn't make out where I was, it was dark and the only light available was the moonlight which seeped in through the cracks of the blinds. My body stung as a I felt a soft palm graze my arm. I cracked my eyes open to meet brilliantly blue eyes, she leant forward - our noses only inches apart.<em>

_"Remember." She whispered staring into my creamy chocolate eyes._

_"Remember what Britt?" Her hand met mine, intertwining our fingers and pulling away, pressing her soft lips to my forehead._

_"Remember." She repeated, before backing away and disappearing into the darkness._

_"Britt!" I yelled, my voice trailing off at the end._

* * *

><p><strong>What the hell was that about?<strong>

My brain asked before I could fully function. I woke in a cold sweat, the drips hovering on my brow. I wiped them away with the back of my hand before my mind clicked.

**White lilies. The arrangement.**

I squeezed my eyes shut, imagining the flowers in a different place. The walls were white, the room smelt so clean. A sour, yet sterile taste filled my mouth, causing my mouth to dry.

**The hospital. She was there.**

I sprung up from the bed, throwing back the sheets and sprinting downstairs. I skidded as my feet hit the hardwood floor, but I managed to regain my footing before falling over completely. I approached the side table, the arrangement shining brilliantly in the moonlight. My fingertips wandered over the top of the white lilies, pressing lightly to make sure none of petals fell off.

**She was at the hospital with you. The sobbing, it was her.**

My eyes flickered over the different flowers, studying each of the flowers and remembering Quinn's words...

_Gardenias mean sweet love.._

_Honeysuckle stands for bonded love.._

_Blue hyacinth represents constancy.._

_To recieve that would be bigger than devoting your  
>entire life and love to the person..<em>

_Britt never stopped going on about that particular one,  
>there's a signficant meaning behind it or something.<em>

The words flowed through my mind, I couldn't make any sense of it. What the hell was she playing at?

**She never said anything to you; she never mentioned being with you. What is she playing at? She has Artie. She loves him, not you. It's a bunch of flowers, don't read into it too fucking much. She didn't stay with you, she chose him. Again. Deal with it.**

The words left several more gashes on my heart, I cringed at the pain. Clutching at my chest whilst squeezing my eyes; trying to make sense of her actions. My knees crumbled and I fell to the floor, my fists balled up with handfuls of my night shirt in them, before I knew it I started sobbing.

I heard a gasp behind me, I spun around to meet a blue glare. Her eyes were bright and beautiful in this light. She stood there, playing with her hands. I watched her read my mind and she sighed heavily.

"These were by my hospital bedside in Green Valley when I was there." She stepped forward, raising her hands towards me after processing my words.

"San..."

"What Britt? What do you have to say? I was out fucking cold in a hospital for months, waking up with no-one beside me only to find out you were, and never left anything." My voice was raising, and I lowered it slightly - making sure not to wake up Wheels. Not that he could get down the stairs.

"I did... I... The mustang." She replied, her eyes welling up. Guilt immediately washed over me as I watched her trying to fight the tears.

"That's not what I meant. I woke up lonely, and stayed that way for months, no scratch that, years."

"I did stay with you, I was by your side for three months. The doctor told me there was only a 6% chance that you were ever going to wake up again."

"Right, so you decided to leave me anyway? Leaving a fucking plant as a replacement?" I snapped, tears formed in my own eyes.

"Not as a replacement! No San!" Her hands reached forward apologetically, I flinched away from them, shaking my head.

"And then you just came back to marry Wheels is that what you're saying. 3 months and you gave up on me?"

"Santana, I didn't give up on you."

"Yeah proved that. Hey did you know when I woke up my Latina nurse had to tell me that I woke up on Christmas Day on my own." Her eyes saddened, the tears continued to stream down her cheeks.

"No, you're right. You gave up on us." I spat; adrenaline pumped through my veins causing the anger to feel more intense than it probably should have. She opened her mouth, but words failed to escape her lips.

"Sanny... Please." She managed to squeak out in between sobs, she took two steps forward and this time I stood my ground, clenching my fists.

"Don't call me Sanny."

My tongue pushed behind my teeth, it was like venom was rising at the back of my throat. It prepared me and I felt like a coiled snake about to spring. She reached out her hands to grab my balled up fists, I stood completely still as her eyes bored into mine. Red rings coated hers and a sympathetic look was written all over my face. I fought my instincts; the urge to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't, I didn't know if everything was going to be alright. For the first time in my life, I couldn't imagine a future with her - even during her so called 'death', I could imagine wrapping my arms around her, pulling her close to my waist while we sat on the beach watching the sunset.

"Can you just tell me something?" I said, swallowing loudly and squeezing my eyes shut. I took the silence as a yes and continued;

"How did you do it?" A confused expression pasted across her face, her eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed.

"How did you move on? How did you forget about everything we had?" I pulled my fists out of her soft palms, immediately missing her touch.

"How did you manage to erase all of those memories from your mind? How could you just let our love go? Even after everything, how could you even want too."

My voice broke, causing me to gulp deeply - I knew I was crumbling. She sobbed even harder this time, falling to her knees as her legs gave way. She tugged on my wrists but her touch felt like a flame, I hissed and took a step back, but she grabbed hold once more.

"San... Santan..." I stared down at her; the golf ball sized lump lodged itself in my throat once more, and my mouth quivered as I fought back the tears that were coming.

"No Brittany. I guess I just grew too comfortable with you." Her head tilted, I met her brilliantly beautiful eyes which were glazed with tears, causing them to sparkle.

"I thought you'd always be mine, I thought you'd always be there. But I guess I was wrong."

I yanked my wrists from her grasp, her breath hitch as I brushed passed her. I fought the whispers in the back of my head telling me to run back and hold her in my arms, knowing I would just crumble into her . When I reached the bedroom I was staying in, I threw everything of mine that I could find into my suitcase, shrugging on a pair of grey sweat pants in the process and yanking up my hair into a Cheerio ponytail.

Three knocks rapped against the wooden door frame as I stood outside Q's bedroom. I heard muffles coming from inside the room and I wiped the back of my hand against my cheek, removing the tears that wre hovering over my skin. The door cracked open and Q stood there, rubbing her eyes and squinting at me.

"San?" She questioned.

"Sorry Q, I know it's late." I said, bringing my hands together into a clutch.

"What time is it?" I dragged my phone out my pocket, clicking it once to reveal the time.

"Um like 4am or something. Look, I've gotta go now, home." I said, her eyes widened and curiosity plastered her face.

"Why?"

**Lie. Lie to her. **

"Jen called, I've got a press conference and some stuff to do. Fame calls." I answered, managing to force a smile. She studied my face for a second, crooking her head to the side.

"Right. Okay. Are you sure you can't stay til the morning at least?" She questioned, I heard Berry call her name from the bed, Q's armed moved and I assumed she was holding a finger up to say 'hold on'.

"Nah I can't sorry Q. But thank you so much for having me, and tell the rest of the guys it's been amazing seeing them. You can come visit me anytime you like, don't be strangers."

Another smile crossed my face and I thought to myself I probably should've taken up acting as well as singing. I wrapped my arms around her warm body, it was only then til I realised how cold I was. She flinched at the touch but didn't mention anything.

"Okay San, thanks for coming. And you too, don't be a stranger." She muttered into my ear, kissing my hair before backing away. "Do you want me to come see you to the door?"

**Britt might still be down there. Say no.**

"No it's cool, I know where to go." I strained to push a smile on to my face, but I managed and turned around heading downstairs, bags in hand. The sound of the door shutting behind me caused another swell to form in my chest. I reached the bottom step and stood in the silent hallway, glancing round to see where Britt was. She was still kneeling in the same position in the middle of the living room as I entered, and her head turned to meet my stare.

"I can't just be your friend B. I'm going to eventually want more. I won't be able to stand seeing you with him any longer. It won't work and I'll end up getting hurt again, and I can't do it. The thought of losing you again is the worst thing imaginably possible and I can't fight for you anymore. I'm just not strong enough anymore."

I whispered into the night, my voice deep and honest. I swallowed heavily again and I glared into her usually bright blue eyes. However right now, they had a deep shade of grey covering them. I watched her as they welled again and the tears spilt over her cheek, causing her creamy skin to glisten in the moonlight. I stood there, just staring at her before my heart wrenched - the ache clawing its way back up my throat. It felt like a knife twisting in my stomach and stabbing through my heart, destroying my organs one by one.

As I opened the front door, a cool breeze connected with my skin - causing goosebumps to rise all over my body. I gave one final look to the broken blonde on the floor as I exited, her eyes willing me to stay.

"Forever and always." I breathed, closing the door behind me. It took all the strength I had to clamber into my car, start the engine and drive off - knowing there was so much more to say.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading! Please take a minute just to review this chapter as you guys give me all inspiration!<strong>


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight: Don't Forget

**The thanks go to Demi Lovato as it inspired this chapter! Thank you for the reviews and I hope you enjoy reading!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Eight: Don't Forget<strong>

It'd been over a month since I'd left Lima. The pain had slightly subsided, but the ache remained. It was the night of the MTV awards and I was at a salon on 53rd street. Hands were pulling at my face, dabbing and smothering it in make-up whilst someone was fiddling with my hair, combing and pruning it. I stared at myself in the mirror, watching as I was transformed from looking groggy and depressed to someone who was living the high life. It's crazy how much a layer of foundation and mascara can do to someone.

"Your eyes are puffy but there is not much I can do about that." A strong french voice spoke; I turned to meet the disappointed glare of my make-up artist Pierre. I shrugged and pushed up off the chair, recovering myself as I slipped on the hairdressing gown I was wearing. Pierre huffed, muttured something in french and walked off in a strop.

"Where are you going?" Jen questioned, looking at me over her glasses that were perched on the end of her nose. I headed towards the back door of the salon before turning to answer her question;

"For an orgy, what does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped; narrowing my eyes at her. She was stunned by my answer, her eyes widened.

"I'm going for fresh air. Is that okay with you mommy?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yes." She returned to her magazine that she was intently reading, ignoring my sarcasm.

I pushed open the heavy metal door, entering an alley. I whipped out a packet of cigarettes, ever since I'd left Lima I'd taken up smoking. However I knew I was only doing it as a release. Snapping open the silver zippo in my pocket, I lit the stick, sucking in a huge gulp of the nicotine. My tense shoulders relaxed as I felt the smoke sink into my lungs, each drag was like a tiny massage by itself.

My phone vibrated in my pocket twice and I took it out, examining it before reading the text that popped up on the screen.

_Good luck tonight. We're all rooting for you.  
>Q xxx<em>

My nerves creeped over my body, shuddering my frame as I realised most of Lima was probably going to be watching me walk down the red carpet. I could just imagine all of them, lined up in front of the TV with popcorn, 'ooh-ing' and 'aah-ing' at the celebrities that walked before me. I could just imagine Brittany and Artie sitting hand in hand, laughing at me - the rejected girl who crawled back to her fame after having her heart broken.

**Fucking guys.**

* * *

><p>Two hours later and I was travelling in a black sedan, the windows tinted so I was hidden from all the cameras. I looked down at my dress, it was deep purple, with one shoulder strap draping over my shoulder and it reached the floor, trailing behind me. My bust was covered by one piece of ruffled fabric, and pushing it up, enhancing my best feature. I ran my fingers gently over my hair, which currently felt rock hard due to the amount of hairspray the hairdresser had used. It drapped gently over my left shoulder, leaving my strapped shoulder bare.<p>

Lights started flashing ferociously outside the car, I knew I'd arrived and that I would be interviewed about my life and every little detail to do with music and my intentions with life.

**I just want to be left alone.**

I exhaled through my nose fast, as if I was supposed to giggle to myself. Jen turned to look at me, she was in a dark grey blazer and smart skirt, and scribbling into a notebook - probably something unimportant.

"Nervous?" She asked, not looking up at me.

"Nope. Not at all." I lied, my defence mechanism kicked in after sensing weakness. I shook my head slightly, but not enough for Jen to notice.

"Ready for your performance?"

I cringed slightly; the thought of singing the song I'd written about Brittany to an entire audience live scared the crap out of me.

"As much as I'll ever be." I replied calmly, fighting the slight sweat that was trying to crawl out of my skin.

"Good. Come on then, we're here." She muttered something unintelligible before the drivers door opened and slammed. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, mumbling to myself.

**You'll be fine. Take deep breaths.**

As soon as Buzz opened the door, all my nerves disappeared because I knew what I had to do. Look hot and say all the right things, well that's what Jen told me. I heard Buzz shut the door and adrenaline pumped through my veins. There were hundreds of fans lined up behind metal fences by the red carpet just yelling my name. I grinned at any that I made contact with, and winked at one guy who was holding a sign which read 'MARRY ME SANTANA! I'LL BE FOREVER YOURS!' - he collapsed two seconds later.

Jen directed me to several journalists armed with microphones and cameras and they asked all the same questions about the music video and songs, I replied smiling at the camera and saying everything a happy 24 year old superstar is supposed too. I came to the final interview before attending the awards, I glanced around to see who else was on the red carpet and I noticed several people - Jennifer Lopez, Katy Perry, Jamie Foxx and Alanis Morrisette. My stomach started flipping as I realise how many celebrities I was really surrounded by; but before I could start jumping up and down in excitement Jen nudged me gently in the back to turn my attention to the final journalist.

"Miss Lopez, I'm Dev Chaplin from Gossip Express. How did it feel returning to Lima after so long Miss Lopez?" He uttered, shoving the microphone only inches away from myself. I hadn't expected the question and I met the strangers gaze, furrowing my brows.

**How does he know?**

"Well, I'm not sure how you know about it but it was refreshing - taking a break and meeting up with a few old friends."

"And what about the rumours about returning to see an old lover Miss Lopez? Are they true?" He questioned; my heart started racing as I realised my past may threaten my future.

**Same old scared Santana Lopez.**

"Well, yes and no. I returned to Lima with one of my friends, and when I got there I did in fact see one of my ex-lovers. However they're happily married to one of my other high school friends. There was no intention in returning especially to see that person though, it was a trip to visit all my high school friends." I answered honestly; I could feel Jen's nerves over the questions.

"And does this man have a name?" He asked. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I realised this would be all over the internet and TV within an hour. I debated with myself whether to correct his mistake, or just to carry on.

"Of course, but I'm going to protect _her_ identity." I said completely normally - I didn't want to be the person I was in high school, scared and weak. I would either be loved for the statement I just made or hated, I was going to be judged whatever happened so I made a snap decision in my head.

"Well thank you Miss Lopez. Good luck with your nomination and performance!" He said, turning away to speak into the camera himself. Jen caught my arm and pulled me closer to her;

"You know you just said that on live TV right?" She asked, her palm shaking against my forearm. I shrugged it off and looked at her;

"Yeah. I don't see why I should hide it." I said, before standing in the carpet, posing for the pictures.

**Congratulations.**

My inner monologue spoke, and I grinned a genuine smile. Relief and panic mixed together; washing over me and acknowledging to myself that I could've just changed my life.

* * *

><p>An hour later, after a few awards had been given out - I was standing behind the stage, dressed in azure coloured dress. The same colour as Brittany's eyes. I laughed to myself quietly as I hadn't even picked the dress out, my fashion consultant had because apparently it fit in with the mood and tone of the song. Oh the irony. I peaked out through the curtain, the light beaming down and into my eyes, causing me to squint. My heart flustered and the nerves suddenly attacked me, causing my breathing to hitch and make me feel like my lungs were about to blow through my ribcage.<p>

"And now a performance of her brand new single; Don't Forget! Santanaaaaaaaa Lopez!"

As soon as my name was spoken I shuddered; pressure was applied to my back as Jen nudged me on. The beat started and I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the lyrics to begin.

_Did you forget,  
>That I was even alive?<br>Did you forget,  
>Everything we ever had.<br>Did you forget,  
>Did you forget,<br>About me?_

The curtain drew upwards and blue lights flashed in front of me, I walked out, clutching the microphone in my right hand and using my left hand to air out my notes. I took a few steps forward slowly; opening my eyes to meet the crowd - only to be greeted by bright stage lights. So I quickly closed them, resisting the urge to squint.

_Did you regret,  
>Ever standing by my side?<br>Did you forget,  
>What we were feeling inside?<br>Now I'm left to forget,  
>About us.<em>

Memories of the beautiful blonde ran through my head, playing with my thoughts. As I opened my eyes I imagined her standing infront of me, blonde wavey hair draping over her shoulders as her piercing blue eyes stared at me. It felt like I was performing _Songbird_ all over again. A deep breath shot straight down my throat into my lungs, allowing me to start the chorus.

_But somewhere we went wrong,  
>We were once so strong,<br>Our love is like a song,  
>You can't forget it.<em>

The drums kicked in as well as the beat. I lowered the microphone down by my side, tapping my foot gently with the music whilst I saw the image of the blonde standing in front of me as I opened my eyes. She was smiling, her brilliantly white teeth beaming at me whilst her eyes were filled with tears.

_So now I guess,  
>This is where we have to stand,<br>Did you regret,  
>Ever holding my hand,<br>Never again,  
>Please don't forget.<br>Don't forget._

_We had it all,  
>We were just about to fall,<br>Even more in love,  
>Than we were before.<br>I won't forget,  
>I won't forget,<br>About us._

The lyrics escaped my voice in perfect melody, I felt the lump in my throat form once again so I swallowed heavily and pushed it down - now succumbing to the sadness that I knew would follow when I'd finished.

_But somewhere we went wrong,  
>We were once so strong,<br>Our love is like a song,  
>You can't forget it.<em>

_Somewhere we went wrong,  
>We were once so strong.<br>Our love is like a song,  
>You can't forget it,<br>At all._

My mind flashed back to the night I'd written it, after I returned from Lima. Sobbing over my notebook as I scribbled the words in biro, smudging her and there where my tears mixed with the ink. The words came so naturally, like they were already written inside my brain. Each lyric came with a wrench of my heart, a shot of pain straight through my body. The lyrics still left that effect, and as I was standing here in front of hundreds of celebrities, a single tear dripped down my cheek.

_And at last,  
>All the pictures have been burned.<br>And all the past,  
>Is just a lesson that we've learned.<br>I won't forget,  
>I won't forget us.<em>

_But somewhere we went wrong,  
>Our love is like a song,<br>But you won't sing along,  
>You've forgotten, about us.<em>

My voice faultered as I whispered the last words. The tear was joined by another one, on the opposite side. They streamed down my cheek and I opened by eyes, hearing the applause over the background music. I smiled as I watched the audience stand, cheering at my performance. Only then did I realise the camera that was to the bottom left of the stage - I'd just been recorded in an intense, emotional performance of a song that meant so much to be. It would be over YouTube and rumours would start spreading all over the internet as they debated the meaning of my lyrics. I exited the stage, courtseying as I did and off I went into the darkness.

* * *

><p>I was approached by Jen, who smiled and congratulated me on my performance. I changed quickly back into my previous dress, frowning as azure dress was taken away from my dressing room. But my mood quickly changed as I was used to losing things to do with her. I gulped and rushed back to my seat, which was next to Jen and one of Angelina Jolie's kids. I giggled as the black haired child turned and stared at me in awe with his mouth open.<p>

"You're real pretty Miss Lopez." He said, loud enough for Jen to turn and grin at me.

"Thank you."

I murmured, not knowing what else to say. He turned his attention back to the stage where Taio Cruz and Ludacris were now standing. It was my category, I was nominated for 'Best New Breakthrough Artist', I was competing against a British chick called Cher and a female Justin Bieber, called Justine Beeb.

"And the winner is..."

Ludacris opened the envelope in front of him, and I could hear my heart beat in my ears. I clenched my eyes shut and twisted my fingers together for luck; I felt a hand on me as Brangelina's kid locked hands with me and whispered 'good luck'. I smiled at him before a loud applause filled the hall.

"The beautiful Santana Lopez!"

Jen tugged on my elbow and I turned to her; she stared at me wide eyed and I realised the daydream had caused me the announcement of my own name.

"You won Santana!" She yelled, pushing me up and towards the stage. A flush crossed me cheek as I saw the faces of many celebrities gleaming and smiling at me; applauding me. My dress trailed behind me as I carefully climbed the few stairs in front of the stage, approaching two famous male superstars. They each took their turn to kiss my cheek. I recieved the aware and stared at it, the name plate empty so mine could be engraved on afterwards.

"Oh wow. Umm, I really don't know what to say. Thank you. So much. I genuinely cannot thank you enough. Four years ago I never thought I'd be here - I was just waking up from a coma in Green Valley, and now I'm standing in front of god knows how many celebrities and I'm holding an award for the best breakthrough artist. I mean, I just. Wow."

My mind was buzzing, I could barely form any words as I stared out into the audience. But then it clicked; I know what I had to say.

"I'd like to thank all my team who've helped me through everything, like Jen and Buzz. My make-up and eyebrow artist too 'cause God knows where I'd be without you guys, and my hairdresser to deal with my head of crazed hair." Laughter erupted from the audience, which made me feel less tense at the statement I was going to make next.

"But, I have a very special thanks. This goes to my inspiration, the wonderful person who gave me the incentive to write my songs and sing them with all my emotion. I love you so much and I always will, you know who you are and I want you to know you've made me into who I am today. For that I'll never be able to thank you enough for that. From the deepest pits of my heart, I thank you, and I love you, more than I've ever loved anybody else in this world., and as I found out today, anything really is possible."

I phrased her words that she'd said to me years ago by our lockers, then smiled into the camera, hoping blue eyes were meeting mine back in Ohio. A tear seeped from the corner of my eye and I heard the audience applause. After taking a huge gulp of air, I exited the stage, waving to the crowd of celebs and handing the award to someone who was backstage. A huge urge serged over my body, willing me to run out after declaring my love.

"Jen I need to go home now, I'm kinda exhausted." I claimed, Jen didn't question it.

"Okay. Buzz will bring the car round the back. Too many paparazzi out front as well as raging teenagers with unbelievable hormones." She grinned, gesturing to the direction I should walk.

The car journey was longer than I'd remembered it, I was now an MTV Award Winning Superstar, but somehow - I just didn't feel any different, as greatful as I should be, it didn't mean anything. I dabbed away the few tears trailing down my cheek with the back of my hand, thinking about my acceptance speech. I stared out into the streets of New York city, illuminated with the neon signs, the pavements coated with a wet cover, apparently it'd rained. I watched the people pass by me, mostly couples, holding hands and looking at each other like there was no-one else in the entire world more meant for them. I yearned for that, I missed having that connection with someone.

**By someone you mean her.**

I smiled a sad smile; before my memory ran back to the time when the wisest words I'd ever heard were spoken to me, from a person I would've never expected.

I was 8 years old, crying over the fact that Justin Timberlake now had a girlfriend. I'd just seen the news and him and Britney Spears were back together, **oh the heartache**. My mother had just walked in, and sat down beside me, wrapping her arm against me to comfort me.

* * *

><p><em>"Mija? Querido? No llores." She whispered, almost melodically.<em>

_"But he loves her, not me mommy." I sobbed into her chest, clutching my teddy bear._

_"Mija, I want to tell you something." Her accent ran strong as she spoke; it always suprised me as she spent most her time muttering in Spanish because it was her first language. _

_"No matter how much you love someone, it won't make them love you in return. No matter how much you believe it will all work out, it won't make them believe the same thing. No matter how much you think it's meant to be, maybe... well mija, maybe it just isn't."_

* * *

><p>At the time it never seemed that significant. But right now, I understood every word of it. I knew Brittany was with Artie, and that she was happy. I knew that no matter how much love I possessed for the blonde, it would never make her love me. You can't force someone to love you. The feeling of wanting to make someone love you, but knowing you can't, takes every inch of strength out of your body, making you feel hopeless and lost. Like a more intense version of when you lose your mom in the grocery store, and sprint down each aisle, trying to find her.<p>

I'd always thought Britt and I had something special - something that went beyond the boundaries of normal love. The feeling I had for her was so intense, like nothing in the world could ever tear us down. The effect she had on me was crazy - my heart raced when I was with her. When ever I was upset with her, my body would shake as if the feeling shouldn't be in my body. When I missed her, I ached all over, inside and out. And when she'd make silly but logical comments; it make butterflies form and spread a huge dorky grin over my face. But maybe that was just something every teenager went through - the heartache, the intense rush of emotions. Maybe what I thought had been unique and special, was really the most common thing around.

My phone interrupted my daydream as it buzzed in my lap. I clicked on the middle button, revealing a text;

_Saw your speech tonight - it was amazing.  
>We've all been watching with intent. Congrats on the award!<em>

_Q xxx_

I paused for a moment, maybe they all had crowded together to watch. Which meant Brittany would have been sitting there, listening to my declaration with her... _husband_... I cringed as the word passed through my mind.

**How did **_**she**_** react?**

Without thinking anything more, I was already typing a text in reply;

_Whose we? Thank you very much!  
>Who knew you'd have an award winning friend ey? <em>

_S xxx_

I sat impatiently in the back of the sedan, my foot tapping gently against the floor as I watched out the window once more. My phone light brightened up the back of the car and I clicked the button before the tone could play.

_She's not here. Neither's Artie. Sorry San._

_Q xxx_

She'd always known me incredibly well, despite having our tough times where I was a complete bitch to her - we'd turned out alright. It's funny how things turn out. She didn't want to watch the awards, knowing I was going to monopolise quite a lot of the screen time with my performance.

**Your performance. She didn't see it.**

My heart sank, and it felt like I was about to slide out and swim by my feet as I realised the tears and embarrasment was for no reason. I furrowed my brows and let out a small yet quiet sob as we pulled up outside my apartment.

"Miss Lopez, would you like me to escort you upstairs?" Buzz asked, snapping me out of another daydream.

"No thank you. You've done enough for this evening, thank you Buzz. Good night." I answered, shutting the door and hiking up my dress by my thighs so I could actually walk properly. My mind raced as I thought of all the possibilites of why she didn't watch, she knew I'd find out.

**Maybe she's trying to hurt you.**

The whispers came back, muttering things and causing my brain to racket about in my skull. By the time I reached my level, the bus boy eyeing my up in the elevator on the way - I'd managed to give myself a headache with my thoughts. I opened my clutch bag, searching for my keys and hovered as I heard movement behind me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I remembered no-one had access to this floor.

**Don't turn around.**

Of course I ignored my thoughts, and spun around quickly to examine the corridoor. It was empty. The itch at the back of my neck told me different so I stuck my keys in the door and unlocked it, the room smelt of flowers - just like always and I sighed heavily, shutting the door behind me.

I could feel something in the room, like someone was watching me. I couldn't feel the direction of where it was coming from, but I knew it was there. The room felt different and my nerves started vibrating, causing my body to shudder. My heart pounded heavily, pulse beating through my ears. I felt the cotton dry sensation burn my throat as I took a few more steps through the apartment, peering into the living room, kitchen area, and then out onto the patio. It was completely dark; and I realised if I was in a horror movie, I'd be stupid enough to leave the lights off and walk around without a weapon.

So I readied myself, clutching the baseball bat that was hidden under my sofa and flicking the light switch on. I hovered momentarily, sliding down my dress as I realised that would be another thing that would cause me to die if I were in a scary movie. I hated watching horrors, I'd always end up wanting to climb into the screen and slap the silly bitch to death who thought it was a wise idea to grab a blunt knife instead of a full on machete.

I crept through the hallway, the only room left unchecked was my bedroom - the only door that was closed. I gulped heavily, glancing over my shoulder to check there wasn't anyone behind me and clicked down on the door knob, pushing it open before grasping the handle of the bat so tight my knuckles were white. I gasped at the image I saw, pausing momentarily as my mouth dropped into the shape of an 'o'.

* * *

><p>"Wha.."<p>

"What am I doing here?"

Brittany finished for me, her blue eyes tracing up my body. She was perched on the end of my bed, palms faced down either side of her. I became very self concious of the fact I was standing in my bedroom doorway in my black laced bra and matching panties. I watched her eyes sparkle in the darkened room as they finished the line they'd been following from the floor, up my body and to my own eyes.

"Well... Yes."

I said, taking a few steps in and placed the baseball bat down on the corner chair I'd found Quinn on only a matter of weeks ago. I didn't bother flicking on the switch as it would give her a better sight of my body, and I couldn't handle the look she'd give me.

"I saw your performance."

She muttured, dipping her gaze to the floor as she'd realised how long she'd been staring. I closed the door slightly, pinching the silk dressing gown which hung on the back of it and sliding it on. I gulped loudly; knowing this conversation would end up in my heart aching once more, whether it was because of tears or anger. I stayed silent, but staring into her blue orbs to acknowledge her words.

"It was... informative."

**Informative? Seriously. Is that all she has to say about it? It was fucking informative?**

"Informative?" I narrowed my eyes, the anger flared up my throat from the pit of my stomach.

"Yeah. Artie told me something I wasn't expecting after your performance, only hours ago when I was in Ohio."

She stood, taking two steps towards me. My arms crossed without my permission; I immediately recognised it to be my defence system kicking in. She looked out the window, glancing at the rooftops and lights of New York city before taking a deep breath and continuing;

**Oh god, he wants kids. Prepare yourself, the pain's coming again.**

"He told me that he couldn't be with me anymore." She uttured, her eyes fixated on her fingers which were twiddling together nervously.

"Couldn't?" I asked; still not knowing where she was going with this.

"He told me that he knew I was still in love with you. And that he didn't want to be the middle man anymore."

She exclaimed, flicking her gaze up through her dark lashes to meet my chocolatey pupils. My stomach flipped several times as well as my heart jumping, shocks of electricity pumped through my being as I started the excitement and nerves rattle.

"He said he didn't want to stand in the way of two people who are obviously meant to be together. He believes in soul mates and said that if he were to get in the way, he'd been playing with fate and karma. Apparently he'd seen it in my eyes when he first saw us together after all those years."

**Soulmates.**

A smile played on each side of my lips and she took another step forward, placing her palms on my forearms, tugging slightly to release the grip my arms were in. Her eyes pierced their way through my expression, seeing into my heart and soul.

"I know we haven't talked in over a month - and I've hated every second of it. I've tried but I can't get you out of my head. I miss you Santana." She breathed, closing her eyes and shuffling onto her other leg.

"I don't know if things can every go back to what they were - but I know that you miss me too. And because of that, I know it's not over between us."

The words sank in through my skin, punchind down a few of the walls that protected my heart.

**She chose him.**

My defences kicked in and I yanked my arms away from her. Anger ran through me as the images of her and Artie, the memories of her and him together flickered through my brain, imprinting it in black and white behind my eyelids.

"You chose him. How could you if you knew that?" I asked, turning my back to her and crossing my arms once more, in attempt to build up one of the walls she knocked down.

"Because you left." She stated matter-of-factly.

"I never left." I retorted, her palm brushed my shoulder as she applied a bit of strength to spin me back around.

"Yes you did." She answered, I could see a tiny flutter of anger flash behind her eyes.

"No. I've always been on your mind. You know that." I said, in some ways I felt slightly conceited making such a statement. I scrunched up my nose, a long with my eyes in confusion, frustration ran throughout my body and my fists rose to my head; pressing deeply against my temple.

"Why are you acting like this? I don't understand." She murmured as her eyebrows furrowed. She stepped forward and grasped my hands, pulling them away from my head.

"I'm just confused." I answered honestly, allowing her to tear my fists from my head. Her fingers slid around my fingers, in attempt to pry them from the balls they were in. Her touch was static, my body instantly rejected it as if I'd just touched an open flame - but after she soothed the skin for a few seconds, my body gave in.

"Why?" She asked, narrowing her eyes as she stared into mine as she studied my expression.

"Because if something happens, and I lose you again... I just can't, I won't be able to handle it. Thinking you were gone nearly killed me. I don't want to lose you, but it hurts too much to love you." I uttered, instantly regretting the words as I watched hurt paste her face.

"You deserve to smile Britt. You deserve to be happy. You deserve so much more than you're getting and I'm not and never will be enough for you." I added after a few seconds of silence. Her fingers twisted into the palms of my hands, gently stroking up and down my fingers, as if she was hesitant to intertwine hers with mine.

"Then why did you leave again? Why did you let me go when you knew you were the one? You were the best, but you left, so I settled for the rest. And don't you ever say that you're not enough for me, you're more than enough. When we were together I felt like I was in a dream every single day." She replied, butterflies formed in my stomach as she said 'the one', but pain followed as the whispers came alive again;

**She could choose someone else over you again. She's going to leave, again.**

"Brittany..." I breathed, shaking my head and breaking our stare, my eyes now fixed to the floor. She released my hands and took a step back.

"I'm sorry Santana. More than you'll ever know." Her eyes welled up and she chewed on her bottom lip, probably trying to fight the urge to cry.

"Please go and live your life and forget about me. I'm dumb as fuck for choosing him, I know that now so I'll leave you in peace." My heart raced as I watched her brush passed me, words trailing behind her.

"I can't." She froze at the door, her back facing me. Her breathing was faster than usual, her back rose and fell rapidly for the seconds that we were silent.

"I can't forget you, ever. I couldn't even if I wanted too. We've been through one hell of an insane roller coaster in the last decade." I whispered, stepping forward and touching my palm to hers, clutching her fingers and spinning her round.

"Yeah, I know." She sobbed, tears moistened her cheeks as the slid down her face.

"And I never want it to finish, I want you, til the end." I said, tilting her chin up with one finger to meet my gaze. "But I feel like I've lost you." Tears escaped my own eyes and I sniffed, in one final attempt to keep them in.

"You haven't lost me. You couldn't ever lose me San." She muttured, the sadness fading out of her eyes, replacing them with a beaming blue glaze. I alternated my gaze between her eyes, reading each expression that came with the silence. I saw the hope that hid behind her blue orbs, and my heart flipped in reaction too it.

Her brilliant blue eyes gleamed and she stared at me, a smile plastering her face as she bit down on her bottom lip. She read the sincerity in my words and leaned in towards me, so our foreheads were touching, and our arms down by our sides, clutched together in a vice tight grip.

"I'm not going to say all the romantic crap that I probably should about how much I need you or how much I can't live without you. I'm not going to make up a fancy speech that if this were a film, it would be quoted for centuries - purely for the fact that I don't need too. I just want you to know that I'm in love with you. I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone else in my entire life. I want the tears, the laughter, the arguments, the late night cuddles and kisses."

She said the words that I'd been longing to hear, our tears flooded in sync together as they poured out of our eyes. My mind raced as I tried to think of the right words to say, but as she cracked open her eyelids to reveal her sparkling eyes, my heart overtook my defences and brain, and started speaking for itself;

"I built walls around my heart, a sort of defence that my body naturally composed. And I never seemed to be able to take them down when I needed to, so everyone would just walk away and give up on me. But you never did. You climbed those walls and bared everything that I threw at you. And because of that, among many other things, I love you. I love you Brittany Susan Pierce, always and forever."

I closed my eyes and I felt her breath on my lips. She closed the remaining distance between us and pressed her lips to mine, pulling my bottom lip between hers, playing with it gently. It was the most romantic and passionate kiss I'd ever encountered, our lips acting out the feelings that we had for each other. It shocked me how much I'd missed her lips, her unique taste that felt like a drug to me. It had been so long since we'd kissed, my lips tingled at the sensation and jolts of electricity coursed through my veins, the adrenaline rushing to my head and causing my heart to pound harder and faster than it ever had before.

We melted together, our bodies clicking perfectly, just like a puzzle piece - and I knew right there, that she was what I'd been missing all these years. She instantly filled the hole in my heart just by being her. We parted lips and our foreheads met again; as well as our eyes.

"What does this mean for us then?" I asked after our heartbeats pounding heavily together.

"Santana Lopez, will you be my girlfriend, my soul mate, the love of my life once more?" She asked, her eyes gleaming at me with love.

I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth and stared back at the beautiful face that was in front of me. "I will." I replied, pressing my lips to hers again briefly before staring at each other and marvelling at eachothers faces.

All the heartache and pain that I'd endured didn't matter anymore. Her being here with me was all I was ever going to need. The emotional and physical torture that I'd gone through I just didn't care about because she was in my arms, and she was all mine. That feeling overpowered everything I'd ever felt, because I know that she was the one I was supposed to be with - and nobody else mattered in that moment, apart from me and her.

"I guess you're stuck with me then." I said jokingly.

"Hmm, for how long?" She teased back, grinning toothily.

"Forever." I answered, she rolled her eyes and leaned in closer, so our lips were barely touching and causing more butterflies to sprout into my stomach.

"I think I can live with that." She whispered into my lips before returning them to where they belonged, on my own lips.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I know that wasn't an original song of Santana's but just pretend it is! Thank you!<br>Please review and tell me your opinions on this chapter!**


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine: Forever

**This is my final chapter everyone! Time to say goodbye to Time To Grow! It's been an honour writing it for all of you readers.**

**I'd like to thank all of you for your feedback and for dedicating your time to reading this story. It means so much to me and I'm so greatful. A special thanks goes to the following for your consistent feedback and help!  
><strong>_**gotlovetokill  
><strong>__**crazyfornaya  
><strong>__**darkanglee  
><strong>__**Giny Gin**_

**Please read and enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty Nine: Forever<strong>

"You know if we're late, Q's gonna kill us."

Britt muttured, wandering up behind me. My eyes scanning over the hills of Ohio through the patio doors. A pair of long, slender arms curled themselves around my waist, intertwining our fingers that were pressed too my stomach.

The sensation she gave me whenever we touched always surpised me; it was like thousands of fireworks going off combined with jolts of electricity shooting around my body and forming butterflies in my stomach. The effect she had on me was crazy, even after all these years. She placed her head on my shoulder, tilting her head slightly to whisper in my ear;

"It's beautiful."

I turned in her embrace, smiling as I looked into her gorgeous eyes that made my heart melt every single time I gazed into them.

"Compared to you, it's nothing."

I replied pressing my lips to hers. She smiled into the kiss, I deepened it by sliding my hand up the back of her neck, securing her face to mine. Her tongue flicked against my lips, asking for access and I complied; parting our mouths. It entered slowly, soothing and massaging my own tongue. If I'd died in that moment I would've died the happiest woman in the world. I could kiss her all day, every day. I tickled my fingertips up and down her sides, feeling her shiver at the touch.

"Santana… We've gotta go." She murmured into my lips, before returning them once more.

"I know." I replied; kissing her again.

"No, seriously San."

"Then stop kissing me."

I teased, parting our lips and staring into her eyes. She groaned slightly and placed her lips against mine again.

"That's not fair." Her breathing was heavy against my bottom lips, I licked my lips and her hand pressed against the small of her back while the other was brushing a lock of hair behind my ear, her finger stroked along my jawline before pulling it back to her mouth.

"Okay, okay, okay." I shivered before pulling my face more than five inches away, so a little bit of temptation was taken away. I stared at her and she sighed, before I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck, peppering kissing along her throat and collarbone. She placed a single kiss to my forehead and released me from her grasp.

"Let's go." She said, taking my hand and linking our fingers. I grabbed my keys and clutch bag before heading out the door of the apartment. No, scratch that. Our apartment.

Britt and I had a very long, long discussion about our situation. I'd texted Artie a short text saying thank you, and he replied saying 'It was the right thing to do.' I never really liked Artie but he had a good heart, and returned me my soulmate, and for that I was forever thankful to him. A week after our talk, I decided to move back to Lima so I could be close to Britt once again - due to my superstar status the newspapers had gone crazy about questioned everything to do with my move, yet only one Gossip Express had got it right, the guy who interviewed me at the MTV awards.

I bought a house a few blocks away from the town centre; away from any learing eyes but close enough that I could walk there if needed. This life was so different from the city life I'd become accustomed too. I could hear birds chirping, there were no helicopters and airplanes flying overhead constantly and no traffic noises. At first it freaked me out, but having Brittany comfort me wasn't exactly the worst thing.

* * *

><p>"<em>Move in with me b-baby." I muttered into Britt's lips, slurring my words.<em>

"_You seriously need a tic-tac San." She giggled; I slapped my hand over my mouth and I felt a flush cross my cheeks with embarrasment._

"_You're so cute when you're embarrased S." She leant forward, giving me an eskimo kiss. I could tell that she was completely sober. "Come on, lets get you home."_

_She piled me into the car, laying me over the back seat. When I blinked, I was back in my bed, curled up against her warm, slender body. My palm pressed flat against her stomach and she pulled me tighter, shuddering under my touch._

"_Mo-move in with my baaaaby." I sung the last word in harmony; since high school I'd transformed from a hysterical, crying drunk to a happy one._

"_Ask me again in the morning, when you're sober." She replied; I tilted my head and gave her a curious expression. She only thought I was saying this because I was drunk, but truth me told I'd been thinking about it ever the relationship talk._

"_Okay Britt Britt. I looooovveeee youuuu." Once again the words escaped my mouth in song._

"_I love you too Sanny." She pressed a kiss to my hair and we both fell asleep, tangled in each others limbs._

* * *

><p>The next morning I woke up, with an elephant stamping in my head - and I asked her to move in with me. She obliged happily; rewarding me with a very lengthy hot make out session after tackling me to the living room floor with excitement. Apparently she did think I was only asking her because of dutch courage.<p>

We arrived at the church. It was a rather large hall, the ceilings reached high up; almost twenty five feet. There were white and lilac banners hanging from the awnings and what looked like hundreds of people sat in the seats available. Quinn's mom grabbed our elbows as soon as we walked through the door, directing us towards the back room where Q was.

"YOU'RE LATE!" She screamed, turning to Britt and I.

"Sorry, traffic." Britt whispered, winking at me. It's not like we could tell her that we were getting our sweet lady kisses on, and we got distracted so we late left.

"Okay. Well how do I look?"

I examined her dress, a simple frock, knee length and strapless. It pushed her bust up, but not in a slutty way. The lace material hung gently around her hips, pulling in slightly at her waist. Her make up was light, but enhanced her cheekbones and made her teeth sparkle even more so than usual.

"Gorgeous." Brittany breathed; stealing the words from my mouth.

"Agreed, you look stunning Q." A single tear fell down her cheek as she grinned and pulled us in to a tight embrace.

"How you feeling?" I asked, knowing if it was me I'd probably be scared shitless.

"Nervous. But this is what I want."

"You know that's a lot of Berry to handle. You're stuck with her forever." I teased, jabbing her lightly in the stomach.

"That's the best part." She gleamed with love, there was a glow about her that made me realise how in love with Rachel she really was.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later Britt and I were positioned at the back of the church, behind the closed doors which lead to the church. I twisted my head to look at Britt, her golden locks fell over her shoulders in loose curls; a white lily behind her ear. Her dress was exactly the same as mine; cut off above the knee, frilly bottom and pulled in at the waist, enhancing cleavage - but she looked a thousand times better than I ever could. Her eyes sparkled as she watched me eyeing her up.<p>

"San?" She said; her eyesbrows lifting slightly to question my stare.

"You look so beautiful Britt. You're going to take the lime light away from Q." I winked, before taking a step towards her and placing my hands on her hips, tugging her forward.

"You obviously haven't looked in a mirror Miss Lopez." She pressed her finger to my nose and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "Now back in positions, if those doors open and we're making out; Q's gonna be pissed."

A giggle slipped through my lips and I stood back to my original position. The music played and one by one Britt and myself walked down the centre aisle; clutching a bunch of flowers and heading towards Rachel who was already stood at the front under an awning covered with bluebells and forget-me-nots. As we reached the front, we stood side by side and I glanced to see the beam on Rachel's face as Q sauntered down the aisle. I felt like I was intruding as they looked at each other; the way the looked at each other was just undescribable.

"Everlasting love, faithful love, true love and undying hope. Good choice of flowers." Britt whispered; I smiled at her whilst gazing lovingly into her baby blue eyes, watching the love reflected right back at me with a sparkle.

The ceremony went smoothly, no-one interrupted and they both said I do. Giving each other the sweetest and most romantic kiss I'd ever seen between them. As they walked down the aisle the clutched onto each others hands like they'd never be able to let go; Britt and I followed behind, linking pinkies so we didn't steal the 'orangelight' (as Brittany had accidently called it, instead of limelight) and we headed off to the reception.

* * *

><p>Their first dance was interesting; they'd never really been dancers but it didn't matter all that much with the look they were giving each other. It was so heart felt and overwhelming that I actually had to divert my stare to the blonde standing next to me - but then again it wasn't a bad thing. Brittany led me by the hand onto the dancefloor when the next song started, she wrapped her arms around my waist, locking them together at the small of my back before resting her forehead against mine. I slid my arms up her shoulders and cupped the back of her neck, securing her forehead to mine. I recognised the song from Nationals back when we were Juniors. The lyrics flowed out the speakers;<p>

_Baby 'cause I don't need,  
>Anything else but your love,<br>Nothing but you means a thing to me,  
>I'm incomplete,<br>When you're not there,  
>Holding me, touching me elsewhere,<br>All of the rest could just disappear,  
>And I wouldn't even care,<br>As long as you're there._

I gazed into her eyes, mouthing a long with the words and she tightened her grip on me, flushing our til there was nothing between us. The moment was so perfect I could've just stayed there for days.

"I love you Santana Lopez."

I could see the sincerity gloss over her blue orbs as she spoke the words. The corners of her mouth raised, ending in a sweet smile.

"I'll love you forever."

My heart flipped; I couldn't believe that even after all this time she could still make me catch my breath. The butterflies in my stomach multiplied and banged heavily against the sides, the smile that crossed my face was uncontrollable.

"As I love you Brittany Susan Pierce. Forever and always."

I murmured before moving my face closer to hers, allowing our noses to touch before I brushed my lips against hers - not enough so that it was a kiss, but enough to show her all the emotions I felt for her. My eyes fluttered open as I tried to speak;

"Always and forever. Now shut up and kiss me." She whispered; leaving a smile on my face as she pressed her lips to mine.

She made my whole body buzz, the effects her lips had on my skin was amazing. She caught my bottom lip between her lips; and I slipped my tongue against Britt's top lip, tasting the champagne that we'd drunk whilst toasting to the two blushing brides. I felt her smile against my mouth and I breathed out. A sigh, a small sound that erupted from the back of my throat; like a lump had been removed.

"By the way, I have a surprise for you when we get home." I breathed, seeing the grin widen as she excitedly hopped up and down.

"Can I have it now?"

"Not now Britt Britt, it's special." I replied, watching her lower lip jutt out slightly. I kissed her once, the lip retreating and curving into another smile.

"Okayyyy." She trailed out the last letter, giving in to my kiss and rejection.

We danced for the next couple of minutes before I took Q for a spin, while Britt and Berry twirled.

"Thank you San." Q muttered; dipping her head.

"For what?" I answered, slightly confused by her thanks.

"For everything." She smiled, gratitude pasted her face. Before I could reply she was whirled away by Berry and _my_ blonde was in my arms. I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck and inhaled; dancing slowly to the music.

* * *

><p>The rest of the evening passed by incredibly quickly, we all waved as Quinn and Rachel got in their limo and disappeared into the night; Q had been excited as Berry decided not to tell her where they were going for the night. My beautiful blonde source had been told and apparently it was on a boat or something supposedly romantic.<p>

We all left and Britt and I returned home, changing into pyjamas before snuggling up on the sofa to watch a movie. I didn't actually watch most of it in the end, because I couldn't take my eyes off the beautiful blonde that kept giggling and scrunching her nose, 'aww'ing every now at then at cute parts. She was so adorable, without even meaning it to be. I reached out my hand and brushed a piece of hair that hung in front of her face, behind her ear.

She turned and smiled at me, before crawling up in between my legs, which were either side of her, and pressing our bodies together. Her hands either side of my head, against the arm of the sofa, propping herself up. One of my hands found its way round to the small of her back to pull her closer, whilst the other ran over her lips slowly, marvelling at the shape and colour, just replaying the feel and taste in my head.

I licked my lips before leaning in and peppering small kisses around her mouth and chin, causing her to giggle like a child who was being tickled. I laughed before placing soft, small kisses at each corner of her mouth and nuzzling my nose against her cheek. She returned the pepper kisses, but from my neck up to my earlobe before placing a single kiss to the tip of my nose.

The moment was so intimate, but not in a sexual way - it was expressing our feelings through tiny, childish kisses. She then pressed a single kiss to my closed mouth, her lips moving gently against mine. My head swam as this wasn't a lustful kiss or one that was heading towards sex, and I moaned into her mouth with the thought. I blushed as I realised how loud the moan had been. Britt smiled into the kiss before placing her lips on my cheeks where the blush was visible. I brought my fingertips up to her jawline, slightly carressing them before returning her lips to mine one more time, my body poured against Brittany's soft warm one like liquid as our legs tangled together, her hands sliding into my hair and keeping my mouth to hers. Our hips collided and I could hear my heart race faster as hers did, while her tongue stroked mine gently.

I sighed as our lips parted, lungs searching for breath. She opened her eyes and stared into mine, sending a delicious shiver over my skin - goosebumps forming all over my limbs. She slid slightly down my body, yawning and cuddling into my body. I tickled down her arms from her shoulders down, and locked our fingers together as my palm pressed against the back of her hand. Only then did I realise I probably should've asked her what it was about; but as I opened my mouth, a tiny snore escaped her lips and that she was long gone into a deep sleep.

As the credits started to roll I pushed up on my elbows, attempting to slide off the sofa whilst placing her gently back down - and also trying not to wake her up. I felt like Superwoman as I managed to do all of those successfully, multi-tasking was another skill I possessed - but that was probably due to my gender. She rolled over and exhaled heavily; mumbling my name in her sleep, which created chaos in my stomach as the butterflies return and fluttered around.

I crept up the stairs; into the bedroom before preparing the bed to put Britt in. I looked back quickly to check Britt hadn't walked in before peering into the side table drawers to make sure my surprise was in there. Smiling after seeing it, I walked downstairs to wake Britt up. Coincidently she was just reaching her arm out around her to find me, at her disappointment of not meeting my body she cracked open her eyes and spoke;

"Sanny?"

I approached the back of the sofa as she looked the opposite direction, slowly placing my palm into hers which was elevated into the air. She flinched at the contact, scared by it.

"I'm here baby." I smiled, twisting our fingers together. She grinned back before yawning and stretching. "Come on now sleepy, lets put you to bed."

I walked round the front of the sofa and twisted her legs off the edge before hoisting her them around my waist and lifting her off the sofa. Her cheek rested against my shoulder, her breath was slow as it tickled my neck. I walked up the stairs with ease, luckily Britt was light before lowering her slowly onto the bed and removing her clothing. She shivered as my nails grazed gently against her thighs whilst pulling up her pyjama short shorts, knowing she loved that sensation.

* * *

><p>After pulling her tank top over her drooped body, I pushed her backwards further on the bed and under the covers, tucking her in. I backed into the bathroom slowly as her breathing became light again; signifying she'd fallen asleep again. Brushing my teeth, I tied up my hair into a high ponytail and changed into my own pyjama short shorts and tank top. I crawled back into bed slowly; in attempt to spoon Britt. But at the dip of the bed she flipped her body so she was facing me, her arm flinging over my waist and pulling me tighter to her.<p>

"You smell all minty." She whispered sleepily, her lips only inches from mine.

"Oh, sorry." I replied; thinking she didn't like mint.

"No need to apologise, it just takes away my favourite smell and taste."

I furrowed my eyebrows at her words, _taste?_ Before I could ask her, she pressed her lips to my open mouth, her tongue sliding in and massaging own tongue. Her tongue withdrew and I instantly missed the taste, so due to wanting more, I let my own tongue wander into her mouth. She moaned and sucked gently on my tongue, letting her mouth go loose in order to allow my tongue to roam. My hands decided to roam, tickling the soft skin at the back of her thighs. A groan escaped her mouth and I parted, in attempt to recieve more oxygen.

**Oh, _taste._**

"Night San." She muttered into my lips, closing her eyes and breathing heavily. I stroked back the hair that dangled in front of her face and pressed a single kiss to her forehead before drifting off to sleep, her body pressed close to mine and our fingers intertwined together between us.

* * *

><p><strong>Continuing from Brittany's POV!<strong>

My dreams were full of ducks and unicorns, just like they'd always been since elementary school. I used to think they were the best thing until I'd met Santana, she'd make my heart skip a beat whenever I saw her, and cause my breath to hover in my throat whenever she touched me. She started invading my dreams the day I met her in the freshman year; three weeks after starting. It had always wracked my brain why I didn't see her in those three weeks since I'd been there - probably because I spent most of the time in the gym, taking advantage of the all round mirrors that made me feel like I was in a dance studio.

The particular dream that crossed my mind last night was the day we'd met. How I was happily dancing away, completely oblivious to the fact that my soulmate was merely metres away from me - and that's when I caught the first glimpse of the beautiful, tanned brunette. She was rubbing the inside of her mouth with her finger, I assumed she'd bitten her cheek so I wandered over to her; knowing her pain myself only too well. And that's when I spoke my first words to the only person I'd ever fall in love with. Being with her was the best thing I'd ever known, and that included playing with baby ducks like we had one time in the summer before becoming Juniors.

I stretched out my arms, my eyes still squeezed shut, and it connected with a warm body. I sighed as I knew she was awake and staring at me. I opened my eyes to meet chocolately eyes that brimmed with love, a tingle crawled across my face, yanking up either sides of my mouth into a huge grin.

"Morning beautiful." San spoke in her gorgeously raspy voice. Another thing that caused my heart to race, it was so distinct and just plain amazing.

"Hello gorgeous." I replied, tugging my lower lip between my teeth and gazing into her breathtakingly beautiful eyes.

"Britt..." She murmured, whilst propping herself up on her elbow and diverting her stare to our locked fingers. My heart skipped a beat for an entirely different reason; watching the uncertainty wash over her face. My brows furrowed and I squeezed her fingers slightly, moving my head around trying to attract her gaze once more.

"San what is it?" I didn't know why but I could feel the fear crawl through my skin and bones. Her other fist was clenched into a tight grip, laying freely on the white sheets. I sat up, crossing my legs indian style and leaning forward so our eyesight was at the same level. My fingertips traced over her balled up fist and attempted to undo it, but her grip remained firm.

"You're worrying me." I asked, as she continued staring at me. I watched her body shiver and my throat dried up, immediately thinking there was bad news. Her face softened as my eyes widened, she noticed how edgy I was getting and she released our hands, stroking up and down my silk soft skin.

"Sorry baby." She murmured, still staring at me.

"I just wanted to ask you something." She added, staring at her clenched hand.

My brain racked, trying to think of something I'd done or said. Something smacked me emotionally and my whole body tensed up, my body going rigid with the something I recognised to be fear.

**Shit what did you do wrong?**

"Brittany." She whispered, her eyelids shutting gently, causing me to lose contact with her sparkling brown orbs.

**She's breaking up with you.**

"Both of us want a lot of things, with each other and without each other." She sighed, her eye contact fixed on the bed between us. "And I wanted to do this another way, but I just couldn't drag it out any longer."

I could imagine the glass shard twisting into my heart as she spoke, preparing myself for the pain as my face fell into a blank expression.

"I know I haven't been the most faithful in my past relationships, and I know you haven't always been so faithful either."

I tried to think of any time when I could've cheated on her, and then the realisation that she might have cheated on me sunk in and I felt my heart prepare to break. My breathing become fast and my head become faint. Her eyes met mine as I tilted her chin up with a single finger.

"But everytime I cheated on somebody, it was with you. I just want you to know that I'll never stray from you. I would never cheat on you. You have all of me, my heart, my soul, my body. Everything. I love you in a way that poets write about, that epic love songs and stories consist of. I love you so much that I know it's forever, it's eternal and undying. And I want to dedicate myself to you, by giving you my last name. Brittany Susan Pierce, will you marry me?"

Her fist unclenched and revealed a diamond ring, which she pick up between her thumb and pointer finger and held it towards me. My heart jumped and fluttered furiously, I felt so light headed I thought I was about to pass out. Thousands of memories raced through my mind as I tried to remember the first time I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Butt suddenly I realised she was staring at me, awaiting my answer nervously.

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes." I repeated, my mouth tripping as I tried to fit more into the sentence, my breath restricting me from doing so. "A million and thousands times over, yes."

The biggest grin plastered her face as I grabbed her jaw and pulled her forward to meet my mouth with hers. It was quick yet romantic kiss, one that celebrated the proposal and showed all of our love in just one touch.

She sat up herself, picking up my left hand and gently sliding the cool metal up my ring finger, her fingertips trailing up the sides of my skin whilst doing so.

"Just incase you didn't know, I love you too Santana Lopez. And I will, forever."

I whispered into her lips, kissing her one more time before our eyes met quickly. Then flickering to the sparkling jewellery that rest on my hand - where it inevitably stayed for the rest of our lives.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you guys once again! And keep checking back on my profile as I undoubtedly will have more Brittana fics to come! Please review to tell me your final thoughts on the whole thing!<strong>

**Thanks guys and hope you enjoyed the story! **


	30. Epilogue

_**crazyfornaya**_** suggested that I should write an epilogue, and despite being satisfied by the last chapter I thought I'd feed you a little extra piece of extreme fluff! Hope you enjoy and please review, leaving your final comments. You know the drill! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

"Momma! Momma! Look at me!"

I squinted, allowing my eyes to adjust to the sunlight. My head turned and attention focused so it was on a three year old girl, with slightly tanned skin, brilliantly blue eyes and long, dark brown hair that drapped in loose curls over her shoulders. She was swinging up high a swing in the playground, waving at me frantically.

"Wow sweetie! That's high!" I replied, smiling at the girl.

"I know momma! Reeeeeal high. I can almost touch the sky! Look!"

She squeaked excitedly; her voice high yet adorable. Her little hand released the metal chain of the swing and headed towards the sky, I gazed at her with awe and a dorky grin pasted my face. I bent back my neck slightly to get myself comfy once more, and a palm brushed a piece of hair away from my face, sending shivers over my skin. A pair of brilliantly blue eyes were staring at me; peering into my heart and grinning at the sight.

"Hey baby."

Her lips moved as the words escaped her mouth. She leant down and pressed a single kiss to my forehead, her fingertip touched my neck, slowly stroking the skin from under my ear to my shoulder.

"Hey gorgeous."

I responded, beaming a toothy smile at her. She giggled and continued to tickle my neck, sending even more tingles down my spine. Her eyes darted towards the swings where the little girl had been, and flickered to the slide where she now was.

"Lily! Sweetie, please. Be careful."

She said; her tone slightly raised to notify the young girl not to speed down the playground equipment. I turned my gaze back to her, and my mouth curled up at the corners into another grin. Britt was such a good mother, I always thought she would be; but seeing her in action was just... amazing.

"You're a natural at that y'know." I murmured, craning my neck back further into her lap.

"At warnings?" She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.

"No, at being a mother." I answered, her face lit up and her bright blue eyes glistened as she turned her attention to the little girl.

"Well she reminds me mostly of you, considering she's half of you that's a good thing. But I'm an expert at you, so I guess if I'm a natural mother, it's all really because of you." She answered, not meeting my curious eyes.

"That kind of didn't make any sense babe. But I know what you mean." I whispered as she brought her face closer to mine, our lips touching quickly. As soon as she leant back against the bench, my lips tingled as they missed hers.

"I love you Britt Britt." I murmured, watching her stare at the playground - completely oblivious to my gaze. She snapped her head down to mine, delighted by my words.

"As I love you Santana." She retorted, using my full name as an expression of how sincere and serious she was about the statement. We continued gazing into each others eyes until a figure bounced up the slight hill towards the bench we occupied, and she broke the eye contact to look at our daughter. _Our daughter._ Even thinking those two words sent excitement crawling over my skin, causing it to shiver and butterflies to form inside my stomach.

"Can we go get ice cream now mommy?" She asked; tugging at the hand of the beautiful blonde that I was leaning on. I sat up, running my hands over my loose hair to make sure it was smoothed down.

"Hmm, I'm not so sure you've been good enough." Britt teased, Lily's face fell into a small pout, almost identical to the same face Britt used to pull.

"What do you think mommy?" She angled her face towards me, raising both eyebrows and smirking. Her using the name that I'd now took as my second name sent shivers down my spine.

"Please mommy! Please!" Lily now moved her hand to meet my forearm, it still amazed me how little her hands were as they gently tapped my arm. Her eyes were widened in hope, her mouth turning up at the sides.

"Yeah, it's time to be getting home anyway. We'll stop by Turner's on the way back yeah baby?" I answered; slowly getting up and sliding my sunglasses down my head to cover my eyes. Britt stood in sync, smoothing down the back of her dress and entwining our fingers.

"Yayy!" Lily yelled; jumping up and down excitedly.

"Ssssh honey, please lower your voice. All the other kids will get jealous." The blonde uttered as Lily covered her mouth with her tiny palm, muffling the giggle that she and Britt both shared. The young girl shuffled in between Britt and, linking hands with both of us.

"Let's all go for ice cream." Lily declared, swinging our hands as high as she could.

* * *

><p>We arrived at Turner's ice cream stall, where Britt and Lily both ordered ice cream. I wasn't hungry so I just watched in awe as my <em>wife<em> and _daughter_ munched on their cold snack. Wow, wife and daughter - the thoughts and memories of our wedding and Lily's birth ran through my mind, revealing two of the three happiest days I've ever lived had. We started walking down out of the park and turned down the road which possessed our home. Lima looked so beautiful in the daytime; but it was nothing compared to the sight of the two things that created my life walking beside me eating their ice cream.

"Miss Lopez-Pierce! Miss Lopez-Pierce! Excuse me! Please! " A voice yelled from behind, I furrowed my brows in confusion as I turned to face a young girl, around the age of 15. She had dark brown hair that flowed over her shoulders; her eyes were almost black and she had tanned olive skin - almost identical to me in my sophomore year at high school.

"Wow. You're so beautiful." She beamed, staring at me with awe. I heard a giggle come from Brittany's lips, and I felt a slight tug on my hand as Lily looked up at me with a curious expression.

"Well thank you little girl, what's your name?" I asked, reaching my hand out to shake hers. She obliged, and flinched at the touch.

"Sandy Rodriguez m'aam." She answered, her eyes still wide. In her other hand she clutched a notepad and pen, I was suprised that she didn't snap the Sharpie in half due to the tight grip that was visible through white knuckles attempting to poke out through the back of her hand.

"P-p-please could I h-h-have your au-autograph." She managed to stutter out, still gazing at me with awe. I turned my head to meet beautiful blue eyes, that were glazed with love and staring right at me. My heart flipped and stomach filled with butterflies, something that wasn't unnoticed by the blonde looking at me.

"Hmph." Britt coughed, nodding towards the young girl in front of me. I shook out of my daydream and turned to the little girl, signing my name with a note on the bottom. As soon as I handed the notepad back, her eyes widened at my note and she held it in both her hands with such admiration.

"You're amazing. I can't believe you're actually standing in front of me." Her legs were bouncing up and down in excitement, her eyes looked at me with such wonderment it was almost embarrasing.

"It's lovely to meet such a huge fan Sandy, truely inspirational." At the last word, her mouth gaped open into an 'o' shape. I finished up with my note, handing her the pen and notepad back.

"Thank you so much Miss Lopez. It's been a dream come true meeting you." Before I could answer, she whirled away, studying at the notepad in front of her. I linked hands with Lily once more, who held the blondes hand and we proceeded home.

"Oh and Miss Lopez-Pierce!" She yelled, turning to us once more. "You are the most beautiful family I've ever seen. Such an honour to meet all of you. You're my inspiration." And she ran round the corner, a flush covered her cheeks as she disappeared.

"You made someones dream come true today Santana Lopez-Pierce. How does that make you feel?" She asked through dark lashes, her ocean blue eyes gazing into the corners of my soul.

"Indescribable, I've never done it before. It's just... Wow." I managed to speak in between long breaths. Britt opened her mouth to speak but we'd just arrived home and Lily had already decided to jump up and down on the sofa.

"Lily, you know you're not allowed to do that." Britt scoulded softly; Lily's mouth formed into a pout and her shoulders sunk as she stepped down from the sofa, bringing her hands together to twiddle in front of her. I took a step forward and wrapped my arms around Britt's waist, resting my chin on her shoulder to stare at the young brunette in front of me.

"She's like a miniature you." I whispered into her ear, my hot breath tickling her neck and she shuddered. I pressed a single kiss to the spot below her ear, she tightened her grip on my arms and stroked softly with her thumbs.

"Wanna build a fort Lils?" I asked, her face immediately lit up and awaited Britt's confirmation - a nod was sufficient and the little girl bounded up the stairs to her bedroom. I took this chance to spin Britt round, and kissing her passionately. Our lips melted together; savouring each other's taste with each flick of the tongue. Before we could deepen the kiss even more Lily appeared, crooking her head to the sight of our actions. I watched Britt's cheeks turn a gorgeous shade of pink as I released her and beckoned Lily over.

"Let's get building." I whispered, the excitement in the big blue eyes of our daughter shone so bright I nearly had to put on a pair of sunglasses. She bounced around the room just like Britt did when she was excited; her smile was huge, like it was cornering up to her ears. A soft palm grazed my neck, pushing aside my hair and placing a kiss there;

"I'll make supper." Britt whispered, stroking her fingertip up and down my spine. I relaxed back into her embrace, just feeling the warmth and love that emitted from her body. With one last kiss to my shoulder, she proceeded to the kitchen to cook and I helped Lily build.

Lily threw about the blankets and pillow, using the coffee table and sofa as walls. A huge pale green blanket made the roof, which draped over the back of the sofa, and hung diagonally down to the farthest edge of the table. She created a side entrance in between the sofa and table, so we could crawl in and play. But before we could do so, Britt called us for dinner.

* * *

><p>About two hours later; Lily was fast asleep inside the fort with myself next to her. She'd curled up under my arm, snuggling her head into my shoulder. I brushed her hair behind her ears just watching her with such amazement, I couldn't believe she was half me - the thought just created a massive loving grin to take over my face.<p>

The fort wasn't huge, but large enough to fit Britt in if she'd wanted too; however she was washing up the dinner dishes so she was currently preoccupied. I stared up at the pale green blanket thinking about everything that'd happened over the last two decades. It amazed me that Britt and I had powered through everything, despite all the shit that was thrown at us, we'd managed to push past it and end up together. I'd never really believed in soulmates before I met her - but something snapped inside of me, and I knew that she was the one for me. I smiled at the thought before her beautiful blonde face made an appearance through the entrance.

"Hey baby, I think it's time for Lils to go to bed." She tilted her head in our daughters direction, I nodded and gently shook her shoulder.

"Lily, sweetie, it's time for you to go to bed." The tiny brunette mumbled something in her sleep before twisting over and facing the sofa. I scooped my arms underneath her small frame and brought her out, carrying her up the stairs to her bedroom. After tucking her in and kissing her on the forehead, I exited the room, closing the door behind me. Changing into my pajamas (grey tank top and black short shorts), I headed downstairs to see the legs that seemed to go on forever dangling off the side of the loveseat opposite the TV. A smile caught me by surprise as I wandered over, shrinking down to and resting my chin on the arm next to her legs.

Her eyes darted over the magazine to meet mine, she grinned and her eyes sparkled. That look made tingles shoot down my spine and warmth spread throughout my body.

"What you doing sweetie?" She asked, still grinning.

"Just looking at the most beautiful thing that's ever existed." I answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and it felt like it was.

"No you're not." She replied; my eyebrows furrowed to question her statement. "Because I am."

My heart fluttered and stomach flipped, I leant up crawling over the arm and settling in between her legs. My body pressed flush against her as our hips collided, I allowed my fingertips to trace patterns down her arm whilst the other was pushing a golden lock behind her ear.

"You are so beautiful Brittany." I stated, her teeth tugged at her bottom lip before a flick of her tongue moistened her pink lucious lips.

"As are you." She commented, pressing a kiss to my nose. I shuffled my body upwards slightly, allowing her to take my full body weight before craning my neck to allow our mouths to meet in a brief kiss. I planted several more pecks on her cheeks, mouth, nose, forehead, quickly causing a giggle to erupt from the pit of her stomach and vibrating both our bodies. Her foot brushed up my calf, leaving shudders to form throughout my being. Her hands splayed across my back, creating circular motions.

"Promise me you'll love me forever?" Britt muttered, our eyes still connected.

"I thought I promise you that with this?" I answered, slightly confused. My hand found hers as I raised it, allowing the silver band ring to glimmer in the light.

"I know, but I mean a promise made from here." Her free hand allowed a fingertip to press to the left side of my chest.

"The only reason that is beating is because you're in the world, right here, right now with me. Now until forever. I would make you that promise, but there'd be no point."

Brittany's eyebrows furrowed and her eyes slightly saddened, clearly she didn't know where I was going with this sentence.

"Because this right here," I punctuated the sentence by pressing my hand over hers, which was now pressed against the skin above my heart, "Belongs to you. And always will."

The sparkle returned to her eyes as the words flew out my mouth, her breath was hot on my face as I realised we'd be leaning in as I spoke.

"I love you Brittany Lopez-Pierce, I always have, and always will. My heart beats for you, and only you. Nothing is ever going to change that." Sincerity washed throughout my tone.

The glorious toothy grin that I'd first seen back in Freshman year, my heart melted as I watched the most beautiful person in the world's eyes glazed with eternal devotion.

"I kinda love you too Sanny."

She chuckled teasingly, I brushed our noses together in an eskimo kiss before tickling her. She wriggled underneath my touch and my fingertips danced over her waist and over the skin of her ribcage. Her eyes were squeezed shut, head thrown back and mouth wide open in a hysterical giggle.

"Sa... San... P-ple-please..."

She breathed out in between laughs, attempting to catch her breath.

"San!"

The giggles kept coming from both our bodies, and despite the demanding tone she used I didn't stop, and apparently she didn't mind. She applied pressure to my body with her, causing us to flip off the couch. I landed on the floor with a thud, my back throbbed at the impact and my hands tightened around her waist. Our bodies collided causing my thigh to rub against the crotch of her shorts. A gasp sounded from both of our mouths simultaneously as we both realised that we were now alone. Our daughter upstairs asleep and the only sound that could be heard was our hearts pounding and our heavy breathing.

Britt sat up, throwing her leg out from in between mine and beside my waist, straddling me. My palms found the outsides of the blondes bare thighs and my nails grazed into her skin softly. Her bottom lip disappeared between her brilliantly white teeth and I could see the cogs in her mind racing furiously. Instead of waiting for her to make up her mind, I sat up slightly, allowing her ass to slide onto my thighs as my lips met her neck, sucking and nipping gently against the creamy skin. A few kisses were placed on her collarbone which protruded from her gorgeous skin before my tongue trailed its way up to her jawline. My teeth biting gently at the bone before nuzzling my nose against the soft skin on her cheek. She withdrew her head and stared at me; my eyebrows furrowed at her sudden movement. I could see behind her bright blue eyes that she was trying to figure out how to say something, and all of a sudden I became nervous, shivers gliding throughout my body and taking place in my fingertips which were shaking at the small of her back.

"There is no place I'd rather be, than right here, right now, with you."

She uttered, looking me straight in the eyes. A memory flashed to the front of my mind, replaying like it had been recorded from the moment before.

* * *

><p><em>My hand shook; but a grip tightened around it calming me down. I could feel the nerves tingling throughout my body, the throat dryand palms sweaty.<em>

_"San calm down, it's going to be fine." The blonde whispered against my ear._

_"I know, I'm just nervous." I muttered, I could hear how shakey my voice was._

_We entered Lima Bean, where I was approached by a few fans asking for autographs. I obliged happily as it took my mind off current events momentarily, and the blonde stood next to me waiting. However one fan, a girl aged twenty-ish stood in front of me a little longer than Britt had liked; she had long blonde hair and grey-blue eyes and tight clothing that sculpted her slender frame. As she handed me the pen to sign the CD, she allowed her fingers to linger on the back of my hand. I snapped my head up to meet her shady eyes which were narrowed slightly, a supposedly 'sexy' smirk pasted her face as she watched me acknowledgement of her touch._

_"Sorry, accident." She said seductively, breathing at the last word._

_Heavy pressure was applied to my other hand, I turned to examine a beautiful face which currently held a scowl. Brittany's piercing eyes were now greying in anger, I heard a grit which I assumed was her teeth judging by her clenched jaw. Her breathing quickened as her eyes narrowed at the blonde in front of us._

_"Britt." _

_I murmured, raising my right eyebrow at her. She turned her head, but her eyes never left the girl in front of us. _

_"Can I help you with something?" _

_A sassy voice said, I flicked my gaze to the smaller blonde who was currently crossing her arms and an evil smirk covered her face. Britt released my hand and took a step in front of me, standing between myself and the little blonde. She towered over the girl by at least a few inches._

_"Back. Off." _

_Britt warned, I watched over her shoulder at the smaller blonde push her chest forward and take a step towards my girlfriend._

_"Or what?" _

_She asked, smirking at Britt whilst darting her eyes at me. I heard Britt's breath quicken and I placed my hand on her shoulder, before attempting to whisper in her ear. She twisted her neck towards me, acknowledging my presence but before I could she spoke;_

_"I got it San." _

_She said firmly, I backed away, watching how she acted with this girl._

_"Or I'm gonna kick your ass back to the Shire so you can rejoin Frodo and the gang." _

_Her voice was stern, warning the girl to back off. I grinned at how protective she was over me, I'd never witnessed B jealous, and it made my heart flip and the butterflies flutter around in my stomach._

_"Ha. Like _you_ could." _

_The smaller blonde answered, emphasising the 'you'. Britt took a step forward so her face was only inches away from the girl and bared her teeth, scowling intensely. I stood still, my arms crossed studying her reactions to this girl whilst hiding a smile._

_"Don't fucking push me dwarf. I will hurt you." _

_Britt hissed. I wasn't used to was Britt cursing - hearing it sounded strange because I knew how gentle she really was. It was completely adorable that she was defending my honour. Apparently it was only because I knew her so well, because the smaller blonde was now wearing a scared expression, her eyes wide and flickering between me and Britt._

_"That's __**my**__ girlfriend. No scratch that, my __**fiancée.**__" _

_I couldn't hide my grin any longer and I smiled whilst letting out a small chuckle. Hearing her call me that felt so fucking good, it was almost overwhelming how much I loved this girl. As if she could hear my thoughts, her hand reached back to grab mine and intertwine our fingers, squeezing gently._

_"So waddle back to smurfville. They called and said they were missing their village idiot."_

_The smaller blonde whipped around and headed out the cafe doors. Britt turned round and took a step towards me smiling. I couldn't believe what had just happened._

_"Britt... Damn girl."_

_"You're mine, no-one elses." She said matter-of-factly, the anger had completely disappeared._

_"That was seriously hot. Never seen you get jealous before."_

_"She was basically eye-sexing the crap outta you. Only I can do that."_

_She whispered, winking and pressing her lips to the tip of my nose. I chuckled and nuzzled my neck into her collarbone, placing a quick kiss there as she wrapped her slender arms around my frame. Her vanilla aroma intoxicated my brain, momentarily fuzzing up my brain and causing me to forget my surroundings._

_"Right, come on. It's time to tell them." _

_Britt commented, releasing me from the embrace and sliding her fingers back to mine. We headed towards a table at the far back which was currently occupied by most of the Glee club. As we walked over, they all smiled at our arrival and like always, Berry took the lead. She stood up and placed her hands together in front of us;_

_"Hello you two. May I enquire as to why you summoned us here on this lovely day?" She asked, blinking several times at us and smiling innocently._

_"Well, we've actually got something to tell you." _

_I said nervously, my voice cracked at the end and Britt squeezed my hand reassuringly before pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder._

_"We're getting married." _

_We both spoke in unison, I watched Britt's eyes beam with excitement at my words. The whole Glee club stood up and ran towards us; nearly throwing us to the ground as they embraced us. Several 'oh my gods' and 'congratulations' sounded from different voices; I couldn't see who was saying what as my face was currently buried into several bodies. Quinn apparently saw this coming and along with Berry, whipped out several magazines that were covered in brides._

_"Wha..." My eyebrows furrowed at the sight of the two bickering over the table decorations._

_"Oh please Santana, you're not as opaque as you think. We've seen this coming for months, hense the magazines." Berry muttered, her eyes never leaving the page as they scanned the various sets of flowers._

_"But I just proposed today... How?" I stuttered, I couldn't believe it myself but I was running out of words to say._

_"You two are made for each other San. You know that. You're soulmates, c'mon, you know you two were always going to end up together." Quinn said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders at the words that made my mouth gape. I turned to see an equally stunned Brittany, who was currently staring at the faces of the glee kids - none of them looked even remotely surprised._

_"Even I knew." A voice whispered; I turned my gaze to see Wheels rolling his way over to us. Britt stared down at the floor, I could see the guilt she felt as the disabled boy approached us._

_"Artie..." Britt whispered, tugging on her lower lip whilst her hand trembled slightly in mine._

_"No Britt, honestly it's fine." He smiled at her, immediately soothing her quaking hand. _

_"I've accepted it, I guess I knew all along that we weren't going to last forever. Santana," He turned to me, breaking the eye contact he was attempting to maintain with the blonde beside me;_

_"You're the one for her. And I'm kinda happy for you two if I'm honest. If it wasn't for you, I'd never met Angela." _

_A red haired women walked up beside him, placing her hand on his shoulder gently and meeting his loved-up grin. Before I could, my organs cringed and it sent a shudder through my spine. My face scrunched up slightly and I could see Britt giggling under her breath. But, the realisation that if it wasn't for the guy sitting in front of me, I wouldn't be with the love of my life. All the times I'd been a complete bitch to him, and he was mature enough to give up the woman he loved because he knew he wasn't her soulmate. That was just, well incredible._

_"Thank-you Artie." My voice was low, but honest. Artie snapped his head towards me, eyes widening as he saw the sincerity in my expression._

_"Um-uh..."_

_"You don't have to say anything. Just take the thanks and wheel off." _

_I grumbled, my bitch side making an appearance. He was a good guy for giving up my girl; but I still disliked him greatly for calling Britt stupid, not that I held grudges or anything. He did as I said and disappeared into the queue with the red hair pushing him. Britt squeezed my hand and grinned at me, causing my heart to skip a beat as my coffee eyes swirled with her sea blue orbs. My lips pressed to hers as an instinct and I felt her smile into the kiss, causing our teeth to bump slightly. A chuckle erupted from the kiss as we parted, my nose scrunched up at her as her tongue poked at out me._

_"Alright, keep it PG-13." Puck exclaimed, rolling his eyes._

_"Perv." I uttered under my breath, a snicker came from the blonde next to me as we sat down. Immediately; we were swarmed by Berry and Quinn throwing wedding ideas at us - my eyes rolled as I was drowned with thousands of words._

* * *

><p><em>A few hours later we managed to escape the crazed wedding freaks and slipped out into the fresh air of the cool winter's night. Giggling histerically; we walked to the viewpoint, two blocks down from the cafe. As we approached the view Britt gasped, taking in the beautiful sight of twinkling lights contrasting against the dark blueypurple background which was known as the sky. We found a tree which stood on the near-edge of the area, with a slight hill leading up to it. I pulled Britt with me, sitting down with my back pressed to the bark, legs open and allowing Britt to slide in between my legs with her back to my chest. My arms enveloped her into a tight embrace as they slid around her waist; intertwining our fingers after my palm brushed the back of her hand. She was still gazing at the beautiful view as I pressed a kiss to the left side of her neck, pulling the blonde locks over her right shoulder. I felt her shiver under my touch and I squeezed tighter, watching her hot breath form into tiny clouds as it collided with the bitter chill of the winters air._

_"You cold B?" _

_"No baby, I'm toasty. My heart's warm with love, therefore so am I." _

_She commented, resting her head into the crook of my neck near my collarbone. I lowered my head to rest on her shoulder and traded my stare from the viewpoint to the millions of stars sparkling above us. Britt sensed my diverted glare and accompanied me in watching the stars._

_"Wow." I whispered, a foggy cloud of my own breath escaped my lips._

_"Yeah. Wow." _

_She repeated, smiling whole-heartedly up at the view. I watched her neck crane as she tried to mentally count how many there were,m and I couldn't resist as I pressed a kiss to her cheek. She grinned at the touch and turned her head slightly so my lips could meet hers. They connected like they had thousands of times before; but this kiss was so passionate, so full of romance it felt like we were in our own little bubble of love. Our lips moved together as my heart melted from the sensation it was sparking all over my body, like fireworks. We pulled away, as our lack of oxygen got in the way once again, to my disappointment and Britt pecked my mouth several times before settling back into my embrace and returning to the stars. Just as I looked up, a silver line darted across the sky._

_"A shooting star!" She yelled, raising our hands and sticking out her pointer finger to the line that trailed behind it._

_"Make a wish." I whispered into her ear, pressing a kiss to her temple. I saw one side of her lip disappeared as she chewed it between her teeth, twisting her head towards me and looking me straight in the eye. Before I could get completely lost in her piercing blue orbs, she spoke;_

_"I don't need a wish. I've got everything I'm ever going to want right here." _

_I watched her eyes gleam brighter than ever before as I realised how truthful her words were. My heart fluttered ferociously as I leaned in slowly towards the blonde. Unlike before, there was a slight hesistation as our lips were only two millimetres away from each other. She exhaled heavily, washing me with her sweet, intoxicating breath and closed the gap. I always knew how in love I was with her, but this kiss just confirmed everything I'd ever wanted and would need for the rest of my life._

_"There is no place I'd rather be, than right here, right now, with you."_

_The feeling was so overwhelming, but I enjoyed the dizziness I got everytime she touched or kissed me. And in that moment, I was happier than I'd ever been before. With that thought, our lips met once more._

* * *

><p>"San?" Britt murmured, raising her perfect eyebrow at me as her palms brushed up and down my bare shoulders and arms.<p>

"I love you, you know." The words came from my heart, honest and sincere.

"I know." She said nonchalantly, "I love you too, with every piece of my heart and soul."

"Forever and always?" I questioned, barely containing my heart as it throbbed harshly against my ribcage, trying to bottle up the intense emotions that currently ran through my arteries.

"Always and forever, baby." She answered, leaning down and pressing her lips to mine in a slow, passionate, lingering kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>This really is the final to the story now, as it's ended on 30 chapters. It's been an honour to write for all of you guys. Please promote my story to anyone that you know loves Brittana Fanfic! And I love you all!<strong>


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